Questions for Experienced Online Daters/Text Game

[Bboy100]

Ok, so ever since I moved back home to Seattle, I've been getting a LOT of flakes on Tinder. I'll literally have a conversation with a girl, and at the end, I'll say,

"btw, wanna go out for coffee sometime? I feel like text isn't a very good way of getting to know each other"

To which they'll reply "yes" or "ok" or something of the sort 90% of the time. After that, I'll do one of two things. Either
A. Request that she texts me so we can set the date up and leave my phone number.
B. Ask her what day she would be available to see me.

In case A, she usually says "Okay " or something of the sort, then never texts me. In case B, she just doesn't reply. This is happening a ridiculously large amount. If I had to guess, it would be like, 75%-90% of the time. I can literally get two or three girls to agree to go out with me per day, and I'll only actually get one or two out with me per week.

Normally, I would just assume that I'm not creating enough comfort. But the thing is, back when I was in a smaller town, I never had this problem. Girls who said yes would always almost always follow through and meet me. I've made no changes to my profile and no major changes to my online game since then. The only notable difference is my bio. Before, it was more of a mysterious, intrigue creating bio. Now, it's just a one line zinger. There's been no change in the # of matches I get. So I doubt that's an issue.

I've considered that perhaps my demographic is the reason? Back when I was at that small town, most girls who met me were college students...usually they even went to the same University. So perhaps there's already a certain degree of trust. Whereas now, I could be literally anyone. So girls might be more skeptical. But if that was the issue, I see no reason why they would ever even say yes to meeting me in the first place. Thoughts?


Also, my normal "process" that I use for Tinder doesn't seem to work for other dating sites like Okcupid and POF. Anyone have the same experience?

 

[ray_zorse]

I have no significant experience with Tinder and my text game is only coming along very slowly, but I can see a problem in what you are doing -- giving them your no. over Tinder is like street approaching a girl and putting your number in her phone, and asking her to text you: too much effort and initiative on her part. Instead, get her number from her first, then you can drive things forward yourself. I also think that the way you are asking for the date is too wishy washy, and that discussing date logistics when you don't have her number is too early. What about "hey, i have a good feeling about u, lets move this off of tinder and maybe set something up... whats your #?"... then over text "hi there XXX... how does YYY look for grabbing a coffee?"... just thinking out loud here, would be interested to know if its ok.
Ray

 

[mindful]

You need to be more aggressive when asking for the meetup. The way you are saying it is weak and not strong.

First off, go for evening drinks, not coffee. That should be your first priority for a meetup. As this will lead towards escalation into the evening and possibly sex for a pull back to your place or hers.

If asking for a drink, phrase it more dominantly... "So listen, we should grab a drink sometime soon. What's your schedule like?" Or you Can say are you free on X day. Don't ask for her permission, make a statement and if she's interested she will agree to the meetup

 

[Lotus]

Something I have been wondering but never discovered if it was true, is how often tinder girls check on the amount of times you log in and how frequently you do to check if you are talking to other girls.

Say you talk to a girl, leave your number for her to text you and continue to game. If she wants she can see how often you have logged in to tinder and judge whether you are trying to play as many girls as possible(like every other guy) or whether your genuinely interested in her and therefore stop tindering after.

I had a couple girls I got numbers off of a couple weeks ago who seemed really interested but never met up.. Out of curiousity I checked to see if they had continued to log and they had not... When I went to follow up on the dates a couple days later they had finally logged to tinder and never returned texts... Just a theory.

It also would be something that mattered more to girls who put you in a BF zone.. Girls looking for a hook up would care less. and I have noticed that a lot of the tinder lays come from matching and meeting the same day.

