Refused over and over again

[Barney]

Hi!

It seems that most of the advice available here is dedicated to shy guys, most of them lacking confidence to approach women.

But what if one (me) is on the other side of the loser spectrum? The one who is banging his head against the wall, but gets the same answer over and over again?

I think I have about 50 no's, and none of my yes-es involved work. They were either needy, unattractive or both. Any woman with some dignity disapproved of my approach and handled me as a lower being. I'm 6 foot high with a nice V shape and have recently lost lots of weight, started caring for my looks a lot more, but I keep getting the same responses. All moving faster have done for me is faster refusals.

Magic? Or what?

Thanks for some help
Barney

 

[Ryan]

I'm in the same boat as you. Just keep trying new techniques (there's loads on the main site), and eventually you'll find some that'll suit you. Once you get success with the techniques that feel natural to you, you can later focus on the ones that don't.

 

[Richard]

Barney,

Remember, it's about how you frame things for yourself.

Is a no a refusal, is a no a failure? Certainly not. It's just learning another way to not do something.

People have speculated that Edison failed either 1000, 3000, or 10000 times before finally creating a lasting incandescent light bulb... When a reporter asked him if he was a failure, he simply responded that he was not a failure, instead he had learned 10,000 ways to most definitely not make a light bulb.

A no is the same thing; it's just a way to not do something, it's a learning opportunity.

-Richard

 

[Just_Dave]

If you're not getting rejected you're not getting laid!

Don't look at rejection as such a bad thing, it shows your actively approaching. On a side note I would make note of what Z said, try something different each time you approach a girl.
Take note of what's working and try that, and then remember the fundamentals of:
*Sexy eye contanct
*Posture
*Voice tone
*Leading the interaction
*Style

In a positive light, at least you're not wasting time on girls who had no interest in the first place.

 

[Marty]

Barney:

You're probably not yet familiar with all the characters here just yet, but to be clear Messrs. Zphix (Richard) and Just Dave are way ahead of me in terms of ability, so what I have to add is simply to embellish what the others have written, not to qualify it.

What I want to say is that in my recent experience, failure does something very interesting to you, in terms of your ability with women. The first few times you don't notice anything, but after a little bit you stop worrying about the failure per se, and when that happens and you keep pressing ahead, you find that this "carefree" attitude suddenly makes you significantly more attractive to women. It's somehow written on your face, and you start to get approach invitations (read the article if you haven't already), and when you accept those invitations, you learn a really weird thing:

The girls were expecting you to approach.

No kidding. You can tell... it's written on their faces just the same, they're not surprised that you came up to say hello. In the street, in the grocery store, in the mall. You can barely believe it when it first happens. From then on, the game's yours to lose. Even if you fuck up (and I have done, frequently) and she says no, you still feel that she goes off happy that you opened her.

It's liberating and mind-opening when it takes place.

-Marty

 

[Barney]

Thanks guys! I really appreciate your support, and I think you're saying great things.

I think it's to do with what Chase was saying about trying hard and trying smart. I was missing the smart part. I just bought his book about them chasing me, I'll make it my bible, make some concrete hard fundamentals, and keep trying.

On a slightly off topic note: Should I still date them even though I've just started working on my fundamentals? Or I should have a month or two refining myself before plunging into the middle of it?

Many thanks!

 

[Marty]

On a slightly off topic note: Should I still date them even though I've just started working on my fundamentals? Or I should have a month or two refining myself before plunging into the middle of it?

My take would be: do it, because habit-forming takes a lot of work and the sooner you get started the better. Plus, certain fundamentals are achieved only through practical fieldwork: the social ones—see this excellent article.

If you have some physical fundamentals still way off, e.g. you're overweight (no assumptions here, just hypothetically, for the sake of argument), then be prepared for poorer receptions, and don't let that put you off: on the contrary, learn and grow from it.

But my friends here may have a different take on your question

 

[MonsterzRock]

Your titled post sums up my entire year for 2013. I've been a member of this site since April 2013 and it's been mind-blowing. But it hasn't yielded any results at all. It doesn't mean I'm giving up or failing to believe any of
the articles and information here. I was just reading another post by someone mentioning factors with older men and women. I'm not going to get into debates or conversations about that. By the same token, I think it's a little
moronic to ignore some possibly unique challenges or issues that one age group has to deal with while another age group considers it a non-issue altogether.

Okay, here's one example. Chase has mentioned in numerous articles about men having goals, etc. and how if you don't have a life purpose or goals that it kills your attraction somewhat. So if you're 18-21 years old, you're already starting to think about things like future education, future employment, etc. But if you're 40-50, you've already been through that whole gamut and are already educated and employed for numerous years. Of course, there's always exceptions to this (someone starting a new career at 40 or going back to college at 45 or 50).

Just to be clear, I'm not knocking any of Chase's advice or others here. I think he and others actually give pretty good ideas and advice that make a lot of sense. But I have to be brutally honest here, at my age of 52, finding attractive and interesting women even a decade younger than me is pretty slim in the clubs, bars and out in the street or wherever--let alone finding someone within five years of my age. A vast majority of these women are, or were, married, have children, and some even have grandchildren (if you can wrap your head around that for a second).

Currently, I think day-game is a joke even though Chase himself advised me to try it. I think day-game is great idea and strategy but my crazy schedule hasn't allowed me much time during the day. I'm not trying to make excuses here but I'm working one day job that kills my time from 8am to 7pm (this includes travel time) during the week. I'm getting ready to jump into a second music project in two months--already in one steady band. My first band is decreasing from 24 weekends per year to 16 weekends in 2014. The other project will probably only net about one weekend night a month. But the good news is both these projects also pay money. Add in one to two band practices per weeknight (one for each band) for the whole year. Add in one more night per month for public service volunteering (this sometimes requires an extra day of preparation as a board of trustee).

Bottom line 1: I'm busy but I'm living my goals and dreams right now minus the women.

Bottom line 2: I've totally sucked with women since my teens. There wasn't anything remotely close to "GirlsChase" back then. However, I'm totally determined, frustrated and angry enough, to finally apply this stuff to my daily life and become a better man in the process. And I'm never going to sacrifice any of this for a woman again...ever, lol. (Chase's point rings true here about having your own life and never putting the girls/women above all that).

Thanks for all the previous input here. For me, I've just gotta try different things and work out my time management better...it's been a bitch lately. I feel for ya Barney..and others...right there with you...