Rejection Therapy journal

[ZenRising]

Thanks man.... yes.. this:

if you were to have approached the hot blonde after her witnessing you chatting the unattractive one, I guarantee she would have been receptive. S

There are a million different reasons I can tell myself not to approach... in this case, 'she saw me chatting up the other one, so she'll think I'm a sleaze if I approach her too...'... so many BS excuses, and I need to work on not listening to them

 

[gameboy]

There are a million different reasons I can tell myself not to approach... in this case, 'she saw me chatting up the other one, so she'll think I'm a sleaze if I approach her too...'... so many BS excuses, and I need to work on not listening to them

Same here! I come up with excuses way too often.

 

[ZenRising]

Hi there peeps,

Well, my sort-of-ex/object of infatuation messaged and suggested meeting up.. I’m embarassed to admit I slipped straight into ‘she’s changed her mind’ fantasies… I went and met her, of course, but it turns out she was just been human and social and wanting to stay in touch with someone she cares about… so today I’ve been back with the feelings of loss and grief… I know it will pass in a couple of days…

I forced myself to go out to a bar last night and made a couple of approaches… they were the least enthusiastic approaches I think I’ve ever made - I was soooo not feeling it… ironically, probably because I was in a state of near-depression, my low-energy state pronbably seemed like ‘dead calm’ to the women I spoke to, and one of them starting working hard to keep my attention… proud that I at least got out and made an effort though…

Here’s hoping you all had a better weekend than me!

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Hi there peeps,

Well, my sort-of-ex/object of infatuation messaged and suggested meeting up.. I’m embarassed to admit I slipped straight into ‘she’s changed her mind’ fantasies… I went and met her, of course, but it turns out she was just been human and social and wanting to stay in touch with someone she cares about… so today I’ve been back with the feelings of loss and grief… I know it will pass in a couple of days…

I forced myself to go out to a bar last night and made a couple of approaches… they were the least enthusiastic approaches I think I’ve ever made - I was soooo not feeling it… ironically, probably because I was in a state of near-depression, my low-energy state pronbably seemed like ‘dead calm’ to the women I spoke to, and one of them starting working hard to keep my attention… proud that I at least got out and made an effort though…

Here’s hoping you all had a better weekend than me!

Props brother. Something similar happened to me with limerance girl. She reached out when it would have easy for her not to, and so I am filling it all in with fantasies about her changing her mind. We are so alike in that regard.

Good for you for getting out! I'll bet you are 100 percent correct that your lack of affect got that girl chasing.

I have a bandage on my face that was making me self-conscious, but I should have used it as a prop, a conversation starter. I want to get good at this and it ain't easy. In fact, it appears harder as you get older. Bad habits need to be unlearned.

 

[ZenRising]

Hi there peeps,

I've done a bunch of approaches in cafes over the past few days, and got a couple of numbers and IG contacts, but AA has been a major challenge with street approaches... I'm determined to push past this, but having failed a bunch of times to overcome it I decided to go back to doing a few random compliments in the street yesterday and today, just to keep myself in the practice of actually approaching women... needless to say, all but one (I'd say I've done about 8 or 10 over the past few days) have been really well-received... One woman just gave me a dirty look and walked past me, but hey, that's her prerogative and for all I know she just found out her cat died (or worse)..

Fear is a strange beast... I know that I am absolutely capable of 'daygame' (though I have to admit I hate the actual term 'daygame').... as I've done it before... and successfully.... albeit many years ago.. the only thing that's changed is time... I'm older now, and I really have to get past the 'I'm too old' voice that screams at me... Just sharing this here, again, to keep myself accountable to myself... I know what the block is, and I know what I need to do...

Thanks,
Luke

 

[ZenRising]

Hi there folks,

Been incoomunicado for a couple of weeks because I had to fly back home and take care of my increasingly frail father... it was good to have some time together, but it's challenging to see someone you love getting closer to the end... it doesn't help that he still smokes about a pound of weed every day, of course..

Anyway, been trying to get back out there the last couple of days and approach anxiety has, again been messing me up. I did manage three approaches over the past two days, but I couldn't seem to get the nerve up to go all in by being overt in my intentions.. so basically I approached three different women in the street and started conversations with them, but no request for numbers, no opening with a romantically-inflected complement... I know I just need to get back to it tomorrow, and the day after... and and...

I've also been reflecting on the really ballsy approaches I used to do when I was younger, and asking myself how do I get that brazenness back... it made me realise that, while all the 'alpha male PUA' stuff was, in many ways, bullshit, it did have a value in that it made me cultivate the inner aggression to spring into 'fight' when I found myself in that 'fight or flight' moment just before an approach.. (to be clear, I'm talking purely about the 'inner game' her - not behaving aggresively towards others). I think I need to work on pulling some of those inner resources to the surface again... AA is a bitch, and I want to break through it more consistently...

THanks,
Lucas

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

It's been bothering me too. I can't summon the energy for approaching lately. Glad to know I'm not alone.

