All right,here it goes.
If you do want to help me,please read it all,cause It is a big problem for me and I need some guidelines.I can work on improving myself alone,I just want some advices as what to do.I understand it will be a long post,so if you can,please take your time to read it all.
Second year of college,i'm very socially awkward,and never had a girlfriend.
First thing.My main problem is that nobody takes me seriously,almost everyone looks at me like if i was a 9 year old.When I talk,the girls I see everyday in my class 90% of the time dismiss me,don't get into a good conversation with me,want to avoid me,cause I am deemed a creepy guy.
My main problem here is that I take a long time to get warmed up to talk to my girls,but in other situations I get warmed up almost instantly and talk like no other(with my friends,and some female friends too).So I just sit around my girls and say next to nothing,all tensed up,and thinking about what to say next.When I am with my friends,I never analyse myself,I just am myself and all i say comes out naturally.Not with my girls.
Another problem is that I am sometimes a doormat.For example,yesterday I was in a team project with 5 girls who were very intrested in what we were doing,but I didnt give a big fuck about it.The problem is that in situation where I have to perform,I freeze up,and everybody can see I am unconfortable,and I do shit things,like a retard.They just went on with their project,without asking me to do anything,because I was not deemed intelligent enough to handle it.All I was left to do was to wash some dishes.And those girls were ordering me around.
So,here i didnt stand up for myself,I became a doormat and they were able to make fun of me(subtly ofcourse).
When somebody throws a hard gauntlet on me,socially speaking,I freeze up and resort to stupid weak gut reactions.Once I didnt let a girl who was behind me in a queue get in front of me at the elevator(me entering the elevator the last-being a knight).She scolded me in front of everyone,and I said sorry.Another time some girls were telling me to shut up,like i had nothing of value to say,and assesing their superiority over me.Other girls were ofcourse laughing when they saw it.I didnt have the nerve to stand up for myself.
I knew I shouldnt have let them walk all over me,but I couldnt pull the necesarry courage to say anything.
Another problem is that I am not socially savy.Being in a clas with 95% girls,they all use subtext,and i am kinda bad at it.I am left out of major things,because I don't know how to handle them.Not many people depend on me.For example,nobody would select me as a class leader.They dont talk with me about important stuff,like relationships or important life stuff,because they feel like i have a childish mentality,and unable to understand,so they leave me out of it.Nearly all the girls make fun of me socially,in front of another girls,dont take me seriously,treat me like a mother would treat a child.
Another problem is that Ive never had a girlfriend.I DO have some good female friends in my life,and I get along with them very well,but not girlfriends.Not romantically and sexually.I dont know how to be sexual.I am learning how to get sexy,so no need to get into this.Just that ive never had the nerve to ask a girl out on a date,kiss one ,or have sex with one.
So,my first question is,when these girls will ask me how many girlfriends I had,what do I say?
If I say none,it will be a very big minus for me cause then EVERYBODY would want to get away from me and have nothing to do with me anymore.I will become the king of social retards,so to speak.
If I lie and say I did have some girlfriends,i will act incongruent,and people will notice I lied.I dontlike lying about myself,I dont want to lie to impress people,and i generall dont like lying at all,it means weakness alll over the place.
If I say none of your business,i will act dodgy and insecure,and people will pick up on it.Same for outright dodging the question and changing the subject of the conversation.
So,how do I do it in a strong way?I know sincerity would be the best way,and I tend to abide to this ideea alot,but not in this case.It would be another nail in the coffin,and I dont want to give people any more bad reasons as why to avoid me.
Right,so far Ive talked only about my bad points,so you would things I am truly a retard.Maybe that's the truth,who knows
I DO have friends.GOOD friends.I do keep in touch with them and have good relationships with them.
I do like the ideea of self improvement alot.Been reading this site for over a year now,and read some other self improvement resources online,and I feel they had a really significant impact on my life,and I have improved abit socially and in my life,in general.
Even though I said i act childish above,It is not my core personality.I do have a mature mind and I know how to think logically about important life situations.I do like to analyse things alot before going forward.I am a risk taker.WHen alone,I do act like myself.
I do not like posturing at all,or trying to impress people(even though I sometimes do it,unintentionally).I dont use my facebook account at all,only for college stuff to get my bearings about important exams and stuff,but other than that NOTHING.I dont do likes,comments,no profile pictures ,no status updates at all.I view it as a very big attempt from others to posture,and I hate it,I tend to view others like kids for playing this stupid status game,instead of minding their own lives.
