Rejecting the girls that approach you and getting rejected by ones you like

[orion222]

Does anyone else have the problem where you reject pretty much all of the girls that approach you (obviously a girl will never ask you out but I mean if its obvious they want it and you ignore them) and have poor success with the girls you are actually attracted to?

During the Spring semester at my college, I turned down like 48/50 approaches. None of them were ugly--essentially all 5-7 (except for the two). Since January, there have been five girls that I was really attracted to. One was a really hot college senior I met on a bus who was obviously pursuing me but I was just really stupid and missed the boat. I essentially said I needed to go back to my room when she was trying to get dinner with me after the bus stopped. The next was a girl I sat beside in class; I got her to go on a Valentines Day date with me, but it was awkward and that was the end of that. I got pretty coldly rejected by a girl in my English class. Another girl who was really attractive said yes, gave me her number, but then revealed she had a boyfriend (who actually exists, I checked) and said no a few days later. Then yesterday I get rejected by a girl in high school who works at a restaurant with me.

I also seem to keep ending up in these scenarios where there are two girls in the same setting, one likes me and I turn them down, and I like the other one and get turned down. I'm just so tired of these games.

Also, I want to clarify that I don't think I am setting my standards too high. If I turn down a girl, it's because I am not physically attracted to her. It's not an "I could do better" thing.

Help?

 

[orion222]

People keep ignoring every question I ask here, so can I get some responses on this one? Otherwise it's going to be the last time.

 

[Marty]

Orion:

People keep ignoring every question I ask here, so can I get some responses on this one? Otherwise it's going to be the last time.

I don't think anyone's intentionally ignoring your question (who are all these "people" you are talking about who "keep" doing it, anyway?); I think the issue is something a little bit different. This is what you wrote:

I turned down like 48/50 approaches.

I honestly don't think many men here have experience of being approached by women. I may be wrong, but I think it's extremely unusual. Unless you are an aspirational personality of some sort—say, a movie actor or an opinion leader—basic biology dictates that it is the man who proposes, and the woman who disposes.

Once in my life, many years ago, a girl did ask me out to a concert. It was in return for a date that I had asked her on a week or two earlier. I accepted, and we had a very long and loving relationship. Not only is this unusual, it was clearly a response to an existing proposition from my side. The idea of girls going ahead and cold-approaching men at the rate of several dozen per college semester stretches credibility a little.

Women do of course give approach invitations, and over the past year of intensive fieldwork I have become more adept at recognizing these. However, I am prepared to accept as fact, both from an analytical and from an empirical standpoint, the concept that men must make the first move, as is emphasized over and over on the Girls Chase site.

Now, Orion, it may be that you are a celebrity of some sort: perhaps your celestial screen-name denotes stellar status In which case, I don't think there are many people here who can advise you!

-Marty

 

[orion222]

Orion:

People keep ignoring every question I ask here, so can I get some responses on this one? Otherwise it's going to be the last time.

I don't think anyone's intentionally ignoring your question (who are all these "people" you are talking about who "keep" doing it, anyway?); I think the issue is something a little bit different. This is what you wrote:

I turned down like 48/50 approaches.

I honestly don't think many men here have experience of being approached by women. I may be wrong, but I think it's extremely unusual. Unless you are an aspirational personality of some sort—say, a movie actor or an opinion leader—basic biology dictates that it is the man who proposes, and the woman who disposes.

Once in my life, many years ago, a girl did ask me out to a concert. It was in return for a date that I had asked her on a week or two earlier. I accepted, and we had a very long and loving relationship. Not only is this unusual, it was clearly a response to an existing proposition from my side. The idea of girls going ahead and cold-approaching men at the rate of several dozen per college semester stretches credibility a little.

Women do of course give approach invitations, and over the past year of intensive fieldwork I have become more adept at recognizing these. However, I am prepared to accept as fact, both from an analytical and from an empirical standpoint, the concept that men must make the first move, as is emphasized over and over on the Girls Chase site.

Now, Orion, it may be that you are a celebrity of some sort: perhaps your celestial screen-name denotes stellar status In which case, I don't think there are many people here who can advise you!

