FR Saturday at our usual bar with Mr. Slick

[Prometeo]

Last Saturday Night – The Return of the Girl from the Past
This Saturday, I went out with a friend to our usual bar. We know the vibe well, so I suggested we take it easy that night: no scanning the venue, no chasing. Just relax, enjoy a drink, and if the moment called for it, engage from a place of comfort—no pressure.

---

The Girl from the Past
While we were sitting at the bar, a very attractive girl walked in. I had interacted with her months ago. Back then, we texted a bit, flirted lightly, but she told me she had a boyfriend. I let it go. At this point, I’m not even interested in messaging games—I’d rather things happen live or not at all.
She walked straight up to us and started talking. I stayed seated and relaxed throughout the conversation. I didn’t let her presence pull energy from me. I was playful, threw in some soft teases, and she showed clear signs of interest: strong eye contact, physical touch, looking straight at me. My friend noticed and tried to jump in, but the vibe made it obvious—there was no room for him.
At one point, she focused on a comment my friend made about her looks, but right after that, she turned to me and asked:

“Don’t you remember my name?”

I replied:

“You’re not that important.”

That sparked a strong reconnection.
Then she said:

“I’m going to say hi to some friends, I’ll be right back.”

I told her:

“If you’re not coming back, just say it. No need to lie.”

She smiled and said:

“No, really—I’ll be back! They get annoyed if I don’t say hi.”

As soon as she walked off, I told my friend we should move from the bar. I didn’t want it to look like I was waiting around or orbiting her. We grabbed a table.

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New Group, Playful Energy
Two girls came up to greet my friend. We started chatting, and I kept it playful. One of them was from Milan, so I joked:

“Can’t be that great a city if you left it.”

In the middle of this, the girl from earlier came back with a few friends we already knew by sight. She joined our group, and they started guessing our jobs. No one could guess mine, so I let the game drag out a bit to keep the energy up. Eventually, I revealed it so my friend wouldn’t get bored. The girl was very into the game and was clearly focused on me.
She stayed close after that: lots of eye contact and touch. She didn’t move away when I got closer. She smiled, touched me, leaned in. At one point, we were playfully arm-wrestling with her friends. I said one of the guys would beat me because of his biceps, and the guy said:

“You’ve got pretty good biceps too.”

Then she jumped in with:

“I have biceps too!” — and we playfully arm-wrestled.

She also said:

“I don’t like girls with biceps, but I do like guys with defined ones.”

This came right after her friend complimented me. No doubt, she was being pretty open.

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Holding Frame & Closing the Night
All night, I felt like I was leading. I wasn’t needy. I joked around, stayed grounded, didn’t chase easy validation. Before she left, I said:

“This is probably our last conversation, because you’ll leave me on read again.”

She replied:

“No! I promise I’ll text you.”

The next day, she replied to an old message she had left me on read. I kept it playful. She asked:

“What am I supposed to do with all those punches you’re throwing?”

Then I replied:

“Pick them up… and invite me out.”

She said:

“If I collect them all, I’ll run out of room at home. And I’m the one who has to invite you too?”

I ended with:

“Don’t invite just anyone—it has to be earned.”

---

Some Questions I’d Love to Hear Opinions On:
1. Is she actually flirting out of genuine desire, or just feeding her ego?
She showed clear signs of attraction—physical contact, eye contact, playful banter, active engagement. But I’m not sure if there’s real intent behind it or if I’m projecting. She told me she had a boyfriend, and even though that didn’t stop her from flirting that night or texting afterward, I still wonder if it was just about feeling desired.
2. How can I build more attraction without breaking the frame?
So far I’ve managed to keep a secure, playful, laid-back energy. How can I calibrate and take a step forward in person, without rushing it or staying in this grey zone forever?

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What’s your take on all this?
Do you see clear signs she wants more, or am I fooling myself?
And what would be the best next move without killing the frame?

