Return to lockdown - how would you guys handle this situation?

[Beam]

I'm in a bit of a tough situation here. I went on a first date near mine on Sunday. This girl was beautiful. We shifted venues twice, I wanted to head to a park near mine then try to go back to mine, but she had to go home to meal prep for the week, but not before suggesting we meet again next weekend. Ended with a quick kiss. I wanted to implement date compression and so feigned being busy on the weekend and suggested a Thursday meet instead.

Yesterday however due to a new outbreak of COVID cases my state went into hard lockdown again for 6 weeks. This means no leaving the house except for work, food, compassionate care and exercise (in your council - and we don't live in the same council). Naturally she texted me saying drinks wasn't going to be possible anymore because of the lockdown.

I really don't want to let this one go since she seems like real value. If things don't work out I'll get over it of course. But I want to try.

Keeping interest for 6 weeks is going to be difficult. I was thinking of trying to get her out to "exercise" as well since I believe you're allowed to exercise with one other person, but this might mean risking a $1600 fine which I don't think she'll be willing to do. This girl is also currently working on a COVID-19 vaccine, so I think it's going to be really tough to get her to bend the rules at all as it may be hypocritical.

I'm thinking of sporadic texts and possibly sporadic phone/video calls instead of dates, but obviously keeping this going for 6 weeks without it waning will be difficult. Also want to do it in a way that makes it seem like I'm not chasing. This girl already flipped the script by being the one to ask me out and asking me tons of questions on the date (so much so that I found it difficult at times not to talk about myself so much), so I would like to keep this dynamic (though I may have already given away some of my power when I realized how attractive she was on the date itself and clearly showed it)

Do you guys have any tips for how you would handle this situation? Don't really have any other good leads at the moment. Would making a "let's raincheck this" text be a good idea?

 

[Jimmyshap]

if you can leave the house for food invite her over for dinner. if she’s interested enough she will still do it. just hear her concern and address it. let her know you’re safe and quarantined.

 

[Beam]

if you can leave the house for food invite her over for dinner. if she’s interested enough she will still do it. just hear her concern and address it. let her know you’re safe and quarantined.

Should have been clearer - "leave the house for food" means grabbing groceries and takeout only. Restaurants are closed, no sit downs allowed. You are allowed to visit romantic partners - but we've not been intimate yet so don't really know how to bring this up as a reason she could come to mine without making it seem like I'm chasing hard.

 

[Velasco]

I went on a first date near mine on Sunday. This girl was beautiful. We shifted venues twice, I wanted to head to a park near mine then try to go back to mine, but she had to go home to meal prep for the week, but not before suggesting we meet again next weekend.

A couple of years ago, there was a short clip my wings and I used to watch (almost) every time we'd go out, where RSD Ozzie talked about closing (I know if you'd go on youtube right now, there's a video on that same subject, but that's not the one I'm talking about). It was set to some motivational background music, where Ozzie would imitate his student's voices, talking about their excuses for not going for the close when the opportunity was there. He'd be like, "yeah but she was..." and then he'd interrupt and in his own tone go, "No. Close". "ok yeah that makes sense, but you see we.." "No. Close". "I know, but I..." "NO. CLOSE". Stubborn ass motherfucker lol, but I loved that clip and it was really influential to me when I was starting out (I'd say this is an unspoken shitty part for newer guys starting out in this climate. That these motivational videos aren't available for you guys to watch on youtube as they were to us, when we'd go out). Instilled in me the "Gun to the head. Close or die" mindset that you see in my lay reports (Thinking this way, forces you to get very creative on making shit happen. While also influencing your thought process in your interaction).

Never leave for tomorrow what can be done today. Because tomorrow is never promised.

"ya we should totally do this again (not having closed)" => should be absolute poison to your ears.

Girls Who Want to Sleep with You Usually Know It Right Away

When you walk up, and she looks up at you, she knows if she could go to bed with you later. What comes after is simply leading her there, and making her feel allowed to go. There are two schools of thought when it comes to sex. One school of thought is what you might call the 'normal guy...

www.girlschase.com

 

[Jimmyshap]

Should have been clearer - "leave the house for food" means grabbing groceries and takeout only. Restaurants are closed, no sit downs allowed. You are allowed to visit romantic partners - but we've not been intimate yet so don't really know how to bring this up as a reason she could come to mine without making it seem like I'm chasing hard.

you could schedule a drink over facetime wiyh her. after a couple glasses of wine she might come over. it’s worked for me. just start making the move halfway through the second drink. don’t get her drunk.

mid second drink you can start throwing out stuff like “you’re cute.” “if you were here i would totally kiss your face”

 

[Beam]

A couple of years ago, there was a short clip my wings and I used to watch (almost) every time we'd go out, where RSD Ozzie talked about closing (I know if you'd go on youtube right now, there's a video on that same subject, but that's not the one I'm talking about). It was set to some motivational background music, where Ozzie would imitate his student's voices, talking about their excuses for not going for the close when the opportunity was there. He'd be like, "yeah but she was..." and then he'd interrupt and in his own tone go, "No. Close". "ok yeah that makes sense, but you see we.." "No. Close". "I know, but I..." "NO. CLOSE". Stubborn ass motherfucker lol, but I loved that clip and it was really influential to me when I was starting out (I'd say this is an unspoken shitty part for newer guys starting out in this climate. That these motivational videos aren't available for you guys to watch on youtube as they were to us, when we'd go out). Instilled in me the "Gun to the head. Close or die" mindset that you see in my lay reports (Thinking this way, forces you to get very creative on making shit happen. While also influencing your thought process in your interaction).

Never leave for tomorrow what can be done today. Because tomorrow is never promised.

"ya we should totally do this again (not having closed)" => should be absolute poison to your ears.

