Relationship becoming stale ?

[johnydones]

I found myself in a relationship with this great girl , around 3 months since we got together. For the first time, i wanted to make this a proper relationship and i ditched all other girls i was seeing.
We were both at this festival 2 months ago and spent like a week together , and since then we have been seeing each other every day. Don't get me wrong , i enjoy every minute i spend with her , and i feel like she does too.
For the last 1-2 weeks i am noticing that both of us are becoming a bit bored , even though we are not admitting it. Up until now we were having sex almost every day and now its every 2-3 days (still good but feels a bit forced , like we are used to it , a routine , which is a major turn off for both of us)
I reckon this started happening when i broke up with this other girl i was seeing , maybe it was a mistake but i could not lie to both of them anymore, it was extremely stressful for me.

Is it normal that after a certain period of time in monogamous relationship things slow down a bit, or we just burned out in these 2 months so much ?

I hate playing games, especially since i love spending time with her, but do you think i should become a bit scarce in the next week or two , or just limit seeing each other every 2-3 days ?
The best cure would be seeing other women, but i want to try this for the first time in my life.

Please tell me what you think , any other advice is welcome

-JD

 

[Franco]

JD,

Is it normal that after a certain period of time in monogamous relationship things slow down a bit, or we just burned out in these 2 months so much ?

It sounds to me like you're probably spending too much time with her. Even when I feel like starting a relationship with a girl, I try to limit the amount of times I see her per week to two. Occasionally I might see her three days out of the week, but it's almost never more than that. At that point, you are kind of just biding each others' time without really accomplishing anything. When this happens, both the guy and the girl tend to get bored really quickly, and the girl might even begin to wonder if you have anything else better to do at that point (depending on whether or not you're being laid back or trying to "create" things to do out of thin air).

Personally, I find myself much more excited to see my girlfriend after it's been 4 or 5 days without seeing her -- the sex is usually much better, and we have a whole week of things to talk about. I also find that if my girl stays over for more than 3 days, I tend to get rather bored and find myself having to find ways to entertain us. At that point, it just seems like you're trying to fill time rather than enjoying it.

I hate playing games, especially since i love spending time with her, but do you think i should become a bit scarce in the next week or two , or just limit seeing each other every 2-3 days ?
The best cure would be seeing other women, but i want to try this for the first time in my life.

Well, this is pretty tricky now. You've set the expectation that you like to see each other almost every single day, so attempting to explain to her that you want to scale it back may not always go well (and she might start to assume that you don't desire her anymore, which may lead to some drama). If she's getting bored as well, she might be open to this idea, but it doesn't necessarily bode well for her overall opinion of you that she has to see you less to like you.

If you're taking good care of her though and the sex seems great, then it may not be too much of an issue. As it's going now, it sounds like you'll have to communicate something to her or the relationship will start heading downhill anyway. I would just have a very direct and honest talk with her about it, and let her know that it would probably be best if you guys saw each other a little bit less each week so that things don't get boring. You can also mention that you have other things that you've been meaning to work on that haven't been getting done, and it's probably healthy for the both of you to do other things as well.

How she'll take it depends on her personality, but if you've been doing things correctly, hopefully it shouldn't be too much of an issue.

- Franco

 

[johnydones]

Thanks for another great answer Franco,

I understand now , and i talked to her , i asked "do you enjoy the fact that we spend so much time together?" , and she said yes, and i think she does enjoy it like me. I really did start working more these days and although we still see each other often (she works near my place) i do not spend as much time with her , and she understands that i have to work.
The worst thing for me was the fact that i was trippin that i have to make things up but now that im really busy its natural to see her less and she doesnt mind.