-Marty

Dude, you know what I meant. I defined approach as when a girl makes it obvious that she wants you. For example, she might sit down right across the other side of the table in the library and start staring at you. Or she might "coincidentally" end up sitting right beside you all of the time in a lecture hall of 400 people when you're sitting in different areas of the room all of the time.

Approach invitation is probably a better term, but come on man--don't be difficult. Could you help me out with my question?

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I understand that, been approached by women myself. My theory is that hot women will generally not approach guys at all. The women that approach guys are going to be average looking women or above average looking women who are insecure and may have a thirst for validation. That validation is had by them being with a high status guy who might be attractive or just a guy that might be cute. In my case I generally get approached by average looking or semi-cute girls from minority groups (mostly black and asian, sometimes indian) but I am not into these girls. The girls I am into (good looking white american girls) generally don't like me and often tend to reject me or lead me on.

Can be the most frustrating thing to deal with and I have not found an answer to it yet but I want to you to know that you aren't the only one going through it. Most people can't help you with it because it seems like most guys would be lucky to have any girl at all.

 

[Eternity]

"You want what you can't have". Cliche but true. You are getting rejected because your eagerness/nervousness bleeds through with these chicks. While the ones you don't like are drawn to your aloofness and the asshole side you might show with them. Hot girls have options and you are not standing out much from the crowd...Why you ask? Weak fundamentals, moving slow, analysis paralysis, and no visual pre-selection from other girls. The girls that "approach" you are a point or two scale from the looks scale so it's why they try to aim high like a guy and hope to hook up with you. Marty probably misunderstood your question ,chill, it's just that if your not constantly talking/approaching girls you like, they won't fall in your lap man.

 

[trashKENNUT]

orion222,

I also seem to keep ending up in these scenarios where there are two girls in the same setting, one likes me and I turn them down, and I like the other one and get turned down. I'm just so tired of these games.

Also, I want to clarify that I don't think I am setting my standards too high. If I turn down a girl, it's because I am not physically attracted to her. It's not an "I could do better" thing.

Help?

Your fundamentals are pretty much sound. But getting girls is a number's game. It is great getting check out by girls. I get approach invitations and girls forcing awkward situations that people sometimes have to intervene. Sometimes i feel stalked (in a sense). But yours is impressive, Many girls trying to to ask you out.

You not setting your standard too high. You want to decide what a girl can play a role in your life. If you have enough lovers, then reject them. But otherwise,

i found this out, that no matter if a girl likes you. "Always make it a natural conversation for her, because she needs to save face".

Zac

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

"You want what you can't have". Cliche but true. You are getting rejected because your eagerness/nervousness bleeds through with these chicks. While the ones you don't like are drawn to your aloofness and the asshole side you might show with them. Hot girls have options and you are not standing out much from the crowd...Why you ask? Weak fundamentals, moving slow, analysis paralysis, and no visual pre-selection from other girls. The girls that "approach" you are a point or two scale from the looks scale so it's why they try to aim high like a guy and hope to hook up with you. Marty probably misunderstood your question ,chill, it's just that if your not constantly talking/approaching girls you like, they won't fall in your lap man.

I would love to believe that OP is going through this like I was but I think there is more to it. Like OP, I somewhat struggle with this but what I was able to do is break it down by asking myself 2 questions:

1. What did girls who liked me have in common?
2. What do girls who dislike me generally have in common?

From what I saw, girls who were american, good looking, young, and white were generally the answer to question 2. At first I thought it was how I was coming off to these girls but then I realized there was more to it. Unlike an attractive Latina from Brazil, beautiful black american girl, or an attractive european girl visiting the USA, the girls who fell into category 2 are a lot more image conscious and tend to go for guys already pre-selected by their social circle.

After identifying this I was able to see some degree of results but not enough to have success with that demographic.

 

[orion222]

"You want what you can't have". Cliche but true. You are getting rejected because your eagerness/nervousness bleeds through with these chicks. While the ones you don't like are drawn to your aloofness and the asshole side you might show with them. Hot girls have options and you are not standing out much from the crowd...Why you ask? Weak fundamentals, moving slow, analysis paralysis, and no visual pre-selection from other girls. The girls that "approach" you are a point or two scale from the looks scale so it's why they try to aim high like a guy and hope to hook up with you. Marty probably misunderstood your question ,chill, it's just that if your not constantly talking/approaching girls you like, they won't fall in your lap man.

