Reject & Bounce? Bite or spit

[Djsuave]

Guys, what do you do in my situation. [M 25] been living in Europe/Holland for 6 years now, have a good physique, hit the gym 3/5 times a week, just finished undergrad and will be doing post-grad in a different city. I have hooked up with 5/6 girls over the years but mainly was focused on studies, getting out of debt, work etc.

My questions is, what do y’all do in instances when a girl rejects you, then after a while starts trying to get close to you? I always shut down their attempts and basically cold-ignore, which makes them intrigued initially, but they stop chasing after a while. For me, idgaf if she stops chasing, as i rarely feel that i want her again if she rejects me. However, it has been very dry the last year or two and dating life has been shit.

Context, i don’t have problems with approaching women and almost half of these women were cold-approach and the others either via side-jobs or a class.

 

[James D]

Guys, what do you do in my situation. [M 25] been living in Europe/Holland

Dope!

I like Holland a lot.

Been there 4 times. Some of the most beautiful women in the world are there IMO but they're all almost always taller than me *sigh*

My questions is, what do y’all do in instances when a girl rejects you, then after a while starts trying to get close to you? I always shut down their attempts and basically cold-ignore, which makes them intrigued initially, but they stop chasing after a while. For me, idgaf if she stops chasing, as i rarely feel that i want her again if she rejects me.

Is that a social circle situation?

Or you mean a girl acting hot and cold at a bar or party?

Need more details.

That said, based on how you described this issue, you've gotta chill out a bit. Seem to be taking it personally.

No need to play the same hot and cold game as them. Girls are girls. Like children, they have their moods and shit. It should barely affect you.

These days, if a girl is being cold and ignoring me, I won't chase her (goes without saying) but I'm not going cold either. I just withdraw my attention and redirect my energy elsewhere. If she comes back, I'm warm, not because I'm trying to impress her, but because this is who I am.

I'm pretty much the same guy and her little girly moods don't really register. I won't be giving her more than she gives me, obviously.

If she's rude (not the same as cold) then I'll firmly set her in her place and put my attention elsewhere. But then again, I don't become cold.

 

[Chase]

@Djsuave,

My questions is, what do y’all do in instances when a girl rejects you, then after a while starts trying to get close to you? I always shut down their attempts and basically cold-ignore, which makes them intrigued initially, but they stop chasing after a while. For me, idgaf if she stops chasing, as i rarely feel that i want her again if she rejects me.

If she rejected you once, she is somewhat more likely to reject you again than the average new girl you meet.

But sometimes those returning girls have had a situation update. e.g., they were seeing a guy before (reason why they rejected you) but now that guy is gone and they are single and on the hunt.

The best way to treat these gals to minimize your chance of wasting time while still giving the girl a shot in case she legitimately is re-interested is to propose something super convenient for you and see if she bites.

e.g.,

Her: Heeeeey. Been a while ​

You: What's up? Yeah, that was a lifetime ago! How're you? Still running that startup?​

Her: The startup folded I've got a regular job now. Are you still in [town]?​

You: C'est la vie. Yeah, I'm here. We should meet up. Unless you're still too busy!​

Her: No lol I can meet. Friday? Or Sat?​

You: Let's do Friday 7 PM downtown. That work for you?​

Her: That works great.​

You: Cool. We can meet at [logistical details]​

Normally, for a girl you are pursuing, I would recommend NOT saying that she is the busy one, but instead framing it as if you were the one who was too busy to meet before (even if she was the one who was too busy).

However, when it is a girl where you're testing if she's a time waster and you can "take it or leave it", then personally I love to use the "unless you're still too busy " line because it forces her to qualify that no, she definitely has time and would like to meet.

Usually you are looking for her to ask if you are still in town, or if you still go to XYZ place, or some other check where she is probing your availability (if you are around, still going out doing "single people stuff", etc.). That is her indirectly saying, "Ask me out please!"

Then you just get her to tell you when she can meet and propose something that will be convenient enough for you that even if she flakes again you will not really care.

You can even go on these dates skeptically and force the girl to win you over.

They can end up being a lot of fun that way, actually.

Chase