Not sure if anyone else has noticed something like this

Brum

 

[Bboy100]

giving them your no. over Tinder is like street approaching a girl and putting your number in her phone, and asking her to text you: too much effort and initiative on her part. Instead, get her number from her first, then you can drive things forward yourself. I also think that the way you are asking for the date is too wishy washy, and that discussing date logistics when you don't have her number is too early. What about "hey, i have a good feeling about u, lets move this off of tinder and maybe set something up... whats your #?"... then over text "hi there XXX... how does YYY look for grabbing a coffee?"

I figured giving them my # would make it feel like less pressure then requesting for hers. This is different than street game because if I give her my number on the street, there's no pressure whatsoever for her to text me. Whereas, on Tinder, I'm still matched with her. And I'll still see her logging on again. This should create at least a little bit of presure. Also, I'm asking her to text me rn, whereas on the street, I'd be asking her to text me some indefinite time in the future. Still though, this seems like a good thought. I'll definitely experiment with this, see where it takes me.

First off, go for evening drinks, not coffee. That should be your first priority for a meetup. As this will lead towards escalation into the evening and possibly sex for a pull back to your place or hers.

If asking for a drink, phrase it more dominantly... "So listen, we should grab a drink sometime soon. What's your schedule like?" Or you Can say are you free on X day. Don't ask for her permission, make a statement and if she's interested she will agree to the meetup

Normally I would go for drinks instead of coffee, but rn, I live with my parents. I have much better logistics when they're away at work. I'd prefer to bring a girl home alone then when my parents are there. As for the phrasing, I'll definitely try it out, see if it changes anything.




All in all, these are good ideas. Having said that, I'm still concerned about why something which worked perfectly well two weeks ago is now causing a lot of flaking.

I had a couple girls I got numbers off of a couple weeks ago who seemed really interested but never met up.. Out of curiousity I checked to see if they had continued to log and they had not... When I went to follow up on the dates a couple days later they had finally logged to tinder and never returned texts... Just a theory.

I can't conclusively say whether or not this matters. I think it depends on the individual girl. What I've noticed is that most girls who I plan a date with also log in like, 5 mins after agreeing to see me. So for the most part, I think it doesn't matter.

Having said that, a while back, I did have an fwb relationship with a girl and she hadn't logged onto Tinder for like a month after we met. Everything seemed cool. Then when she finally logged in, she had unmatched me (at the time, I just assumed she deleted Tinder) and after that, she always had excuses why she couldn't see me. I never saw her again. And we're on pretty bad terms now. So I think this interchanges on an individual basis.

My general policy is, if I have a date with her that day or the next, I won't log in till I've met her just out of respect to her. But if its any later, I value my ability to find more dates more than any one particular date. And also, after you've slept with her, it may be worth specifically discussing/making it known that you don't intend to get off Tinder. Although that one specific girl also had a lot of issues, some of which may have been psychological. So, idk, that could have been an outlying case.

 

[Bboy100]

After thinking about this for a while, I think I finally figured out an answer to my question. Just thought I'd share it with you guys in case you're curious. The issue is at heart, a comfort and a value one.

In my small college town, there are two things going on:
1. Mostly every girl I get matched with is a student at the same college as me. This creates an automatic sense of "sameness" and comfort. Being at the same school is almost like a mild form of social circle. It automatically decreases the feeling that I'm going too be the creepy guy in a van who's gonna rape her if she hangs out with me. Needless to say, in a big city, this sense of automatic comfort does not exist.

2. I'm a far more valuable commodity in my small college town than in a big city. In my small college town, I'm willing to bet I'm one of very very few guys who have a decent profile. This means my value instantly skyrockets. Girls are going to be willing to put up with a lot more discomfort and doubt to meet me because they know there's not a very good chance they they'll be matched with a guy like me again in a long time. I'm a very "scarce resource" if you will. Whereas in a big city, there are probably several if not many guys who have profiles as good as or better than mine.

What this means is that girls in big cities have a far larger "abundance mentality" for high quality guys and feel far less invested in meeting me. So if they're anything less than sure about me, they'll probably flake. And as pointed out by #1, the chances of them being unsure of me in a big city is far greater.

