Responses to your icebreaker texts - some data

[NarrowJ]

Hey guys,

After I started sending the "icebreaker" text, about a year ago or so, I started to realize the responses I got to it were pretty indicative of how good of a chance I stood with any particular girl.

Anywhere from a couple hours to a day or so after meeting a new girl, I'll text her something similar to "Hey there, [name]! Was nice meeting you/chatting with you/other activity. This is my number -NJ"

I would categorize the responses in 3 ways:

• 
  No Response: If the girl doesn't even respond to it at all, then she 99% of the time would not respond to any subsequent messages I would send. Every once in a while, I'd text the girl a couple days later, and she'd reply, but would be cold or not agree to anything as far as meeting up.
  
• The "Acknowledging" Reponse: This is the one that's all over the place. If she at least gives a simple, but acknowledging response like "ok " then I can usually get her out on a date. However, many of these would cool off on me.
  
• The "Eager" Response: This is the one where when you send her the icebreaker text, she gets all bubbly and excited and immediately starts firing you questions. This girl is obviously intrigued by you, and is open to meeting up again.
  

So, I started to actually keep track of these responses. I didn't base the #s off of whether or not I slept with them, but rather, whether or not I got them out on a date. There's so many more variables once you are on a day 2 with a girl.

So, since early July (about 140-150 day span), I've sent 58 icebreaker texts, with the following responses:

No Response (27): Nearly half. Surprised? Me too. Anyway, I've gotten 0 dates from these. And out of the 27, only 2 of them even bothered to respond when I sent them a second message, one of them to tell me she had a boyfriend.

"Acknowledging" Response (20): A little over a third here. I've actually gotten half of them (10) out on dates, and about three quarters of them responded to a second message (16).

"Eager" Response (11): About 20% here. I've actually gotten 10 of the 11 out on dates (pretty good!).


Anyway, just something I've been wondering/thinking about. Nothing Earth-shattering here, but thought the #s might interest some.



NJ

 

[trashKENNUT]

NJ,

What do you mean by 2nd message?

Zac

 

[NarrowJ]

NJ,

What do you mean by 2nd message?

Zac

The cold text you'd send after the icebreaker. Let's say I meet a girl today, and text her the "icebreaker" later this evening. When I say "2nd message", I'm referring the message I'd send her later (after a couple days), to try to schedule a date.

Icebreaker text:

Me: Hey, HB! Nice chatting with you today. This is my number -NJ"
Her: ok


2nd message (what I would send exactly, depends on the situation obviously):

Me: Hey, HB! Hope you did well on your test. How's your schedule looking for that coffee we talked about? "



Hope it's clear now =)
NJ

 

[Marty]

Okay I have this data. Finally I can be of assistance to someone

I've sent 34 icebreakers since May 30. Here's the breakdown:

• 2: I got a response that I had a wrong number
  
• 16: No response. 3 of these nonetheless picked up the phone when I called, and told me to get lost in no uncertain terms but with varying levels of politeness
  
• 5: Responded once, then dropped further contact. One of these (a stunningly beautiful early-20s redhead working for PWC, the accountants) gave me a "Who?" one-word response. The rest were of the "Good to meet you too" variety.
  
• 8: Got into extended texting but refused to meet in person, or made specific plans to meet and then changed her mind. The most direct was a 19-year-old Russian girl who simply texted "I'm not going to meet you, sorry". I had a couple other amusing ones like "I do have a boyfriend and I don't think that's a good idea. I am going to delete your number and I am very young" and "I'm sure you are a wonderful person but I am really not interested in going out"
  
• 3: Went on a date with me.

Hope this helps to get the discussion going

-Marty

 

[NarrowJ]

Hey Marty,

That's awesome to know that other people are keeping track of stuff like this!

Anyway, our "No Response" rate is virtually identical (about less than half).

Question: You've separated "extended texting" from "went on a date" with you. So really, you have 11 total there that stayed relatively engaged in things after the number swap. My question is, how many of the 11 would fall into the category of "Eager Response"? If so, were they girls that ended up going on a date with you?



NJ

 

[Marty]

Question: You've separated "extended texting" from "went on a date" with you. So really, you have 11 total there that stayed relatively engaged in things after the number swap. My question is, how many of the 11 would fall into the category of "Eager Response"? If so, were they girls that ended up going on a date with you?

Okay this is easy enough... I can just scroll through my old texts. Basically I've classified it based on results, but what you really wanted was a judgment of enthusiasm from the wording... tough.

Date #1: pretty enthusiastic texting I'd say, this is what I got back:

• 
  "Hi Marty, good job remembering the number!" (I'd memorized it, because I was out running, and so was she—the whole approach lasted less than two minutes.) I got this response in 35 minutes after my icebreaker.
  
