RIP David Wygant (apparently) and his take on certainty

[Superlife]

I came across some posts on Twitter and YouTube this week stating David Wygant has died at the age of 60 from brain cancer, looks like last May. Brutal.
Guess it makes sense based on his socials drying up since 2020.
Not only does it suck because of the obvious reasons, but its also concerning a bit based on what he taught.
From some of the most recent stuff I've seen he was about certainty, and being certain you can achieve what you want in life is part of that.
But there are no guarantees so how to come across certain when you really don't know...he spoke in one of his more recent videos about your focus creating your life (or something like that) and I want to believe that but his death seems to have proven him wrong.
(I mean I was certain for awhile and then that completely eroded when all of my goals fell apart so feeling certain I'm the best thing for a girl isn't easy when I have had experiences (major ones) that I wasn't. Maybe it just doesn't matter in the long run and for the moment I'm the best thing and just .. that's it. )
I remember his devotion to Whole Foods (he obviously took fitness and nutrition seriously) and he said he was going to start posting a series about healing and then..
Sucks. RIP Mr. Wygant.

 

[ulrich]

But there are no guarantees so how to come across certain when you really don't know...

and I want to believe that but his death seems to have proven him wrong.

At some point your certainty has to go beyond reason and scratch the realm of faith for you to achieve great things.

Mind this, I am not telling you to be naive or resort to hope as your main criteria.
That is a fool errand.

But having confidence on what you can achieve based on reason… and believing on it just past reason Is the difference between a well grounded man and a charismatic leader.
If you want to inspire others (and yourself) to do things differently and achieve big goals, you will need a little more than reason, math and statistics to do so.

The balance is fickle, though.
You want some faith… but it has to be based on reason… in a clear understanding of what isn’t likely but that CAN be achieved.

That is required to you achieve great things.

 

[Superlife]

At some point your certainty has to go beyond reason and scratch the realm of faith for you to achieve great things.

Mind this, I am not telling you to be naive or resort to hope as your main criteria.
That is a fool errand.

But having confidence on what you can achieve based on reason… and believing on it just past reason Is the difference between a well grounded man and a charismatic leader.
If you want to inspire others (and yourself) to do things differently and achieve big goals, you will need a little more than reason, math and statistics to do so.

The balance is fickle, though.
You want some faith… but it has to be based on reason… in a clear understanding of what isn’t likely but that CAN be achieved.

That is required to you achieve great things.

That makes sense .. but a tall order for me to hit that sweet spot.

I've managed a bit of a comeback in my career and am in some ways better positioned than ever but I'd be lying to say it's easy to be cocky/confident now based on the crap I've experienced in general (not to play the victim card, it's just the reality... a long road back to getting my shit together again.)

Throughout life I've alternated between over-the-top confidence/over confidence in my abilities - which like you say is bad news - and a lack of confidence (which I can overboard with to the point it impacts what I can do well). Black and white. An ugly vicious circle.

Well, something to strive for, have to work on deeper shades of grey! Now it's a matter of deciding how to execute your advice (tangible processes... I think I belong here LOL). Thanks for your post, it helps much!

 

[dsky]

Re "certainty, and being certain you can achieve what you want in life".... I don't believe David meant to imply you can decide and be certain about when and how you die. Rather, while you are alive - quit waiting for death to have confidence and belief in yourself that you can achieve anything. Perhaps his passing is a gift to demonstrate how fragile life is, how blessed we are, to still have this opportunity to do anything we put our minds to. I'm pretty sure that when you're dead, you won't be able to do what you would have like to have done. The time is now. Don't let anything stand in your way of greatness. Let's David's death be the call of the Alamo. Go to war with yourself. What ever it is you want to do - do it now.

