Restoring my humanity...

[Zoro]

Was going to write a lot more, but I can sum this journal up more concisely.

I have to change. The plan is simple: I am meditating 30 mins daily. If I slip up I do two meditation sessions of 30 mins.

Porn addiction -> weakened prefrontal cortex -> impairs executive functions: self control, planning, decision making, social behaviors, speech, etc.

Meditation -> strengthens prefrontal cortex -> improves executive functions: self control, planning, decision making, social behaviors, speech, etc.

The guys in the nofap chat have been great help and I appreciate it. You know who you are. I want so much more from life than how I'm existing right now. I know I have much more potential to exercise.

I've been meditating again for only two weeks and I've already noticed improved self control and have been using porn less. I expect this to continue to improve. I will do this practice for at least 2 months before I alter it, since I heard of a study that showed people noticed benefits of daily meditation at 8 weeks (and not at 4 weeks). It seems time and consistency is key.

Missions: Help men find their masculinity, adventure and taste life, become self actualized, share my talents of creativity, musicianship, healing, and building skills, uplift and connect with the feminine beauties that walk this earth (leave 'em better than I found 'em).

Goals:

kick porn from my life, regularly achieve long streaks of 90+ days.
Create a location independent income
Travel to new places and bounce around my favorites (Colombia, Japan, Eastern Europe, LA, FL, HOME)
Improve game and reach absolute abundance with women

Habits:
Martial arts training
Meditation
Language Learning
Business Building

Fun Stuff:
Get better at dancing
Improve my musicianship and go to LA and take over the punk/emo scene with my friend over there (location independent income needed, don't want to live in crazy ass LALA LAND)

Big Dream:
make fuck you money and share the love with friends and family


I made this journal because I care about this community and it has served me well being a part of it. This is the most challenging thing of my life, and having fellow men I trust and respect know about my journey, I think will only help me.

 

[Zoro]

Some days it is MUCH harder to meditate than others. It's very tempting to avoid meditation on those days, but I think these are the days that I need it the most.

Today was one of those days. It was hard to sit still for even a minute. But I managed to sit still for the whole 30 mins, even if part was me struggling and jittery. I eventually felt much more calm and was able to sit still.

I still have one more 30 min meditation to do today, to make up for the "double day" I missed earlier in the week.

So far so good! It works man, just got to do the work.

Also went for a 30 min bike ride. Low intensity cardio has been shown to increase BDNF which supposedly increases new neuron and synapse growth, so my bro science says thats a good combo with meditation.

 

[StrayDog]

Curious what mediation technique you are using, if you feel like sharing

 

[Zoro]

I basically just sit still and notice thoughts, body sensations, noises, breath, etc. And just let those things come into my awareness without engaging them.

 

[StrayDog]

care for a simple suggestion that has really helped strengthen my mediation practice? made it easier for me to sit for longer periods

 

[Zoro]

Sure. Usually I can sit for 30 mins no problem, but it would help to have a better handle on it on tough days.

 

[Zoro]

Finished the second 30 min meditation. I almost did not do it and pushed it to tomorrow.

But the whole point of my meditation practice is to train my mind to be able to commit to actions and resist the easy way out.

It's noticeable how much easier to resist urges are. But if I miss a day, it's like I left the door unlocked and the porn demons are always waiting just outside. Hopefully with long term consistent meditation missing a few days will not be such an issue.

 

[StrayDog]

obviously, there are tons of different techniques and methods to meditate, and they are all going to have different virtues and drawbacks for each individual. This is just one simple thing that has worked for me, with a more austere observational approach to mediating. I tend to do more "energy" circulating, taost mediations, and focused breathwork these days, but there was a moment there when I did more zen-styled mediation like what you described. I did it very regularly and at one point was averaging about an hour every day. Did a vipassana once as well (10 day silent mediation retreat, 9 hours of sitting a day) and the really helped solidify my practice and take things to a new dimension.