  The next text gave matter-of-fact details of her schedule and preferred area, no games or teasing; the following three just nailed down the location and timing, and reassured me she was coming. Wish they were all like that!

Date #2: very prompt and encouraging texting:

• 
  "Hi Marty. Nice meeting you too. Have a great rest of the day!" (within 5 minutes of my icebreaker)
  
  The next 7 texts were mostly nailing down details of the date, with a few fun details of her day-to-day life thrown in. She actually moved the date up by 45 minutes, as her working day was slow and she had to be somewhere afterward. I started off well but threw that date so badly toward the end that she never spoke to me again.

Date #3: Some games in terms of trying to wrest control of the dating process from me. No response to icebreaker(!), then I called and missed her, and got this in response to a text request for a phone call:

• 
  "Hi Marty. It was nice to meet you too. [personal details redacted] ...You can call me after 10 PM. I would like to talk to you -LongSexyLegs" This came a full 27 hours after my second text.
  
  This bullshit continued for the next 2 texts where she left gaps of 8 hours and 28 hours respectively. She also called all the shots on the dating location and timing. Needless to say, the date went from bad to worse and she explicitly told me not to contact her again.

Regarding the other 8, this is what it looked like:

• The first wrote a lengthy explanatory text to postpone meeting to a later date, then quit responding altogether
• The second wrote back "Me too. Where you from?" and then told me flat out she wasn't going to meet, as described above
• The third didn't reply to my icebreaker as such, but came back to my date suggestion saying her mom was sick, her friend was in need, blah blah... and then actually resumed text conversation with me at my own initiative a few months later, but that went nowhere too (she's a glamour model, so I wanted a second chance)
• The fourth didn't reply to my icebreaker but came back with a negative to my date suggestion (the "wonderful person" text I mentioned above)
• The fifth was very friendly and bubbly both in person and over text but then requested $300 in return for sex, which led me to shut her down in less than a minute
• The sixth didn't reply to my icebreaker but responded in the negative to my date suggestion (the "I am very young" text I mentioned above)
• The seventh had two fun phone conversations with me but canceled our date over text without explanation
• The eighth, who was married, evidently got cold feet and also had a fun phone conversation with me but kept postponing the date indefinitely by text

More like what you were looking for?

-Marty

 

[NarrowJ]

You have quite a lot more variation there than what I've had.


Also, on this:

The fifth was very friendly and bubbly both in person and over text but then requested $300 in return for sex, which led me to shut her down in less than a minute

That's funny, the same thing happened to me with a girl I approached at the mall early in the summer. She ended up asking me some weird question like: "So you wanting to meet up just for fun?" and having no idea what she meant, I just responded something like "lol, well yeah I guess so... I figured it would be fun to hang out!" and then she sent back something along the lines of: "Well um I dance and everything, so I don't really like to do stuff for nothing. Ya know?" and the conversation abruptly ended (from my end) at that point


NJ

 

[Marty]

NJ:

You have quite a lot more variation there than what I've had.

The variability in my responses is probably down to my not having as tight fundamentals. But in terms of female variation, you've met some real exciting girls, haven't you, like the tanning salon one as well as the barbecue one with a jealous boyfriend, and the "five-date system" girl. As Ricardus always says, the fun thing about daytime approach is that you meet all sorts...

I think the most fun girl I've met was one I approached in a Kroger parking lot as she was packing her groceries into her car. I opened by complimenting her legs: she was dressed in hotpants and sheer pantyhose. She told me she studied exercise science and had a real bubbly manner. She said she had a boyfriend but gave me her number anyway; however, she basically hung up when I called. No doubt you'd have pulled it off though

I just wanted to say that the woman who texted me that she was "very young" actually told me on the approach she was an undergraduate, studying nursing at a big local university, so she can't have been that young—I don't want to give a wrong impression. To be on the safe side I never open a girl who looks to me to be under 21, although a few have subsequently told me they are in fact 20 or even 19—which just shows it's a sensible rule.

I'm interested to see what others have to say on the subject of icebreaker response!

-Marty

 

[Franco]

NJ,

I would categorize the responses in 3 ways:

• No Response: If the girl doesn't even respond to it at all, then she 99% of the time would not respond to any subsequent messages I would send. Every once in a while, I'd text the girl a couple days later, and she'd reply, but would be cold or not agree to anything as far as meeting up.
  
  The "Acknowledging" Reponse: This is the one that's all over the place. If she at least gives a simple, but acknowledging response like "ok " then I can usually get her out on a date. However, many of these would cool off on me.
  
