RR: Maintaining Maggie

[The Marksman]

If you would like to read the lead up to this relationship, you can check out the LR here: viewtopic.php?f=5&t=6095

So far things with Maggie have been going well. I set the sexual frame early. We have sex every time that we hangout. we never really do anything date like or couple-esque either. She generally hits me with a text like "Will you stay with me tonight?" to which I will either respond "I think I can manage that" or "I can't tonight but I might have a free night later this week?"

The sex is pretty damn stellar. She's into everything from butt play to light choking, spanking, hair pulling, name calling and dirty talk (fuck my dirty little whatever and come all over my wherever).

We have been doing this for a couple weeks now (as in 3-4 times in the past 2 weeks or so) and I've noticed that she is starting to try and change the dynamic of things.

I first noticed this earlier this week at an AYCD on Wednesday. I left a side room where she had spotted me. It was a trivia event and there were teams, my team of which had a table and her team a separate table across the room. We make eyes and smiles and I stay at the table. I send no texts and no conversation is made, I hangout at the table briefly as it consists of my friends but I'm not involved in trivia. after about 1/2 an hour I get up and go sit at the actual bar which is in an adjacent room and work on some sketch work for a video I'm working on and sit in there and drink.

The following text conversation follows:

Maggie: leave?

Me: Sitting at the bar working lol

Maggie: Well have fun? I'm going home now

1/2 hour later

Good night...

Me: Night lol I'm not leaving for a while

Maggie: Damn I was really wanting to trade great sex for a massage

Me: Ha ha define great sex

Maggie: A little kinkier than usual (;

Me: Which is what? lol

Maggie: ha I'm not telling you details, you would have to find out (;......but since youre busy I guess not...(;

Me: Lol ok well I will text you when I leave if it is not too late since I have to be up at 8 tomorrow

Maggie: I have to wake up then also buuuuut I may be going to bed now

Me: Well my free drinks keep coming lol (I know the bartender this night, and at this point AYCD has been over for an hour, so the drinks are no longer free or as all you can drink lol)

Maggie: Guess free drinks are better than great sex, I see how it is!

Me: lol orrrrrrr you texting me when you're about to go to bed

Maggie: I am now, have fun masturbating tonight though (;

Me: That's what you think lolol I can wait

Maggie: haha ok then sweet dreams Marksman (;

She's clearly intoxicated and wanting, there's no question about that, and the need to qualify that she is better than what I'm diong right now is also there which is why I decline. A) we had sex the night before so I'm not trying to make this an every night thing and B) she can wait.

She had been in a funk last night when I asked if she was going out and when she responded staying in tonight, kind of in a funky mood, all I responded with was well feel better! I'm not your boyfriend, we're not discussing feelings.

I asked her if she was out of her funk today and if she was going out tonight and this convo happened:

Maggie: you should bring your puppy to the quad to keep me company

Maggie: and kind of (out of the funk)...after I get drunk tonight I should be better

Me: I'm headed home lol but my friend is walking her. I have to go home for a driving class tomorrow.

Maggiehhhhh hahah that sucks

Me: yeahhhh hahaha

Maggie: well have fun

Me: Oh yeah loads hahaha don't have too much fun without me lol

Maggie: well you're missing out on a possibly great night with me. Guess I'll just have to find someone else to take your place (;

Me: Oh? that what you really think? haha

Maggie: Yep sorry toots

Me: Well have fun then I suppose hahaha

Maggie: Oh I will remember that crazy kinky night I was talking about...well sucsk for you hahahahah

Me: Enjoy I supppose lol I'll be back Sunday if you decide to wait instead.

Maggie: You'll be gone both nights?

