FU Same Day Date With Girl From Supermarket

[James D]

Howdy gents!

While most of my lays and two gilfriends came from social circle while living in the dorms in university (fun times!), now that this is no longer possible, I've decided to transition into day game.

I've taken up the "Approach 4 girls a day" challenge by Chase from this article: https://www.girlschase.com/content/can-you-approach-4-girls-day-30-days

I just completed Day 14 and this is what happened:

Descriptions:

Me: 23 year old Middle eastern/Indian/Pakistani/Algerian ancestry (I know lol), 5"11, black jeans, plain white t shirt with a patterend black lightweight scarf. White sneakers, couple leather bracelets.

Her: Late twenties local Hong Kong girl, long flowing brown hair, great ass, wearing a long, elegant dress with flower prints.

The Approach:

I enter a small supermarket to get a chocolate. By now, I had approach one girl already (for the four per day challenge) and had grabbed her number.

As I walk in, I notice this beuatiful girl coming my way. We make eye contat. I smile and she smiles back.

I walk up to her:

Me: Excuse me... Do you speak English?

(btw, when approaching local HK girls, I've found it's best to ask them first if they speak english, which gives them enough time to shift to english mode. If you start a conversation by speaking english directly, often they'll just outright ignore you unless they're quite exposed to internationals. In my case, I was daygaming in a very local part of HK where the locals tend to be warry of foreigners)

Her: Uhmm a little bit yeah (nervous smile)

Me: Listen, I walked in (do the point back as Hector describes in MGE), saw you and thought you were... absolutely beautiful and I just HAD to come say hi. So.. Hi

Her: *Big grin* Thank you so much!

Me: *Smiles at her, extending my hand* I'm Jimmy.

Her: *takes my hand" Cassandra!

So the conversation went on for one or two minutes.

Then I grabbed her number and bid her farewell as she said she was busy for the rest of the day.

As I left the supermarket, dropped her a text on WhatsApp saying "Hey, Cassandra, wonderful to have met you "

She replies instantly saying "Have you had lunch?"

I reply "Not yet, and you?"

She replies "Wanna have it together?" to which I reply "Sure, see you in front of (supermarket name)"

The Date

I meet her and we walk to to a Thai food place.

Conversation flows naturally.

She talks about being a teacher and how she loves kids. I briefly relate back to her that I worked as a subsitute math teacher for high school students and there's no better feeling than seeing your students go through that lightbulb moment as you clarify a concept for them. She heartily agrees and pulls out her phone showing an email one of her students wrote her thanking her for her great work.

At the Thai food place, I sit next to her. Lots of incidental touching. I offer to read her palm and make a funny prediction, to which she laughs.

Conversation flows well, with me directing it and she answering my questions, showing me her travel pics, how she wore the saree in India (which I complimented, given how well she rocked it)

She compliments my scarf, saying she thought I was a fashion designer when I walked up to her (good to know the fashion efforts have been paying off!)

A Walk In The Park

We leave the Thai food place, still chatting, my hand touching the small of her back as we cross the roads or even as I make a point.

She seemed comfortable enough. I suggested we check out a pond in the park. She readily accepts.

The Mood Drop

She brings up her ex who she dated for 8 years.

She explains how he was quite famous and how he hacked into her computer after their break up, revealed information about her to a public forum on the internet and how she had to bear cyberbullying for two years.

I could feel the mood dropping.

We had reached the pond and sat down. When she finished her story, she asked me if I'd ever had such a bad experience.

Me: Well, I'm sorry to hear that this happened to you. I've had my fair share of bad experiences too but I admit, nothing on that scale so I genuinely commiserate. But hey, listen, you bounced back and I'm very proud of you for that (shoulder squeeze I say that)

Her: "Thank you"

Me: "And well, whatever happens to us in the past, good or bad, has no bearing on the future. We get to choose how to move forward from now on."

Her: "Yes, you're right"

If i were to gauge her comfort level, I'd say she was not too comfortable. She kept looking at a few other people on the other side of the pond. Her arms were crossed.

I continue escalating the touch, placing my hand on her knee. She does not resist but I would not say she readily accepted it either.

