Greetings All,
Thank you for visiting my journal thread.
I am 35 years old, underemployed, and have been struggling with anxiety and depression for over 15 years.
I have a bachelor's in communications and fine art, have some coaching and building certificates, and am a nature lover. I like petite women.
I have many successes with women but with them, I have always observed that my defense mechanisms were more dominant than my authentic self, except for on a few occassions, for example, when I really connected with someone with whom I had an explosive affair in my early twenties. Otherwise, approaching women is a chore, anxiety-wrending, and often demasculating. I always feel as if I am pressuring women into doing something, even when I know they are into me from the onset.
I have slept with around 40 women. I did not have a girlfriend in college. Sex began when I was 21, and increased in my late twenties. It's inconsistent for reasons just shared.
I am a good looking guy with above average height and athletic build and expect to stay that way into my fifties.
I know how to look like a million dollars but often neglect to groom or otherwise put myself together to the best of my ability.
I have yet to break away from my parents financially and, in some ways, emotionally.
I am an only child and think that I lack awareness socially as a result, almost as if I am autistic. Social life is hit or miss with me. Sometimes I'm up to meet friends, sometimes I'm not. I estrange myself over long periods from family and friends. I do not have any female friends.
This is my first time posting on this Forum, but I have read many articles on Girls Chase and listened to most of the Podcasts.
I have my favorites, and I disagree with some of what I observe here. In particular, I have a liberal bent that makes it hard for me to get on board with the idea that women are naturally subservient to men and that being a man means being successful in buisness. But much of the "tech" and "tactics" described here resonate with me. As well as a lot of the miscellanious self-help content, some of which is geared toward men, much of which seems pretty universal to me.
Talking to girls is so scary, but so is talking to guys. As a jock, I always craved getting out on the field to play my sport, but always dredded interacting with all but one or two favorite pals on the team, for example.
Sexuality is simple and straight forward but the world is complex. It's tough to navigate. Are stigmas constructive or not? Which taboos are necessary to follow, which should be broken?
My hangups include male-male sexuality, fear being associated with it but don't care if you are. Physical intimacy with friends and family, can't cuddle with Mom and Dad, for example. Physical intimacy with children, nothing sexual there but afraid of the vulnerability involved. Physical intimacy with aging and non-preferred types, feel "wrong" for rejecting them. Flirting and being vivacious and exuberant, just afraid of "misbehaving," being "disruptive."
I have a hangup around flirting in general. Can you flirt with your friend's mother? With your cousin? With your friend's wife? With an old woman?
I think the issues go way back. There were a variety of different kinds of traumatic experiences in my childhood that created stress and agony for me, and ultimately resulted in numbing through avoidance and addictions and social anxiety. There were issues of neglect as well. Even I was unaware of it, but certain dynamics in my family lead to my never getting the emotional regulation thing down.
I have anger issues and can't sit still, like an ADD thing.
I have realized that I have an avoidant and dismissive attachment style. I also have a strong habit of learned helplessness.
My life has gotten to a point where if it gets any smaller, I'm not going to have much to hang on to at all. Besides being uncomfortable, the size of my world and scale of my dysfunction are scary because my parents aren't going to live forever and the support is going to run out eventually.
It's also scary to think that I won't give my parents what they deserve. Grandkids, support with healthcare and business interests in old age, familial embassadorship.
I have Mommy and Daddy issues. Mom's family are industrialists, dad's more like warriors. Dad became a social climber when he married my mom, and he has an insecurity complex. Mom is a firecracker and a dropout. Her social style, conditioning and rebelious nature have all been passed on to me, for a personality with a cobustiable, toxic tonic of feelings and attitudes. Dad's complex has burdened me tremendously.
The world is jaded and cynical. Half is trying to "stay on top" and the other half is trying to tear the "winners" down because it feels powerless and useless. I am a naturally exuberant, rebellious person. I feel guilty and "wrong" for being powerful and exuberant. I hate myself for being entitled and arrogant and, on the other hand, for being lazy and afraid of being myself.
I experience life as a small, confused child. Who is full of self-loathing and hatred toward the world. Who is afraid to change.
In depression, everything seems impossible, like a burdan. Depression is the ultimate coping mechanism but it is lethal.
My goals and reason for being here are to make gains in general self-help stuff-- increase self-discipline in a wide range of areas to take on more responsibility in life. And secondly, to learn how to communicate with other people without putting up defense mechanisms. And thirdly to talk to girls the way they need to be talked to in order to let you into their pants. I think these goals will be synergistic.
I look forward to sharing more and learning how to live in the world without all this suffering.