I do watch news,I follow the political scene of the world,I do care about what is happening in this world.I am studying russian,I am a very big lover of mechanics,army,cars,races,science.I do have a big big passion for these domains and I do follow them.
I do want with passion to become a good conversationalist.I do want to become that guy to whom many people open up and talk about themselfes without fear of judgement,and have extraordinary conversations with everybody i come in contact with.
I do want very much to improve myself as a human.I did adopt,or am in course of adopting,many qualities presented on this site,like empathy,sexiness,not judgin others,social intuition etc etc.I do want to improve my core person and become a better human,to make other people feel good in my presence.
I feel this set of qualities make me unique,and few people,if any,have them in my class.I do feel they are the children when you compare them with me in this area,because I do thing I outclass them at some very important things,some mentioned above.While they are busy putting makeup and making silly looking selfies to up on facebook and attract likes of dumbjock men,or how they can backstab some other girls in their social circle,or how they can buy that good perfume,or how they can attract that guy,I do think about how I can make some money,how i can improve my relationship with my sister,parents,colleagues,how I can make more friends everywhere I go,how i can become good at cold approaching girls on the street,how i can succeed in life,how I can buy that amazing soundcard and speaker system which can deliver practically the best sound ever etc.
Yes I know these are not really accurate,I havent taken the time to get to know these girls very well,but i genuinly want to get along with them.I feel I have a love for people and it is what differentiate me from most of the people I come in contact with,they are driven by a big ego and looking only for themselves.
So,how do I overcome this problem?how do I stop caring about what people think of me?because that is a very big limiting factor and is keeping me from doing many things at college,like acting like myself.Because of fear of judgement,I dont like being judged.
I want to act like myself,not give a fuck about what people think of me,fulfill my desires written above,make people feel good
etc etc.
And how do I stand up for myself?In those examples above,I could have yelled at those girls,or looked them dead in the eyes with an extremely serious expression on my face(like a criminal )and asked them to stop,or made fun of them,or insulted them,or threathened them,but for some reason I find those reactions quite weak and a bit childish.What I want is to change my inner core ,and i want my actions to come out from my core self.I dont want some "do this,do that" advices,I dont feel they are useful for the long term,and this is what I aim for,improve myself for the long term.
If you have any insight or advice for me,please dont copy paste links from the site,post here your own advice please.
thx in advance
If you do want to help me,please read it all,cause It is a big problem for me and I need some guidelines.I can work on improving myself alone,I just want some advices as what to do.I understand it will be a long post,so if you can,please take your time to read it all.
Second year of college,i'm very socially awkward,and never had a girlfriend.
First thing.My main problem is that nobody takes me seriously,almost everyone looks at me like if i was a 9 year old.When I talk,the girls I see everyday in my class 90% of the time dismiss me,don't get into a good conversation with me,want to avoid me,cause I am deemed a creepy guy.
My main problem here is that I take a long time to get warmed up to talk to my girls,but in other situations I get warmed up almost instantly and talk like no other(with my friends,and some female friends too).So I just sit around my girls and say next to nothing,all tensed up,and thinking about what to say next.When I am with my friends,I never analyse myself,I just am myself and all i say comes out naturally.Not with my girls.
Another problem is that I am sometimes a doormat.For example,yesterday I was in a team project with 5 girls who were very intrested in what we were doing,but I didnt give a big fuck about it.The problem is that in situation where I have to perform,I freeze up,and everybody can see I am unconfortable,and I do shit things,like a retard.They just went on with their project,without asking me to do anything,because I was not deemed intelligent enough to handle it.All I was left to do was to wash some dishes.And those girls were ordering me around.
So,here i didnt stand up for myself,I became a doormat and they were able to make fun of me(subtly ofcourse).
When somebody throws a hard gauntlet on me,socially speaking,I freeze up and resort to stupid weak gut reactions.Once I didnt let a girl who was behind me in a queue get in front of me at the elevator(me entering the elevator the last-being a knight).She scolded me in front of everyone,and I said sorry.Another time some girls were telling me to shut up,like i had nothing of value to say,and assesing their superiority over me.Other girls were ofcourse laughing when they saw it.I didnt have the nerve to stand up for myself.
I knew I shouldnt have let them walk all over me,but I couldnt pull the necesarry courage to say anything.
Another problem is that I am not socially savy.Being in a clas with 95% girls,they all use subtext,and i am kinda bad at it.I am left out of major things,because I don't know how to handle them.Not many people depend on me.For example,nobody would select me as a class leader.They dont talk with me about important stuff,like relationships or important life stuff,because they feel like i have a childish mentality,and unable to understand,so they leave me out of it.Nearly all the girls make fun of me socially,in front of another girls,dont take me seriously,treat me like a mother would treat a child.
