Hey everyone, thanks for taking the time out to read my post. First of all I'm sorry if this is in the wrong place, I'm new to these forums and wasn't really sure where to stick this.
I basically met this girl a year ago on a volunteering project. We were together for three months, and in that time we became extremely close friends. We got along really well, and before you know it I found myself falling for her. Unfortunately at the time I was very new to this; I had never fallen for a girl before and I had no idea what to do in order to make something happen between us. I always wanted to escalate but I was worried that she would take it badly or it would make things awkward between us. As you can probably tell, over time I fell into the friendzone because I never escalated the situation; we were close but I never made my intentions clear. What was worse was that everyone, herself included knew that I liked her a lot but I never had the courage to tell her what I needed to. She lost a lot of respect of me because of this (understandably so). After the project ended we moved back home, and by coincidence she actually lived in the same city as me. We came back continuing where we left off, calling and texting each other every day, but never taking things any further. This carried on until eventually one day we went out together to a club with some other friends. To cut the long story short I saw her making out with another guy, I got angry at her and she got angry at me. She called me out on never being able to tell her how I felt out about her, and how she didn't respect me because of that.
Anyways, after this we slowly drifted apart. I saw her a few more times, catching up over a cup of coffee and so on, but things were never the same between us. It was always obvious that there was an elephant in the room that we were both ignoring, which were my feelings for her. Her focus changed back to her job and the other people in her life, whilst mine turned back to my studies (I had just started my first year of medical school at the time). I still had such strong feelings for her, and I resented myself for never having the courage to tell her how I really felt. About this time I started to read more about attraction. The more I read the more I realized that I had nothing to blame her for; it was because my actions that things didn't work out between us. Ultimately I was no where near being the kind of man who could attract a girl like her. So I carried on reading and tried my best to learn how I could improve myself over time.
Anyways, fast forward a few months and I feel so much more confident in myself. I feel like I've been able to make some real positive changes to myself, and I've began seeing better results with women. I'm obviously not an expert, but I feel like I've gone from being a person who had almost no contact with the opposite sex, to someone who can now confidently talk to a woman and try and makes things happen. Things are going as well as they ever have for me. I'm looking to the future, and I can't wait to get out there and keep learning so that I can carry on improving.
The thing is, I still have feelings for this girl. Out of all the girls I've met, I still think that she is someone really special. And not only that, she was someone truly close to me. For a period in my life, she was one of my best friends, someone whose company and personality I used to enjoy and love being around. She actually sent me a text last week, and as soon as I saw it was her a huge smile spread across my face and I felt great. As cheesy as that sounds, there is no one else I've met who just makes me feel that good. A huge part of me wants to see her again, to express my feelings for her and to see if she would be willing to have a fresh start with me. I know that I've finally reached a point in my life where I can look her in the eye and tell her everything that I need to. The thing is, we've grown so far apart that I don't really know where she is in her life right now (the last time I saw her was in May). For all I know she could have another man in her life right now (which I actually think is pretty likely). I'm torn between letting go of the past and moving on, or trying one last time to seize the opportunity with this girl that I think the world of.
So I can go see her, tell her how I feel, apologize for not being a man who was strong enough to win her affection before and ask her if she would be willing to allow me to be a part of her life again. I already know that even if I did do this it probably has a very low chance of success; but for me, just being able to release these feelings, to prove to myself that I could do something that I could never do before, and perhaps even regain some of her respect would be great for me. It may even pave the way for something else down the line. I'm still learning, and this could be the experience that gives me the closure that I need to finally move on with my life. But I'm worried that it has just been too long, that she won't take it very well or that she will just turn around and say that she is seeing somebody else now. Alternatively I can just let it go, forget this girl ever existed, erase her from my life and look the future. I'll never have the closure I think I need, but I'll be able to remove her from my thoughts and focus my energy onto better things.
I know this was a really long post, but it feels great to have finally let out some of my feelings. If anyone has any advice for what I should do in this situation, or even what I would say should I end up seeing her, I would be so grateful. Thanks for taking the time to read the whole post if you did.