I run my fingers through her hair, smelled it and complimented her shampoo.

She thanks me then says "Let's get going, I have to catch the train and go home"

Me: "Sure, but there's a neat spot I wanna show you" (my location to escalate)

The Escalation Place

It's a rocked bridge in the park. I don't really know how to explain it except that when you get on top, you see the whole park but you are hidden from view.

My ex girlfriend would give me blowjobs there.

Anyway, we get there, which is just 5 min walk from the pond.

We get on top.

The mood has already dropped.

It's not bad but it's not the ideal mood.

I move closer to her as we speak. Twenty seconds later, she moves one step back.

She didn't seem too comfortable but kept the conversation lively.

I moved towards her again, played with her beautiful hair for a bit.

She didn't move away but didn't give much eye contact.

I moved in for the kiss and she turned her head away.

She said she really really had to go.

I knew it was fucked up.

I told her "Wait a minute, let's just chill, the view's so nice"

Her: "Another time perhaps, I have to get going"

I insisted a little bit more but her refusals kept getting firmer and firmer.

I walked her back to the train station, had a good talk, we hugged goodbye.

And that was it

What I think I Did Wrong

I'd love to hear anyone's feedback.

Here's my own:

I have a feeling I escalated too fast and rushed things.

I also feel like I failed to make her very comfortable when the mood dropped.

 

[StrayDog]

I have a feeling I escalated too fast and rushed things.

I also feel like I failed to make her very comfortable when the mood dropped.

yeah pretty much this. there wasn't enough momentum behind the seductive energy. She had just shared and intense story with you, and that mood was hanging over the interaction, and you go for a kiss?

Sometimes we can get fixed on an idea of what we think the next step aught to be. "there is a bench over here I know how to escalate at, and we have been spending some time together already". You have to be adaptive though. You could have change course when the mood dropped and spend more time strolling around to get the mood back up and on a high point pull. That was maybe an option but the date had been going on for a while and you might have risked losing momentum.

I think the biggest flaw was in the date plan. Grabbing lunch. Grabbing lunch is different than grabbing dinner (which I am also not a fan of) because there is the pressure of the day being young and there being other possible things to attend to. This isn't as big as a problem with coffee dates because they are brisk and it is easy to sweep her up in the momentum of it all to where she kind of loses track of all that. But with lunch it is very slow paced and takes up a big chunk of date time and now there is this feeling like "okay well we already spent a bunch of time together, isn't there things I have to be doing?"

If she was super hungry I would have just done a food truck or something that you can easily keep the energy moving. Grab tacos, eat them on the bench in the park. Stroll through the shopping center near your home (or some other bounce) then pull home. Streamline the process.

Next time screen for her logistics before you go to meet her, and adjust accordingly.

Another date option, if she had somewhere she needed to be, would have been a quick 15 min meet and greet coffee style date to hook her deeper, and seed a date proper (maybe at your house?). Then on a high point you bounce like "well I gotta run. We'll stay in touch"

Also. Her bringing up crazy ex, red flag

 

[James D]

Thank you for your reply!

With the lunch tho, it was at most 25 min as we ate thai food in one of those small restaurants.

I get what you mean by those lunches taking a big chunk of time on dates but this one was a rather fast paced one and it seemed like there was much more to the day.

She had just shared and intense story with you, and that mood was hanging over the interaction, and you go for a kiss?

Right...

But after she told the story, she got up and casually proposed to keep walking in the direction of the train station.

At this point I said sure but let's check this cool spot (the rock bridge I wanted to escalate)

Are you saying that I should have, at this point, spent more time getting the mood back up before getting her to the bridge?

Cuz I thought if she accepted the request for the bridge then it meant that compliance was there or am I viewing this in the wrong way?

Sometimes we can get fixed on an idea of what we think the next step aught to be. "there is a bench over here I know how to escalate at, and we have been spending some time together already"

Shit that's 100% one of the problems I face.

I'm always taking girls through those different stages and not being adaptive to her emotions.

Next time screen for her logistics before you go to meet her, and adjust accordingly.

