Relationship Advice

[Anonymous]

For a while, this girl and I were talking. I liked her and we started hanging out and I planned to ask her out. She admitted to a mutual friend that she liked me and soon after I did ask her out. The first date went really well and she asked for a second before it ended. We shared a hug but before I could go in for a kiss she pulled away and went inside. We planned the next date for the following Friday and I picked her up that Friday evening. This date went differently. She acted a little closed off and we didn’t connect nearly as well as we did on the first date. I dropped her off early and after that she was even more standoffish. After about a week or two of seeing her among friends and things being completely awkward between us I pulled her aside. She said she just wanted to be friends and yada yada. I was disappointed but I essentially wrote her off. I was extremely busy at the time with school, work, and student organizations at the time anyway. Because of that, I really wasn’t able to put the time in which probably contributed to the issue.
Over the summer I met another girl and we became an item. Shortly after we got together she went back to school out of state. She doesn’t drive and goes to a military school so I will see her a significantly limited number of times over the next two years. It’s been about four months since we started dating and I am going to break it off with her soon for unrelated reasons. Over the last few weeks things between myself and the first girl have gotten really flirty and slightly physical. We’ve touched, held hands, both laid next to each other on the couch while watching a movie, etc. We see each other often during college as we have the same circle of friends but is usually in a group of friends.
I’m trying to decide what the best way to proceed. I asked her if she wanted to grab lunch on Thursday. We used to grab lunch about once a week when we first started talking but that ceased whenever she broke things off. This will be the first time we’ve gotten lunch alone together since. When I texted her about lunch she immediately said yes and then asked if there was anything I wanted to talk about probably due to the physical nature of things over the last few weeks. I initially sidestepped the question as she had also asked me something else in the same text. Then I answered it later but made up a BS answer. Should I tell her I may want to talk about this over lunch?
She doesn’t know I plan on breaking up with my current girlfriend. I’m trying to decide the best way to approach this. Could I use this to my advantage or mention that I’m contemplating a breakup to see what she says? What’s the best way to approach this to start a relationship with her? All responses appreciated!

 

[Drck]

You got to setup a frame and stick to it no matter what she does. The frame is (as always) pushing for sex until you get it, or until she runs away. If you push too fast she will fall in auto-rejection. If you push too slow her attraction will disappear. So the game is to find the right speed.

The first date you tried to get more physical, she pulled away. But she was interested, and she went for second date. She wasn't ready for physical advances, she pushed you to the friend zone. Ok, whatever, but the real good thing is, that you've already setup your frame: Get physical fast.

Then you date the second girl, blah blah. The first girl, however, started to change her mind. Now she is becoming more used to the idea that both of you can be physical. She flirts, she touches, she is getting comfortable laying next to you. All good, your frame is working. So stick to it.

So basically, you have to keep your frame. Keep getting more and more physical with her, keep pushing for sex. Keep pushing limits till she stops you. Then try again. Most likely you don't get quick results (but don't be surprised if you do) as she is taking it slowly. Do not chase, she may need more time, and sometimes it is good to let things cool off... So you'll need patience.

You don't want to "talk" too much about the other girl, you don't want to explain too much, you don't want to be too reasonable, you don't want to be too logical about it. Just hint, say minimum. Focus on emotions instead. Try to generate positive emotions, excitement, pleasure while with her. This way she will associate you with good feelings (and not boring logic or reason, those kill the attraction).

I wouldn't ask her for her opinion about the other girl. If you think you should tell and explain her say 100%, tell her only 20%. She will figure the rest on her own.

For example, you don't say anything but she will ask about her. I would say something like: "It is not working out (even better: it wasn't working out), she is busy with her school, and I am looking for more attractive relationship anyway". You don't want to make things seem complicated and difficult with the other girl, no drama. Just simple attitude: She is gone and drifting away, who cares, shrug your shoulders. Don't try to make the other girl look bad. She is great, exciting and attractive, really good person - but it just doesn't work out with her. As a matter of fact, you already haven't seen her for long time. Then try to make this girl feel that you want her much more than the other girl...

Hope it helps