I would love to believe that OP is going through this like I was but I think there is more to it. Like OP, I somewhat struggle with this but what I was able to do is break it down by asking myself 2 questions:

1. What did girls who liked me have in common?
2. What do girls who dislike me generally have in common?

From what I saw, girls who were american, good looking, young, and white were generally the answer to question 2. At first I thought it was how I was coming off to these girls but then I realized there was more to it. Unlike an attractive Latina from Brazil, beautiful black american girl, or an attractive european girl visiting the USA, the girls who fell into category 2 are a lot more image conscious and tend to go for guys already pre-selected by their social circle.

After identifying this I was able to see some degree of results but not enough to have success with that demographic.

Nah, the large majority of those girls were white, upper-middle class American girls.

 

[orion222]

"You want what you can't have". Cliche but true. You are getting rejected because your eagerness/nervousness bleeds through with these chicks. While the ones you don't like are drawn to your aloofness and the asshole side you might show with them. Hot girls have options and you are not standing out much from the crowd...Why you ask? Weak fundamentals, moving slow, analysis paralysis, and no visual pre-selection from other girls. The girls that "approach" you are a point or two scale from the looks scale so it's why they try to aim high like a guy and hope to hook up with you. Marty probably misunderstood your question ,chill, it's just that if your not constantly talking/approaching girls you like, they won't fall in your lap man.

Eternity, I think you are on point here. I am particularly convinced because sometimes there is a girl that I am not sure about, and I am aloof with her at first and she seems to be really into me, but when I start liking her back her attraction seems to fade quickly.

Could you give me some tips for how to amend this or possibly link me to some helpful articles on this site? I mean, it would be hard to mentally lie to myself and behave like I don't like a girl when I do.

 

[Eternity]

Nah, the large majority of those girls were white, upper-middle class American girls.

LOL! Oh Pry thought you were in the same boat and it's the one's he wants but can't have that have the hots for you, ironic as fuck! But yeah flirt with the chicks you want and approach them don't wait around. Then, go talk to other cute girls in class and watch their eyes follow you and lust after you more. Then, after they have given you IOI's, innocently ask them to join you for lunch at the school cafeteria and start gaming them there. No group settings, isolate and try to escalate but i'll be honest, classroom game is hit or miss so you have to be sure she likes you in order to move forward. Better off approaching in the library or in school events so you can fuck up as you please without the awkwardness of having to see these chicks again. Check out my "Tips and Tricks" thread, plenty of aloof/asshole game articles I linked there. Be warned though, Heartiste and McQueen's advice is not like Chase's, more extreme, darker, grittier but alas brutally real. I already had to debate this matter on my thread, I hope not have this problem with you, hopefully.

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

Nah, the large majority of those girls were white, upper-middle class American girls.

LOL! Oh Pry thought you were in the same boat and it's the one's he wants but can't have that have the hots for you, ironic as fuck!

ya that caught me off guard, I don't know of too many guys that do well with attractive upper middle class white girls unless they have high status (college athlete or male model)

 

[orion222]

ya that caught me off guard, I don't know of too many guys that do well with attractive upper middle class white girls unless they have high status (college athlete or male model)

Oh Pry, are you white? If you aren't, that may be why you are having some difficulty.

I am a white, upper-middle class college student. 70% of the students are white. Also, I want to qualify that these girls were average/above average and not 'really attractive' (at least in my opinion).

 

[orion222]

Nah, the large majority of those girls were white, upper-middle class American girls.

LOL! Oh Pry thought you were in the same boat and it's the one's he wants but can't have that have the hots for you, ironic as fuck! But yeah flirt with the chicks you want and approach them don't wait around. Then, go talk to other cute girls in class and watch their eyes follow you and lust after you more. Then, after they have given you IOI's, innocently ask them to join you for lunch at the school cafeteria and start gaming them there. No group settings, isolate and try to escalate but i'll be honest, classroom game is hit or miss so you have to be sure she likes you in order to move forward. Better off approaching in the library or in school events so you can fuck up as you please without the awkwardness of having to see these chicks again. Check out my "Tips and Tricks" thread, plenty of aloof/asshole game articles I linked there. Be warned though, Heartiste and McQueen's advice is not like Chase's, more extreme, darker, grittier but alas brutally real. I already had to debate this matter on my thread, I hope not have this problem with you, hopefully.

