Recognising Tests in a Relationship?

moom

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 4, 2021
Messages
300
Hey GC brothers,

I’m finding that I can pass tests in the relationship easily once I recognise that it’s a test.

But, there are some tests that literally go right over my head that I either don’t realise are tests in the first place (until they noticeably cool down a little after), or in hindsight later when reflecting back realise that it was a test that I managed to accidentally pass or fail.

Does anyone have a list of tests that happen in a relationship or overarching things to watch out for when being tested so that I can more easily recognise “ok im being tested here, i need to pass it?”

Thanks brothers
 

moom

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 4, 2021
Messages
300
This are not consious test, what they do is to see how much they can advance her perdonal female goals and how can they get away witj and were your boundaries are, such as playing victim, pot shaming, disrespect etc....
I understand the reasoning behind testing- im more curious about the variety these tests come in so i can learn to easily recognise them better.

Dating a sweet girl, I find the tests come in more coy ways. Things like “can you buy me this” or her making suggestions like “we should do this” to gauge my reaction on if Ill follow along, how I feel about it, or if ill move goal posts. I never get overtly tested (maybe twice she snapped in anger and I called her out real quick and she retreated and apologised).

Although I cant help but feel alot of tests just go right over my head, so I’m reaching out here in hopes of being able to consciously recognise them more
 

topcat

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Dec 20, 2012
Messages
380
I understand the reasoning behind testing- im more curious about the variety these tests come in so i can learn to easily recognise them better.

Dating a sweet girl, I find the tests come in more coy ways. Things like “can you buy me this” or her making suggestions like “we should do this” to gauge my reaction on if Ill follow along, how I feel about it, or if ill move goal posts. I never get overtly tested (maybe twice she snapped in anger and I called her out real quick and she retreated and apologised).

Although I cant help but feel alot of tests just go right over my head, so I’m reaching out here in hopes of being able to consciously recognise them more
Easy. If you’re cool with what she asks and could continue to do so habitually, without it putting the relationship in jeopardy, then do it (ask yourself: “is this sustainable?”). If not, put it down and nip it in the bud.
 

West_Indian_Archie

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Feb 6, 2020
Messages
263
I’m finding that I can pass tests in the relationship easily once I recognise that it’s a test.

Having had 10 years spread among 3 different relationships, with my PICK UP game skills up to snuff (as opposed to my LTR game)

When I knew nothing about PUA, I didn't think about the girl, I just expected her to want to stay in it.
After PUA, I was using all my (then) pick up knowledge within the framework of the relationship.
Every joke, routine, scenario, script, situation, trick, hack, tip, technique, technology.

These chicks made me their "novelty" button, even if they didn't realize it. They didn't ask for it explicitly, but to keep this chick "acting right" I had to think for her, for me, and for us.

In that respect, it's like the Blue Pill community says, "you have to keep dating your wife/gf"
Every dealing has to be like the first time. And when she gets bored, it's because you, the man, are not treating her like it's a first date.

What you're asking, how to recognize tests? THAT'S A TON OF WORK.

You are doing more for the chick, trying to keep her in the right emotional frame of mind/right loving behavior, than you ever did at the beginning. Instead of the relationship making your life easier, IT'S MAKING YOUR LIFE HARDER.

Cause on top of monitoring her moods, thoughts, actions, reactions - you've got your own stuff to do. And a lot of what you're doing for the TWO OF YOU in the long term, is getting messed up by having to deal with her SHORT TERM BS. You gotta choose between dealing with her emotional meltdowns, silent treatment, instead of getting ahead at work or building a side hustle.

And you cannot screen ahead of time for this stuff. The most level headed/even keeled chick will get set off for some cockamamie reason, and like a toddler with a broken toy, she comes to you to "fix it". Either fix it, or hear her bitch about it. I've dealt with this type of thing from strippers and waitresses, to nurses and teachers, to MBAs and Lawyers. That's what women are, and that's how they/society think about the day to day reality of relationships.

So let's take a bird's eye view of this situation.

