FR Rejected by High Schoolers

[Kvothe]

Hi Everyone,

This is my first field report, hopefully it goes well.

I went out on St. Patty's day to an 18+ club with some friends, and told them that they could point out any girl to me, and if I didn't go talk to them, then I'd pay them a dollar. This definitely removed a lot of the approach anxiety for me. I also was completely sober, so that also felt nice. Here are my approaches.

Approach 1:
Very early in the night when there weren't many people. A very tall girl dancing with her friend. I went to her side and held her elbow. I told her that she was the most sensual woman in the club. She smiled and said thank you. I asked her if she wanted to dance and she didn't really give a reply, so I couldn't tell if I got rejected, but she made no movement as if to give me permission, so I went away.

Approach 2:
There were these two girls at the club were dressed very provocatively, in some lingerie looking leather. My friends told me to go talk to one of them. I went up to her and gave her a compliment, which she said thank you to. I traded names with her and then asked her to dance, to which she said that she doesn't enjoy dancing with guys. I wanted to try keeping a conversation going though, so I asked her some questions about herself, like what she did, how often she came to the club, and I also was trying to be pretty physical. I made some assertions about her, like how she seemed adventurous and had an exciting life because she was an EMT, which she kind of just shot down. At some point I felt the conversation dying, and left.

Approach 3:
A little later, I went and approached the other lingerie wearing girl, and told her she was beautiful. I again traded names, and then asked her to dance, which she politely refused. I tried again to get the banter going, but I could tell that she was bored by my line of questioning, so I left.

Approach 4:
This was my favorite of the night. The club was a lot more full by this point. There was this foul smell permeating throughout this one section, and I'm pretty sure someone vomited nearby. Anyway, I see this kind of cute girl dancing crazy, and I catch her eye. I go up to her and I tell her, "You're the one that farted, aren't you". She looks taken aback and says "no, that wasn't me", in a surprised kind of way. I hold for a second, and then smile and tell her, "I'm just joking, I thought you were cute and wanted to say hi", then I introduced myself. I told her that we should dance, and she told me she had a boyfriend.

Approach 5:
Only one of my friends who was with me was single, so I took him and approached these two girls. They were walking away, and I couldn't figure out how to smoothly grab one of them, so I kind of tried, touched, then missed her elbow, and then tapped it again. She turned towards me, and I told her that she and her friend should dance with me and my friend. Unsurprisingly, we were rejected.

That is the basic summary of my night. Because it was an 18+ club, I feel like some of the girls I approached may have been in high school, so maybe that played a role, but I also clearly need to tighten my fundamentals.

I've been working out a lot and was wearing one of my favorite Guess dress shirts on black jeans. I think I need to work on projecting my voice better, having better posture, and building some compliance early. It would also help to have people who are more inclined to be good with girls with me. So far I've basically been doing this alone, and while I'm okay with that, I think good influences and mentors would be a very positive thing (hence me making this field report).

On the plus side, I had so much less approach anxiety than ever before, and I had a lot more fun approaching. I tried to make myself feel good, and as a result, no girl ever rejected me outright or very harshly, and I was much more physical than I've been before, which was a big step up for me. I definitely need to work on being more physical in the day though.

If anyone could give me any feedback that would extremely welcome and appreciated!

I also turned 21 this weekend Bars, here I come

Kvothe

 

[Raqimus]

A club is an environment where negative feedback is watched. So girls watching you get rejected by all these other girls doesn't help. After like two or three rejections take a step out of the club for a couple minutes, maybe hit another one and then come back. Girls may be more receptive then.

Also I don't know if you were doing this but if your gonna try to tap an elbow or touch, don't look at her elbow lol use your peripheral vision to gauge the distance.

 

[Explosive Results]

This is my first field report, hopefully it goes well.

Hi, welcome aboard! You're off to a terrific start! Your report was well written using good spelling and gammar so at no point was I left trying to decipher what you were saying.

A club is an environment where negative feedback is watched. So girls watching you get rejected by all these other girls doesn't help. After like two or three rejections take a step out of the club for a couple minutes, maybe hit another one and then come back. Girls may be more receptive then.

While this is legitimate concern (sometimes this is referred to as "wrecking a room") it also depends how big and busy the club is. Obviously, the bigger and busier it is, the easier it is to just go to another part of the club and continue. 5 minutes later any girls witnessing your rejection won't remember.

Unless... you go from girl to girl getting harsh rejections and then you're in trouble! I did an experiment with this once and it is possible to make every single girl reject you off the rejection of others.

Or you can turn it into a positive by reframing the situation and make it appear as though the situation was a hilarious joke and no real rejection was taking place, but you've got to have excellent frame control over anyone in the immediate vicinity.

 

[Smurf]

Good shit on your first field report! Also happy birthday

Raqimus is correct. Don't mass approach if nothing is hooking. Let me see if I can point a few things out.

I'm noticing a distinct pattern. You approach, compliment, then ask to dance. They say no, you leave. First off, you don't have to dance with a girl. It's not necessarily needed. Also, if she says no, try sticking in and talking to her more. Initial elbow touch is alright, but it isn't needed necessarily. Try playing around with the intensity of your eye contact and your body language as you open. Try not to open from behind as well. Open from the front or the side where they can see you.

If you feel the conversation dying, think to earlier and see how much emotion you were expressing and letting her feel. Keep talking, talking, talking. The girl will almost never give you something to work with in a club. You have to lead the conversation to something fun or something that gets her reacting emotionally. Try more statements and less questions.

Hope some of this helps,

Jake.

 

[Kvothe]

Dear Raqimus, Explosive Results, and Jake,

Thank you all so much for the advice. I was in traveling for spring break this last weekend, and definitely tried using your advice in all the clubs. I realize that I'm having a hard time making a girl attracted in these kinds of environments, which I'm going to assume is because of lower fundamentals, and a lower level of confidence, which girls are probably noticing. In addition, I do think I need to work on my opening, because I've been trying introduce myself and talk to a girl in a club, which based off of my results, does not work.

Specifically, I tried talking to girls in clubs via indirect openers, via direct openers, and via simply trying to be physical without talking. The main purpose of this was to get over approach anxiety, so I'll need to spend more time testing different openers to see what actually works well.

Thank you all very much for the advice, I'll definitely take it with me in the future as well.

Kvothe