Say nothing or explicitly say I'm leaving?

[waitwhathuh]

Wondering if I can get some advice on which is better.

The situation it pertains to:

I know girl for 1 year. I start to chase girl a lot. Girl starts ignoring me. I go nuts, every once in a while I spam her, asking her to talk.

Eventually, she sends me this: " " . I just say "Thank you" and leave. The next day, she sends me "Goodnight (nickname)"

A week later, I ask her to do an activity, she ignores but half an hour later just says "Night" and logs off.

I think she just wanted my attention back after I said thanks and left..and is now content that she got it back after I asked her to do the activity. Soooo I can either leave and say nothing (she might think I just accepted loss and gave up) or I can explicitly say the communication here isn't working and I'm off.

Which is better?

 

[Frost]

Just stop contacting her. If she talks to you you can be polite and give straight answers but not more.

Girls don't do well when you ignore them, especially if they think you still like them. So when you start to ignore her she will try to get your attention back, and once she feels like she has it, she will get that ego boost back and forget about you.

 

[Suave]

However I don't think it's worth the efforts to try getting a girl you've already chased hard. If you really want to, cut contact, no need to tell her anything, you're not really talking anyway..

And hey! Go get some other girls, you'll forget about her much faster than you think.

 

[waitwhathuh]

Just stop contacting her. If she talks to you you can be polite and give straight answers but not more.

Girls don't do well when you ignore them, especially if they think you still like them. So when you start to ignore her she will try to get your attention back, and once she feels like she has it, she will get that ego boost back and forget about you.

That's what I initially thought. This thing is, after she tried to get my attention back, I should've left it. But I already did give her that attention by making her that offer. So she probably already feels like she's won.

She will probably tell herself that I just gave up or that I accepted a loss. I've already left her for like a month at a time and stuff. But I guess if I reach out and tell her I'm cutting things, she might not risk trying to get my attention again?


Also, why did she bother to say "Night" that day I offered her the plan? To let me know that she had indeed seen my message it and to make me mad?

 

[windsofchange]

Waitwhat,

As someone whose been in that confusing position, I can say with safety: move on and cut ties if need be. It's definitely not what you want to hear, and it will hurt, but you need to do it. If she was interested, you'd already be dating her. At this point, don't worry if you've 'made her win', just cut your losses and move on. Any more time and effort you spend trying to analyze her behaviours will just be you investing in and chasing her (which will only just amplify your feelings of one-itis). Forget that she texted you Night.

Approach other girls, improve yourself and you'll move on naturally. Cheers and good luck.

 

[waitwhathuh]

Waitwhat,

As someone whose been in that confusing position, I can say with safety: move on and cut ties if need be. It's definitely not what you want to hear, and it will hurt, but you need to do it. If she was interested, you'd already be dating her. At this point, don't worry if you've 'made her win', just cut your losses and move on. Any more time and effort you spend trying to analyze her behaviours will just be you investing in and chasing her (which will only just amplify your feelings of one-itis). Forget that she texted you Night.

Approach other girls, improve yourself and you'll move on naturally. Cheers and good luck.

Thanks for your post. There's not necessarily anything I'm wanting to hear more than anything else. I'm mainly just curious as to her reason for saying Night. Wondering if it is indeed rubbing in or something else.

I also know deep down that this is all just psychology and there's no such thing as "the one".

 

[windsofchange]

I don't think it's rubbing it in or her trying to get your attention back for any malicious reason. In fact it's probably the complete opposite. I think she's trying to be nice and sparing your feelings. Hoping that if she doesn't reject you outright, but not completely ignore you either, that it would hurt you less. Based on past experience (past spamming behaviour), maybe she thought you would do it again if she outright just ignored you.

It feels like she's rubbing it in from your point of view, because you feel hurt since she doesn't give a clear answer. She feels she's being nice because by not rejecting you outright, she doesn't have to feel like the villain. Nothing malicious at all.

 

[waitwhathuh]

I don't think it's rubbing it in or her trying to get your attention back for any malicious reason. In fact it's probably the complete opposite. I think she's trying to be nice and sparing your feelings. Hoping that if she doesn't reject you outright, but not completely ignore you either, that it would hurt you less. Based on past experience (past spamming behaviour), maybe she thought you would do it again if she outright just ignored you.

It feels like she's rubbing it in from your point of view, because you feel hurt since she doesn't give a clear answer. She feels she's being nice because by not rejecting you outright, she doesn't have to feel like the villain. Nothing malicious at all.

I would really love this to be the case. And perhaps I'm over-reacting. But our method of communication isn't text. It's an online thing where you can only message the person when they're online, or send mail. So after j said thanks, she knew I was content and had left.

She made an explicit decision to revive contact after I left the next day and she knew she'd never hear from me.