As a man in a relationship, what do you bring to the female?
  • ATTENTION
  • Time
  • Caring
  • Energy and Effort
  • Resources - monetary and otherwise
  • Protection.
What does she bring?
  • Affection
  • Sex
  • Cooking and Cleaning - sometimes
But what does she also bring?
  • Her problems for you to solve
  • Sometimes she's the problem
The blue pill idea of long term relationship/marriage is basically a partnership where you help each other achieve personal and mutual goals.
The blue pill reality of a LTR is one where the man does everything he possibly can, and she kinda does what she wants.

So women expect you to pass tests, even if the tests are unconscious.

Why? Because for whatever reason, you value her happiness, the peace in the relationship, more than your own.

Now the Patrice O'Neal answer to this was to make yourself happy first. Focus on your own happiness. It's a nice answer from a comedian tbh. It would help a lot of folks, initially.

But the real answer?

That broad needs to be worried about you, about what you're gonna do. And you should be giving her things to do, and creating a situation where her happiness and the relationship depends on your happiness and serving you.

I've only gotten this treatment from women at WORK. I'm still working out how to do this in an LTR.

It's a paradigm shift. Instead of trying to anticipate her tests, you need to be throwing tests, bags packed, and one foot out the door.

These chicks feel that we are lucky to be with them - No, my brother, any broad I've ever dealt with was lucky to be with me.

I didn't understand my worth, my value, until after all these failed relationships.

Put these chicks into your service. Have them living up to your ideals.

And if they don't want to play ball, WALK.

Cause no PUA gets into a relationship with a chick, because he can't get another chick. He gets into one, because he wants to be with that chick in particular. But if she's not respecting her position, more trouble than she's worth, let someone else deal with her.

I'm kinda heated..so maybe read this with that in mind.

WIA
 

moom

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 4, 2021
Messages
300
Easy. If you’re cool with what she asks and could continue to do so habitually, without it putting the relationship in jeopardy, then do it (ask yourself: “is this sustainable?”). If not, put it down and nip it in the bud.
I like this angle, thank you
 

moom

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 4, 2021
Messages
300
Having had 10 years spread among 3 different relationships, with my PICK UP game skills up to snuff (as opposed to my LTR game)

When I knew nothing about PUA, I didn't think about the girl, I just expected her to want to stay in it.
After PUA, I was using all my (then) pick up knowledge within the framework of the relationship.
Every joke, routine, scenario, script, situation, trick, hack, tip, technique, technology.

These chicks made me their "novelty" button, even if they didn't realize it. They didn't ask for it explicitly, but to keep this chick "acting right" I had to think for her, for me, and for us.

In that respect, it's like the Blue Pill community says, "you have to keep dating your wife/gf"
Every dealing has to be like the first time. And when she gets bored, it's because you, the man, are not treating her like it's a first date.

What you're asking, how to recognize tests? THAT'S A TON OF WORK.

You are doing more for the chick, trying to keep her in the right emotional frame of mind/right loving behavior, than you ever did at the beginning. Instead of the relationship making your life easier, IT'S MAKING YOUR LIFE HARDER.

Cause on top of monitoring her moods, thoughts, actions, reactions - you've got your own stuff to do. And a lot of what you're doing for the TWO OF YOU in the long term, is getting messed up by having to deal with her SHORT TERM BS. You gotta choose between dealing with her emotional meltdowns, silent treatment, instead of getting ahead at work or building a side hustle.

And you cannot screen ahead of time for this stuff. The most level headed/even keeled chick will get set off for some cockamamie reason, and like a toddler with a broken toy, she comes to you to "fix it". Either fix it, or hear her bitch about it. I've dealt with this type of thing from strippers and waitresses, to nurses and teachers, to MBAs and Lawyers. That's what women are, and that's how they/society think about the day to day reality of relationships.

So let's take a bird's eye view of this situation.