I discovered something that helped me achieve a deeper meditative state more readily, and sit for longer periods. It is simple: have a home base for your attention that you can keep returning to. there are many different schools of thought on this simple matter so you will probably have to experiment and find what works best for you. But this simple thing does wonders. Here are a few options
-focus your attention on the space between your upper lip and your nose
-focus your attention at your third eye
-focus your attention on the center of your belly behind your belly button
-focus your thumbs touching in front of your belly in a traditional zen sitting position
-chose a point on the wall, or in your surroundings and focus your attention there with a soft gaze

You might find that each of these different focal points brings a different sort of quality to your mediation. For me focusing on my belly or just above my upper lip tend to be the most grounded direct places I can use to anchor my attention. You may find you can hold multiple points of awareness in your mind at once, or even your whole body( being) but start with just one point. Make this point your home base. When your attention wanders that is okay, when you catch yourself just come back to home base. Do this enough and you notice a certain quality of attention begin to develop. It is a sort of mind muscle. The stronger this attention develops, the easier it is to just sit in that state of attention. It's like a muscle. I believe this simple thing makes it easier to sit and meditate because it (though a somewhat passive practice by nature) actively engages that attention muscle and gives the mind a restful place to reside.

Hope that helps your journey

 

[Zoro]

I tend to do more "energy" circulating, taost mediations, and focused breathwork these days

I used to do energy circulating meditation and a chakra mudra meditation, and during that time in my life I really had a lot of great things going on. I was on fire. Maybe I should get back into it. Could you share some tips on that?

Did a vipassana once as well (10 day silent mediation retreat, 9 hours of sitting a day) and the really helped solidify my practice and take things to a new dimension.

Yeah a new dimension, I feel like that might be an understandment. Can't imagine 9 hours a day of it.

I discovered something that helped me achieve a deeper meditative state more readily, and sit for longer periods. It is simple: have a home base for your attention that you can keep returning to. there are many different schools of thought on this simple matter so you will probably have to experiment and find what works best for you. But this simple thing does wonders. Here are a few options
-focus your attention on the space between your upper lip and your nose
-focus your attention at your third eye
-focus your attention on the center of your belly behind your belly button
-focus your thumbs touching in front of your belly in a traditional zen sitting position
-chose a point on the wall, or in your surroundings and focus your attention there with a soft gaze

This is usually what I do, since you seem very experienced with meditation I'll take it that this is something to keep doing. I'll make it more of a priority.

I like to focus on my nose and the air passing through it, or do a body scan and focus on whatever jumps out, usually the most uncomfortable part.

I don't know if you have heard of Andrew Huberman, but he's a neuroscientist and researcher who does a great podcast. He mentioned that the focus that is developed is less "unbroken focus" but rather an improved ability to refocus and refocus quicker & more often. I thought that was pretty interesting. I'll link the podcast

You might find that each of these different focal points brings a different sort of quality to your mediation. For me focusing on my belly or just above my upper lip tend to be the most grounded direct places I can use to anchor my attention.

That's cool, I want to experiment with that.

When I learned about doing chakra meditation I remember hearing that it's important to focus on the lower chakra centers first, since opening up the higher ones without a good base can make you a bit unbalanced and lead to some mental discomfort. Seems like it's related to what you mentioned, different points having different qualities.

When your attention wanders that is okay, when you catch yourself just come back to home base. Do this enough and you notice a certain quality of attention begin to develop. It is a sort of mind muscle. The stronger this attention develops, the easier it is to just sit in that state of attention. It's like a muscle.

I agree, it feels like a muscle. There sometimes comes a point where I'm really struggling to sit with discomfort and I've learned that if I manage to stick with it and lean into that, eventually I come out the otherside and it feels like breaking through into sunlight and fresh air. Some kind of progress, and doing that over and over just makes sense that it builds mental strength.

Hope that helps your journey

It does. Thank you, please feel free to share more on meditation, especially on the energy circulating. I'm trying to improve my understanding of taoist sexual transmutation, things like the micro cosmic orbit. When I was doing the energy moving years ago, I just imagined I was goku or naruto building energy and moving it through my limbs. Shit I remember that really being noticeable and feeling great.