She said she lived quite far away with her mom and my logistics were srewed.

Since she was vibing well and I knew of that quiet spot where I could escalate in enough privacy, I thought of ending up there to escalate.

 

[StrayDog]

Are you saying that I should have, at this point, spent more time getting the mood back up before getting her to the bridge?

no, now that I understand how things went I bit more I think maybe the ship was already sinking at this point. She brought up a heavy story about an ex from 8 years ago (?) plus she was gunning for the train. A real uphill battle here.

Clearly something went wrong before this point. How did you run the 25 min lunch date? What was your decision to bounce when you did? What prompted her to bring up her ex?

Something about the way the date was going prompted her to get all heavy the moment you left tai place.

during lunch what was the vibe like? do you get any micro compliances? was there any touch? what kind of frames were there? what was the overall sense of chemistry and connection like.

I might do a 180 from my original response and say that maybe you bounced (just spit ballin here and see what sticks with you). Maybe there wasn't enough energy and momentum yet for a proper bounce. Also the fact that she needed to catch a train definitely needed to be addressed BEFORE you bounced. That way you two had a clear game plan.

Maybe if you stewed a bit more in the lunch date. Really building the energy, then when you hit a high note you address the logistics "well hey, what time is your train? This is really fun and it'd be great to keep spending time before we are in two different parts of the world again." This gives you two the opportunity to negotiate a reasonable logistical solution and come up with a game plan. Now she has a good reason to not worry about catching her train for the time being. She has a sense of how the day will go and she can relax into the moment. This of course would require investment/compliance before the bounce, and high momentum energy.

It sounds like your game plan was just, gotta get her to this spot to make out. Rather than, how can we collaborate together make this moment great. By the time you left you were already on shaky ground. So the key to what went wrong is in how you ran the date up until that point

 

[TheEcho]

Not sure any special thing is needed for a girl to spiral herself with something as heavy as that. StaryDog's tips sound solid, but I don't think most people have the presence of mind to not sink themselves accidently with a situation like that. (Is still working through losing a 5-year relationship)

 

[StrayDog]

Not sure any special thing is needed for a girl to spiral herself with something as heavy as that. StaryDog's tips sound solid, but I don't think most people have the presence of mind to not sink themselves accidently with a situation like that. (Is still working through losing a 5-year relationship)

I see where you are coming from, but what if he had ran the date different and she had never brought it up in the first place? How many women have you slept with that weren't quite over their ex but you had no idea cause it never came up? How real was this girls baggage, and why was she bringing it up in the first place? Just cause she has baggage does that mean she won't want to shag if you handle her discomfort well? Is it worth shagging her despite her baggage?

What if she was so taken with @James D and the connection they had that for the first time in 5 years that episode with her ex felt like it was finally the distant past. A vague memory she can barely grasp in the presence of James magnetism, let alone bring it up in convo?


I agree that it is a red flag, but I don't think it means the date was dead on arrival. Maybe it would have never even come up if @James D had played things differently. I don't really know the answer, but it is definitely worth exploring the possibilities in order to sharper our seduction abilities

 

[fog]

You were right to escalate, but you did it at the wrong time and in the wrong way.

She was trying to move things forward faster by pursuing a deeper emotional connection with you. She initiated that topic about her ex right?

Ideally you connect with her over her ex story and then act more emotionally closer with her as her compliance rises.

What you did was act polite, did nothing to deep dive her on this topic or create a more close vibe, causing your attainability to drop. Then you went too hard on sexual escalation which caused caused things to go downhill further.

 

[StrayDog]

You were right to escalate, but you did it at the wrong time and in the wrong way.

She was trying to move things forward faster by pursuing a deeper emotional connection with you. She initiated that topic about her ex right?

Ideally you connect with her over her ex story and then act more emotionally closer with her as her compliance rises.

What you did was act polite, did nothing to deep dive her on this topic or create a more close vibe, causing your attainability to drop. Then you went too hard on sexual escalation which caused caused things to go downhill further.