Me: yeah I'm not driving home I have no car right now it was totalled remember? lol

Maggie: Ah

Me: You'll be fine lol or you'll find a replacement like you said

Maggie: K

Maggie: K? lol you suggested replacing me haha

3 hours no response to that last text so I just fired off

Well if the replacement doesn't quite cut it and you want to actually have a kinky night of sex I'll be back Sunday. I'll text you when I'm back in town. Tell him he's a stand in for me until then (; hahaha

A couple things that I realize. One? Probably too much texting, even though it's all sexually driven, I'm giving her too much opportunity to not talk to me directly which has a huge impact on how words can be perceived and how influence can be used. Secondly I think she is trying to set up jealousy plotlines and not liking my indifferent reaction to her replacing me. So here I sit in a position with two options, give in slightly for a while and see her a bit more (which I know is what she is angling for) to get her a bit more invested and secure in things or the alternative which is to maintain frame and keep an air of "if that's how you feel about it lol I'll be here when it doesn't turn out well" which is what I intend to do I think.

Let me know what you guys think and your opinions on the situation thus far.

Thanks!

- The Marksman

 

[Mr. oblivious]

im very inexperienced in maintaining casual relationships but i think its good how you decline offers some nights and you also don't over invest ( go out of your way just to have sex with her)

I reckon you should steer clear of her having sex with another person business in my opinions its kinda unnecessary and it just making extra convo
if you just make your points and stop texting it would probably be better

not sure if any of the stuff i said is accurate or true but im learning so hope its useful

 

[Casanovelis]

I would definitely cut down on the texting a bit. I say you should hold your ground because giving a bit more may not be any different than giving in a lot.

but when you do maintain Maggie, maintain hard.

 

[The Marksman]

UPDATE

Chose to stay my frame path, she's now chasing, asking for me to stay with her at night, and sending me some nicccceeee photos and very interesting texts. I've actually been limiting our interactions further, and have been getting her to chase a little harder.

I reckon you should steer clear of her having sex with another person business in my opinions its kinda unnecessary and it just making extra convo
if you just make your points and stop texting it would probably be better

While I completely agree and normally I would have done just that, I knew that at some point through interacting with her over time that she gets slightly jealous. At one point this weekend I was being playful and said sometimes I just want to shove something in your mouth to shut you up. She replied like your big enough and I shot back how original...dick size jokes...lol and commented on how maybe she should just replace me with some monster cocked guy that would satisfy her better lol and she quickly apologized and began telling me how much she liked all of my body and this that and the other.

tl;dr maintained frame, further limiting interactions, she's chasing harder, all good signs.

Thanks for the comments and suggestions!

- The Marksman

 

[Mr. oblivious]

UPDATE

tl;dr maintained frame, further limiting interactions, she's chasing harder, all good signs.

Thanks for the comments and suggestions!

- The Marksman

What i said is probably not as a big problem for someone as experienced as you and wont flake under pressure keep up the good work

 

[Franco]

Marksman,

I think you need to ask yourself this question (since I didn't see the answer to it in this thread): what exactly do I want with this girl?

If it's just a casual relationship with no hope for a long-term relationship, then you might be hooking this girl too hard.

One of the things we always recommend to guys who want to engage in casual relationships is that they absolutely try to keep the meet-ups no more frequent than 7-10 days apart. The second a girl can tell herself (and possibly her friends) that she "sees you every week," things start becoming very real in her mind, and she'll assume that the relationship's natural progression will head towards exclusivity. If that's not what you want, then you need to be very careful about hurting her at some point if you're planning on seeing other women with no chance of exclusivity in mind.

One of the things that you end up doing when you become more advanced with women is that you begin to categorize them within minutes of meeting them. While I tend to take mostly attractive women to bed these days, I am capable of categorizing them as "non-exclusive" or "exclusive" material usually within minutes (if not, after our first date or first round of sex). That way, I can learn to manage the relationship exactly the way I want to from the very beginning so that she knows where we stand.

Right now, you are maintaining very dominant frame control over this girl and getting her very hooked (because you are seeing her a few times a week), so you should expect that she has pretty high hopes for where this might go. Just make sure to keep all of this in mind if you don't plan on moving things to the next level with her. =)

- Franco

 

[The Marksman]

I appreciate the advice! Anatman and I JUST had a discussion about all this last night as it so happens ha. I couldn't agree more and I've definitely realized that I've hit a plateau and need to do that exact categorization and I definitely figured out what I am looking for in general from any girl, and more specifically from both Dani and Maggie.

Thanks again!

-The Marksman