Question about asking for a Date

[TheWiseFool]

Hello everyone,

So, I've never asked a girl out on a date before. But I want to ask this girl that I see when I tutor. I know that there is attraction present between us, but I haven't put in the time to create rapport. I had a dream last night, and the message of it was that she wants to know me but doesn't think I want to know her, possibly because my value may too high (mostly implicit, rather than explicit) and I failed to tone it done, or I haven't done a great job of showing her I'm attainable.

My main question is, despite having an opportunity to create any serious rapport and knowing that attraction is present, would it be smart for me to ask her what her schedule looks like this weekend and then propose she join me at Barnes and Noble for hot chocolate OR should I wait and build rapport first? In my head, the former is risky but is better in the long run due to attraction expiring with each passing day, but the latter is safer despite the possible drawback that she gives up on me.

I also need to read some articles on how I should go about asking her... Do I just walk over and say, "What's your schedule like this weekend?" OR do I talk to her for a bit and then propose the date?

I feel like I should know what I'm doing, but my mind is blanking on the topic due to my lack of experiences. I'm going to read Chase's ebook, search through some of the dating articles, as well as my notes, but I wanted to throw this out there just because I'm pretty sure I see her tomorrow and I don't want to botch things up (little OCD/perfectionist).

As usual, any and all help would be awesome!!!
- The Wise Fool

 

[Grand Pooba]

My opinion is that you should ask her out on a date, don't wait for her to lose hope. When you see her, build rapport in about five minutes (ask about her interests, show your genuine interest, maybe even ask what she thinks of you). If the vibe is good, at a high point you should tell her that you think she has alluring features (or whatever physical aspect you like) and <X and Y> quality (meaning something about her personality you genuinely like about her, maybe she's funny or charming), and you two get to know each other better over coffee (or something else like your hot chocolate idea). Ask her what she thinks about that. If she agrees, you can try to see what her schedule is right after your tutoring, or what her schedule is like at a different time.

Question: are you tutoring this girl?

You can do it, TWC!

 

[TheWiseFool]

Ozzo,

Thanks man. I was hoping for a really quick answer cos my question is really really busy right now and you came in just in time and I also ran into Dave's LR- report just a bit ago. Both answer my question perfectly (stating interest explicitly rather than implicitly) and I am definitely going to ask her tomorrow if she is there (I am pretty damn sure she is there on Wednesdays).

I don't tutor her, which is good cos I can at least show her I'm human whenever I say "stupid" things or ask "stupid" questions. I really don't want to make her feel more nervous than I do most people. Why do you ask?

 

[TheWiseFool]

Just another question about this,

I know I am seeing her tomorrow cos I want to get help with Calculus and she is there tutoring when I go. So, when I get there, I am not sure if I should ask her within the first few minutes I am there or at the end. If I do it at the start 1) I ask and if she rejects me I will be outcome independent and just ask for her help with calculus. 2) I ask and she agrees and I transition to calculus as if I never asked her. In both cases I am worried about the tension because it's there and then I have however long it is until I leave. The only way to reduce tension is if I incorporate touch but I honestly haven't done that much.... I can't remember the last time I touched someone since the last time I shook someone's hand....

Any help would be awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- The Wise Fool

 

[Grand Pooba]

I don't tutor her, which is good cos I can at least show her I'm human whenever I say "stupid" things or ask "stupid" questions. I really don't want to make her feel more nervous than I do most people. Why do you ask?

Think it might be a different ball game in that case...because she's coming to you for help and not necessarily to get to know you. This situation probably would have required more time. I don't know...

Just another question about this,

I know I am seeing her tomorrow cos I want to get help with Calculus and she is there tutoring when I go. So, when I get there, I am not sure if I should ask her within the first few minutes I am there or at the end. If I do it at the start 1) I ask and if she rejects me I will be outcome independent and just ask for her help with calculus. 2) I ask and she agrees and I transition to calculus as if I never asked her. In both cases I am worried about the tension because it's there and then I have however long it is until I leave. The only way to reduce tension is if I incorporate touch but I honestly haven't done that much.... I can't remember the last time I touched someone since the last time I shook someone's hand....

Any help would be awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!
- The Wise Fool

I think my answer to this is "it depends." Try getting there a little early and if she's around I'd say go and build some rapport and either find out what she's doing after tutoring (insta-date if she's free) or if she's not free later, ask her then. If she's not there early and she's tutoring you, you can have her tutor you and then say something bold at the end like "you know, I didn't just come here for tutoring...<assess her response>...I think you have really alluring features about you and I wanted to get to know you better. Why don't we grab coffee sometime and continue?" Maybe this can also be said midway if there's a pause, briefly get her "yes" or "no" and continue as if nothing happened. If she's not tutoring you then go talk to her quickly at the end.

I don't think this as much a formula as it is just feeling her out and doing it at the right time and opportunity. Feel the atmosphere between you two and go for it the moment there's a good tension or pause and it's at a high point. Maybe you'll catch her looking at you for a second too long out of the corner of your eye, or she'll brush through her hair, other signs of interest.

I think you should be outcome independent going into this whole thing and not just if she rejects you. Expect nothing to come out of it, and believe that, but follow your process, be a charismatic guy and feel her out. Perhaps you will be pleasantly surprised.

Hope someone else on the boards can also give you advice with this.

 

[TheWiseFool]

So I got to the place and there was a guy walking in the same time I was. Just so happened to be that he needed help with the specific math she teaches and I didn't get an actual chance to ask her. I should have asked at the start when she was all bubbly and excited and giving me her attention despite the tutor, she even was saying how she wanted to tutor me but she is busy with this guy. I was thinking, "Great, this is awesome! I'll just wait and leave her to her work." Nothing bad can happen right? Wrong... Although I didn't show it, I noticed I was becoming jealous and remained aloof the whole time when the guy who came in with me started hitting on her. The guy left with 10 minutes left in her tutoring and I was still there but I was annoyed with myself because I was having little flashbacks of moments where I would know a girl wanted it but I thought "I'll just wait, I have time," and next thing you know she is gone. I just didn't even want to talk to her let alone look at her. Yes, I gave up. I don't know if she was quiet afterwards because she was waiting for me to talk to her or because she got over me over those 2 hours, but I was just thinking, "Whatever, I didn't lose much," which really isn't a good thing because I am investing little but getting no returns aka Unknown section. Lesson learned: I should have acted based on gut instinct. I have a pretty good gut instinct going on now when I need to act, but I just wait. The good side: I know something good is coming just cos last semester I remember this feeling building and then I just said fuck it and then approached a girl. Before I let these negative feelings go, I want to say that this hit me pretty hard but I am thankful for this. I really needed it to be honest.
- The Wise Fool