Rapport

[Play_Boy101]

I could really use some examples of what rapport would look like when your doing it with a girl! & a brief explanation of it again from someone else's perspective!
Thank you!


Sincerely,

PlayBoy

 

[Chris_ger]

phew dude rapport is such a huuge topic and also the topic most of us, that have close friends, are actually most aquainted with even though most propably don't know, you can fake deep rapport but in my opinion its the same as lying. And deep rapport really is important to actually get a relationship if you want one. Well I'll have the time and sometimes it actually helps myself and if someone reads this and can point out failures even better. So I try to give an example from a date I just had today and I just came home from her place.

Me: "So on tinder you said you like in-door climbing?"
Since I matched her on tinder I could kinda skip the first stage of rapport: Getting Information about her / Finding a topic that is important to her and that you can use to connect on a deeper level with her. Ofc you should find more than just one thing that she likes.
She: "Yes I just picked it up so I haven't done it too often yet, but I really love it. Even though I am afraid of heights!"
Boom She answered the question and you got all the information you need to have to go into deep rapport (I think its called that way) so you can actually make a emotional connection
Me: That's great, not many people can conquer their fear that way, I actually have done it already as well, while in australia. What do you like the most about it?
So heres the phase where you can just flat out lie and make something up, or leave the topic alone and search for a better deep rapport question, or in the best case you go dive into it. For me it hit home so I could totally relate, therefore she can as well. And I could tell her that she has a quality that I really appreciate and that makes her feel special and therefore I can qualify her more easily ("conquering the fear" which actually is a quality that she didn't tell me about but rather I implied that she has that quality)

So we kept on talking about it some more which I won't write down, just be genuinely interested and make her feel good. (in my experience it helps to not make blant compliments, at least not too often, but more concealed ones, but this really is not funded on anything except me)
and then you have to drop the question, yes actually just drop it and go back to the first stage of rapport, finding something she can relate to and that interests her and you start anew. Of course it also helps to push in some bantering once in a while if the topic is not too sensitive or if you just dropped one.

and at the end I feel the need to point out that ofc you never start with rapport you always start with bantering (fun,cheerful,playful).

PS: As you can see rapport is something you should be doing everyday with your friends anyhow, you just want to make them feel good, help them out or just share a great experience.


//edit just found several great articles about it on the main site (should have known)
https://www.girlschase.com/content/break ... g-it-wrong
https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-b ... connection

 

[Play_Boy101]

OK thanks I'll try to put that into play! So basically is rapport all about relating to her on personal important things?

 

[Skid]

Hey dude ,

Chris is right when he says rapport is a huge topic and I can totally understand you being confused about it since I really didn't understand what it actually was for a reallllllllly long time.

Google on rapport: "a close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other's feelings or ideas and communicate well."

I think the best way to describe it when you are comfortable with someone and talking to them about anything (deep rapport). The more personal topics you feel comfortable talking to said person then the more rapport you have with someone. It's really important and works because when you both know each others secrets and you don't judge each other you feel safe and understood. Generally the strongest types of rapport to have with someone is if you can talk too them about your deepest insecurities and fears. I'm sure you've experienced times where someone has asked you a question that you consider personal and you don't give them an answer or maybe a vague answer maybe even lie about the answer. That's because you don't have rapport with that person. Your goal is to be able to create rapport with anyone you interact with given enough time. So just to expand on what chris said :

This is where deep-diving comes in and its entire purpose is to create rapport with a girl (or even a close friend/family member). Chase has an article written on it although tbh I haven't looked at it for a while. Basically its there to find out what makes the girl tick and then hopefully make her feel understood (and you at the same time). One thing mistake I made when trying to learn how to have rapport with people was only talking about them. I've found very few people are comfortable talking about themselves unless you have also been honest about yourself : its a two way street. I struggled with rapport for a REALLY long time because I simply refused to talk about myself at all. Mainly because I read here that you shouldn't be talking about yourself , be mysterious turn it back onto the girl. However I suspect that that is focused on so much because most people are really good at talking about themselves and they need to learn to listen to other people properly. I was used to never talking about myself so I went onto the wrong extreme and it slowed my learning curve.

Its totally fine to use some sort of baity tactic to make her work a little harder to get the information she wants but after that give her an honest answer. I always struggled to get girls to open up about themselves and that was because they could sense I was holding back and wasn't giving them anything and so in turn they felt unsafe to be honest with me. So when she asks you a question give her a honest somewhat detailed answer and THEN turn it back to her and you will be shocked at how honest girls who have just met you will be with you and you are both better for it. Whenever people share something with you always try to be sympathetic in a neutral voice tone. But what is a million times better than being sympathetic you ask? Relating. If a girl says she hates heights and you say "yeah me too (honestly! don't lie otherwise you create fake connections that aren't based on your true experiences and it will bite you later if you can't relate just be sympathetic) I don't know how people do crazy shit like bungee jumping, my head starts to spin" the she is going to feel a lot more connected to you. As soon as I started being honest with the girls I interacted with (within reason of course leave the really deep stuff till after you've slept with her) the quality of my interactions shot up through the roof!

Skid