Long-Term Relationships fundamentals 101- Part 1 How to enter into a serious relationship properly

[Skills]

So guys every other month you see variations of post like this, or like this, or like this

I personally have tried different relationships set up with what you guys consider wife material ( 20s, 8s plus, low lay count, traditional values, eastern european, christians and the rest), to open, to living together, cheating look the other way European style etc... So if you see the first link, the dww makes the point, "hey i am getting laid" in before "get more women", but this is flawed thinking....

This is another example of the fallacy of seduction success... A dude that is good at getting laid does not mean he is good at relationships.... There are 2 different skills sets, you can have guys that can go out and get laid a lot, but not be able to retain or even see a second time the same girl they laid.... You have guys that don't get laid a lot, but join the seduction forums and the community and as soon as they start getting some success get a girl and leave the community(you see them popping in the forum every 3 to 5 years, the post is "i just got out a relationship back in the field" . It saddens me that usually you have one good at one thing or the other, you need to be able to be good at BOTH. I am good at BOTH. So this post will serve as a way for you at least to get an understanding on how to go into any relationship (does not matter your goal) when you want to make the girl a main, ltr, queen,mother of your kids or whatever you call it...

I already have a ultimate guide for getting and keeping a girlfriend that i had the rld write for me couple of years back, it is really good... But unfortunately, onitis is not a rational process is an emotional one... Let me explain, you can know any guide, and write down what you want and you don't want.... But once you catch onitis you will throw your laundry list out the window.... Let me give you an example lets say you have a laundry list and you know by heart the guide i just linked... You go to a club and meet Amber Heard and you catch onitis, GAME OVER!... But skills i am different, nah onitis is a bitch, when i refer to onitis i don't refer to the traditional community onitis but catching feelings. However, there is a way around this is to be so discipline and stoic that you are able to suffer through the onitis but never force things and be able to let go if she does not comply with your frame and your goals.


One more point as you can please see the "lover vs provider" article and video (this is me taking an old tva_oslo, teevester,alek rolstand from chase post that does not even exist but is super important, cause you guys need to understand the LOVER PROVIDER dynamic, though is theoretical in nature, meant to be theory.... I have field tested and I am telling you is a huge difference going into a relationship as a lover and then FLIP TO BOYFRIEND, after following the steps i recommend.... There is an advance thing that i do as i got better at relationship were i flip the lover provider for women to be the provider and i the lover (but it is a really difficult advance skillset), here is from the article:

"or if we do want to enter a relationship with that girl, we do not want to commit on a false premise – her being a pure Madonna. A quick word of advice is to never ever enter a relationship on her terms – as you don’t want to exchange sex for anything else than sex. Keep in mind that you can easily start relationships with women by being perceived as a sex provider – these relationships will be of better quality and last longer."

So now lets go through the steps( again does not matter if looking for wife, mother of kids, main, ltr:

Step 1:

-you are dating and sleeping with multiple women.

Troubleshooting this step.- If you get onitis, you will be tempted or sold by that girl to dump the girls right away (this is a major mistake even though every cell in your body is telling to do so, NEVER DO THIS TILL YOU HAVE GONE THROUGH THE STEPS), some guys like bd/tuburao and the poly guys have some type of speech, the thing is i found better just to play "changing the subject" "confuse card" "playing stupid" angle or no talking about the subject a bit better when it comes to future potential mono/cheating ltr/wife/fiancee..... If your thing is open then yeah some type of "the talk" that he uses or "subcommunications" without the talk works as well...

Step 2:

- one stands out, you catch feelings or is harder to lock in even as seducer you may get a mild onitis, but you are able to navigate and deal with this properly. (In my experience this happens every 3 years after break up or 5 years, but sometimes a luck factor/older age and more experience, you may get it a year after break up)

Step 3:

- hopefully that special girl now gets invested (usually after 3 to 5 fucks, minimum 3)

Step 4

- as she gets invested little by little you start dropping some girls cause she is indirectly asking to be main, you have vetted her properly and you see this can work.

troubleshooting.- this phenomenon happens and this is why you do it....

Step 5

- after 3 to 6 months you have enough intelligence and screening and you. Make her main or ltr.

Troubleshooting this step.- You need to know everything she has done in the past with exes, sexual history etc... The only way to be able to do this is to understand the secret society of sex(again here is the post and video), and have and express and sell NON JUDGEMENT, this you need to do GRADUALLY, SMOOTHLY AND SKILLFULL, beyond the scope of the post.... The moment that your micro expressions, speech and voice tone changes, or anything in the subcommunication betrays no judgment you FUCKED UP the WHOLE PROCESS, she will sell you what you want to hear and you will not know trust me women are the best players..... (this is one of the reasons i bumped heads with vision and chase in the past). The goal here is to look for a history of cheating, if she cheated in the past she will cheat in the future.

Step 6

- she indirectly pushes for moving in, engagement marriage, kids and the rest. (a few girls do it directly but mainly this will be done indirectly if you have done shit right)....

