Seeing a woman as an equal/partner

[ulrich]

Hi guys,

I recently lost a girl I was wooing for a long time. We worked together for several years and when I switched jobs, we started dating very occasionally for a little less than a year.
I know, I know... I fucked up in many things, specially bad precedents and moving slower but she is religious, her barriers were super high, it was taking me forever to break them and she was always excited to see me.
Anyway, she decided to go back to her 7 years exBF and that was the end of it.

One thing I have been thinking about a lot is that I could have gotten her if I had been more bossy.
Don't take me wrong, I am dominant but I rarely give verbal orders to women and I guess that could have made the difference many times. Things like "stay" or "move here" or "give me your hand".

And it links back to my mentality... I feel that the reason I don't give verbal commands is because I am looking for someone who can be my equal. My partner.

Am I wrong to think this way? Can a woman really be someone you consider an equal?
Or is there forever this gap where you should see her as your protegee in order to have a successful relationship?

 

[JacobPalmer]

You're confusing wanting someone who is equal to you with being dominant. Let me paint you a picture:

Two people, ones a doctor and ones a lawyer. Both wildly successful, so let's say for simplicity they each make $500,000 a year and have active social lives, take care of themselves etc.

Are they equal? Hell yes, but their profession brings something completely different to the table. So equal in terms of value, not what their role is.

And that is the same for you. You are a man, you are the dominant one, you are the leader etc. That's what you bring to the table. MEANWHILE, she brings femininity, submissiveness, emotional support, caregiver etc. That's her role.

Equal in terms of value, not in terms of role.

You're viewing it as equal in terms of role. You want her to have half the dominance and you to have half the submissiveness. Which she doesn't want.

And neither should you. So keep this in mind. It's about you being a king and her being a queen. Again, equal in value but not in role. Not this weird king/queen hybrid.

 

[ulrich]

You're confusing wanting someone who is equal to you with being dominant.
Equal in terms of value, not in terms of role.

Thanks, Jacob. I think I see what you mean.

One more question then, how can I tell if a woman is with me because she decided so instead of just following my commands?
If I'm going to boss her around, could it be that she stays just because it's the easiest thing to do?

 

[Seppuku]

Agreed with JP.

Women always look up, in all meanings of the term. The configuration that has the best chance of success in the long run is, you are slightly above her. Equal level doesn't work, because when she sees you are at her level, she will next seek to position herself above you... And when she starts to boss you around, that's the beginning of the end of her attraction for you.

Trust me, I learned this the hard way.

One more question then, how can I tell if a woman is with me because she decided so instead of just following my commands?

The way to tell a woman is with you is simple: does she let you introduce your p inside her v on a regular basis?

If she doesn't like you, she won't follow your commands, it's as simple as that. In fact, you can even take it as an indication of interest: if she follows your lead, she likes you. On a date, I always test how well she follows my lead. It is a precious indication of what will happen next.

And by the way, getting her to comply to your commands is one of Chase's recommended techniques to bring girls in bed.

If I'm going to boss her around, could it be that she stays just because it's the easiest thing to do?

If she wants to leave, she will.

Seppuku

 

[ulrich]

Thank you very much, guys

 

[Fuck This]

in the sense of a Relationship, this is aCaptain/First mate model that Athol Kay teaches couples.

I want a woman who could do my role, understands my role, but supports my role at the same time as my First Mate. ....

 

[ulrich]

in the sense of a Relationship, this is aCaptain/First mate model that Athol Kay teaches couples.

I want a woman who could do my role, understands my role, but supports my role at the same time as my First Mate. ....

Thanks.
This was an interesting article. I needed to read it.

 

[Beam]

Old thread but stumbled across it and wow - this reconciles one of the biggest misunderstandings I have had about relationships. I have also been frustrated at wanting to have an equal partnership and not wanting to feel responsible for another human being - but this has reconciled that in a way that makes sense.

 

[PalmaSailor]

Hi guys,

I recently lost a girl I was wooing for a long time. We worked together for several years and when I switched jobs, we started dating very occasionally for a little less than a year.
I know, I know... I fucked up in many things, specially bad precedents and moving slower but she is religious, her barriers were super high, it was taking me forever to break them and she was always excited to see me.
Anyway, she decided to go back to her 7 years exBF and that was the end of it.

One thing I have been thinking about a lot is that I could have gotten her if I had been more bossy.
Don't take me wrong, I am dominant but I rarely give verbal orders to women and I guess that could have made the difference many times. Things like "stay" or "move here" or "give me your hand".

And it links back to my mentality... I feel that the reason I don't give verbal commands is because I am looking for someone who can be my equal. My partner.

Am I wrong to think this way? Can a woman really be someone you consider an equal?
Or is there forever this gap where you should see her as your protegee in order to have a successful relationship?

They’re not your equal.

Despite what they say that want, they need a man that’s “got it under control”. That includes not taking their crap

They need to look up to you. Otherwise they look down at you and when that happens they dump you (if they have a better option).

Which is what you’ve just found out.

You need to own the burden of performance of being a Man. Despite what is said.