 

[dsky]

David actually wrote about in his post:
https://www.davidwygant.com/blog/why-death-is-the-most-powerful-eye-opener/

 

[Superlife]

David actually wrote about in his post:
https://www.davidwygant.com/blog/why-death-is-the-most-powerful-eye-opener/

I was watching a video of his a few days ago where he was saying he was going to be giving dating advice until he was 100 .. yeah we never know right. I have one foot out the door already - sort of, well when I go I go. Life hasn't been easy and eternal sleep, oh well. I've been a hard case on here in the past :LOL, I don't mean to be it's just change seems glacial in pace. "Find new hobbies/adventures". Yeah tried to do that but the small community here has little to offer and what they do is closed off to a few (I'm not exaggerating). I don't want to leave right now as I have an elderly relative here. I've received great advice and I'm trying but there are certainly formidable roadblocks at least for now.

"have confidence and belief in yourself that you can achieve anything"

I hit a wall after I thought I was making the right choices and ended up marrying a woman that wasn't right for me and I still have some guilt over how I didn't want her after awhile and how that affected her self esteem. That was a major conflict with my values. I never want that to happen again. On some subconscious level the downhill slide that started with that is still holding me back with women - it's like being burned by fire really. I guess all I can do is keep telling myself I'll be more careful next time. Thanks for your posts!

 

[dsky]

sounds like you've had some rough speed bumps in your life journey. Copy that brother. I think "find new hobbies/adventures" over simplifies the issue. Life is not a hobbie. Put that way we become depressed when we are not doing the hobby. Let me ask - what is it you'd like to do? The one thing you are not doing, that you always wish you had. (reminds me of when I took up mountain climbing because I simply needed a break from women, to not hurt them or be hurt, to clear my head and get in touch with who I was, and because that's what I really wanted to do).

 

[Superlife]

sounds like you've had some rough speed bumps in your life journey. Copy that brother. I think "find new hobbies/adventures" over simplifies the issue. Life is not a hobbie. Put that way we become depressed when we are not doing the hobby. Let me ask - what is it you'd like to do? The one thing you are not doing, that you always wish you had. (reminds me of when I took up mountain climbing because I simply needed a break from women, to not hurt them or be hurt, to clear my head and get in touch with who I was, and because that's what I really wanted to do).

Well fitness is cool (I don't know about mountain climbing even if I did live near some but hey man respect!). I enjoy acting, but not to be defeatist, the hours of the job I started fairly recently gets in the way of that even on the community theatre level.
Daygame is something I go out and attempt but haven't had the balls to actually go up to a chick for a long time. For one thing it's a relatively small place and I don't want to hit on any underage chicks.

 

[dsky]