Troubleshooting.-

Why you need to wait for HER TO PUSH COMMITTMENT... Evolutionary speaking apha men are design to spread the seeds and be FREE, women evolutionary are designed to look for the best candidate for her offspring (her biological goal is CONTAINMENT).... The minute you ask for commitment as a man "would you be my girl" "i want you to be my girl" "i want you to stop dating and be mine" and any other variation of the quotes DIRECTLY OR INDERECTLY, you are Automatically in NEEDINESS MODE, and you are way more invested in her that she is in you, YOUR LEVERAGE IS OVER /GONE, and WORST YOU ARE TAKING A FEMENINE ROLE, which is unattractive. Yeah can work, but this is my HIGHER ODDS GAME, you need to be patient, whoever ask first lost.... But lets say i am wrong and she agrees with your "be my girl" crap, now she is feeling in her psyche tons of pressure, and she is now over screening if you are the best dude she can get, and doubting.... Which is why women cancel or don't show up to weddings....

 

[Fuck This]

I'll speak to my perspective...

My LTR became the "One to beat". I had a check list of Red Flags that were Deal Breakers.

Then I asked myself questions about her :

Is she available to commit to a relationship with me?



Do I love her for who she is right now, who she is today?



Does she blame her ex, kids, other people, or circumstances for her life situation?



Is this what I really want?



Am I afraid to be alone?



Does she talk too much (especially about herself) and tend to monopolize the conversation?



Does she appear to be poor listener?



Do I find myself wanting to “help” or rescue this divorced or divorcing woman because I see her potential?



Is she emotionally distant?



What kind of effort does she make to really connect?



Does she walk her talk? Does what she says about herself appear to match reality?



What am I most attracted to about her?



Do I find myself focusing on one important quality (sex, fun, humor, money, etc), while ignoring unmet relationship requirements?



Do we share values?



Is she pessimistic or negative about things that matter to me?



Does she appear to still be pining for her ex or another past relationship?



What do this woman and I have in common?



What are the glaring differences between me and my partner?



Am I avoiding looking at the differences, because of the important things that we have in common?



Does she appear to accept feedback, take responsibility, and be willing to self-examine?



Is she honest in dealing with people, money, etc?



Does she appear to lack integrity?



Am I trying to change this woman to fit what I want, instead of accepting her for who she is?



Does it feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster, and that there is regular and recurring emotional drama in this relationship?



Does this woman tend to react to frustration with anger, rage and/or blame?



Does she try to control everything (including me)?



Would I want this woman to raise my child?



Is this woman looking to me to make her life better (especially if her life is particularly problematic?)



How is her attitude?



Does she appear to be overly judgmental toward herself or other people?



Does she have an active addition (or addictive disposition)?



If she has an addiction or addictive disposition, does she rationalize it as “not a problem”?



Can I depend on this woman to keep agreements?



Does this woman tend to be immature, impulsive, and/or irresponsible?



Would I want my child to be exactly like my partner?

 

[Skills]

I'll speak to my perspective...

My LTR became the "One to beat". I had a check list of Red Flags that were Deal Breakers.

Then I asked myself questions about her :

Is she available to commit to a relationship with me?



Do I love her for who she is right now, who she is today?



Does she blame her ex, kids, other people, or circumstances for her life situation?



Is this what I really want?



Am I afraid to be alone?



Does she talk too much (especially about herself) and tend to monopolize the conversation?



Does she appear to be poor listener?



Do I find myself wanting to “help” or rescue this divorced or divorcing woman because I see her potential?



Is she emotionally distant?



What kind of effort does she make to really connect?



Does she walk her talk? Does what she says about herself appear to match reality?



What am I most attracted to about her?



Do I find myself focusing on one important quality (sex, fun, humor, money, etc), while ignoring unmet relationship requirements?



Do we share values?



Is she pessimistic or negative about things that matter to me?



Does she appear to still be pining for her ex or another past relationship?



What do this woman and I have in common?



What are the glaring differences between me and my partner?



Am I avoiding looking at the differences, because of the important things that we have in common?



Does she appear to accept feedback, take responsibility, and be willing to self-examine?



Is she honest in dealing with people, money, etc?



Does she appear to lack integrity?



Am I trying to change this woman to fit what I want, instead of accepting her for who she is?



Does it feel like I am on an emotional roller coaster, and that there is regular and recurring emotional drama in this relationship?



Does this woman tend to react to frustration with anger, rage and/or blame?



Does she try to control everything (including me)?



Would I want this woman to raise my child?



Is this woman looking to me to make her life better (especially if her life is particularly problematic?)



How is her attitude?



Does she appear to be overly judgmental toward herself or other people?



Does she have an active addition (or addictive disposition)?



If she has an addiction or addictive disposition, does she rationalize it as “not a problem”?



Can I depend on this woman to keep agreements?



Does this woman tend to be immature, impulsive, and/or irresponsible?



Would I want my child to be exactly like my partner?