  The "Eager" Response: This is the one where when you send her the icebreaker text, she gets all bubbly and excited and immediately starts firing you questions. This girl is obviously intrigued by you, and is open to meeting up again.

A quick note here on the "No Response" category: this category can vary greatly if you pick up girls during night game. I'd often text girls a couple hours after meeting them at a club or bar, and although I haven't elaborately kept track of the results like you have -- smart move by the way -- I'd say that around 50% of the girls that I went on dates with didn't respond to the first "save my number " text. This can often be that they are still out or are meeting/talking to other men. So I'll often second the "second text" the next morning, and if she responds to that one, it will let me know whether or not she was genuinely interested and was just "finishing out" her night.

As a matter of fact, my current girlfriend didn't respond to my "save my number " text... so it's worth noting.

- Franco

 

[NarrowJ]

Franco,

I think I may have stumbled upon something here... you're texting is a little more compressed than mine. You note that for night game you send the icebreaker the same night and then the cold text/second text the next morning. I have been waiting to send the icebreaker until the following afternoon, and then depending on whether or not I get a response, I may wait a couple days to send the cold/second text.

I think I'm going to try compressing my texts, and sending the icebreaker the same night and then the next one the following day.

Strike while the iron is hot!

NJ

 

[Marty]

I'd often text girls a couple hours after meeting them at a club or bar, and although I haven't elaborately kept track of the results like you have -- smart move by the way -- I'd say that around 50% of the girls that I went on dates with didn't respond to the first "save my number " text.

You note that for night game you send the icebreaker the same night and then the cold text/second text the next morning.

Okay folks, I am now officially confused So you experts do in fact number close in night game after all? I had somehow gotten the impression that girls out at night are generally looking for something to happen now, and they'd feel it was a bit of an anticlimax if you accepted a number; while if you're interested in girls who want to spin things out over dates and such, you have to meet them during the day in coffee shops, stores, the mall and the street. I figure I've gotten hold of the wrong end of the stick somewhere... sorry...

 

[Grand Pooba]

You note that for night game you send the icebreaker the same night and then the cold text/second text the next morning. I have been waiting to send the icebreaker until the following afternoon, and then depending on whether or not I get a response, I may wait a couple days to send the cold/second text.

So I'll often second the "second text" the next morning, and if she responds to that one, it will let me know whether or not she was genuinely interested and was just "finishing out" her night.

I have two questions:

This "second text," the cold text, that you speak of...is this simply to ask for a date/her schedule, or can it/should it be something else? Usually my second text to a girl is "Hey <name>, hope your day's going well <or some other activity of hers we talked about>. Thinking we should grab that coffee we talked about, how's your schedule looking?"

If you just happen to be busy during the week/you're not available in the next few days, is there another kind of cold text you can send that doesn't set up a meeting time just yet?

 

[BarryS1]

NJ,

Great idea for categorizing responses! I am texting the same type of ice-breaker the day/night of meeting the girl, but getting different results. From August, I got dates from 3 (1 night, 2 day) girls with the acknowledging response. Eager/acknowledging girls I did not date would not respond to the cold-text - What's your schedule like this week? We should grab that coffee we talked about =). In other words, the eager/acknowledging girls would stop texting after I brought up the date suggestion from our in-person conversation. I've gotten polarizing responses as a beginner and will probably get more variation like yourself after awhile

My texting data

Eager response: 2

Acknowledging response: 8

No response: 5

This "second text," the cold text, that you speak of...is this simply to ask for a date/her schedule, or can it/should it be something else? Usually my second text to a girl is "Hey <name>, hope your day's going well <or some other activity of hers we talked about>. Thinking we should grab that coffee we talked about, how's your schedule looking?"

Ozzo, that's my interpretation as well.

 

[Franco]

NJ,

You note that for night game you send the icebreaker the same night and then the cold text/second text the next morning. I have been waiting to send the icebreaker until the following afternoon, and then depending on whether or not I get a response, I may wait a couple days to send the cold/second text.

Chase actually mentions in one of his articles that he usually sends his ice-breaker text within a few hours after meeting a girl. I can't remember which article(s) it's mentioned in, but feel free to search around if you have the time.

With night game, I've found it's much better to send a text sometime within the same night as meeting the girl -- it shows her that you remember who she is and that you aren't just contacting her because your "other options" didn't pan out. Whether she replies or not to the first text is rather irrelevant, actually, because when you send her the second "cold" text, she'll see that you had sent her a text the night you met her and remembered her name. That initial text will also likely serve as a reminder to her of the interaction you two had (if it was positive).

Marty,

Okay folks, I am now officially confused So you experts do in fact number close in night game after all?