Do you know David's book, Always Talk to Strangers? It's the most perfect tag line ever. If I were you, I'd talk to every one you meet. If it's a small town they will learn who you are, what you're about, and what you're looking for in a woman and that your single and into acting and such. I recall watching one of David's videos where he had students hanging out at WallMart where you get a shopping carts, simply talking to every person that walked into the store. It was practice to loosen them up and get them used to talking to strangers so that they had social skills (polite ones) and confidence when they would see a woman they actually wanted to speak to. Kudos on the underage caution. Fortunately, If a girl is hot (and that young) she's used to it and may tell you "Dude- I'm 17". (period). That's your gift to say thank you and get lost fast. But I think you're getting ahead of yourself. It's not illegal to talk. If I were you I would lose the thoughts about sex. You need to start without sex in mind. Otherwise you dead from the start. Girls know. Talk first. This is a useful strategy I use for picking up woman who are with another guy. I talk to them as a group first, as a friendly guy. No sex on the brain. I'll discover if they are married, dating, single, underage. And if she's even someone I want to date. Often she's not (I have high standards, ie self-respect and will only date high-quality woman). You will meet some really cool awesome people this way!! they will invite you to parties, set you up with friends, etc. But first you must get sex off the brain. On the acting thing - you're not the only actor with a day job. When I was taking acting classes (yep, I've tried a lot of differnt things), my classmates would have group meeting to practice. I wonder if you put up a notice at the therater or craigs list and such that you were an actor wanting to practice your craft with other actors but had limted time, you'd find some other actors to work with. That gets you in the backdoor to opportunites like audtions and such, and even heads up for big gigger gigs. It's a question of "is this who I am?", "Is this what I'm here to do?" If the answer is yes, the universe will open doors for you. This can be a good opener for you when you're talking to stangers. When they ask, "what do you do", reply - "I'm an actor". Stick to that. I suspect that will get thier attention. (If it's a hot girl I'd tease her and make her guess at what show I act in, just for a brief moment before telling her about my day job and how I'm practicing to prepare for my big audition.) Primarily - be authentic. Be who you want to be. Pretend. It's OK. As said earlier, at some point it's not going to matter - you'll be dead and noone will care. Care about yourself. do what you want to do. the pussy will follow. Link to Dave's book follows. you really don't need it if you simply open your mouth, and introduce yourself to the next stranger you happen to be hanging out with - "Hi, I'm Daniel. (pause)." It's that simple. Next... "I'm working at _____, while I wait to audition for (insert your dream audition here). "Can I practice on you? Here's the script I'm working on (write it). You be Jane. I'm harry. OK ready,..) Keep it light. And real. Be yourself. do what you feel is authentic. And if someone's rude, brush it off and talk to the next stranger you meet. When talking to stangers - remember - it's about them. Not you. Ask what's going on in their life first. Wait for them to ask you what you're up to. After you've built raport and shown a genuine interest in how thier day is going, they will be more than inspired to connect with you. Do this while you're hanging out waiting to see a woman you really want to talk to. When you see her, invite her in on the acting pratice. Tell her you need help. It's your craft at stake! And can see be Jane. Or not. You don't need to play games. I just see all kinds of potential here. And it's all done being yourself. Dave's book:

Amazon.com

 

[Superlife]

You've given a lot here and that's really cool of you. What you're describing makes a lot of sense. .

My relating to people - "What do you in your spare time? I play video games and watch tv - but hey I was in a play a year ago." I just feel awkward and uncool from the very start. I don't think I can speak to everyone that comes across my path, if my colleagues get wind of it I'm quite certain it would reflect negatively on me (it's the nature of my career). I'll have to travel outside of town which is problematic as my car is an issue for the moment.

My goals in life now are ALL about getting laid. The whole social ladder thing has become an issue. I'm now like, how do I talk to new people without seeming a) a weirdo and b) giving my power away and c) being lower value than someone else. Years of my believing and their believing I'm inferior to other people. I've been brushing up against reading Psycho Cybernetics again - not sure if I read it all before but I also think there's a point to be had about self image holding you back.. I will make sure to check out David's book and thank you for the link. My motivation is in and out. Was watching a video today about how low testosterone can impact that so I think I'll be getting blood work done. To be honest I have shown quite a bit of talent/renown among those who know me in both my career and in acting but despite quite a bit of experience success has been limited. Talent and hard work don't always equal success unfortunately. But I'm still in the game and one day, if I leave here (God knows) things would likely take off for me with my career finally. But yea I'll read David's book and see about working on working out my headspace to talk with people. If nothing else, just so I get on that social space you speak of. However you mention approaching women with men - is sex not motivating you to do so?

 

[dsky]