What happened in the previous relationships?

did she cheat on them or lie to them?/


this is nowhere in your information gathering. otherwise is a good list for your particular goals...

 

[DoWhatWorks]

Good and important post @Skills

To clarify people's recent messages are less about "retaining relationships" but more about increasing odds of potential relationship types to even screen in the 1st place. TLDR answer is sleep with high numbers and screen/monitor her behavior towards you in a non-judgmental way.

Problem is guys just get lectured about lacking experience hence why the Q pops up again & again.

P.S I've had a 1.5 year monogamous relationship and 3 year open one with good frame I.E they're more heavily invested in me & all hit my criteria before I was active on this forum. As you only know me as recently getting laid a lot guy I think your view of me is skewed...

PSS Very cool how you know RLD - he's legit and I've followed him for a while now. He had an excellent video (that I can't find these days) that went into specific tactics e.g. adding reminders in your phone to roll a dice on different options of nice things to do for your GF/MLTR lol.

 

[Skills]

Good and important post @Skills

To clarify people's recent messages are less about "retaining relationships" but more about increasing odds of potential relationship types to even screen in the 1st place. TLDR answer is sleep with high numbers and screen/monitor her behavior towards you in a non-judgmental way.

Problem is guys just get lectured about lacking experience hence why the Q pops up again & again.

P.S I've had a 1.5 year monogamous relationship and 3 year open one with good frame I.E they're more heavily invested in me & all hit my criteria before I was active on this forum. As you only know me as recently getting laid a lot guy I think your view of me is skewed...

PSS Very cool how you know RLD - he's legit and I've followed him for a while now. He had an excellent video (that I can't find these days) that went into specific tactics e.g. adding reminders in your phone to roll a dice on different options of nice things to do for your GF/MLTR lol.

- the post will help you increase odds too (of course i had that in mind)

-the whole none judgemental think goal is to get her to open up and gain massive intelligence....

- I have never seen anybody lectured about lack of experience, i was just making the point of your disclaimer of "i bang all this girls before you guys tell me bang more girls"

- you had a total of 2 relationships, one mono and one open... Is like a dude saying "skills your view of me is skewed i bang 5 girls from night game, i am a night game guru" analogy...

- RLD for some reason don't want anything to do with pick up or the community, he hid most of his old videos that were gold including the relationships ones...

 

[Fuck This]

Can I depend on this woman to keep agreements?

Does she appear to lack integrity?

Is she available to commit to a relationship with me?

What happened in the previous relationships?

did she cheat on them or lie to them?/


this is nowhere in your information gathering. otherwise is a good list for your particular goals...

The three questions above would broadly cover those questions of fidelity. and what you mentioned would be a NO in those cases...

 

[Will_V]

- you had a total of 2 relationships, one mono and one open... Is like a dude saying "skills your view of me is skewed i bang 5 girls from night game, i am a night game guru" analogy...

Fair point but relationships are often years long, not hours long like a pickup, you can learn new stuff every day, make mistakes and fix them, try things all the time to improve the dynamic. Or you can be an average joe and spend 5 years going nowhere and just being a good enough guy that she's still hanging around hoping things will get better, until they don't. Depends on where a guy is coming from. Numbers are not as great a metric for relationships as for pickup.

 

[Skills]

Fair point but relationships are often years long, not hours long like a pickup, you can learn new stuff every day, make mistakes and fix them, try things all the time to improve the dynamic. Or you can be an average joe and spend 5 years going nowhere and just being a good enough guy that she's still hanging around hoping things will get better, until they don't. Depends on where a guy is coming from. Numbers are not as great a metric for relationships as for pickup.

Yes it is relationship experience years and numbers is importan6, just like everything else 4.5 years in 2 relationships is not enough experience i wish it was...

 

[Skills]

The three questions above would broadly cover those questions of fidelity. and what you mentioned would be a NO in those cases...

No cause she can fake to make you hear what you want to hear or how you want her to be viewed by you.... it is no practical, you need to get her to open up and know everything there is to know, specially i found useful other flings or guy she dated history.

 

[FunGuy]

Awesome post! I agree with everything you wrote I feel like it sets a good tone and frame for relationships. I just have a few questions for things that feel a bit confusing to me.

- On the link you posted

The Ultimate guide to getting and keeping a girlfriend (featuring Revlifestyledesign) - The Skills Method

I’m going to outline the key factors for managing a monogamous relationship for the kind of guys who read this site, alpha males, not some men are from mars, women … Continue Reading →

www.theskillsmethod.com

you have a section that discusses managing expectations like loyalty, sex etc. When and how do you do this? Is it something you do verbally, is it early in the dating process, is it post sex, or is it when you have the talk to become bf/gf? I always thought that doing this early might bring too much boyfriend energy and put you in the provider box.

- I have a problem with retention and I think the problem is communication frequency. How frequently should you be communicating with women your seeing? I've only been using phone for mostly logistics and this includes women I've been seeing for months.