P.S. Just to be clear—I don’t care if she has a boyfriend or not. That’s not going to be a limiting factor for me. If I decide to move forward, I won’t hold back just because of that. I’m only mentioning it because it makes her flirting harder to fully interpret.
Any comments or alternative perspectives are very welcome.

 

[OldGuy]

Genuine desire. Did she tell you about the boyfriend this time? Having a boyfriend some months ago does not mean having one now. If she does have a boyfriend, she may be looking for an upgrade or for better genes.

 

[Prometeo]

Genuine desire. Did she tell you about the boyfriend this time? Having a boyfriend some months ago does not mean having one now. If she does have a boyfriend, she may be looking for an upgrade or for better genes.

Back when she told me about her boyfriend (a while ago), she said it was the first time she wasn't the one who was more in love in the relationship. Then, like she told me on Saturday, she has no problem making the first move if she likes someone. And of course… she didn’t make a move, so that left me kind of puzzled

But she did confirm that she still had a partner. Though, to be fair, that was because I asked her—joking around with her friend about going to a swingers' club. From what I saw, they had no idea what that even was.

 

[OldGuy]

She walked straight up to you. Then asked if you remembered her name. These are the first move.

 

[Prometeo]

She walked straight up to you. Then asked if you remembered her name. These are the first move.

Now my doubt is: if the chance to be alone with her comes up, I won’t be as cautious as I was before — but I’m not sure if bringing up the idea of a kiss would be too soon or not.

 

[Skills]

She is game just don't bring up the boyfriend and if she does... Subcommunicate:

-that you don't want to end relationship

-you sre super discreet and don't kiss and tell

- you don't judge

- you will not be clingy or stalkerish...

 

[Tryst]

I replied:
"You're not that important."

Did this come off as a joke, or all deadpan?

I told her: "If you're not coming back, just say it. No need to lie."

Never ever ever do this, it's uncalibrated. If she wants to leave smoothly without having to explain herself, it's not your right to force her. The social games we play are all about maintaining plausible deniability, and you shouldn't fuck with that. It also comes off a little lame, "girls normally walk away from me to go to the bathroom and then never come back, are you gonna do that to me too?"

As soon as she walked off, I told my friend we should move from the bar. I didn’t want it to look like I was waiting around or orbiting her. We grabbed a table

Nice.

Before she left, I said: "“This is probably our last conversation, because you’ll leave me on read again.”

Same as before - I hope you came off really teasing in a "you are such a loser" sort of way. As a general rule, don't even acknowledge disinterest from the girl - you didn't even notice it; it's not in your reality.

Then I replied: “Pick them up… and invite me out.”

I'm getting an overall vibe of a guy who isn't confidently moving forwards. She's opening you, she's inviting you to tease her "You don't even know my name?" and you seem to come off rock-solid serious, when you could just be having fun with it. Of course, I'm only reading the words through a screen; I don't know what your vibe is with this girl. None of what I've quoted is necessarily bad; it depends on the subcommunications you've used. It seems to be working for you, so I'll assume you've done it well.

But for anyone else reading who isn't quite sure: don't, in general, ask the girl to take the lead. Just take it yourself. You're the man.

I ended with: "It has to be earned"

Trying a little bit too hard, perhaps?

Again I don't know the in-person subcommunications and I don't have the rest of the text conversation, but it all seems a little cold and stilted, when it should be fun and light and not a big deal and not serious. You asked her to take the masculine role, and she responds by trying to lighten it up a little with her tease, and then you just gave the rock solid "It has to be earned." Man, give her something! She wants to be lead! Don't make a big deal of an invitation, it's just "I'm going here tonight, come join me, it was fun to see you." Don't draw undue attention to the escalation!

She showed clear signs of attraction—physical contact, eye contact, playful banter, active engagement. But I’m not sure if there’s real intent behind it or if I’m projecting.

Doesn't matter. IoIs, escalate. If she doesn't have real intent she'll reject your escalation and then you start gaming for real. If she does have real intent, you're escalating towards sex. Don't plague yourself with such questions.

