Restaurant didn't accept credit card...I think I handled this wrong.

[avgs30]

If you guys have been following my previous threads, it's over with this girl but I just wanted to know how to handle this situation for the future/if it was blatantly wrong. I think I handled it OK but probably not the best way.

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=10950&p=54983#p54983

On our second date, I picked a restaurant that I found out later when we reached, didn't accept credit card. Before we ordered, I told her it's not a big deal and we can go to the ATM when we're done.

The bill came to about $100 and I went to a nearby ATM and withdrew cash.

When I came back, she asked me, "Should I go the ATM now?" I guess kind of like an "acting to pay thing" to be nice. I told her she can get the next check.

She paid for drinks afterwards and a cab ride, which probably came to about $40 total but I was fine with it since we did a similar split on our first date.

Should I have asked her to go and withdraw cash and split the bill? (I'm aware of Chase's view on splitting the check and how it leads to more success). Or was I better off handling it the way I did/did this break any "law of least effort" and eventually leading to wanting to be friends.

Not sure what to make of this situation.

 

[Dude909]

Why would you spend $140 on a night out with a girl you barely know, split or no split? Only desperate (and rich) guys would do that. And it puts enormous pressure on her. You should be aiming to have about a date per week with a constant stream of new girls eventually, so keep it low key and low price. Expensive date nights are for long term serious girlfriends and your grandma only.

 

[ray_zorse]

I don't really agree, you have to eat right? So if you eat out several times a week and spend $50 on your meal (which isn't unreasonable) then there's nothing wrong with doing the same on your date. It's basically about congruence... if you are a student and you're poor and you're splashing out big on a meal you normally couldn't afford, then yes, this will look tryhard... but if you pass it off as no big deal then you're doing fine. Where it went a little pearshaped here was in the restaurant not accepting the card and thus drawing attention to the payment side of the transaction. If she asks "should I go to the ATM now?" I would probably say "no, I've got this"... because it would look a bit weak, like you were planning to pay, but when she offered you changed your mind... if you want to go halves that's fine too, but tell her when you're about to order, like "so we'll split this right?".

If she got the taxi and the drinks she's a good girl and I hope you showed appreciation. If she pays for something you should definitely reward her with some touch and attention, put your arm around her and look into her eyes and say "thank you, that's really nice of you" and hug her a little. I do not see any issue with paying $100 for a meal if she paid $40 for drinks and a cab ride as well. Franco has good advice which is to just try to make the payment side of things a non-issue. Chase also mentions that paying for stuff can be quite a dominant manoeuvre, if you're the kind of guy who's obviously loaded, so it does not come across as tryhard. I tend to take this approach sometimes, since I'm older (39) and want to project a more successful vibe. I like paying for things, and having nice meals etc, as long as it doesn't hurt my frame or make me look like I'm trying to buy her company.

Having said all that, avgs30 is right in that a traditional dinner date isn't all that conducive to fast sex, it may well put you in a provider slot, and really once you level up, you want to be trying to make a move on her in an hour or less... spend 30-40 minutes over coffee, go for a walk, pull her home and kiss her... the problem with the dinner date is it makes the evening quite long, more opportunities for you to fuck up, or miss windows etc. However, as a new guy there is nothing really wrong with investing a bit more into the girl, to build comfort (hers and yours), before making a move. So I don't think the dinner date is necessarily a bad idea, as long as you recognize that it comes with certain advantages and disadvantages.

Ray

 

[Dude909]

Really you're ok spending $70 on someone you don't know? What if you met a dude who seems like a nice chap, maybe a future friend, but you barely met him. What if the guy then asks you to have a dinner and drinks for $140. Would you go? It doesn't matter if he pays, you pay, or you split. You wouldn't go because it's freaking ridiculous to spend so much time and money with someone you don't know. But if he says let's hang out, down a beer or two, then the pressure is gone.

Guys here are aiming to get laid eventually with what, one girl a month right? Imagine you get laid on the second date on average, and that half the girls next you after the first date. That's an average of three dates total per lay. Or $420. That's the price of a top end escort so I hope those girls are hot. Repeat every month, $5000 on dates per year. Ridiculous. And we are only talking dates with NEW girls -- if you have a harem of MLTRs (that's the goal right?) you are taking them out regularly.

If you really want to play beta game and impress her with your money, just go to a high end bar and let her have a couple cocktails. At least you won't have spent more than ~$50ish. And let her pay on the second date. Not only does it set your frame as a non-provider right, it gives you an excuse to cut the evening short and head back to your place.

 

[ray_zorse]

Yeah, you're probably right. I have laid about one new girl per month this year and spent time with quite a few more, so probably I am investing too much in the FU's. The way I've been looking at it is, it's more about the journey than the destination... having fun on the date and then not getting laid is no biggie if you are outcome independent and genuinely enjoying yourself in the moment, but I did reach a stage where I'm in sight of abundance and want to tighten up my game. As to OP I still think a lot can be learned from a dinner date (I did them more earlier in my journey), he's probably in BF zone (it was second date after all), which is normal when you're starting out, so investing a bit in her won't kill him.
Ray