- For pre-exclusivity stages do you have any rules or limitations for how often you should see a women? Once a week etc

- I see a lot of conflicting messages when it comes to treating women differently based on what type of relationship you want. Lets say in the early dating process you like a chick but shes not wifey material but shes super cool to be around and shes hot, would you treat her or do anything differently than you would with a chick you actually see as gf potential? This question is by far the one that I am the most confused about.

- Last question. So in your blog about break up dynamics

Break up dynamics for secret society members (seducers, women, gays) v-blog - The Skills Method

Most break up posts, blogs, videos are mainly accurate but from a normal person view, not from a secret society (specially seducer/player) perspective. What is the difference you may ask? … Continue Reading →

www.theskillsmethod.com

you speak about the stage when she is starting to check-out. I run into those patterns a lot and I have developed a great 6th sense for when she's starting to check out. You said that a lot of techniques like freeze outs etc don't work at this point, so is there anything that can be done when she is starting to hit the check out phase or should you just break up with her? I noticed that during this stage the relationship starts to get weird and toxic really quick.

 

[Skills]

- On the link you posted

The Ultimate guide to getting and keeping a girlfriend (featuring Revlifestyledesign) - The Skills Method

I’m going to outline the key factors for managing a monogamous relationship for the kind of guys who read this site, alpha males, not some men are from mars, women … Continue Reading →

www.theskillsmethod.com

you have a section that discusses managing expectations like loyalty, sex etc. When and how do you do this? Is it something you do verbally, is it early in the dating process, is it post sex, or is it when you have the talk to become bf/gf? I always thought that doing this early might bring too much boyfriend energy and put you in the provider box.

^ as the both of you are getting to know each other this will come out in the 3-6 months period.... I would not do this early again i said as you are dating multiple women that is the time your gathering this intelligence and these things come out of you as well... There is not timing per se other than after 3-5 fucks were she is locked in (usually 3 is enough).... For example women know in my personal expectations i will be clubbing, i do not like to travel, and i do not like to do things out of dread, shame or obligation.... There is no need talk about loyalty (cause this you do in the open up info. gathering as i mention) or about sex (cause dah you will see how often she gives you sex and the signs if she uses sex as power plays etc...)

- I have a problem with retention and I think the problem is communication frequency. How frequently should you be communicating with women your seeing? I've only been using phone for mostly logistics and this includes women I've been seeing for months.

^ i already sound like a broken record how bad this is, and as you can see another "i told you so"..... I usually text all my girls morning With sun emoji (did a post on this), depending on how busy i am or mood, she responds couple of sentences calibrating to her question and a bit of flintiness and then if i do not want to text i leave it there, sometimes 4-5 hours later if i don't hear from main post the original text i would send eye emoji.... total time spend probably less than 2 minutes, but the texting for logistics horrible i said it a million times. If side girls not locked in a bit of banter, if you text for logistic only it will totally cause flakiness i already explain the why in multiple posts.(check texting series). I never had a retention issue, minimum 3 fucks is required, to increase odds (i hate to recommend this use the love bombardment sex technique this alone will help with retention based on guys that have field tested my technique), post first time sex you need to make sure you are following this

- For pre-exclusivity stages do you have any rules or limitations for how often you should see a women? Once a week etc

I personally see side girls once a week(sometimes once every 2 weeks), main or girl i have mild onitis or i think has main potential minimum twice a week...

- I see a lot of conflicting messages when it comes to treating women differently based on what type of relationship you want. Lets say in the early dating process you like a chick but shes not wifey material but shes super cool to be around and shes hot, would you treat her or do anything differently than you would with a chick you actually see as gf potential? This question is by far the one that I am the most confused about.

^ the reason is cause guys are scare that if you hang out outside of the beedroom she is going to get missmessages and think you want her to be your girlfriend blah blah.... The thing is that the key is to have the right % you can not be 100% player/lover with most girls, you need to give them a little hope to believe there is that remote possibility so 70% lover 30% provider/remote bf possibility in my opinion works well, the % are not important the point you don't want to be 100% playerish if you want keep seeing them.... (side not i was discussing how after 3 fucks i am usually kind of bored of most girls anyways)

you speak about the stage when she is starting to check-out. I run into those patterns a lot and I have developed a great 6th sense for when she's starting to check out. You said that a lot of techniques like freeze outs etc don't work at this point, so is there anything that can be done when she is starting to hit the check out phase or should you just break up with her? I noticed that during this stage the relationship starts to get weird and toxic really quick.

^ this is the worst most stressful part of the relationship starting to check out has to be solved fast, maybe a talk on what i going on what is really bothering her and see if this is something you are willing to live with long term, for example if a girl is getting weird and is getting to her me going clubbing, this is something i can not compromise or address long term, in my case i am out! if is something like she want sex instead of twice a week to 3 times, this is something i can work on and find solution long term (give you examples of issues i had).... Checked out is already too late she already reached breaking point, she becomes more masculine is like you are dealing with a dude, she is nitpicking, passive aggressive comments, fucking with you, disrespects at times, things that never bother her about you now bother her, she is pretty much kind of disgusted by you.... At this point most guys try to be NICE, and COMPLY with every past demand or problem she had in the past.... This makes her more DISGUSTED, she knows that you are just PEDESTALIZING, at this point only thing that works is to ignore and have your foot more at the door, or radio silence or break up.... Here is too late...

