REAL relationship with 2 girls at the same time. Chase what do you think?

[MisterX]

So this has been a fantasy of mine for a long time and has been on my mind a lot the past few weeks.
Having a real relationship but with two girls at the same time. And all of you go out together, are intimate, have sex together and the girls also have feelings for each other and for me.Like arab men that can have 4 wives. I know this is beyond advanced and may only be a fantasy. But does anyone have any idea if this would actually be possible and what would it be like in this situation?


I have serious intimacy problems. I've talked about it in previous posts but in short:

- i used to be fat and unattractive then lost a lot of weight 2 years ago, got a great body and started sleeping with girls without being able to trust a girl or see them as loving, nurturing, etc. I basically go out with a girl, have sex with her a few times and when she starts getting clingy just cut all connection. I just tell her it's over, block her on facebook, her number etc, and she never hears from me again or has any way to contact me again. As I said i do it clean.


But I've been feeling a desire to experience what a relationship is, what it's like to tak about my self and share about my past and my dreams, feel close and connected to a girl, have that intimacy, make love not just sex. You know all the stuff they say come with a relationship.

But I still can't let my guard down. With every girl I sleep/go out, I assume that the second I give her a chance - she'll hurt me in the most horrific way possible. Like if I start having feelings for any girl - she'll cheat on me with 10 guys I know and shoot a video and post it online to rub my nose in it and tell everyone I know that she cheated on me. I just learned that girls are like that - if you let her in the only thing she's interested would be to hurt you because you gave her the chance to by being truly vulnerable and letting your guard down.



And I don't know why I thought that if I could have a relationship with 2 girls at the same time, I would have less of a problem for me to just let go. Maybe because with 3 people in the relationship it would be a little bit less intimate than only with one girl.



Again I realise how unbelievable to pull off this might sound. But does any one of the more experienced guys (Chase? Franco) have any experience with this. Is this even possible and how should I go about it (like start by having a few friends with benefits, then have a threesome with 2 of the girls and continue to have threesomes and just go from there?). Cause as I said I wan't to feel that closeness with a girl that you get in a relationship but I can't let my self go with a real relationship cause I can't give a girl an opportunity to hurt me.


-X

 

[PrettyDecent]

Giving me serious flashbacks to "the game" lol.

Setting aside the notion of a 3-way relationship, and focusing on your trust issues - I think you need to be shooting in the middle here. Normally you don't have ANY trust with a girl and you reject any hint of feelings. And what you're alternative describes is giving complete reigns to the girl, falling head over heels, and potentially setting yourself up for disaster again.

What you ideally want is leadership - you have control of the relationship, and you know you have other options and are in control of your own life. She cheats on you? Eh, that's a shame man - but it means you screwed up somewhere. Parse for your mistakes and learn from it so you can prevent it next time.

If I were you, I'd go and read all the relationship articles that are here on GC, rework my mental model of what a relationship is and how it functions, then snag a relationship-worthy gal so I could practice the material and regain trust in women and relationships once again.

~Nick

 

[PrettyDecent]

Just re-reading what I wrote and realizing it could be taken the wrong way. The case I was making was it'll be more beneficial to learn how to trust and manage a relationship with a woman one-on-one before moving to a relationship with two girls simultaneously when you're juggling twice the amount of responsibility plus possible jealousy issues.

And what I mean by reworking your mental model is not critiquing your 3-way relationship (which could be well a great time), but the mental model of how trust and leadership is used to create a healthy, well-managed relationship between two (or three) people.

Hope that helps you and clarifies things

~Nick

 

[Franco]

MisterX,

I think Nick has some good advice for you here.

You need to keep in mind that, when a girl leaves you in a relationship, almost every single time it amounts to you messing something up or handling the relationship incorrectly, causing her to leave you. So instead of dumping the blame on these women thinking that they are out to get you and do "horrific things" to you and break your heart, you need to understand that women are good people -- mostly better than men. It's much more mentally healthy to understand that YOU are in charge and responsible for everything that happens to you within an interaction with a woman; this means that should things be amazing, it's because you're making them amazing; if everything goes to shit, it's probably because you let it go to shit.

Taking responsibility for the management of your relationships is the first step you need to take. As Nick mentioned, we have tons of absolutely amazing articles on relationship management on this website, so I would just begin digging through all of those first and soaking up as much information as you possibly can. Learning to handle women in a relationship is an entirely different skill set apart from picking up women, and while you may be good at one, it does not mean you are good at the other. If you do everything you're supposed to do when it comes to making a woman fall in love with you (and possibly more importantly: keeping her in love with you), then you'll have nothing to worry about. At the moment, all of your worries stem from an insecurity that women are out to break your heart when that is not the case at all. As long as you believe that, you're going to carry around this fear with you that really isn't something you should be scared of -- it's something you should come to understand so that you can experience the relationships you want to experience with women. These are the relationships where you are in control because you know exactly what it takes to keep a woman around.

As far as keeping two women at the same time, as Nick mentioned, I think this just still stems from your fear of falling in love with one and her dumping you. Instead, you should be practicing how to manage a relationship with one woman first and learn how to keep her around for a long period of time. Once you've done that, you'll understand how women think, and managing two women at the same time will come with more clarity. There are many different obstacles that come with trying to keep two women around, but if you don't even know how to manage one woman in a long-term relationship, then you're certainly going to fall flat on your face when it comes to two women.

Start reading through the relationship articles and understanding what it takes to make women fall in love with you and KEEP them in love with you. This is something I have no problem with, and it's not because I'm better looking or wealthier than anyone here; it's simply because I understand what it is that women want/need to be happy. Work on understanding this first.

- Franco