@Skills really helped me to see this after I failed an escalation with a gal who had just gotten out of a relationship. Now whenever a girl brings up this kind of thing I just talk about it with her, and show her how she can open up with me. It has worked wonders on a number of dates since

 

[James D]

during lunch what was the vibe like? do you get any micro compliances? was there any touch? what kind of frames were there? what was the overall sense of chemistry and connection like.

The vibe was good. Yes, there were micro compliances and quite some touch. The overall sense of chemistry was like "there's potential to this courtship" During the lunch, she was clearly enjoying herself.

Maybe there wasn't enough energy and momentum yet for a proper bounce.

I feel like this is it.

The energy started off good but there wasn't much of a sense that the energy was getting built up.

Or that the vibe was escalating.

It sounds like your game plan was just, gotta get her to this spot to make out. Rather than, how can we collaborate together make this moment great.

Yeah, in retrospect, it seems like this was my game plan. *facepalm*

Any suggestions to change that mindset?

What if she was so taken with @James D and the connection they had that for the first time in 5 years that episode with her ex felt like it was finally the distant past. A vague memory she can barely grasp in the presence of James magnetism, let alone bring it up in convo?

Agreed, yes.

 

[James D]

She initiated that topic about her ex right?

Yes she did. And you're right, it seemed to be coming from a point of wanting to connect on a deeper level.

Ideally you connect with her over her ex story and then act more emotionally closer with her as her compliance rises.

I thought about it on the spot. My thinking was that any topics about an ex would not be good for the seduction.

So I was trying to get away from that.

What you did was act polite, did nothing to deep dive her on this topic or create a more close vibe, causing your attainability to drop. Then you went too hard on sexual escalation which caused caused things to go downhill further.

Essentially yes, that's what I did.

 

[James D]

there wasn't enough momentum behind the seductive energy.

Could you expand more on that?

 

[Chase]

Nice job tackling the 4-approaches-per-day challenge, man.

Lots of great feedback here, especially from @StrayDog.

A couple things that stand out to me, @James D, are that:

1. This girl impulsively texted you AFTER you left the supermarket to ask you out to lunch HERSELF
   
   
2. She then shortly after lunch dropped her big bomb that her famous ex obliterated her name online and made her a huge online target

These two things are probably connected. It looks like she’s lonely and feels isolated, and you being a foreigner means “he doesn’t know who I am and has no idea about any of this drama.” So she wanted to meet you ASAP before you got away — but she still wanted to get the drama story out in the open.

Agree with StrayDog the drama story is a red flag. What “information” did the famous ex reveal that pissed people off so much they hounded her for two freaking years? Most troll storms are over pretty fast. What exactly did this chick do, lol?

The fact that she dated one guy for 8 years means she’s probably inexperienced for her age, a bit clueless/awkward with guys, and may be prone to slipping off topic like that. (the other option is she is BPD, which would explain all of the drama with the ex, her driving her ex crazy, her impulsivity in pursuing you, and her pouring her heart out to you immediately after meeting you)

Anyway, when you get a deep negative reveal, sometimes you can’t change the topic and need to focus on bringing the girl back up from it. So you just show some curiosity about it, “Geez. What exactly did he reveal that made people hate you for TWO years?” “So what’s that like, getting hammered online for two years? Do you get PTSD just going on the Internet?” Etc.

Then once she’s had a chance to vent, you can bring her back up: “So what’s your recovery been like? How’re you feeling these days?” “Has it made you hate men forever?” Etc.

You need to pace and lead her back to positivity.

Tactics Tuesday: Pace Her Reality (& Guide Her Emotions)

You’re with a group of three girls you’ve just met at a nightclub, and you’ve really hit it off with one of the girls, this girl Ava. She’s cute, perky, and a whole lot of fun. Suddenly, you’re yanked out of an engrossed conversation with Ava by a fracas nearby; one of the other girls in the...

www.girlschase.com

If it’s really deep stuff she’s unloading, you can’t just do, “Welp, that totally sucks. Anyway, let’s make out!” because she’s just not in the head space for that yet. You have to pace her reality, then lead her to it.

It might not be totally blown with this girl… the awkwardness of trying to kiss her after she just opened up to you is bad. But on the other hand there’s a fair chance she’s awkward and inexperienced enough / lonely enough that it won’t be a deal breaker for her.