 

[Skills]

Made a video related to this post:

 

[Fuck This]

7 Stages of Relationships​

The seven stages of relationship development are a challenging yet necessary part of life. There’s passionate love, discovery, commitment, power struggles, stability and growth, romantic love, and finally — crisis and recovery. In order to foster a better relationship, it helps to be able to identify your current stage, understand why its importance, and know what you must do to break through to the next level. Let’s look at the seven stages in detail.
Stage 1: Passionate Love
This is what most people think when they imagine young or destined love. Birds are chirping, the glass is half full, and the “love” chemicals (dopamine and phenylethalymine) have engorged the neural pathways of the brain, making you feel happy, invincible, and on top of the world. This stage often begins on the first date, and ends the day you see the person for who they really are (good or bad). To move past this honeymoon stage, don’t allow the “high” to cloud your judgment about the person you’re dating (i.e. an incompatible partner). Most broken hearts stemming from this stage belong to lovers who failed to see the writing on the wall.
Stage 2: Discovery
Under certain circumstances, such as when you’ve found your compatible soulmate, discovery can be a wonderful experience, but more than likely it will be a time of discouragement. As relationships wear on, the love chemicals in the brain begin to dry up along with our perfect perceptions of the person we’re with. The person we once thought was flawless is actually human, complete with strange quirks, bad habits, and differing view points. The key to getting past this stage is discovering what it is you truly need from your partner, while learning to let go of all the little nit picky things that don’t matter.
Stage 3: Commitment
We emerge from discovery with a new understanding of our partner. This stage offers security and confidence that we’re with the right person, and we settle down into a committed relationship. Commitment is a wonderful change from the jealousy and/or uncertainty of stages 1 and 2, but we now have a new enemy — monotony and boredom. Many couples become so relaxed, they forget to maintain their relationship with a dose of romance and surprise. The most effective way to push through this stage is to learn how to communicate effectively.
Stage 4: Power Struggles
Occasionally, a power struggle can occur before making a commitment. To secure a meaningful outcome, each partner must exhibit a certain level of ownership to their relationship. In stage three we were working on our partnership, and in stage four, we’re rediscovering our individuality and ability to control the relationship. Perhaps you’ve been fishing because your partner enjoys it, but now you’d like them to do some of the things you enjoy. Perhaps they want the kitchen to be blue, but you’d much prefer red. The key to working through these types of arguments is to recognize and respect individuality, and the best way to do this is by compromise.
Stage 5: Growth & Stability
The fifth stage consists of an intimacy growth spurt, coupled with a sense of renewed stability. They say that shared trauma can bring star-crossed lovers together, and in stage five, the relationship that was once in turmoil, has now become reconnected by the common goal of helping each other grow both as individuals and partners. It’s here we learn some of the ways we have sabotaged relationships in the past, and now we learn to change those behaviors. This is a stage you can enjoy working through at your leisure, but be careful not to fall victim to resentment which can occur when we overly compromise to meet the needs/dreams of a partner, without communicating our own expectations.
Stage 6: Romantic Love
If you thought that young love was wonderful, wait until you’ve experienced mature love. Couples who have been together long enough to work though the first five stages of a relationship know the difference between passionate and romantic love. Passionate love is built from obsession, sexual longing, and jealousy — while romantic love comes from comfort, communication, sexual chemistry, and security. The most difficult portion of this stage is keeping up the maintenance necessary to propel this level of advanced communication and intimacy. It’s easy to slip into a lower stage once a crisis evolves.
Stage 7: Crisis and Recovery
This stage can occur anytime, but due to its advanced nature, it will be considered the final stage of a relationship. A crisis could be considered an illness, job loss, death of a child, or an affair. Recovery lies in resisting the urge to take these frustrations out on each other, by taking on both roles of caretaker and patient. A crisis is equaling draining on both partners, therefore it’s important to be available to give and receive. The good news is, if you recover you will have gained valuable team building experience that will enable you to take on any further challenges life has to offer.
Processing through the seven stages of a relationship may seem like quite the struggle, however they’re a necessary part of what every couple must go through. You’ll look back someday and remember that passionate love, the discoveries that you made, commitments that brought contentment, and the struggles for power, yet obtaining growth and stability. You’ll discover a romantic love developed through advanced communication and intimacy that can evolve and change throughout different periods of crisis and recovery. In the end, being able to make it through these stages will make for a seriously strong couple.