re: approaching women with men - Hot women are rarely alone. And often it's a man, it's an orbiter or "Friend" (orbitor) who wants to be more than a friend but doesn't realize he's stuck in the friends zone. so you have to approach them both. And you can't / shouldn't open by hitting on her. Because it could be that they are married or more than friends. Which is why it's best to be social and polite and be able to talk to strangers. Once I discover she's not with him, after I've made friends with both, I can ask him - "would you mind if I dated your friend". He's always going to answer no. But that's not why I talk to people. I just like to meet people. I'm single and almost always by myself when I go out, so talking to anyone is better than being lonely and looking like I'm alone. In terms of sex - it's not worth a disease or pregnancy for me to engage unless it's a really hot woman. the other reason is one I think you share - you don't want to hurt someone. I try to "leave them better than I found them" but the truth is having sex isn't casual for most women - it's going to hurt the when you tell them they are not exclusive - that you date and have sex with other women. So I try and limit the hurt. Between that and the potential for the disease and pregnancy (condoms are not 100% effective) sex isn't the first thing on my mind - rather, it's meeting amazing women. I feel really, really lucky. to have avoided getting into trouble. But more over, I've really, really hurt some woman. They were ones that initially rejected me. And when I got the change and upped my game, I fucked them. Just so I could tel myself I got them. Come to think of it, the sex wasn't that great because of that. It's also because I'm not the swinger type. I get engaged emotionally. I've come to notice there are two types - those built for casual sex; those not. I'm the later. If you're the first, just join friend finders and swing. It's more difficult if you're a single man but I got some action that way. It didn't make me happy. I'm not the type that can just fuck.

In regard to "how to talk to new people without seeming being lower value than someone" - I think back to your original post. That is what David was speaking of. You never should feel of lower value regardless of your state and circumstances. You have control over that. Why should anyone be of more value than you? No one gets to decide that except you. So choose to believe you're as good as anyone. Likewise, you and I are not "better' than someone else. We're all doing the best we can. Let's work together and support each other on the mission - to encourage eveyone to do thier "thing". It's not neccessarily a talent as you mention - simply the thing they want to do in life. What if we just encouraged and supported each other to do that. You can get laid in between as much as you and she care to. What you do in between is you "thing". Perhaps the reason you feel less is because you're not doing it? It's not the "thing" that matters, but wheter you are doing it. It's not the doing thing that matters - it's the inspriration others get from seeing you try to do it. Thing is, if you're trying to do it, you are going it.

I got no comment on video games. I do think if you're an actor, you need to be acting in some way shape or form. I'm on my way to Nashville to write songs. They tell me it's competitive, difficult, takes a long time, bla, bla, bla. What they don't understand is I don't care. I'm not stuck on anyone's model of success. I know no one sounds like me (we each have a unique voice so only I can sound like me) and I'm only interested in uplifting those I sing to, not money first (it will follow), so how they can't cut me down. I win by doing it. It's my thing, not theirs (the critics). Those that hear me sing - they get it. What's keeping you from acting? Are you sure that's "your thing". (I don't mean what you're talent is for or not) rather what you would like to do and who you want to be? I think Dave's point was you can be who you want to be. You might not get the starting role, but you can find some way to get some acting in each day. Especiually these days with techonlogy and work from home.

I'd stick to not caring what the locals think. I'd add except for wanting to get laid and playing game, except even that you don't want to hide. I'd falunt it. Not give a fuck. If that's who you are and what you up to, it is what it is. I recall the time I was on a date with my girlfiend and our waitness knew I used to be player (I was actually still playing). She thought she'd get me into trouble by hinting to my GF I was player and dated a bunch of peolpe she knew. Rather than trying to hide and shut her up I joined in on the converstation in an non-argumentvie way. It wasn't the response she was expecting. It caught her off gaurd, made her feel of less value - she's waiting tables. Becasuse I didn't pick her. I picked someone else to take to dinner. Take that! Our waitress broke down and had to leave work early. My date and I finished the nice dinner, went hone and had sex. Never hide or pretend. Be yourself. Tell it how it is. Own it. If you don't like who you are, do someting diffenret to change it. Yes, you do have that power. Choose.