There is also the chance she is the psycho… in which case it won’t be a deal breaker for her either, lol… you are just going to have to try to meet up with this girl again and find out more: innocent lonely victim or justly-targeted psychopath? Remains to be seen!

If she’s hot enough, it’s probably worth finding out… I know I’m curious…

Chase

 

[James D]

Nice job tackling the 4-approaches-per-day challenge, man.

Thanks

Approach anxiety left by day 4 or 5 I think.

No harsh rejections except one girl who was clearly in a bad mood but I decided to approach just to confirm whether she would really reject me... and she did lol. Guess she must have been having a bad day.

Anyway, when you get a deep negative reveal, sometimes you can’t change the topic and need to focus on bringing the girl back up from it. So you just show some curiosity about it, “Geez. What exactly did he reveal that made people hate you for TWO years?” “So what’s that like, getting hammered online for two years? Do you get PTSD just going on the Internet?” Etc.

Then once she’s had a chance to vent, you can bring her back up: “So what’s your recovery been like? How’re you feeling these days?” “Has it made you hate men forever?” Etc.

You need to pace and lead her back to positivity.

Thanks for this reply, pace and lead is something I need to learn. Reading the article ASAP.

It might not be totally blown with this girl…

I think it blew cuz she blocked me on WhatsApp

Which is a first for me, except for the time I tried to sleep with a girl who had a boyfriend in dorms and she blocked me immediately after refusing to kiss despite coming over to my room to "watch a horror movie"

Also, speaking of this date's failure...

I re-read this great article you have on date trajectories: https://www.girlschase.com/article/...e conversation,sexual topics, humor, and vibe

For quick reference for anyone reading, these are the steps of a successful date that lends in intimacy:

1. Greetings/formalities
2. Small talk to initiate conversation
3. Meaningful connection to further bonding
4. Increasing closeness/touch on high points
5. The arrival of sexual topics, humor, and vibe
6. An increase in sexual factors, closeness, and touch, alongside a decrease in meaningful verbal communication
7. Movement to somewhere private, where the escalation to intimacy begins

Thinking back to a few failed escalations in the past, it seems I get stuck on unlocking point 6:

"6. An increase in sexual factors, closeness, and touch, alongside a decrease in meaningful verbal communication."

I run steps 1 to 5 easily on automatic.

The sticking point is step 6. Actually, even with this girl from this report, I can definitely feel that one of my mistakes was jumping from step 5 to step 7.

I can also think of successful escalations that I had and step 6 was always there.

The key words here are increase in sexual factors and decrease in verbal communication.

I can touch girls easily and have it well received.

But taking that touch, closeness and sex talk and escalating it to a point where the energy drops below the waistline (thinking of those successul escalations) where you KNOW something has to happen...

That's something I'm not being consistent at.

When I succeeded, it just kinda happened.

Is that something that comes from experience?

I don't know if it would be a good topic to expound on given that it's such a nuanced thing.... it's not about telling guys they have to touch girls but more like how to progressively increase it.

I pulled Hector's book for the lay reports and I'm reading successful lay reports on the boards to try to learn by osmosis the mechanisms behind unlocking step 6.

Great stuff though!

What a learning experience!

Can't wait to get better and better at this

 

[Calibration]

"6. An increase in sexual factors, closeness, and touch, alongside a decrease in meaningful verbal communication."

After my last date went bonkers, I've taken a huge step back and analysed all my dates that have failed and this is exactly where I've lost a lot of them.

Although your point 6 is the logical next step, from my own experience, I'd "fractionate" here. More than the red flag of talking about her ex, I think this was the deal breaker.

Persistence without fractionation is uncalibrated and not calibrating is a huge attraction killer. It comes across as weird since she thinks you're being pushy (Specially when she was not ready for escalation).

 

[James D]

and this is exactly where I've lost a lot of them.

Cool you've spotted that!

What I'm doing right now is going back through dates that did work and try to examine how that point 6 came about.

Persistence without fractionation is uncalibrated and not calibrating is a huge attraction killer

True that!