Reconnecting with old friends, as a new person.

[Zoro]

I remember Chase said in an article that once relationship dynamics are set, they are hard to change. For instance, when you haven't seen friends you grew up with for years and then reconnect with them, even if you have leveled up, they will probably treat you the same and you will have a tendency to fall back into old patterns.

This is exactly the situation I want advice on. Specifically how to avoid falling into the old dynamic. I have recently reconnected with some old friends from high school. We were very close, and I consider them good friends. However, as an adult I realized I wasn't treated as well as I would have liked, and that I needed better boundaries and a little more assertiveness. Back then, I viewed myself as not being very good with girls and they were all getting laid regularly. I want to avoid that mental frame popping up.

Honestly I already hung out with them and it was a great time, and I think I handled myself well because I care much less about what they think of me than when we were younger. I know that part of the issue with the dynamic was that I think very differently and have different interests and have since then made new friends much more aligned with myself. When I was younger I would take it personally that I wasn't good enough or respected enough when I'd express my views and offer suggestions on activities only to have them shot down.

I will probably be seeing a lot more of my high school social circle, people whom I was also very close with, and some of these other people the dynamic was even more disempowering feeling on my end. Specifically one fellow I've mentioned before who had god level pussy slaying powers. He would put me down at times, and looking back I think it was because he was jealous of me (He couldn't grow a beard and I could, musicianship, skateboarding). Meeting him will be interesting because I think he has a family now and a kid, and I'm still a bachelor wanting to travel the world.

As I'm writing this, I'm wondering if I've come across the solution. I think I really cared about what these friends thought of me and when they couldn't relate to me it made me feel discounted. Now that I care less about what they think, that might prevent falling into that same dynamic.

Thoughts?

 

[trashKENNUT]

As I'm writing this, I'm wondering if I've come across the solution. I think I really cared about what these friends thought of me and when they couldn't relate to me it made me feel discounted. Now that I care less about what they think, that might prevent falling into that same dynamic.

Thoughts?

- Hard to change dynamics
(once a state is established, the host needs to be aware of it before it can pull it out)

- Power is hard to let go
(Old friends who have more power than you, in the past)

- Needing a new vision

Now,
to prevent myself from going onto a rant on why young millennials and Gen Z, are willing to do crazy things for cloud and changing the world.

There's no truth but Power. At least that's the best way to describe without going on a rant.




z@c+

 

[Fuck This]

Vocational friendship. Think about where these guys fit in your life. More than likely you have out grown them but perhaps they have evolved as well. I seriously was a lone wolf in HS. I knew everyone but wasn't close to any of them. i had my eye on the prize of college and career when they were most interested in cars and beer bash parties.

20 years later, we a share a lot more similarities. Families, houses kids and careers. I actually have more in common with them.

So appreciate these guys for being fun to hang out at a party with, or play cards or go mountain biking with , but rely on other closer friends as confidantes and mentors in school and business. Just like spinning plates, slot them where they fit. If there is not a slot, then they don't fit...

 

[Zoro]

So appreciate these guys for being fun to hang out at a party with, or play cards or go mountain biking with , but rely on other closer friends as confidantes and mentors in school and business. Just like spinning plates, slot them where they fit. If there is not a slot, then they don't fit...

Yes, this makes a lot of sense. Just like how I've learned that what they think of me shouldn't matter, it's also important to accept them as they are and find out what role in my life they should have. Instead of what I did as a kid "hey they are my friend, and that means they should accompany me on my adventures through life". I've since made friends who can and do accompany on those advnetures, but not everyone can or wants to do that kind of thing.

 

[Chad Tyrone]

remember Chase said in an article that once relationship dynamics are set, they are hard to change. For instance, when you haven't seen friends you grew up with for years and then reconnect with them, even if you have leveled up, they will probably treat you the same and you will have a tendency to fall back into old patterns.

This is exactly the situation I want advice on. Specifically how to avoid falling into the old dynamic. I have recently reconnected with some old friends from high school. We were very close, and I consider them good friends. However, as an adult I realized I wasn't treated as well as I would have liked, and that I needed better boundaries and a little more assertiveness. Back then, I viewed myself as not being very good with girls and they were all getting laid regularly. I want to avoid that mental frame popping up.

Not shittin anybody here.We all are brothers, right?more on seduction and forget to work on our frame of minds.We fail to get our mental weather together and this ends up fucking us up cause we take most situations as big deals.The more we read and practice seduction,the more we should read on mental topics and practice.It really helps cause many situations that may "eat us out" could have easily been avoided had we have practised keeping our mental waves in check.



