Screening question - invisible or go more ambiguous?

[Michal]

Hello,

Recently I have been playing around with screening because that is something that I have been neglecting. And if you do that like I did past year, you can end up with starting something with or just investing in a girl who has some baggage, issues or is not a great match for you.

My question is whether I should aim my screens to be invisible to girls or not? Or make them more ambiguous?

What I mean is not straight questions like "do you smoke?" or "do you like rock climbing?" where it is extremely obvious why I am asking. With questions like these, sometimes the "right" answer is not obvious (like the rock climbing). But sometimes, if I were to ask whether the girl is a junkie or had a problem with addiction in the past, she surely knows that saying No is the right answer. I doubt guys are all like "hell yea, addicted chick, let's get it on", so she decides to say No, not to lose a chance with me. Especially if I ask in a way that could make it seem like it is a deal breaker for me (like "do you have kids" question). Therefore I lower my chances for getting an honest answer. And honest answer (or information about the reality) is what I want.

Sometimes I make a statement which implies to a girl that I am looking for something more serious like "nowadays I see a lot of girls who just go after sex and dont really care about the guy, they just want the excitement and some hot stud for a night" (just an example from top of my head). And the girl starts the typical girl thing where she qualifies herself like "I care about who I sleep with, I am very picky" or like "I would never do that, I never sleep with strangers". And suddenly, I cannot know whether she is saying that to have a better shot with me (because she recognizes an opportunity to show her standards or qualities) or because she believes that and trully behaves with alignment of what she just said. And I want to maximize situations where girls answer because of the latter.

I hope my question is understandable and the reasoning for it.

Michal

 

[Fuck This]

Don't ask questions (or make statements) you won't like the answers from.

If you want a woman to be excited and hot then lead with screening questions in that direction. BF DQ's at first meeting is premature.

In the case of screening for a SNL for example:

"I love the excitement of meeting someone for the first time and finding out what stirs their passion. What makes you excited? Do you like adventures? What is the most exciting thing you have done?"

This puts her in a mindset of a memorable adventure, and that you might provide her with one. It is not a sex question, but if she answers with an answer that points that way it is a huge escalation window.





"

 

[Chase]

Michal-

To add to what Fuck This notes...

• If you want to use the screen to lead her, make it visible and put pressure on it, with a clear right/wrong answer

• If you want to use the screen to genuinely learn about her, make it less visible and lower pressure, with no clear right answer

e.g., let's say you want to find out if she's genuinely picky. The framing for that looks something like this:

"So what were your last three hookups like?"

It's open-ended, there's an assumption built-in that she's had at least three hookups somewhat recently, and there's no clear judgment in there. The response you get will be a lot closer to the truth.

Let's say instead you don't really care about what guys she hooks up with or how she hooks up with them. Instead you just want to make her more open to hooking up. Then you use a screen that clearly directs her toward a certain answer (Fuck This example). With an example like FT's, you have a certain amount of pressure/judgment built in: you are expecting her to be excitable, to like adventure, and she's going to feel a little awkward/lame saying "Well, I don't really get excited" or "I'm not really that adventurous" -- she still may, but she'll be more hesitant, and it's easier to nudge her in the direction you want ("Oh, come on... you get excited SOME times! What excites you?").

Just need to make sure you pick the right style of screen for your desired outcome: ambiguous/open-ended for honest answers, directed/some pressure/judgment for directed answers.

Chase