Reframe her verbal rejection to make her chase

kristian

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We've all been there: You meet a girl, try to pull, close, kiss and escalate and it falls flat. And the more you learn from your successes and failures, the better you get at gauging her interest in you. Sometimes, she is just a flirty girl, while other times (and this happens when she is a lot more experienced than I am), she loves the attention and provision a high value guy give her.

Recently, Ive been meeting up two these kind of women, and gotten the LJBF (Lets just be friends-speech). It often begins with:

"You're a cool guy and I love hanging out with you but...".

You instantly know whats about to come.

So instead of not saying anything or being sad about it, just brace yourself, look her in the eyes and say the same.

"Yeah, I felt it and even tho I find you sexy and loved touching you and all, I didn't feel any spark. I am glad and relieved you said that because I was going to say the same."

I just did this to a woman thats just been flirty and has been stringing me along. Because I could sense and feel that her "interest" was not genuine, I was expecting her to say something like that. But you can still get time to brace yourself as she starts to deliver this.

This woman basically did not see it coming, got confused for a second and started to explain herself saying that girls tend to be arrogant, believing they could get "any guy". I just smiled and said "yeah, I can understand that happening".

The trick here is to be so prepared for this as she deliver her speech that you really act the part: Don't look down, or show any submissive body language. Just look her in the eyes and say it just like when you talk to a friend.

A few weeks ago, another girl tried to do the same, but as she did so, a friend of mine called my name so I did not give her the time to finish her speech, I said something like, "Im sorry, just give me a minute, Ill get back to you", walked towards him and started dancing with other girls. She was also confused about the whole thing.

But maybe I've been rejected so many times that it doesn't faze me anymore. I am really glad because I can just move on and forget that girl.

Next time, instead of reframing after the "speech", I could just interrupt her and give it myself.
Her: "You're a cool guy and all but..."
Me: "Can I tell you something really important?. I hope you didn't get any wrong ideas from me. Youre cute and all, but just not my type. If I sent you the wrong impression, I am sorry. I am just a flirty guy. I hope you dont take this the wrong way.

I believe that this really fucks with her mind. For a long time she believed you really liked her and she will doubt everything about the interaction.
"Wait, what did he just say. Did I read his signs all wrong? Why is this guy, who's beneath me, saying this? Maybe I am not as hot as I think I am?"

A woman takes rejection a lot harder than a man. Ive seen it and been there were insecure women really get nasty. So she WILL think about it.

And what Ive seen and experienced to work with women is rejecting her verbally "youre not my type. We could never get along", WHILE showing interest with my body language". This seem intoxicating and they dont know if they have you. Which makes things easier when you escalate.

I also remember my best friend using this with a former girlfriend many years ago. She changed the way she looked at him after he did this and CHASED HARD until they got together. He just reframed things making him the prize. Not her.

Maybe this is a dick thing to do, but it feels kind of good. @Chase , have you written or experienced anything similar?

I know you wrote something about "flaking on a girl you know sees you as a friend" in order to make the same impact. I would really like to know if this is just me or a tactic that other guys have used with success.
 

DarkKnight

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It is definitely a pattern interrupt.. because just as you are used to her speech, she is used to deliver the speech. I actually like what you are doing and would like to adopt it.. usually what I do is act chill, ignore her and ramp up pre-selection.

Perhaps I am burning the forest instead of extinguishing the fire?

I too can notice it when a girls interest is not genuine. You just feel that it is off, what happens with me is that I pre-emptively disregard them.. and then they chase.. but not always for good reasons (genuine interest). They just want to re-affirm their status in their mind.

It is key to use this drive of theirs in order to up compliance and punish/reward them until you become bigger in their mind (see Aleks articles about attention whores).

Personally I really dislike these superficial creatures.. the trap is overinvesting in them while there is another girl just as beautiful or even more who is genuine. But they will notice you disengaging and fight you with tooth and claw to keep you in orbit. I hate being unnecessary assertive as well (takes energy).