 

[Zoro]

Note to self, remember this video.

This dude Alan Howard is basically living my dream lifestyle. Digital nomad lifestyle, waking up to an epic view in an amazing city, building skills, helping fellow men out and making good money doing it, learning languages, dancing skills, dating exotic beauties.

"do it before you feel ready"

As I get older, I see myself playing it safer. I remember when I was younger I would just go for things, I understood I was a novice at many things and had to just start. I think now as I'm older I'm afraid to look like a novice again. Silly, but understandable. Time to shake that off.

 

[Zoro]

Just had a thought, one 30 min meditation session a day is the minimum required by my plan.

I can certainly do more.

I think I will mix in some other meditation styles if I decide to do extra.

-external focus
-walking meditation
-energy circulation
-chakra mudra meditation

 

[Zoro]

I slipped up guys. I said I was going to come here if I have urges and I want to make sure I do that next time. I also have a nofap group I can reach out to. I need to make sure I do that.

Good news, I didn't cum though. That drains my energy so much more when I watch a lot of porn AND cum.

Also I am consistently going 2-3 days in between now. Before I was basically watching it everyday. I have to acknowledge the progress so I don't get discouraged. It's very easy to say fuck it and give in.

By the way, incase anyone is wondering why I am writing about nofap here on a seduction forum, it's because I believe this to be the biggest obstacle to improving my game.

I already know I can cold approach decently, keep attractive women around for relationships, and have a great all around experience with women. However, I am stuck in areas of my life that means I am not able to consistently practice or meet women, more importantly I am currently not able to work with the focus required for me to move out and build a business so I can live where I want to live.

I've tried to build on this weak foundation, living with an addiction, and you know what, it's ALMOST do-able. I've kept a beautiful girl around for 8 years now despite me being broke, traveled to several countries, accomplished some important goals. However it has all been very unsustainable and far from where I really want to be.

I'd much rather be writing LRs and talking about game in different countries, and so this is the first step. Getting rid of the demon monkey off my back.

I'm also dealing with lingering effects of a concussion, which is not helping things. But I am a believer that everything happens for a reason. I can see that I needed to learn the lesson of slowing down and really being comfortable with stillness. Even though I want to go at 100mph.

This is hard but I'm harder. It's giving me a beating over the years. If porn is Drago I'm mother fucking Rocky.

 

[Zoro]

I don't like doing this.

I said I would follow through with this and I did not. Talked big and did not show up.

But the point is not to follow through with some plan. The point is to achieve my goals. And this was my best idea of how to do it.

I still think meditation is relevant, and something I should do.

But it was not addressing the ROOT of the issue.

And that's why I'm posting here now, I have some thoughts on the root.

I am disconnected from my passions. I live with a bit of apathy, and that is fertile ground for addiction. Blame buddhism and my conditioning to let go of ego haha.

But really, I realized that I need to show off a bit. It will also help my game. My weak point has always been I'm interesting, skilled, and sexy, but only once you get to know me will you find that out.

So I want to/need to connect with my passions. Everything is better when I am connected to them. More enjoyment, success, women, direction, etc...

The problem is, historically, weed was the way I did this. And I don't smoke anymore, I just am not motivated or care without it. I'm the opposite of the stereotypical stoner. When I smoke weed I get off the couch and MOVE.

So I don't want to smoke weed to get back into the groove, but I'm considering using it just to get rid of this apathy towards life. I'm hungry to live a full life, but it's like an exercise in fantasy right now... Perhaps on the other side of nofap, I don't need weed. I imagine this is the case because symptoms of an addicted brain is exactly this, apathy to most things that are not the drug...

I feel I am on the verge of greatness, if I can just plug into life again. Addiction doesn't suit me, I love life too much to sit on the sidelines of it.

Just musing to myself here, but I welcome thoughts on the matter. Especially on weed, breaking this addiction, and connecting with passions.