People
Me: early 30s Asian entrepreneur
Her: early 30s Asian girl, works in sales, ex flight attendant, big pretty eyes and face, curvier for an Asian
Background
From last week, I've been working on sexualizing my dates. And I made the bold claim that from now on I'm going to be sexual during all my dates, and always go for the pull on the first date. And this was a perfect opportunity to put it to the test again.
The Meet
Went out cold approaching in the fashion district. Spotted a stylish thin Asian girl looking at some street vendor wares, with another couple very close by blocking the space. I first passed by her, then turned around, and saw that the couple moved away, creating a perfect space. So I walked next to her, turned to her, and told her she's beautiful. She smiled thanks. Then we began some chit chat about what she's up to, where she's from (she's flying back to Asia tomorrow). It turns out she's from the country where my dad is from, so she had a bit of an "omg what a coincidence" moment that built some comfort between us.
A past me considered "flying out tomorrow" to be a "nogo" logistically. But I just kept it cool. I casually pinged her and found out she has basically no plans tonight, so I asked her if she wants to hang out with me for a bit, maybe grab a drink. She quickly agreed.
I think she agreed because:
- she thinks I'm cute
- my strong direct opener indicated that I'm a "has balls" type of guy
- she's somewhat sexually liberated despite being from Asia
- she's kinda bored her last night in this city, and mildly horny, and here pops up a hot guy who's hitting on her
First Date
We went to a bar nearby and ordered a glass of wine each. I'm continuing the same new strategy of "never fail to mention sex whenever a thought comes even close to it".
There are a few moments when I do so:
- she tells me she's had some interesting professions in the past, and I joke "were you a stripper?"
- she makes some deep revelations to me, and says "wow I'm surprised I'm sharing so much with a stranger", and I say "yeah, tell me everything, your hopes, your fears, your favorite sex positions, etc."
- she asks me about dating western vs. eastern people. I direct the conversation towards having sex with westerners vs. easterners, and I talk about how white girls can have a lot more hair if they don't shave
Overall I'm having a vibe of just a fun, sexual, not-too-serious, good listener type of vibe. Also, I'm genuinely interested in her, she's pretty and cool and different. She ends up revealing some pretty deep secrets to me, stuff she's only told her closest friends, and not even her family.
I'm getting some good touch in, caressing her back, her thigh at high points in the conversation. And there are points where she's leaning into me and touching me lightly. I'm also as often as possible giving her the "bedroom" eyes, where it's obvious I'm thinking about fucking her.
I also find out she's staying in a hotel in midtown, not too far from my place
The Bounce
After 1.5 hours or so, I just say "so, wanna bounce?", she says "sure". We both use the restroom, I pay the bill, and we head out. She asks "where do you live again?". I follow up with "so, wanna head back to midtown, and I can make you a drink or tea before you head back?" She says "sure, as long as you're not a serial killer". I make light of it immediately with something like "only if you're not one... u have any cyanide in that big purse of yours?".
For whatever reason, I find that "the pull" is the most stressful part of the interaction, where I make the ask, and it's my job to make it as light as humanly possible. As any amount of uncertainty or weirdness or hesitation results in "mmm maybe next time".
We take an uber back to my place, and during the ride I deep dive her further and she tells me some intimate details about troubles with her close friends.
Escalation
Back at my place, I show her around, make her a whiskey, put on some music, and we both sit on the couch. After 10-15 minutes of chatting, I kiss her, which she receives without hesitation. I tell her she tastes good, and then I go get us some more whiskey. Then I just slowly escalate on her over the next 25 minutes or so. There's zero LMR, but she's also still somewhat cautious, so I think my escalation speed is literally dialed in exactly to this girl's level of comfort.
As I'm fingering her she asks if I have a condom. I pull one out from the couch cushion under her head, and she laughs "wow so convenient" (I literally just now remembered to replace that condom for next time).
Sex
Sex was good, she's curvier than normal for me, she makes good noises, and she responds well. Afterwards we watch some netflix, and order some food, and hang for an hour or two before I call a cab for her so she can pack for her flight.
Insights
- I used to bow out of so many potential dates because the girl says "oh I'm flying out in a few days", "I'm moving next week", etc. Well, this first-hand experience now tells me there's no reason why I can't just have sex with her in a few hours
- Once again, the right way to go about a date is to be as sexual as possible. It doesn't matter who she is, that's the right answer. Once again I put it at 50/50 that she would agree to go back to my place after the date. But she agreed, just like the girl last week. I'm either getting really lucky with 2-in-a-row, or I'm underestimating how much of a positive impact my new date-vibe is having. I don't feel THAT much different. It's really the same me overall, but just interspersed with random ribald statements about sex. Maybe that's all that's needed to let a girl know I'm a good fuck.
- I've had a single-day-lay before, but that was a girl where I got her number, and met up with her again later in the same day. This was a slight step up from that in that I approached her, took her to a bar, and back to my place all within like 2 hours.
- if I'm cool/sexy enough, girls are really okay with just a one-night-fuck. I'm finding this more and more true for me these days. Whereas before I was leaning more in the boyfriend zone, and I also caused more hurt feelings.
- and being cool/sexy enough is really just a matter of being a happier cool person, and casually talking about sex without any hesitation. That's basically the only difference between past me and current me.
- I left my place sorta messy (she didn't mind). I didn't really consider the possibility I'd be bringing a girl home tonight when I went out. But I guess I've been selling myself short, and I should prep my place better from now on.