As a man in a relationship, what do you bring to the female?
  • ATTENTION
  • Time
  • Caring
  • Energy and Effort
  • Resources - monetary and otherwise
  • Protection.
What does she bring?
  • Affection
  • Sex
  • Cooking and Cleaning - sometimes
But what does she also bring?
  • Her problems for you to solve
  • Sometimes she's the problem
The blue pill idea of long term relationship/marriage is basically a partnership where you help each other achieve personal and mutual goals.
The blue pill reality of a LTR is one where the man does everything he possibly can, and she kinda does what she wants.

So women expect you to pass tests, even if the tests are unconscious.

Why? Because for whatever reason, you value her happiness, the peace in the relationship, more than your own.

Now the Patrice O'Neal answer to this was to make yourself happy first. Focus on your own happiness. It's a nice answer from a comedian tbh. It would help a lot of folks, initially.

But the real answer?

That broad needs to be worried about you, about what you're gonna do. And you should be giving her things to do, and creating a situation where her happiness and the relationship depends on your happiness and serving you.

I've only gotten this treatment from women at WORK. I'm still working out how to do this in an LTR.

It's a paradigm shift. Instead of trying to anticipate her tests, you need to be throwing tests, bags packed, and one foot out the door.

These chicks feel that we are lucky to be with them - No, my brother, any broad I've ever dealt with was lucky to be with me.

I didn't understand my worth, my value, until after all these failed relationships.

Put these chicks into your service. Have them living up to your ideals.

And if they don't want to play ball, WALK.

Cause no PUA gets into a relationship with a chick, because he can't get another chick. He gets into one, because he wants to be with that chick in particular. But if she's not respecting her position, more trouble than she's worth, let someone else deal with her.

I'm kinda heated..so maybe read this with that in mind.

WIA
I’ve read this 3 times you wrote it and each time it made more sense-

I think this is the dynamic I mostly have in my current relationship. Perhaps I felt like shit tests were going over my head because I so rarely get shit tested.

She’s definitely constantly seeking comfort, super clingy, and always falls in line with what I want.

This was a phenomenal internal frame flip though, I was caring way too much about pass tests if they came or playing relationship game for the health of the relationship, which made it more like a second job. Thanks for this @West_Indian_Archie
 

TomInHo

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Dec 13, 2021
Messages
168
I’ve read this 3 times you wrote it and each time it made more sense-

I think this is the dynamic I mostly have in my current relationship. Perhaps I felt like shit tests were going over my head because I so rarely get shit tested.

She’s definitely constantly seeking comfort, super clingy, and always falls in line with what I want.

This was a phenomenal internal frame flip though, I was caring way too much about pass tests if they came or playing relationship game for the health of the relationship, which made it more like a second job. Thanks for this @West_Indian_Archie

This reminds me of a massive epiphany I had years ago about relationships

I noticed that being the Bad Boy Lover that was independent, mysterious, perfectly imperfect and possessing the ability to inject a smorgasbord of emotions and great sex into a girls' life would always get her hooked.

It tapped into women's fantasy of taming a wild beast, but also another female need that I didn't know even existed... Her desire to lose herself in a man

IMO seducer relationships have 2 phases

1) Bad Boy Lover Phase... Display attractive qualities that motivate her to invest
2) Bad Ass Leader Phase... Maintain attractive qualities and put her to work within your frame and have her serve you

Women by their very nature are followers, and when you do a good job of attracting them, they can't help but want to devote themselves to you. They feel so lucky to have a man like you in their life, and how they show their appreciation is through submission

But once you're in the Bad Ass Leader phase if you keep your focus on making them happy, it messes up the entire dynamic. Because they don't want you to make them happy, they want you to lead them in ways that make you happy

Fuck that BS beta male mantra of "Happy wife, Happy life". Instead, it really should be "Happy King, Devoted Queen....... and concubines ;) "

I used to have so many problems in past relationships because I didn't understand that need, and in case you're a Bad Boy Lover reading this and unsure about the right time to switch to the Bad Ass Leader

Don't worry, she'll tell you when she asks you..... "What are we?"
 
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