Thanks, I will definitely look into that.

Also, my biggest strategy for next year is joining a fraternity. I think I will have a lot more success with girls if I do. What do you think?

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

ya that caught me off guard, I don't know of too many guys that do well with attractive upper middle class white girls unless they have high status (college athlete or male model)

Oh Pry, are you white? If you aren't, that may be why you are having some difficulty.

I am a white, upper-middle class college student. 70% of the students are white. Also, I want to qualify that these girls were average/above average and not 'really attractive' (at least in my opinion).

No, I am brown, the race these girls stereotype as unattractive. I have a huge victim's mentality concerning this and will post about it in the future, I know what's causing it and everything but as I said, white american girls that are attractive have been the only demographic I have not been able to have success with.

 

[orion222]

No, I am brown, the race these girls stereotype as unattractive. I have a huge victim's mentality concerning this and will post about it in the future, I know what's causing it and everything but as I said, white american girls that are attractive have been the only demographic I have not been able to have success with.

The problem is probably your race above all else. I really empathize with you, but I'm guilty of it too. I would only date a white girl or maybe Hispanic... maybe.

Do you not find Middle-Eastern girls attractive?

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

No, I am brown, the race these girls stereotype as unattractive. I have a huge victim's mentality concerning this and will post about it in the future, I know what's causing it and everything but as I said, white american girls that are attractive have been the only demographic I have not been able to have success with.

The problem is probably your race above all else. I really empathize with you, but I'm guilty of it too. I would only date a white girl or maybe Hispanic... maybe.

Do you not find Middle-Eastern girls attractive?

Ya I know. I do find other races attractive but I do have a desire to date attractive girls that are white and american so its not like I am interested in other races at the moment or else I would not even be here. For some reason young white american girls (or girls from any anglo country such as canada, australia, or the UK) are the only ones who will disqualify a quality guy for his race alone even though they like to deny it.

 

[Eternity]

Thanks, I will definitely look into that.

Also, my biggest strategy for next year is joining a fraternity. I think I will have a lot more success with girls if I do. What do you think?

I went to community college for two years so i never knew what the "real" college experience with Frats was like. But if i was you, hell yeah! You get the invite into better parties and more direct access to hot/slutty sorority girls. Fuck. You lucky rich white boys lol. Talk to my boy Anatman from this forum, he's in a Frat and had plenty of success with girls at his school as you can tell from his L.R's. PM him, tell him i sent you and ask him some questions about it, he hasn't been active here though in the last month but doesn't hurt to try. You possess everything Oh Pry wants, do not waste what other wish they had LOL!

 

[Indian Race Troll (IRT)]

I do feel like being in a frat would have made my college experience 10 times better when it comes to girls. Went into college thinking game and other fundamentals matter more than all but college is the time when girls are the most shallow since they are constantly on watch from their social circles and cannot be near certain guys. Four most miserable years of my life socially.

 

[Eternity]

No, I am brown, the race these girls stereotype as unattractive. I have a huge victim's mentality concerning this and will post about it in the future, I know what's causing it and everything but as I said, white american girls that are attractive have been the only demographic I have not been able to have success with.

Somewhere a thousand brown men wept in unison... LOL!!!
I'm brown too (Hispanic) and short. But sadly I cannot relate to this. Probably because I really do not care as you should too. I mean, let's be real white girls are a "prize" to foreign races, we want to have them but some will like us, others will not even look at us (racism). What do we do? Bang as many willing that you can (cute-hot, no land whales). Maybe for you find one and marry her (no racist parents hopefully). Pretty much what you can only do, these girls are not suddenly going to change their mindsets. Accept it or cry about it for a couple decades only to end up with a fat white chick because of a lack of experience/game. Or bang some foreign chicks and have some fun on the side, your fate lies in your hands man. Man up or let the world pass you by (that shit hurts bro, I'm seeing this right now with my own eyes). Me, if I ever marry (doubt it) it will be with a half and half. Half white, half Hispanic, preferably Cuban or with Spanish blood. I like my girls with light skin and colored eyes (sigh).