 

[Skills]

7 Stages of Relationships​

The seven stages of relationship development are a challenging yet necessary part of life. There’s passionate love, discovery, commitment, power struggles, stability and growth, romantic love, and finally — crisis and recovery. In order to foster a better relationship, it helps to be able to identify your current stage, understand why its importance, and know what you must do to break through to the next level. Let’s look at the seven stages in detail.
Stage 1: Passionate Love
This is what most people think when they imagine young or destined love. Birds are chirping, the glass is half full, and the “love” chemicals (dopamine and phenylethalymine) have engorged the neural pathways of the brain, making you feel happy, invincible, and on top of the world. This stage often begins on the first date, and ends the day you see the person for who they really are (good or bad). To move past this honeymoon stage, don’t allow the “high” to cloud your judgment about the person you’re dating (i.e. an incompatible partner). Most broken hearts stemming from this stage belong to lovers who failed to see the writing on the wall.
Stage 2: Discovery
Under certain circumstances, such as when you’ve found your compatible soulmate, discovery can be a wonderful experience, but more than likely it will be a time of discouragement. As relationships wear on, the love chemicals in the brain begin to dry up along with our perfect perceptions of the person we’re with. The person we once thought was flawless is actually human, complete with strange quirks, bad habits, and differing view points. The key to getting past this stage is discovering what it is you truly need from your partner, while learning to let go of all the little nit picky things that don’t matter.
Stage 3: Commitment
We emerge from discovery with a new understanding of our partner. This stage offers security and confidence that we’re with the right person, and we settle down into a committed relationship. Commitment is a wonderful change from the jealousy and/or uncertainty of stages 1 and 2, but we now have a new enemy — monotony and boredom. Many couples become so relaxed, they forget to maintain their relationship with a dose of romance and surprise. The most effective way to push through this stage is to learn how to communicate effectively.
Stage 4: Power Struggles
Occasionally, a power struggle can occur before making a commitment. To secure a meaningful outcome, each partner must exhibit a certain level of ownership to their relationship. In stage three we were working on our partnership, and in stage four, we’re rediscovering our individuality and ability to control the relationship. Perhaps you’ve been fishing because your partner enjoys it, but now you’d like them to do some of the things you enjoy. Perhaps they want the kitchen to be blue, but you’d much prefer red. The key to working through these types of arguments is to recognize and respect individuality, and the best way to do this is by compromise.
Stage 5: Growth & Stability
The fifth stage consists of an intimacy growth spurt, coupled with a sense of renewed stability. They say that shared trauma can bring star-crossed lovers together, and in stage five, the relationship that was once in turmoil, has now become reconnected by the common goal of helping each other grow both as individuals and partners. It’s here we learn some of the ways we have sabotaged relationships in the past, and now we learn to change those behaviors. This is a stage you can enjoy working through at your leisure, but be careful not to fall victim to resentment which can occur when we overly compromise to meet the needs/dreams of a partner, without communicating our own expectations.
Stage 6: Romantic Love
If you thought that young love was wonderful, wait until you’ve experienced mature love. Couples who have been together long enough to work though the first five stages of a relationship know the difference between passionate and romantic love. Passionate love is built from obsession, sexual longing, and jealousy — while romantic love comes from comfort, communication, sexual chemistry, and security. The most difficult portion of this stage is keeping up the maintenance necessary to propel this level of advanced communication and intimacy. It’s easy to slip into a lower stage once a crisis evolves.
Stage 7: Crisis and Recovery
This stage can occur anytime, but due to its advanced nature, it will be considered the final stage of a relationship. A crisis could be considered an illness, job loss, death of a child, or an affair. Recovery lies in resisting the urge to take these frustrations out on each other, by taking on both roles of caretaker and patient. A crisis is equaling draining on both partners, therefore it’s important to be available to give and receive. The good news is, if you recover you will have gained valuable team building experience that will enable you to take on any further challenges life has to offer.
Processing through the seven stages of a relationship may seem like quite the struggle, however they’re a necessary part of what every couple must go through. You’ll look back someday and remember that passionate love, the discoveries that you made, commitments that brought contentment, and the struggles for power, yet obtaining growth and stability. You’ll discover a romantic love developed through advanced communication and intimacy that can evolve and change throughout different periods of crisis and recovery. In the end, being able to make it through these stages will make for a seriously strong couple.

very nice, who is the author???, i like to quote and give credit to authors, in case in the future i reference this....I will just add based on my experience...

Stage 1: yeah the onitis, honeymoon stage, the feelings and emotions even stronger than love, but they are an illusion... (totally agree), As i said in my op here, you don't want to deal with no other women, you want just to spend your time and focus on this, which is a mistake, keep the other girls around, don't make the mistake and follow your strong desire to dump girls cause she is not proven....

Stage 2: is crutial to see if you are going to dump the other girls, or now that you have the discovery is this the right girl to promote to main or ltr, or keep her lingering cause she felt the betting and continue hunting sarging cause she did not make the cut to promote. I hate this stage the worst...

Stage 3: only if she has passed the screening of stage 2, and again she should be the one pushing, giving ultimatums, requesting the "i want to be your girl" no the other way around, you don't want to take the feminine role....