They are not always as secure in themselves as they would make you believe.. more often than not chumps have validated their frame thousand times.. it just takes one strong guy to break it. But again.. I really dislike that bullshit while another just as hot girl shows genuine warmth. It is just so much more rewarding.
 

kristian

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I too can notice it when a girls interest is not genuine. You just feel that it is off, what happens with me is that I pre-emptively disregard them.. and then they chase.. but not always for good reasons (genuine interest). They just want to re-affirm their status in their mind.

It is key to use this drive of theirs in order to up compliance and punish/reward them until you become bigger in their mind (see Aleks articles about attention whores).
That a new way of looking at it, re-affirming their status. Like they want to be the one thats been chased, instead of really winning you over. A huge sign of insecurity and lack of emotional maturity from their part.
They are not always as secure in themselves as they would make you believe.. more often than not chumps have validated their frame thousand times.. it just takes one strong guy to break it. But again.. I really dislike that bullshit while another just as hot girl shows genuine warmth. It is just so much more rewarding.
Yeah, a part of me really hate those gals that just string you along, just to get your attention and validation. But having a couple of tricks in your sleeve and becoming better at exposing them feels very rewarding. I will really want to do this again and see more of these reactions, if I can do this and get some pre-selection going on, I can really fuck with their minds.

The way I interrupted their usual pattern, gave me some of my power back. Actually a lot.

But I also see your point: It is much better to just find a girl that likes you from the get-go.

Please let me know if you encounter this and how that technique worked for you.
 

DarkKnight

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^I don't see reason to "fuck with their minds" .. Basically you are making their problem your problem by competing with them. I would only consider that if someone has been overly persistent... But normally i just like to push the next button and don't bother. I don't like getting sidetracked of what I want in life instead of a random person who does want to sidetrack me.
 

kristian

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^I don't see reason to "fuck with their minds" .. Basically you are making their problem your problem by competing with them. I would only consider that if someone has been overly persistent... But normally i just like to push the next button and don't bother. I don't like getting sidetracked of what I want in life instead of a random person who does want to sidetrack me.
Yeah, we have different reasons for doing things. And I do not compete for anything. I am understanding the power I get from applying these - and other - techniques.
But I also love to push buttons and see reactions, thats just me.
 

DarkKnight

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I honestly find it a waste of time... I would rather avoid these value takers... but I can understand seeing them as a challenge or anything. I also dislike how people like this are portraying themselves as "high value", meanwhile they are just heavily ladder climbing.

I want to engage the fine things in life...
 

RedNeck

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@DarkKnight how do you differentiate between genuine interest but she just needs time , and attention whore ?
do you rely on your gut feeling only ?
of course this gut feeling is shaped by years of experience
 

DarkKnight

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@RedNeck.. It is just experience I guess.. but also how far they are willing to auto invest and what kind of investment. Some investment is building up to something or potentially, others are just hollow gestures. Very nice and very cute (in their mind) but it doesn't add up or bring closer. They just need you to like them, nothing more. And forgive/unsee their mistakes..

I have seen this with men as well (usually effeminate types), they.try to get things done with gestures and niceties but do not bring anything really material.

I don't know if I have described it properly Redneck.. I am sure we will talk about this endless subject another time and maybe then I will find a better angle.
 

kristian

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@DarkKnight how do you differentiate between genuine interest but she just needs time , and attention whore ?
do you rely on your gut feeling only ?
of course this gut feeling is shaped by years of experience
The best way of knowing this is to simply see how much compliance you can get away with.

"Oh, she is really flirty and touchy, lets see if she want to move to a more intimate setting"

Or

"We are having a nice conversation and she let me hold her hand, lets try to escalate things (kiss, massage etc).

Usually you they reveal themselves by either making an excuse for not going forward or simply vanishing. If she says "no" only to give in a little later, you know it was just token resistance. Most girls, tho. Will reveal themselves long before you go for the kiss. Good, you saw through her game and she can move on to another guy that enjoys her platonically.

It can get awkward at times, but thats a trade off for figuring this out.
 
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