Rejection, mental health and life priorities

[Major Lance]

Hello people!

Yesterday i got some great advice for a specific situation with a girl. But i think that is just a symptom of a deeper problem i have.
Now, i know this is a seduction, not a therapy forum (this could be a case for a therapist or maybe a life coach, but i don't have enough money at the moment for that), so maybe somebody can give me some valuable life advice.

MY BACKGROUND:

I'm 33. I live in a small Central European country.
I work a regular job mostly during summer (tourist season) and the rest of the year i'm unemployed. I started working recently, which is good (i'm not broke but now i have a steady paycheck.)
I do stand-up comedy as a hobby and learn German to improve my skills and get a job in customer service or hospitality industry.

I slept with 4 girls during my 20's (after college) and had a lot of fuck ups and missed opportunities, like most guys do.
During my 20's i was very lost and insecure. Never been in a serious long term relationship.
I still have some insecurities and anxiety but i just care less what people think of me now.

I haven't had sex in 4 years. I did have opportunities with some women. I tried a couple of times to have sex with women that i wasn't really attracted to but that ended as a disaster.

Because i haven't had sex for so long + my oscillating self esteem i think i developed a kind of a desperate vibe which women sniff very easily.
It's a catch 22: I don't attract women i want because i appear insecure and shy. And the longer it goes on the more i'm hesitant with women, the more every rejection stings and bruises my ego and makes it even less likely that i'm gonna have sex with them. Basically, the loser effect.

HEALTH

I live with a chronic back pain. I have trigger points that i can't get rid of so i have to do a deep tissue massage regularly. It does affect my overall wellbeing.

LOCATION

Most of the people my age are already paired up/married/have kids. So that leaves me with college students and single moms.
I live in a city with a population of 129 000 people. It is not the biggest city and i see familiar faces most of the time. Relocating to a bigger city is the obvious choice but i like living here (have my own apartment) and i can't do these soul crushing low-wage jobs just to live in a bigger city.

Bars are not really my thing, i don't get out much anymore. I guess there are social activity classes i could take, like salsa lessons. Cold approaching may be an option but i think if i do that regularly i'm gonna end up bumping into a lot of familiar women who rejected me (which doesn't affect me logically but emotionally.)

Honestly, at this point i have been single for so long (which i am ok with), but every rejection takes a chunk out of me and makes me even more hesitant with women. Probably because i have not been rejected enough times in my life and i still have too much of an ego and not enough thick skin. Rejection is a part of life, but i don't think at this stage more rejection from women is gonna help me and make me tougher.

Should i just put on hold the whole sex and dating thing and seek professional help? Relax and focus on my mental health and life goals: hobbies, developing skills, making steady income until at some point i get to a more relaxed, happier place in my life? Of course, there are no guarantees in life even for that.

I know this is a defeatist attitude. I don't hate women and i don't blame them for anything, let alone for my problems.
I'm just unhappy being without sex and exhausted with getting nowhere with girls.
I guess that should be the title of this post "Me being a little bitch because i'm not getting any punani."

I'm just looking for an outside perspective and any comment/advice is appreciated.

 

[LemurKing]

Sorry to here this. I wish I could help you but I'm in just as bad a situation as you. It's so hard Game when every little thing brings you down.

What I'm doing now is therapy, anti depressnts, and approaching Game slowly and methodically while getting a few other areas of my life together.

 

[Starboy]

I can relate to a lot of what you say brother. I don't have any easy solutions as I feel the same way when it comes to the lack of female prescence. Just know you're not alone and there are other brothers in the same position struggling,but hopeful they can come out of it.

While your city is small I don't think that means you can't cold approach. Guys have daygamed in small cities as well.
It really won't matter if you bump into the same woman as ling as you're not too aggressive in your approaches and you keep trying to plow if you get rejected. I worry about this too and I live in a big city,but it's not something you should concern yourself with too much.

If you say that you haven't experienced much rejection in your life than I don't see how it will hurt you further. After a certain threshold of trying and failing with women you might feel discouraged and you need to reevaluate your motivations,but until you reach that point I wouldn't actively try to avoid it.

Obviously having stable mental health is neccesary and if you feel that you're lacking in that regard you should handle that. If you can add positive qualities to your life that will make getting women easier than if you are depressed and unhappy in general.

 

[LemurKing]

So far, fallowing the 14 day challenge has helped me. Just put all my faith in the process is what I'm doing. After that, I intend to buy something with more structured assignments to keep my process going