 

[Superlife]

The lesser than thing comes from my past beliefs that I was simply lacking in dealing with life than other people , stems from childhood shit but managed to keep surfacing in adulthood. I've navigated some fairly major shit over the years and I'm still here - I recognize that - but there's more than just remnants of that crap kicking around in my head and still a battle on a frequent basis.
I found with my ex I engaged emotionally soon after sleeping with her and not gonna lie, I am concerned about sex leading to more shitty consequences. You know, I want abundance, not caught in some honey trap where because she's the first one I've d'ed in a long time I stick with her to a bitter ending.
It's not so much the locals I'm concerned about but my career. Let me give you an example: today I was in the one mall of any consequence here and someone who can't stand me (can't say why for sure but I think it's because she probably friends with the mother of a girl that I slept with in a a threesome) passed by. We did not say hi LOL. I encountered her in a theatre group which also has one of my coworkers.. so yeah.. small world right? Seems like pickup isn't well regarded in my field. But having said that, yes if I'm careful with my actions my dating shouldn't be an issue (belief I can make the right decisions.._)

I wanted to be an actor since I was a teenager. I looked at trying professionally recently but it seemed impossible from here considering I have no professional experience, just community theatre. But I hear you.. I should pursue getting an agent for voice work at the very least. All the best to you in Nashville man - again, respect! I hope you post on your adventures, I'd love to read them.

( Like I say, leaving here isn't an option right now..)
Hear you about the hot chicks being with other people in public and funny thing I saw one on her own today.
Couldn't do it. It's driving me fucking crazy.

Here's the good news, something I'm becoming more and more conscious of, more so just since yesterday in fact.
It's the inner fucking critic(s) in my head that are often running the show. I'm far from conscious of it. But I know it's the case and they are fucking relentless. Knowing it, as they say, is the first step to change though.
I know what I have to do. Walk up and say hi my name is.. how's your day going (like I read someone saying on here today - keep it simple). And let it go from there. And start telling myself and meaning it - while I'm not walking perfection I'm still a pretty damn good option.

 

[dsky]

Ya, I think "Hi, my name is ______" would work in a small town well since they've likely seen you around before and maybe wondering who you are or visa versa. then you can simply say (chezzy in a bigger town) "I think I've seen you here before. Are you new in town? I just wanted to reach out and say hello". Makes you seem like a friendly local or a new comer wanting to make friends. In a bigger town I take a differnt approach - I try and get into their head, think about what they might be thinking. Like if their in line at the movie theater, I'd start with "what movie are you going to see? I can't make up my mind. do you know any good ones?" Best out to ya. By being on this site you're at least making an effort which is more that a lot do.

I really feel the work would be a better and happier place if eveyone where doing their thing. Too many depressed (and suicidal) people waiting for death instead of doing it. If acting is really your thing, find a way. Do at least one thing every day towards it. Pick up comes to mind in that regard. If I told a girl I was hitting on I was an actor out of work, I'd ask for her opinion. I'd start by asking her what she always wanted to do, if she's is doing it (it's often "mother" or "housewife" which is a great way for you to know without asking she's not available). the bonus is you then have meet a new friend you can really ask "If you were me, what would you do to get more acting jobs". Who khows, she might know someone at the local theater, or be from LA or someplace she knows someone. It's all about who you know. So the more you know the better.

BTW - I'm possibly one of the shyest, most sensitive guys on the planet. When I get the opportunity to do pickup and a friend sees me talk to a girl, they don't believe me. They flat out tell me it's not true. But it is. When you start a pick up by simply talking to a stranger, it's just talking. And we all do that all the time. The trick is you're heart is beating like a race horse and you've got to fake confidence. The way I stay confident is knowing I am doing somethig they aren't or can't do - I'm talking to a stranger. The stranger could have introduced themselves to me. They did not. Who the better person? Who's making someone's day a little brighter? You will be. If you do this in a genuie and authentic, and non-creepy way, I guarnetee you'll have more woman wanting to have sex with you that you need game for. Change the target from "getting laid" to "talking to stangers, finding out what they do and who they are, and asking for ideas for getting more acting jobs. Watch you languge. Be like Arnold. You are an actor already, not wanting to be one. You're simply between gigs. You are an actor. Who talks to stangers 'cause that's what actors do - they reach out to meet people. And because you're such a great and helpful person, every woman wants to have sex with you. But you only have some much energy (as you've got to practice for acting) so you choose what you want when you want it. D Sky out