So I guess the solution is probably to create more comfort online (and unfortunately, that means I might have to take longer to get them offline :/ ) and just play to the advantage of a big city- I have more matches as well. Which therefore means I have more opportunities.

 

[mb1]

Good call man - girls need comfort for sure, but it could also be comfort that you're going to fuck her because she may have just broken up with her boyfriend and doesn't want to sit for a 2 hour date like she thinks you might be intending. Maybe a littttle bit of sexual intent could help to show you'll follow through since she has 100 guys who might be timewasters. Maybe she's going straight to the house of the one guy who signals he moves fast.

I know this throws your whole strategy but might be worth using innuendos that also fit into the subject context. You may want to at least a couple times being overt if you sense a no-nonsense girl. Try it with the hotties who have options.

For example, a girl clearly wanted to get laid and not a relationship. To express sexual intent and comfort (non neediness on your part, which is essential to fuck her), I did the following. She didn't respond to a message saying let's get coffee. I wrote again the next day commenting that our distance is so close, and that I'd come right over but she's a stranger and might buckle me to the mattress when I walk in. So I said the Starbucks is right across the street in case I have to run home if she is a rapist.

This girl now knows I'm going to walk her across the street if our date goes well, rather than sit there having a nice conversation where we go our separate ways.

She responded immediately and we're good to go. Many girls are on Tinder just to fuck. Maybe include a boyfriend diaqualifier in your blurb and that might make you stand out as 0% provider material and a good secret sure fuck. Of course, as the Tinder player, comfort may be even more important, because dominant sexual masculine men are more of a physical danger than the nice guy who could be her boyfriend.

 

[Drck]

IMO it is not difficult to get the girl talk sex while she is hidden behind computer screen... The problem is to get her out, and if you are overly expressing sex she may just not go, unless she is really horny or perhaps slutty...

So basically you don't want to shoot all of your ammunition out while sitting comfortable home and typing on your phone, and then show up - and go blank because she is a total stranger... both of you had a great imagination - but reality is just different...

There is also lots of flakes out there, they just want to type about sex, they want to see what's out there, but they are not really interested in going out at all... She gets all excited, but then she flakes once she has to do something in REAL life... I know that guys have weird imagination, and girls 10x weirder...

So avoid overall too much sexiness over the phone, leave it for later (once you see her face to face at your place). Of course if she wants to go out she is hoping for sex... You just don't have to talk about it for three hours...

You probably want to have some basic profile, if it is empty she most likely won't reply, and if there is too much info you already gave it out - thus you are fucking boring guy in her eyes... You want to give her some bite, just hints, just some info, so she can eventually find out more - but only face to face...

You don't want to text too much, you want to aim for a date as soon as possible. Flakes will always flake, yet those who are interested in meeting a real guy in flesh will show up... You don't want to be that great, amazing and sexy guy - who she never met in real life... You want to be that asshole who meat her...

You probably want to ask for her phone number right away, and then call her in stead of texting her. It makes a good impression (because you are pushing things forward), many flakes will give up right there, a girl who is interested in real meeting will be gladly talking, and you will see if there are good vibes even before you meet her...

 

[mb1]

Drck is right, though just a single line with sexual innuendo that can slip right past in conversation may be all you need to show that you "get it" and are a lover man. I definitely had a lot of girls really loving some heavy sex talk, and yes most clearly were just having fun then flaked, but that's the idea of Drexel's screening method to only get the freaks. Maybe that's best left for when you're already killing it with average girls.

I do think you should try upping it, though perhaps only if the specific girl is very clearly in heat.

I'll write a lay report soon that will show a balanced approach that worked very well with this particular girl who was not "easy" but sure had disqualified me as a boyfriend. We didn't go to the bar as planned - just a quick walk in the park and straight into her place with a "we're not having sex" which means "please push through and fuck me".

The trick was weaving pretty tame innuendo into deep diving topics about HER.