Stage 4: there should be no power struggle, here is were all the shit testing and betatizations/provider attempts start, you need to pass all the shit tests, don't give up to her nagging(and make sure there is not nagging allow, just adult convos, same with passive aggressiveness, silent treatment and the rest), crying and all that shit... Strong boundaries, my way or high way frame.... After this she has a clear picture not to "have power struggles" again cause you are the boss, what you say goes, but this is me.... This is the only way i would have ltr or main, for me there is no other way... I don't have time to do jhonny depp crap... no sir no here...

Stage 5: i agree with the helping each other out, reach common goals etc... All the other share trauma, resentment, sabotage and the other stuff, meh!

Stage 6: right on, but i will add, the couple should not get comfortable here, the fitness, the looking good, the trying new things sexually, etc... should be maintained or improve vs letting yourself go and getting comfortable is a no no...

Stage 7: yeah that one is tough, and there is no really a how to, cause it hits hard and is difficult to navigate, cause the dynamics change, and women become a dude, total masculine at times in this stages if she is on the crisis receiving end... Really stressful and tough to deal with.... All i am going to say guys try to overcompensate here and do too much, you need to be self aware and don't go into doing too much, needy, overcompensating mode at this stage, don't blame yourself and beat yourself up... And your foot should be closer to the door.......This is the most horrible stressful stage, i seen top guys crumble here....

 

[POB]

7 Stages of Relationships​

The seven stages of relationship development are a challenging yet necessary part of life. There’s passionate love, discovery, commitment, power struggles, stability and growth, romantic love, and finally — crisis and recovery. In order to foster a better relationship, it helps to be able to identify your current stage, understand why its importance, and know what you must do to break through to the next level. Let’s look at the seven stages in detail.
Stage 1: Passionate Love
This is what most people think when they imagine young or destined love. Birds are chirping, the glass is half full, and the “love” chemicals (dopamine and phenylethalymine) have engorged the neural pathways of the brain, making you feel happy, invincible, and on top of the world. This stage often begins on the first date, and ends the day you see the person for who they really are (good or bad). To move past this honeymoon stage, don’t allow the “high” to cloud your judgment about the person you’re dating (i.e. an incompatible partner). Most broken hearts stemming from this stage belong to lovers who failed to see the writing on the wall.
Stage 2: Discovery
Under certain circumstances, such as when you’ve found your compatible soulmate, discovery can be a wonderful experience, but more than likely it will be a time of discouragement. As relationships wear on, the love chemicals in the brain begin to dry up along with our perfect perceptions of the person we’re with. The person we once thought was flawless is actually human, complete with strange quirks, bad habits, and differing view points. The key to getting past this stage is discovering what it is you truly need from your partner, while learning to let go of all the little nit picky things that don’t matter.
Stage 3: Commitment
We emerge from discovery with a new understanding of our partner. This stage offers security and confidence that we’re with the right person, and we settle down into a committed relationship. Commitment is a wonderful change from the jealousy and/or uncertainty of stages 1 and 2, but we now have a new enemy — monotony and boredom. Many couples become so relaxed, they forget to maintain their relationship with a dose of romance and surprise. The most effective way to push through this stage is to learn how to communicate effectively.
Stage 4: Power Struggles
Occasionally, a power struggle can occur before making a commitment. To secure a meaningful outcome, each partner must exhibit a certain level of ownership to their relationship. In stage three we were working on our partnership, and in stage four, we’re rediscovering our individuality and ability to control the relationship. Perhaps you’ve been fishing because your partner enjoys it, but now you’d like them to do some of the things you enjoy. Perhaps they want the kitchen to be blue, but you’d much prefer red. The key to working through these types of arguments is to recognize and respect individuality, and the best way to do this is by compromise.
Stage 5: Growth & Stability
The fifth stage consists of an intimacy growth spurt, coupled with a sense of renewed stability. They say that shared trauma can bring star-crossed lovers together, and in stage five, the relationship that was once in turmoil, has now become reconnected by the common goal of helping each other grow both as individuals and partners. It’s here we learn some of the ways we have sabotaged relationships in the past, and now we learn to change those behaviors. This is a stage you can enjoy working through at your leisure, but be careful not to fall victim to resentment which can occur when we overly compromise to meet the needs/dreams of a partner, without communicating our own expectations.
Stage 6: Romantic Love
If you thought that young love was wonderful, wait until you’ve experienced mature love. Couples who have been together long enough to work though the first five stages of a relationship know the difference between passionate and romantic love. Passionate love is built from obsession, sexual longing, and jealousy — while romantic love comes from comfort, communication, sexual chemistry, and security. The most difficult portion of this stage is keeping up the maintenance necessary to propel this level of advanced communication and intimacy. It’s easy to slip into a lower stage once a crisis evolves.
Stage 7: Crisis and Recovery
This stage can occur anytime, but due to its advanced nature, it will be considered the final stage of a relationship. A crisis could be considered an illness, job loss, death of a child, or an affair. Recovery lies in resisting the urge to take these frustrations out on each other, by taking on both roles of caretaker and patient. A crisis is equaling draining on both partners, therefore it’s important to be available to give and receive. The good news is, if you recover you will have gained valuable team building experience that will enable you to take on any further challenges life has to offer.
Processing through the seven stages of a relationship may seem like quite the struggle, however they’re a necessary part of what every couple must go through. You’ll look back someday and remember that passionate love, the discoveries that you made, commitments that brought contentment, and the struggles for power, yet obtaining growth and stability. You’ll discover a romantic love developed through advanced communication and intimacy that can evolve and change throughout different periods of crisis and recovery. In the end, being able to make it through these stages will make for a seriously strong couple.