Girls Who Want to Sleep with You Usually Know It Right Away

When you walk up, and she looks up at you, she knows if she could go to bed with you later. What comes after is simply leading her there, and making her feel allowed to go. There are two schools of thought when it comes to sex. One school of thought is what you might call the 'normal guy...

www.girlschase.com

I'm still very cautious about coming across as too pushy. I've gotten to the point now where I gently lead things towards my place, but at any point if she suggests she wants/needs to go I let her go - I don't yet have that drive to keep her there and have this fear in the back of my mind that suggesting she stay when she wants to go will come across as too needy. Of course if it gets to the point where she says she has to go it's already too late. I might not be inspiring enough desire in her before it gets to this point, or on the other hand might be missing escalation windows.

Part of it is also because now I'm using date compression as a fallback option (she needs to go now? No biggie, I'll just meet up with her in a few days!). But you're right, tomorrow is never promised as I've now learnt the hard way because of this stupid pandemic.

@Jimmyshap thanks for the suggestions dude. I will try organising something but right now it's not looking good (her texting back has slowed to a halt)

 

[Beam]

"Tomorrow is never promised"

This is over. I put out an invite to hang out over the weekend and got this:

I'm so sorry for such a late reply to your earlier message M! It's been a crazy week

I hope you're okay with my honesty, I had a really nice time getting to know you last weekend and you seem like a really lovely, intelligent, genuine guy. But it also made me realise I'm just not ready to put myself out there on the dating scene quite yet. You seem great and deserve to go on dates with someone equally as great, but right now I don't think that person is me. So all the best for everything "nickname she gave me", take care

Ouch. We all know that she is absolutely was ready for the dating scene given she was getting excited over text and invited me out, but I dropped the ball. I figure this was due to either not making myself vulnerable enough or missing escalation windows. Even though I know better, I still got caught in the toxic "this is a good girl can wait" trap. I'm a bit hardheaded lol. I sent a sincere response to her which I thought was non-needy trying to make myself a little more vulnerable and trying to get her out again. But no response. Worth a shot.

Who has time to reply when you're saving the world? Haha

(she is currently working on a COVID-19 vaccine)

Hey I appreciate the honesty. But I want to be real too. I'm not that great and don't care about finding someone equally as "great" (probably codeword for someone who has no apparent flaws - impossible!) I'm just a guy. And you seem like a cool girl I want to be around, without any expectations that nobody can possibly live up to

The offer still stands. I'd love it if you could still come out. If not, that's ok

From the above, to make it a little less needy could have used "and you seem like a cool girl I want to have around" rather than "be around", because what I texted framed her as the prize. Maybe could have also said at the end "If not, that's ok. I'll survive ". I don't know. Maybe the whole text was cringeworthy but I wanted to give it a try and gauge the response.

I'm going to go into more detail in my journal and will probably post a field report. This one stung.

 

[Fluxcapacitor]

@Mooser dude! That text was horrible, you reacted to her words and not her emotions and also if she's working on covid19 and there's another outbreak in your area you fall down on the priority list, this rejection wasn't necessarily about you and handling it well keeps you available as an option. I think this is either a backward rationalisation that you didn't hook up so you weren't that cool or a realisation she can't see you for 6 weeks and she doesn't want to invest in this time while her focus is elsewhere, which is why you need to be cool.

Ultimately here she's ended it dude, which puts you in the 1 down position and ya text cements this frame. I'm not great?? Then why does she want you? I don't care about finding great?? Why would you settle for less? Nice backhand compliment agreeing she's not great, so why do you want her? I'm just an ordinary guy?? Humble yes, but most guys are ordinary, you're a skilled seducer dude! You seem cool, I want to be around you, my offer still stands!? So she's cool, you want to be with her and you'll wait for her to change her mind? Non of this paints you as the prize, non of this shows you as cool, not 100% desperate or needy but still not great.

That's my problems with that dude, that said nothing you text here would flip that script immediately. She's just rejected you, gave some bull shit excuse, she isn't messaging back straight away to say I've changed my mind here....

Because she's ended it, the reply is cool, collected and unfazed. A simple okay that's cool no worries. Sounds like you've got options, you're not bothered and it's very low effort. Problem solved and you look cool. Alternatively be disappointed - that's a shame, we'd have had fun. She's now missing out on a fun time, you're disappointed but ultimately unaffected. Also low effort.

What if you're not ready to let it go just yet? Combine them and be honest within it.

Okay no problem, it's a shame we'd have had a lot of fun. I really liked hanging out with you a thought you were cool but I understand. -
If you want to push
You're clearly very busy at the moment but the offer still stands, I'll leave that ball in your court. Let me know if you want to hang out.

This is a combination parting shot/ball in her court message but keeps you cool and maintaining your value rather than chasing her and putting yourself down. It implies the doors open if she wants to crawl back in a few weeks but in a stronger position dude.

 

[Beam]

@Fluxcapacitor lol, I suspected you guys would hate it. I actually didn't want to post it since I was already embarrassed about it beforehand but this is one place I have to be prepared to put my spectacular failures on show because it's the only way I'll learn...

I agree with the points you made. This was an experiment in trying to be more vulnerable more than anything else, which I'm really bad at. The whole "I don't care about finding great' wasn't literal, it was more referring to great in the context of "no flaws". Was trying to make it come across like I was looking for someone real, which I am. She just got out of a relationship recently and I think on the date I was too boyfriendy, so after reading the text I thought that she was thinking "this is too much for me, I'm not ready for this", so I was trying to deflate some of that pressure.

But god.. you're right. I did it in a really bad way. Super cringeworthy but that's the process, experiment and see what happens.

For the record I don't usually do this! I usually send a variation of "that's cool thanks for letting me know", but I wanted to try this "sincere" approach out to see if it got any reaction..

Now I know...