- Joined
- Apr 12, 2024
- Messages
- 7
A symptom of a larger problem: I was just reminded of a case that happened to me 2 and a half years ago - a missed opportunity of sorts.
Some of the details: while on a nighttime cruise from South Korea to Japan, I went to try the onboard Onsen. It was gender segregated and close to closing time and I was alone inside, so I took off all my clothes. When I was finished but didn't get dressed yet, a young Japanese staff member went inside and was surprised to see me as she quickly closed the door and apologized. She didn't really get to see anything since I was facing the other way.
After that, I got dressed and met her outside - she just told me that she thought it was empty (usually people leave their shoes outside). I was casual and laughed about it, and got on my way. But later, I had this uneasy feeling of a missed opportunity for flirting, something along the lines of “Well, now it’s my turn to see you”. I later saw her playing with another crewmate at the Karaoke room. I couldn't bring myself to engage and try something. A dilemma I face every time I'm at a situation like that(should I try, should I leave).
This is not the first time I am suddenly reliving this feeling of regretfulness and loss. Being unable to deal with the fact I can never know what would've been had I acted differently. With my mind creating deep fantasies about the magnitude of this occasion - of it being the biggest deal ever that could've changed the entire trajectory of my life, rather than just another interaction. The scenarios your mind can conjure up are so fantastic, that every such miss tends to weigh extremely heavily - leading to it being remembered even years after the fact.
And yet, I don't feel as if it would lead me to action in the next opportunity. And in practice, it is not the first time I have such a deep regret for a missed opportunity - in terms of girls or otherwise (one of those was almost a decade ago, when I was 18 and working facing customers and a girl showed some interest but I was too scared to make a move). In fact, this feeling only makes me feel like nothing will compare to the thing I missed, so I don't even want anything else.
I'm aware this line of thinking comes from a scarcity mindset, but I believe even if I were in total abundance, I would have these same thoughts and feelings- Every missed chance is an end-of-the-world scenario, while every success is minimized.
Admittedly, it is quite extreme in my case of an OCD mind, but I wonder - do you guys also experience such issues? And if so, how do you deal with them?
And in this specific case - was my fear of trying something too overt as mentioning the fact she almost saw me naked justified, or can it actually work?
Some of the details: while on a nighttime cruise from South Korea to Japan, I went to try the onboard Onsen. It was gender segregated and close to closing time and I was alone inside, so I took off all my clothes. When I was finished but didn't get dressed yet, a young Japanese staff member went inside and was surprised to see me as she quickly closed the door and apologized. She didn't really get to see anything since I was facing the other way.
After that, I got dressed and met her outside - she just told me that she thought it was empty (usually people leave their shoes outside). I was casual and laughed about it, and got on my way. But later, I had this uneasy feeling of a missed opportunity for flirting, something along the lines of “Well, now it’s my turn to see you”. I later saw her playing with another crewmate at the Karaoke room. I couldn't bring myself to engage and try something. A dilemma I face every time I'm at a situation like that(should I try, should I leave).
This is not the first time I am suddenly reliving this feeling of regretfulness and loss. Being unable to deal with the fact I can never know what would've been had I acted differently. With my mind creating deep fantasies about the magnitude of this occasion - of it being the biggest deal ever that could've changed the entire trajectory of my life, rather than just another interaction. The scenarios your mind can conjure up are so fantastic, that every such miss tends to weigh extremely heavily - leading to it being remembered even years after the fact.
And yet, I don't feel as if it would lead me to action in the next opportunity. And in practice, it is not the first time I have such a deep regret for a missed opportunity - in terms of girls or otherwise (one of those was almost a decade ago, when I was 18 and working facing customers and a girl showed some interest but I was too scared to make a move). In fact, this feeling only makes me feel like nothing will compare to the thing I missed, so I don't even want anything else.
I'm aware this line of thinking comes from a scarcity mindset, but I believe even if I were in total abundance, I would have these same thoughts and feelings- Every missed chance is an end-of-the-world scenario, while every success is minimized.
Admittedly, it is quite extreme in my case of an OCD mind, but I wonder - do you guys also experience such issues? And if so, how do you deal with them?
And in this specific case - was my fear of trying something too overt as mentioning the fact she almost saw me naked justified, or can it actually work?
