Seeing yourself as high value

[Verisimilitude]

Or maybe I should call this "Self-realizing your inner value"

When I'm around people, I often get this strange feeling. I'll be having fun and then I'll think "What am I doing? These people are all attractive, awesome, fun people. I'm nowhere near their value" And then I freeze and lock up. They don't put me down or insult me, its just a feeling. It also comes in with girls. I'll be kissing a girl and think "She's beautiful, I never would have gotten with girls like this before". While it's naturally a beginner feeling, its hurting me in my interactions with people and making me freeze up where I just need to "act natural"

Any advice for this? Thanks!

 

[brunomcf]

Kinda the same issue here....

 

[Knight]

I get this too. When I actually feel myself leading correctly I'm fine however when I'm around long term friends I shrivel up and become myself which I want to escape from.

 

[Tyme2k]

I'm sure we've all felt it, I know I've stated this before when writing my journal. The main thing I've been doing lately is reframing my reality with a sort of cocky internalization. I say I'm awesome, I'm amazing, No one compares to me, No one stands a chance, I'm adding value just by standing here, I'm so fun, I dont give a FUCK!

What happens is these internal thoughts manifest themselves visually as awesomenes. Instead of standing there and thinking what you do, notice and stop yourself. Remind yourself you are amazing and if you feel that you're not adding value, do something to change it right then and there, lead the group to a fun time, make them laugh, offer an alternative, pump THEIR states.

I have been working on this since my new approach to game revolves around surrounding myself with attractive and fun people. A few more months and I can give you some more detailed pointers.

 

[Nuncle]

I read a very good quote in a magazine once "Don't compare your insides to other peoples' outsides". This is very true. These same people you see as so awesome and confident will also be unfavourably comparing themselves to other people and to you.

One of my best friends from school was a very confident guy - bodybuilder, always getting in fights, very funny person with a very strong and distinctive personality. I was by contrast very quiet, reserved and unsure of myself. But on one occasion when we got together with some old school mates I happened to tell a story from university that had everyone pissing themselves with laughter. I'm not known for my storytelling skills or for controlling a crowd. I just struck lucky on this one occasion. I remember afterwards this friend of mine wistfully saying "I'm not very good at telling funny stories". This was someone naturally much better at that sort of thing than me but that once incident left him feeling inadequate and inferior.

I had another friend from school who was always way cooler than me - more fashionable, more assertive and got laid a lot where I got nothing.

But when we recently made contact through Facebook he mentioned in passing that he always saw me as one of the most confident people in the school - big news to me I can tell you!

 

[Flames]

I actually have true opposite problem. I feel that a lot of my 'friends' including work colleagues are not upto my standards, does that make me an egotist or a realist? I don't know...

I still can have fun but usually I feel as if I bring myself down to other ppl. :/

 

[Knight]

I actually have true opposite problem. I feel that a lot of my 'friends' including work colleagues are not upto my standards, does that make me an egotist or a realist? I don't know...

I still can have fun but usually I feel as if I bring myself down to other ppl. :/

As long as you treat them well and learn from their bad mistakes you're on the right track.

 

[Tyme2k]

I actually have true opposite problem. I feel that a lot of my 'friends' including work colleagues are not upto my standards, does that make me an egotist or a realist? I don't know...

I still can have fun but usually I feel as if I bring myself down to other ppl. :/

Have you ever tried bringing them up to your level? This is what builds true connections and respect. People naturally gravitate towards people that are able to do this. If you are not sharing your value then in my opinion you have none.

 

[Flames]

I do usually treat them well and bring them upto my level on so many things and I get comments like "You pretty smart arnt you?" but sometimes I feel like its a lost cause, and although I don't think these ppl are different really it's like they don't have any drive to learn like I do.

I read/learn/discuss anything and everything I can these days, and obviously I'm not saying I'm great at everything but I do know a lot of things, about a lot of things. Also I get comments as 'your such a know it all', and 'you think your always right' which just says that they don't understand me at all. It's just a fact that I am right a lot of the time because Of the time and effort I put into learning and I don't do that to prove "how great I am" but because Ive found there's not really any limit to what I can learn about.

Anyway I'm thread jacking a bit here