Thank you for visiting my journal thread.
I am 35 years old, underemployed, and have been struggling with anxiety and depression for over 15 years.
I have a bachelor's in communications and fine art, have some coaching and building certificates, and am a nature lover. I like petite women.
I have many successes with women but with them, I have always observed that my defense mechanisms were more dominant than my authentic self, except for on a few occassions, for example, when I really connected with someone with whom I had an explosive affair in my early twenties. Otherwise, approaching women is a chore, anxiety-wrending, and often demasculating. I always feel as if I am pressuring women into doing something, even when I know they are into me from the onset.
I have slept with around 40 women. I did not have a girlfriend in college. Sex began when I was 21, and increased in my late twenties. It's inconsistent for reasons just shared.
I am a good looking guy with above average height and athletic build and expect to stay that way into my fifties.
I know how to look like a million dollars but often neglect to groom or otherwise put myself together to the best of my ability.
I have yet to break away from my parents financially and, in some ways, emotionally.
I am an only child and think that I lack awareness socially as a result, almost as if I am autistic. Social life is hit or miss with me. Sometimes I'm up to meet friends, sometimes I'm not. I estrange myself over long periods from family and friends. I do not have any female friends.
This is my first time posting on this Forum, but I have read many articles on Girls Chase and listened to most of the Podcasts.
I have my favorites, and I disagree with some of what I observe here. In particular, I have a liberal bent that makes it hard for me to get on board with the idea that women are naturally subservient to men and that being a man means being successful in buisness. But much of the "tech" and "tactics" described here resonate with me. As well as a lot of the miscellanious self-help content, some of which is geared toward men, much of which seems pretty universal to me.
Talking to girls is so scary, but so is talking to guys. As a jock, I always craved getting out on the field to play my sport, but always dredded interacting with all but one or two favorite pals on the team, for example.
Sexuality is simple and straight forward but the world is complex. It's tough to navigate. Are stigmas constructive or not? Which taboos are necessary to follow, which should be broken?
My hangups include male-male sexuality, fear being associated with it but don't care if you are. Physical intimacy with friends and family, can't cuddle with Mom and Dad, for example. Physical intimacy with children, nothing sexual there but afraid of the vulnerability involved. Physical intimacy with aging and non-preferred types, feel "wrong" for rejecting them. Flirting and being vivacious and exuberant, just afraid of "misbehaving," being "disruptive."
I have a hangup around flirting in general. Can you flirt with your friend's mother? With your cousin? With your friend's wife? With an old woman?
I think the issues go way back. There were a variety of different kinds of traumatic experiences in my childhood that created stress and agony for me, and ultimately resulted in numbing through avoidance and addictions and social anxiety. There were issues of neglect as well. Even I was unaware of it, but certain dynamics in my family lead to my never getting the emotional regulation thing down.
I have anger issues and can't sit still, like an ADD thing.
I have realized that I have an avoidant and dismissive attachment style. I also have a strong habit of learned helplessness.
My life has gotten to a point where if it gets any smaller, I'm not going to have much to hang on to at all. Besides being uncomfortable, the size of my world and scale of my dysfunction are scary because my parents aren't going to live forever and the support is going to run out eventually.
It's also scary to think that I won't give my parents what they deserve. Grandkids, support with healthcare and business interests in old age, familial embassadorship.
I have Mommy and Daddy issues. Mom's family are industrialists, dad's more like warriors. Dad became a social climber when he married my mom, and he has an insecurity complex. Mom is a firecracker and a dropout. Her social style, conditioning and rebelious nature have all been passed on to me, for a personality with a cobustiable, toxic tonic of feelings and attitudes. Dad's complex has burdened me tremendously.
The world is jaded and cynical. Half is trying to "stay on top" and the other half is trying to tear the "winners" down because it feels powerless and useless. I am a naturally exuberant, rebellious person. I feel guilty and "wrong" for being powerful and exuberant. I hate myself for being entitled and arrogant and, on the other hand, for being lazy and afraid of being myself.
I experience life as a small, confused child. Who is full of self-loathing and hatred toward the world. Who is afraid to change.
In depression, everything seems impossible, like a burdan. Depression is the ultimate coping mechanism but it is lethal.
My goals and reason for being here are to make gains in general self-help stuff-- increase self-discipline in a wide range of areas to take on more responsibility in life. And secondly, to learn how to communicate with other people without putting up defense mechanisms. And thirdly to talk to girls the way they need to be talked to in order to let you into their pants. I think these goals will be synergistic.
I look forward to sharing more and learning how to live in the world without all this suffering.
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