Ha!!
I read through all nine types (it took me some weeks), and I was thinking I didn't recognize myself in any of them. I started wondering whether I should just pick one at random and seek to imitate that.
But then I came to the chapter on "what not to do", the one Robert Greene calls
Anti-Seductive Traits. And this passage hit home very hard indeed:
There is nothing more anti-seductive than feeling that someone has assumed that you are theirs, that you cannot possibly resist them. The slightest appearance of this kind of conceit is deadly to seduction; you must prove yourself, take your time, win your target's heart. Perhaps you fear that he or she will be offended by a slower pace, or will lose interest. It is more likely, however that your fear reflects your own insecurity, and insecurity is always anti-seductive. In truth, the longer you take, the more you show the depth of your interest, and the deeper the spell you create.
In a world of few formalities and ceremony, seduction is one of the few remnants from the past that retains the ancient patterns. It is a ritual, and its rites must be observed. Haste reveals not the depth of your feelings but the degree of your self-absorption. It may be possible sometimes to hurry someone into love, but you will only be repaid by the lack of pleasure this kind of love affords. If you are naturally impetuous, do what you can to disguise it. Strangely enough, the effort you spend on holding yourself back may be read by your target as deeply seductive.
Oh yes. I can see myself in that all right!
Just look at my FR "
SportyBalt". It could be a case study on "what not to do" in this chapter of Greene's book. I feel exactly like the Matta fellow he ridiculed in the two paragraphs immediately preceding the above passage.
Insecurity, indeed. Yes, yes, yes. I'm so terrified they're gonna fly the coop, I try to push things before they're ready. With "
LittleSweetheart", I actually had her tell me a few times: "You're good", in response to my worrying aloud whether she'd think I was a man who failed to take action if she didn't go home with me that night. Essentially, I must have pushed her away by wrongly "assuming" I had her, just as Greene says above, and thus revealing my own insecurity. Chase Amante calls it "chasing"; the two writers speak of the same error, just using different terminology.
Chase also talks of cultivating "outcome independence", which is essentially the same recommendation. It's quite a realization. Other writers such as Roissy speak of the danger of letting a girl know you don't care about her, but DO care about whether you possess her, which is exactly the OPPOSITE of what you should do—it makes you seem bitter and frustrated. Creating a seductive atmosphere, by contrast, requires showing care and attention toward the woman herself, but utter indifference as to whether she will be yours. This piques her curiosity beyond description. I actually did it by accident once with a very high-value and extremely young girl, almost 4 years ago, and could have closed her if I'd known what process to follow to move things forward (I didn't).
I don't know yet whether I've lost "
BigSister" yet, but if I have, the warning-signs were plain for all to see: she started panicking and getting frightened when I revealed my desire to isolate with her, and was so relieved and happy when we
made out in the street. Chase says girls normally remember the conclusion of the date best, so hopefully she'll forget about how she refused to move with me and just remember the kiss. Hopefully
Basically, I think before I try to emulate one or other "seducer type", I need to clean up my act and get rid of any anti-seductive behaviors, primary among which are currently chasing and insecurity, i.e. hurrying into intimacy, and excessive investment in the outcome. Patience, as Greene writes, is seductive
I'll take it to heart!
-Marty