Me: early 30s Asian entrepreneur
Her: early 30s Asian girl, works in sales, ex flight attendant, big pretty eyes and face, curvier for an Asian
Background
From last week, I've been working on sexualizing my dates. And I made the bold claim that from now on I'm going to be sexual during all my dates, and always go for the pull on the first date. And this was a perfect opportunity to put it to the test again.
The Meet
Went out cold approaching in the fashion district. Spotted a stylish thin Asian girl looking at some street vendor wares, with another couple very close by blocking the space. I first passed by her, then turned around, and saw that the couple moved away, creating a perfect space. So I walked next to her, turned to her, and told her she's beautiful. She smiled thanks. Then we began some chit chat about what she's up to, where she's from (she's flying back to Asia tomorrow). It turns out she's from the country where my dad is from, so she had a bit of an "omg what a coincidence" moment that built some comfort between us.
A past me considered "flying out tomorrow" to be a "nogo" logistically. But I just kept it cool. I casually pinged her and found out she has basically no plans tonight, so I asked her if she wants to hang out with me for a bit, maybe grab a drink. She quickly agreed.
I think she agreed because:
- she thinks I'm cute
- my strong direct opener indicated that I'm a "has balls" type of guy
- she's somewhat sexually liberated despite being from Asia
- she's kinda bored her last night in this city, and mildly horny, and here pops up a hot guy who's hitting on her
First Date
We went to a bar nearby and ordered a glass of wine each. I'm continuing the same new strategy of "never fail to mention sex whenever a thought comes even close to it".
There are a few moments when I do so:
- she tells me she's had some interesting professions in the past, and I joke "were you a stripper?"
- she makes some deep revelations to me, and says "wow I'm surprised I'm sharing so much with a stranger", and I say "yeah, tell me everything, your hopes, your fears, your favorite sex positions, etc."
- she asks me about dating western vs. eastern people. I direct the conversation towards having sex with westerners vs. easterners, and I talk about how white girls can have a lot more hair if they don't shave
Overall I'm having a vibe of just a fun, sexual, not-too-serious, good listener type of vibe. Also, I'm genuinely interested in her, she's pretty and cool and different. She ends up revealing some pretty deep secrets to me, stuff she's only told her closest friends, and not even her family.
I'm getting some good touch in, caressing her back, her thigh at high points in the conversation. And there are points where she's leaning into me and touching me lightly. I'm also as often as possible giving her the "bedroom" eyes, where it's obvious I'm thinking about fucking her.
I also find out she's staying in a hotel in midtown, not too far from my place
The Bounce
After 1.5 hours or so, I just say "so, wanna bounce?", she says "sure". We both use the restroom, I pay the bill, and we head out. She asks "where do you live again?". I follow up with "so, wanna head back to midtown, and I can make you a drink or tea before you head back?" She says "sure, as long as you're not a serial killer". I make light of it immediately with something like "only if you're not one... u have any cyanide in that big purse of yours?".
For whatever reason, I find that "the pull" is the most stressful part of the interaction, where I make the ask, and it's my job to make it as light as humanly possible. As any amount of uncertainty or weirdness or hesitation results in "mmm maybe next time".
We take an uber back to my place, and during the ride I deep dive her further and she tells me some intimate details about troubles with her close friends.
Escalation
Back at my place, I show her around, make her a whiskey, put on some music, and we both sit on the couch. After 10-15 minutes of chatting, I kiss her, which she receives without hesitation. I tell her she tastes good, and then I go get us some more whiskey. Then I just slowly escalate on her over the next 25 minutes or so. There's zero LMR, but she's also still somewhat cautious, so I think my escalation speed is literally dialed in exactly to this girl's level of comfort.
As I'm fingering her she asks if I have a condom. I pull one out from the couch cushion under her head, and she laughs "wow so convenient" (I literally just now remembered to replace that condom for next time).
Sex
Sex was good, she's curvier than normal for me, she makes good noises, and she responds well. Afterwards we watch some netflix, and order some food, and hang for an hour or two before I call a cab for her so she can pack for her flight.
Insights
- I used to bow out of so many potential dates because the girl says "oh I'm flying out in a few days", "I'm moving next week", etc. Well, this first-hand experience now tells me there's no reason why I can't just have sex with her in a few hours
- Once again, the right way to go about a date is to be as sexual as possible. It doesn't matter who she is, that's the right answer. Once again I put it at 50/50 that she would agree to go back to my place after the date. But she agreed, just like the girl last week. I'm either getting really lucky with 2-in-a-row, or I'm underestimating how much of a positive impact my new date-vibe is having. I don't feel THAT much different. It's really the same me overall, but just interspersed with random ribald statements about sex. Maybe that's all that's needed to let a girl know I'm a good fuck.
- I've had a single-day-lay before, but that was a girl where I got her number, and met up with her again later in the same day. This was a slight step up from that in that I approached her, took her to a bar, and back to my place all within like 2 hours.
- if I'm cool/sexy enough, girls are really okay with just a one-night-fuck. I'm finding this more and more true for me these days. Whereas before I was leaning more in the boyfriend zone, and I also caused more hurt feelings.
- and being cool/sexy enough is really just a matter of being a happier cool person, and casually talking about sex without any hesitation. That's basically the only difference between past me and current me.
- I left my place sorta messy (she didn't mind). I didn't really consider the possibility I'd be bringing a girl home tonight when I went out. But I guess I've been selling myself short, and I should prep my place better from now on.
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