Why would you let situations in the past define you in the present?Why would you look up to the approval of friends who in the least could not give a single fuck bout you?I bet you are pretty skilled with women now than you were in the past.You are a winner NOW not the loser u used to be.Why would you think yourself as a loser presently when u are a winner PRESENTLY.



You learn the lessons in the past,file them and forget the details.If all these doesn't get u anywhere cut them friends off and stick you friends who treat you as mutuals.If you still value some of them and they value you too,then develop an edgy look,a look of a guy who you wouldn't want to fuck up with.If they call u weak names,call them out on their bullshit.SET BOUNDARIES.

Specifically one fellow I've mentioned before who had god level pussy slaying powers. He would put me down at times, and looking back I think it was because he was jealous of me (He couldn't grow a beard and I could, musicianship, skateboarding). Meeting him will be interesting because I think he has a family now and a kid, and I'm still a bachelor wanting to travel the world.

Stop focusing on the little details bro.Start" honing" in on becoming better.So "better' that he/ they can't ignore you.If he used to be a "god" , become a "God" yourself.Emanate Gee-ness in all your vibe.Let everytime he sees J Wick,he be like,"Fuck,J Wick is here ...I better play cool."Lol.You know what I mean.

Now get out there and show them you give a fuck about WHAT REALLY MATTERS.*wink**grin*
~ChadTyrone

 

[Zoro]

@Chad Tyrone

appreciate your input.

I do feel like things such as boundaries and confidence are not going to be a problem.

Your post made me realize what I’m actually interested in is the mechanics and factors that create the tendency to revert to old relationship patterns.

Because Chase mentioned that even if you level up and learn those lessons (which I believe I have) there is still that tendency to slip back.

So what are those factors?

I already mentioned 2 possibilities above

1. not recognizing one is seeking validation or approval.

2. one is not accepting the “truth” of the relationship, that people may not fit a role you want them to adopt.

So overcoming these should be easy. I already recognize these factors and can

1. catch myself if I start looking for approval and instead stand my ground playfully and with tact

2. Accept them for who they are. They might not be the ones I call up for a spontaneous international motorcycle trip, but no worries I have other friends that do that kind of stuff with me now, and these old friends still have great value, just a certain type that I need to recognize.

 

[Chad Tyrone]

@Chad Tyrone

appreciate your input.

I do feel like things such as boundaries and confidence are not going to be a problem.

Your post made me realize what I’m actually interested in is the mechanics and factors that create the tendency to revert to old relationship patterns.

Because Chase mentioned that even if you level up and learn those lessons (which I believe I have) there is still that tendency to slip back.

So what are those factors?

I already mentioned 2 possibilities above

1. not recognizing one is seeking validation or approval.

2. one is not accepting the “truth” of the relationship, that people may not fit a role you want them to adopt.

So overcoming these should be easy. I already recognize these factors and can

1. catch myself if I start looking for approval and instead stand my ground playfully and with tact

2. Accept them for who they are. They might not be the ones I call up for a spontaneous international motorcycle trip, but no worries I have other friends that do that kind of stuff with me now, and these old friends still have great value, just a certain type that I need to recognize.

Yeah good choice gee.I remember a post by Chase back then can't find it read it years yeaaaars back of people seeking validation . Mostly beginners though as they advance they quit seeking the approval of others.If someone picks up on this maybe he could share it.Really dig that you are responsible and humble for your own change and are ready to take feedback from others.Here's one to a fellow one on my board...
~ Chad

 

[Rakehell]

I went through this and honestly it’s a pretty good learning experience. It’s challenging. Not only are the people around you gonna challenge who you are, but your brain will start to challenge itself.

Ever heard the expression “old habits die hard”. Well in this case you can fall into old behavior because of the familiar points of reference.

Most people never try to really change, because it is so easy to be yourself. You’re conditioned into being yourself. Your brain really likes being itself.

When you meet these old people, it’s almost like you start to revert to an older version of yourself. Why this is i’m not sure and can’t give a definitive answer.

But it will be a challenge to maintain your new self in the presence of older people especially if you’ve spent less time as “newer you”.

I’d try to limit my time around them though if they aren’t congruent with who you want to be now. You can’t change the past and they might not want to appreciate who you want to be in the future.

Although it can be a good opportunity to ground yourself into who you are now, and further cement your new behavior, since alot of the challenge of implementing new behavior is because of who you were before.