 

[ZenRising]

Indeed... it can be hard to force it if you're just not feeling it.. that said, I also know it's a mistake to let myself drift out of practice, as what progress I've made can be lost..

ANyhoo... I'm slowly recovering a rhythm... I just made one approach today, down at the beach. It was an interesting one - two American girls, one very cute and the other, well, she seemed like she had a nice personality... ahum... anyway, the cute one was doing all the talking but was clearly a bit unsure or reticent about the whole interaction. At one point she just came out and asked 'what's going on here?', to which I responded 'an incredibly sweet and lovely man is talking to you'... she said 'hmmmm' and raised her eyebrow... anyway, after about 10 minutes I suggested we trade contact details, but she declined to give me her number... which is entirely ok, of course... I'm glad I made the approach though... feels like I'm shaking off those cobwebs after my little hiatu looking afgter my father...

 

[gameboy]

At least you made an approach, and it hooked! Well done!

 

[ZenRising]

Well, today went a bit better... two approaches.. the first was in a cafe, and turns out she was married with kids, but after we chatted for a while she said 'you seem interesing - I organise parties sometimes, give me your number and I'll invite you. I gave her the digits thinking 'sure you will, but what's the harm'... but 20 minutes later, sure enough a message pops us, and she's asking me if it's cool to add me to a group chat about a bash she's organising in a few weeks... who know where or to who that might lead... Second was at a piano recital thing I went to this evening. Got chatting to a woman who was not super-attractive, but interesting enough.. anyway, we traded numbers and agreed to get coffee.... not a spectacular day in terms of meeting amazing women, but feels pretty positive nonetheless

 

[Casanova Newhouse]

Love that you got put on the group chat. It's these serendipitous encounters that open doors. Makes sense if you think about it. Your usual friends and acquaintances all know the same people - so they are not bringing new and exciting people into your circle

It takes an outreach to a (former) stranger to make that happen, and opens up all kinds of possibilities. Let us know how it goes.

 

[AspiringStoic]

Wow this is a great concept and journal. I was not aware of this thing of seeking out rejection. Yes, I had come across the overcoming rejection bits in pickup but never knew about this thing called the Rejection Game and Rejection Therapy. My therapist mentioned it recently and I just searched some keyowords on this site and this journal popped up.

I love this. My therapist told me think about how you would change if "you asked a girl out everyday and she said no". Meaning you went an entire year with getting one rejection everyday. Would you be the same guy you are today?

I have been pondering that now since a few days and wow seriously I can see how this can completely transform a person. I very much want to try this out. I was trying to do as many opens as possible to try to overcome my AA. Its been going well but just to take it up a notch and change things up my therapist recommended I check out this rejection game concept. And if I could think about getting one proper rejection a day rather than talking to more people.

The idea scares me. But I know that behind fear there is massive growth.

Its a shame that this journal has not been updated. I wonder how the OP is doing now.

 

[gameboy]

Wow this is a great concept and journal. I was not aware of this thing of seeking out rejection. Yes, I had come across the overcoming rejection bits in pickup but never knew about this thing called the Rejection Game and Rejection Therapy.

Yes, I think so too. I once read about an exercise somewhere to aim for the first rejection once you go out of the house for the first time each day. The guy even went so far as to recommend that if the girl accepts whatever you ask for, you have to open another girl until you get rejected.

I keep having to remember this approach because I keep forgetting it. Just aim for a rejection! And you might be positively surprised.

Meaning you went an entire year with getting one rejection everyday. Would you be the same guy you are today?

That might be taking it a bit far. Wouldn't it kill your self esteem if you only get rejected, for a year?

I assume that if you put yourself out there and ask for something reasonable like a phone number or a date, some girls are going to say yes eventually. At least if you're not completely autistic and refine your process while approaching.

Its a shame that this journal has not been updated. I wonder how the OP is doing now.

Shout out to @ZenRising, how are you doing mate?

 

[AspiringStoic]

That might be taking it a bit far. Wouldn't it kill your self esteem if you only get rejected, for a year?

I assume that if you put yourself out there and ask for something reasonable like a phone number or a date, some girls are going to say yes eventually. At least if you're not completely autistic and refine your process while approaching.

I have no idea actually. Only way to find out would be to do it haha.

But nope, what he was getting at was what you said, you will be surprised by how many yeses you might get and he was also getting at the point that if it happens everyday. Meaning you face that feared stimulus so often, it stops holding so much power over you. You don't take it so seriously. We fear a girl's rejection because we attach a lot of value to her reaction to us, if we don't attach that value to their approval then it won't hold such power over us.

But anyways I have not really experienced it so cannot speak from experience. But I would love to get to a point where if I see an attractive woman, I just go and talk to her because I know that whatever happens she cannot make me feel bad and that I am in control of my emotions, not her.

I came across this video recently. He makes himself look unattractive on purpose and talks to hot women just as an experiment. That is some great level of detachment there. Would love to get to a stage where I give this less of a fuck.