Very nice compilation!

Just some small add-ons to this and the previous points made by @Skills :

1) Once you are past a certain point in a serious commitment you can relax your defenses a bit . No, this is not an excuse to be lazy or complacent....you still have to dress well, lift weights and be attractive to other girls....but by now you probably can drop your shield and start to work through more intimacy and some "socially acceptable" behaviors, like going out with friends/other couples and talking to her family.

2) This advanced stage is reached once you have already talked about fucking other girls in a serious "I know you don't like it but I'm on your side" way - preferably you had this conversation more than once, first to set her as MLTR and then to have her be your de-facto GF. This can take from 6 months to two years (two years is better). Keeping it a secret is a no no if you want to be serious with her (she knows you fuck other chicks, but she doesn't know for real until you tell her face-to-face and let her decide if she wanna stay, capice?).

3) If she truly loves you, she is gonna complain when you don't "show up" for sex regularly. As you guys know, most regular relationships do not look like this, as girls usually ask for trivial BF behavior like paying for her bullshit plans/ideas or caving to her social demands (and end-up using sex as bargaining chip).

4) The higher point you can reach IME is when SHE comes to you to talk about how you should proceed to be fucking your side girls (yes, this is def gonna happen when you play your cards right).

5) never, ever, loose the "us vs the world" team mentality. Remember: non-traditional relationships put ENORMOUS PRESSURE on them. And 50% of the time she will not even want side dick, so you will be the only one fooling around.

6) Girls will test the relationship from time to time, especially if they are deep in love with you (my girl recently complained we are not fucking 2-3 times a week anymore and though I was loosing attraction, because she is rocking a "short hair" and she knows I prefer "long hair"....go figure). This is the kind of thing you'll have to deal with and is perfectly normal!

7) If you are not fucking her like you used to, make it clear what the reason is, but never leave it to chance. In my case, I'm dealing with a lot of deep personal change and some unexpected setbacks to my physical health, so it has def affected my behavior towards her. After a deep conversation she relaxed and returned to normal.

Soon I'll get back to the forum, just have to put my life in order on these next few months.

~POB

 

[Skills]

Very nice compilation!

Just some small add-ons to this and the previous points made by @Skills :

1) Once you are past a certain point in a serious commitment you can relax your defenses a bit . No, this is not an excuse to be lazy or complacent....you still have to dress well, lift weights and be attractive to other girls....but by now you probably can drop your shield and start to work through more intimacy and some "socially acceptable" behaviors, like going out with friends/other couples and talking to her family.

2) This advanced stage is reached once you have already talked about fucking other girls in a serious "I know you don't like it but I'm on your side" way - preferably you had this conversation more than once, first to set her as MLTR and then to have her be your de-facto GF. This can take from 6 months to two years (two years is better). Keeping it a secret is a no no if you want to be serious with her (she knows you fuck other chicks, but she doesn't know for real until you tell her face-to-face and let her decide if she wanna stay, capice?).

3) If she truly loves you, she is gonna complain when you don't "show up" for sex regularly. As you guys know, most regular relationships do not look like this, as girls usually ask for trivial BF behavior like paying for her bullshit plans/ideas or caving to her social demands (and end-up using sex as bargaining chip).

4) The higher point you can reach IME is when SHE comes to you to talk about how you should proceed to be fucking your side girls (yes, this is def gonna happen when you play your cards right).

5) never, ever, loose the "us vs the world" team mentality. Remember: non-traditional relationships put ENORMOUS PRESSURE on them. And 50% of the time she will not even want side dick, so you will be the only one fooling around.

6) Girls will test the relationship from time to time, especially if they are deep in love with you (my girl recently complained we are not fucking 2-3 times a week anymore and though I was loosing attraction, because she is rocking a "short hair" and she knows I prefer "long hair"....go figure). This is the kind of thing you'll have to deal with and is perfectly normal!

7) If you are not fucking her like you used to, make it clear what the reason is, but never leave it to chance. In my case, I'm dealing with a lot of deep personal change and some unexpected setbacks to my physical health, so it has def affected my behavior towards her. After a deep conversation she relaxed and returned to normal.

Soon I'll get back to the forum, just have to put my life in order on these next few months.

~POB

Look who is back! Yeah this is more for the more poly angle, my post was more for the mono angle cause most guys in skillseducers are mono type for whatever reason...