Another problem is that Ive never had a girlfriend.I DO have some good female friends in my life,and I get along with them very well,but not girlfriends.Not romantically and sexually.I dont know how to be sexual.I am learning how to get sexy,so no need to get into this.Just that ive never had the nerve to ask a girl out on a date,kiss one ,or have sex with one.
So,my first question is,when these girls will ask me how many girlfriends I had,what do I say?
If I say none,it will be a very big minus for me cause then EVERYBODY would want to get away from me and have nothing to do with me anymore.I will become the king of social retards,so to speak.
If I lie and say I did have some girlfriends,i will act incongruent,and people will notice I lied.I dontlike lying about myself,I dont want to lie to impress people,and i generall dont like lying at all,it means weakness alll over the place.
If I say none of your business,i will act dodgy and insecure,and people will pick up on it.Same for outright dodging the question and changing the subject of the conversation.
So,how do I do it in a strong way?I know sincerity would be the best way,and I tend to abide to this ideea alot,but not in this case.It would be another nail in the coffin,and I dont want to give people any more bad reasons as why to avoid me.
Right,so far Ive talked only about my bad points,so you would things I am truly a retard.Maybe that's the truth,who knows
I DO have friends.GOOD friends.I do keep in touch with them and have good relationships with them.
I do like the ideea of self improvement alot.Been reading this site for over a year now,and read some other self improvement resources online,and I feel they had a really significant impact on my life,and I have improved abit socially and in my life,in general.
Even though I said i act childish above,It is not my core personality.I do have a mature mind and I know how to think logically about important life situations.I do like to analyse things alot before going forward.I am a risk taker.WHen alone,I do act like myself.
I do not like posturing at all,or trying to impress people(even though I sometimes do it,unintentionally).I dont use my facebook account at all,only for college stuff to get my bearings about important exams and stuff,but other than that NOTHING.I dont do likes,comments,no profile pictures ,no status updates at all.I view it as a very big attempt from others to posture,and I hate it,I tend to view others like kids for playing this stupid status game,instead of minding their own lives.
I do watch news,I follow the political scene of the world,I do care about what is happening in this world.I am studying russian,I am a very big lover of mechanics,army,cars,races,science.I do have a big big passion for these domains and I do follow them.
I do want with passion to become a good conversationalist.I do want to become that guy to whom many people open up and talk about themselfes without fear of judgement,and have extraordinary conversations with everybody i come in contact with.
I do want very much to improve myself as a human.I did adopt,or am in course of adopting,many qualities presented on this site,like empathy,sexiness,not judgin others,social intuition etc etc.I do want to improve my core person and become a better human,to make other people feel good in my presence.
I feel this set of qualities make me unique,and few people,if any,have them in my class.I do feel they are the children when you compare them with me in this area,because I do thing I outclass them at some very important things,some mentioned above.While they are busy putting makeup and making silly looking selfies to up on facebook and attract likes of dumbjock men,or how they can backstab some other girls in their social circle,or how they can buy that good perfume,or how they can attract that guy,I do think about how I can make some money,how i can improve my relationship with my sister,parents,colleagues,how I can make more friends everywhere I go,how i can become good at cold approaching girls on the street,how i can succeed in life,how I can buy that amazing soundcard and speaker system which can deliver practically the best sound ever etc.
Yes I know these are not really accurate,I havent taken the time to get to know these girls very well,but i genuinly want to get along with them.I feel I have a love for people and it is what differentiate me from most of the people I come in contact with,they are driven by a big ego and looking only for themselves.
So,how do I overcome this problem?how do I stop caring about what people think of me?because that is a very big limiting factor and is keeping me from doing many things at college,like acting like myself.Because of fear of judgement,I dont like being judged.
I want to act like myself,not give a fuck about what people think of me,fulfill my desires written above,make people feel good
etc etc.
And how do I stand up for myself?In those examples above,I could have yelled at those girls,or looked them dead in the eyes with an extremely serious expression on my face(like a criminal
)and asked them to stop,or made fun of them,or insulted them,or threathened them,but for some reason I find those reactions quite weak and a bit childish.What I want is to change my inner core ,and i want my actions to come out from my core self.I dont want some "do this,do that" advices,I dont feel they are useful for the long term,and this is what I aim for,improve myself for the long term.If you have any insight or advice for me,please dont copy paste links from the site,post here your own advice please.
thx in advance