I think you're seeing things a little too black and white here. Night game does not necessarily mean "don't get numbers and close right away" nor does day game mean "always get numbers and offer up dates." It always depends on the interaction -- what you are looking for from her, what she is looking for from you, and the frames that both of you set when you meet. Some girls during night game will genuinely be interested in you, but they may not be willing to close that night and are hoping you will contact them the next day. And then there are some girls you might meet during the day (such as girls with boyfriends) who might be so enamored by you upon meeting you that they'll be willing to have sex right then and there in public! It all depends on the interaction.

My main point here is: don't assume an interaction has to go a certain way because you're approaching at a specific time or environment. You have to feel out the flow of the interaction and see where you can take things based on her signals and your logistics.

Sometimes, a given girl may surprise you...

- Franco

 

[NarrowJ]

Marty,

Okay folks, I am now officially confused So you experts do in fact number close in night game after all?

It is always my end goal to take the girl home, if it's convenient time-wise for me to do so, no matter whether I'm at the grocery store or at the bar.

Thing is, not every girl is going to go home with you on the first night/meet. So, yeah, in order to not be pushing too hard while she's not comfortable and mess things up you sometimes have to just settle for getting her number and hope that she'll be eager to meet up when you contact her.

I don't think we've necessarily been taught to only go after numbers in the daytime and to go directly for sex at night. I think it is just the nature of the two situations, so we just know that if it's daytime we're probably going home with a phone # only and if we're at the bar there's a good chance she might go home with you if you play your cards right. It's just far easier to get sex at night in an atmosphere like a bar or club where the girl is probably drinking and in the mood to have some fun, so I do tend to push harder for quick sex in those environments.

Also, you're not going to take 2 or 3 girls home every night you go out, so go ahead and pocket yourself several phone #s, take the best one (or two! haha) home that night, and then text the rest for a meetup later on when you feel like it. ;-)



Franco,

With night game, I've found it's much better to send a text sometime within the same night as meeting the girl -- it shows her that you remember who she is and that you aren't just contacting her because your "other options" didn't pan out. Whether she replies or not to the first text is rather irrelevant, actually, because when you send her the second "cold" text, she'll see that you had sent her a text the night you met her and remembered her name. That initial text will also likely serve as a reminder to her of the interaction you two had (if it was positive).

Definitely! I guess I didn't want to text so quickly/abundantly and come off as desperate. I may be giving off the opposite impression here. I'm going to be switching this up so I can see what the difference is in the reactions I get.



NJ

 

[Chase]

Neat thread and good data, NJ.

One comment:

No Response (27): Nearly half. Surprised? Me too. Anyway, I've gotten 0 dates from these. And out of the 27, only 2 of them even bothered to respond when I sent them a second message, one of them to tell me she had a boyfriend.

I've had better luck following up the non-responders with a phone call / voicemail message the next day, rather than text.

There's something of a "reset" button, where if she doesn't respond to you on one medium, you can nix some of the negative precedent by switching to another one, and back and forth.

e.g., you send a text --> no response --> send another text --> she's less likely to respond because she's already in the habit now of ignoring your texts (path of least resistance, or maybe she is lazy / not that interested)

vs., you send a text --> no response --> next time call --> she's a bit more likely to answer or be receptive to a voicemail than she would a text

You've still got better odds if she's excited after the icebreaker, but I've found this one smooths some of it out.

Might also be a "different mediums appeal to different girls" or maybe a "she's on the fence, but your sexy on-the-phone voice pushes her over" thing... I've had good luck with it, but not 100% sure why it works, exactly. Maybe some mix of the different reasons, depending on the girl and the situation.

I personally like to think my voicemail messages just sound so sexy that girls can't help but call me back / message me back afterward, and my reply rate certainly went up after I sexed up my phone voice and started leaving voicemails for girls who were being unresponsive, but it might just be the medium-switching resets things.

Chase

 

[Marty]

Franco, NJ, thanks for the clarification! All understood.

I personally like to think my voicemail messages just sound so sexy that girls can't help but call me back / message me back afterward, and my reply rate certainly went up after I sexed up my phone voice and started leaving voicemails for girls who were being unresponsive, but it might just be the medium-switching resets things.

Chase: any chance you could provide a sample voicemail transcript? Or are the words ordinary enough, and is it all in the tone of voice? Thanks.

-Marty

 

[Marty]

I very rarely approach women older than myself, but I opened a Milf in Whole Foods today, perfect slim figure.

Got the following response to my icebreaker: customary salutations, then "Be good, Santa is still watching " Wonder where this fits into NJ's "warmth scale"

My instinct is to refrain from further contact until after the holidays when I can set a date, but I wondered if there is any point in volleying back the "naughtiness" suggestion: ideas welcome