Response Recommendation: Pushy sexually

[NewBeeWinner]

Hi all,

I recently got this text from a girl after throwing the ball in her court after she kept resisting seeing me after a first date (we had sexual foreplay, but I got LMR and failed to close the deal, am wanting to on a second date):

I'll be honest, I'm really not interested in seeing you again. I appreciate the offer though, and wish you the best.

I asked why to which she replied:

I just thought you were very pushy sexually, and honestly, it made me very uncomfortable.

So this made me realize I failed to calibrate my escalation properly and notice her comfort levels as we escalated, which probably didn't help when I got the LMS. I should probably note that she didn't say anything while we escalated besides that she didn't want to take it past a certain point (penetration) as it was the first date. I didn't push past that point and she had fallen asleep on top of me. I asked my friend what he recommends I do. I am thinking of saying this in response:

Yeah, I probably should've been more careful about that and read your signals better. .That's my mistake. Let me make it up to you and next time I'll be sure your comfortable with moving forward before doing so.

But my friend said that I shouldn't even try to make it seem like I wanna keep the relationship there and just apologize and move on.

I don't think I should apologize, as that puts all the power in her hands. I pushed sexually to close the deal, but failed to calibrate properly. I think that's something that can easily be fixed if we met a second time. I'm into this girl and have other options, but feel like it's stupid to end it over this.

What do you all recommend I say/do?

 

[Mr.Rob]

I wouldn't send the text you wrote here.

Chances are this one's a done deal, its typically pretty difficult to come back from a failed escalation particularly in your case here since you made her uncomfortable she's not going to trust you on top of that.

Your best bet is going to be to attend a social function in the same vicinity as her and have her see you with other girls that are into you.

If that's not possible I'd just send a warm text back and wish her well. Sorta one of those situations where there's no "perfect" text thats going to get you the girl, but more one of those situations you should've handled right when you had her in front of you. Eh its part of the learning process.

Maybe someone else has a hail mary suggestion for you but I'd just chalk this one up to the game and spend you time meeting a girl more into you.

-Rob

 

[NewBeeWinner]

Thanks for the response, Rob.

I took your/my friend's advice and texted her a warm text hoping her the best and thanking her for the day we had. I'll move onto another girl - I have two dates lined up already for next week.

I did some serious reflecting on this experience today and learned/revisited the following:

1) Even if you hit escalation windows, if it isn't calibrated to her response, you'll build distrust / seem pushy
2) When facing resistance, you have to take a step back and then two steps forward. Not blast through resistance, but build compliance
3) When inviting yourself back to her place, don't bring it up, but let it be brought up by her so it seems the natural flow of things that you end up at her place. This will lower last minute resistance
4) (unrelated to this, but something I am changing in my method) When you get a girls number, text her that same day/the next day to make plans. I've been waiting one/two days and I've seeming lost some girls who I waited two days to text
5) You must become her lover on the first date. No second dates (unless I really like her/was able to escalate but maybe hit some last minute resistance despite a calibrated escalation). Life happens and you probably won't get a second shot.

Thanks for the help guys! I hope to provide more successful seductions / LR's in the soon future!

 

[Mr.Rob]

Cool man, good take aways, look forward to those LR's coming soon pimp.

 

[Natureman]

What a pity for you.

Thanks for the response, Rob.

I took your/my friend's advice and texted her a warm text hoping her the best and thanking her for the day we had.

Would you write how you worded your text?

Btw. that's at least very kind of her to be honest this way with you.
I think more empathizing with her could help in such a situation - e.g. addressing
the broken trust issue.

I assume if she was too disinterested she would have just ghosted you.
But looking at her actions not just words - she communicated with you.
That, I think is a positive sign.

 

[NewBeeWinner]

Hi,

Heres exactly what I texted:

I see. Well I wish you the best - have a great Halloween. Thanks for the fun day we did have together. See you

(She's a big Halloween fan). I agree that her telling me instead of ghosting me definitely shows something - it also was a big learning moment for me.

From your perspective then, do you think I should reopen her and come from a more understanding point? What exactly do you mean by addressing the broken trust issue? Can you expand on this?