If you're ever unsure of a girl's attraction to you, try to qualify her, kino her, or move her. You never have to be confused; you'll find out immediately when you test for compliance.

She told me she had a boyfriend, and even though that didn’t stop her from flirting that night or texting afterward, I still wonder if it was just about feeling desired.

Who gives a fuck? Just keep pushing and find out. No need to get all philosophical. As you get more experience, you'll just "feel" the answer without having to test, but for now, just test it.

2. How can I build more attraction without breaking the frame?

Ah, now I get it. The whole FR seems to be you refusing to properly IoI and escalate on a girl who is IoIing you - probably because you're terrified of looking like you're chasing or overly interested. Man, you have to give something back. Don't stress about "frame." Have fun with people! Tease her, put your arm around her, move things forwards!

Do you see clear signs she wants more, or am I fooling myself?

She opened you, she texted you, she constantly invites you to share a fun vibe with her... make a move and find out.

And what would be the best next move without killing the frame?

Try to fuck her?

first time she wasn't the one who was more in love in the relationship.

Translates to "please game me." There is SO MUCH you can do with this; dive into it and frame the boyfriend as some lame loser guy, and her doing charity work by being with him, "Yeah, I mean, you have to sympathise with him. This is probably the first time he's ever managed to get a hot girl to be in a relationship with him, so it's only natural that he'd always try to impress you so you keep around him for as long as possible. He knows it can't last."

she didn’t make a move, so that left me kind of puzzled

??????

but I’m not sure if bringing up the idea of a kiss would be too soon or not.

Do you have to bring up the idea of a kiss, or you can you just try to kiss her, and see what happens? Does everything have to be a big deal, or can things just happen?

Beginner stage in PU for most guys is easy. You just have to learn to make moves on girls who like you, and see what happens. Just be the sort of guy who invites girls to his room, or drags them close to him by the waist. Don't pussyfoot around waiting for the perfect AFC moment. Just make moves. You'll figure out the rest later.

This is how guys get laid in the real world. They don't have super 1337 PUA stylezzz game, they just make moves on chicks. It's no big deal to them. I remember when I first saw this, my housemate said "just invite some girls over", and it kind of shattered my reality. Guys on university campuses just meet girls and invite them to things, and, bam, they get laid. They don't really care what happens, they just throw it out.

Just make moves.

Good FR.

- Tryst

 

[Prometeo]

Thanks for your reply, really. It made me reflect quite a lot as I was reading it, and I really appreciate that you brought up different points—even without knowing the tone behind my words, which I know can be hard to grasp through a screen.

On that note, I wanted to clarify something: the comments I made, which might have come off as passive-aggressive or blunt, weren’t meant that way at all. The tone was more playful, teasing, kind of a push-and-pull dynamic—not serious or cold. I understand how they could read as flat or harsh, but that wasn’t the intention.

What’s happening is that I’m currently in a process of breaking away from my old self, who was overly accommodating—especially with women I found very attractive. I used to idolize them, flatter them too much, and basically put them on a pedestal. Now I’m trying to shift that dynamic, and part of that is allowing myself to tease, to play, to not always give validation right away. The downside is that sometimes I overdo it, and I stay more in the “push” than in the “pull.” I struggle with finding that limit, and I know that in other situations it’s gotten out of hand too.


In this specific case with the girl, I noticed a different vibe from her that night—more engaged and open—and that encouraged me to lean more into that playful energy. But, like I said, I appreciate the reminder that timing and balance are key, and I’m still working on mastering that.

I also acknowledge something you pointed out: sometimes I make remarks that give off this “defeated guy” vibe, and that comes from my old pattern of putting myself below the woman I liked. Even though I’ve started to play more with teasing and back-and-forth, some of that old mindset still slips in from time to time.

So again, thank you for the thoughtful feedback. It’s helped me gain more awareness of these patterns and reminded me to keep refining my approach—finding more balance and avoiding extremes.