Jace
I basically met this girl a year ago on a volunteering project. We were together for three months, and in that time we became extremely close friends. We got along really well, and before you know it I found myself falling for her. Unfortunately at the time I was very new to this; I had never fallen for a girl before and I had no idea what to do in order to make something happen between us. I always wanted to escalate but I was worried that she would take it badly or it would make things awkward between us. As you can probably tell, over time I fell into the friendzone because I never escalated the situation; we were close but I never made my intentions clear. What was worse was that everyone, herself included knew that I liked her a lot but I never had the courage to tell her what I needed to. She lost a lot of respect of me because of this (understandably so). After the project ended we moved back home, and by coincidence she actually lived in the same city as me. We came back continuing where we left off, calling and texting each other every day, but never taking things any further. This carried on until eventually one day we went out together to a club with some other friends. To cut the long story short I saw her making out with another guy, I got angry at her and she got angry at me. She called me out on never being able to tell her how I felt out about her, and how she didn't respect me because of that.
Anyways, after this we slowly drifted apart. I saw her a few more times, catching up over a cup of coffee and so on, but things were never the same between us. It was always obvious that there was an elephant in the room that we were both ignoring, which were my feelings for her. Her focus changed back to her job and the other people in her life, whilst mine turned back to my studies (I had just started my first year of medical school at the time). I still had such strong feelings for her, and I resented myself for never having the courage to tell her how I really felt. About this time I started to read more about attraction. The more I read the more I realized that I had nothing to blame her for; it was because my actions that things didn't work out between us. Ultimately I was no where near being the kind of man who could attract a girl like her. So I carried on reading and tried my best to learn how I could improve myself over time.
Anyways, fast forward a few months and I feel so much more confident in myself. I feel like I've been able to make some real positive changes to myself, and I've began seeing better results with women. I'm obviously not an expert, but I feel like I've gone from being a person who had almost no contact with the opposite sex, to someone who can now confidently talk to a woman and try and makes things happen. Things are going as well as they ever have for me. I'm looking to the future, and I can't wait to get out there and keep learning so that I can carry on improving.
The thing is, I still have feelings for this girl. Out of all the girls I've met, I still think that she is someone really special. And not only that, she was someone truly close to me. For a period in my life, she was one of my best friends, someone whose company and personality I used to enjoy and love being around. She actually sent me a text last week, and as soon as I saw it was her a huge smile spread across my face and I felt great. As cheesy as that sounds, there is no one else I've met who just makes me feel that good. A huge part of me wants to see her again, to express my feelings for her and to see if she would be willing to have a fresh start with me. I know that I've finally reached a point in my life where I can look her in the eye and tell her everything that I need to. The thing is, we've grown so far apart that I don't really know where she is in her life right now (the last time I saw her was in May). For all I know she could have another man in her life right now (which I actually think is pretty likely). I'm torn between letting go of the past and moving on, or trying one last time to seize the opportunity with this girl that I think the world of.
So I can go see her, tell her how I feel, apologize for not being a man who was strong enough to win her affection before and ask her if she would be willing to allow me to be a part of her life again. I already know that even if I did do this it probably has a very low chance of success; but for me, just being able to release these feelings, to prove to myself that I could do something that I could never do before, and perhaps even regain some of her respect would be great for me. It may even pave the way for something else down the line. I'm still learning, and this could be the experience that gives me the closure that I need to finally move on with my life. But I'm worried that it has just been too long, that she won't take it very well or that she will just turn around and say that she is seeing somebody else now. Alternatively I can just let it go, forget this girl ever existed, erase her from my life and look the future. I'll never have the closure I think I need, but I'll be able to remove her from my thoughts and focus my energy onto better things.
I know this was a really long post, but it feels great to have finally let out some of my feelings. If anyone has any advice for what I should do in this situation, or even what I would say should I end up seeing her, I would be so grateful. Thanks for taking the time to read the whole post if you did.
Jace
