Self-improvement or inferiority complex?

[thedude]

Hi guys,

I have always been like this. Everything I do is never good enough. Some recent examples, when I lost my virginity I should of been happy but it soon turned to disappointment with how bad I was at it. Then with my second LR, I was furious at myself for fucking it up so badly, I considered it a defeat. When I try and recall my past in my memories, my failures are the first to appear. I suppose in my younger years this is what crippled me since I did not nothing to change it unlike now. Wowever when I get onto the subject in my head of where I am now, I can truly be a miserable person.

I don't know, this is just something that has popped up in my head lately, I decided to look it up on Wikipedia inferiority complex and it resembles what I was and what I still am is all.

To compound things I still get fucked with a lot in my friend group, it is not malicious but it is heavily directed at me and is quite irritating. Any suggestions on how to solve this as well.

 

[dvjackson]

The key here is to not dwell on what you perceive to be your failures and harbor a feeling of regret. If you can keep moving forward and try to improve, this can be a positive thing.

 

[diegoC]

You are a half empty glass kind of person.

You tend to view things in a negative way. You can change. You just have to force yourself to look to the positive side of things even if it's really hard. And try to focus just on that. If you fucked up you acknowledge what you did wrong and see the bright side of it (your learn this, that, etc.)

I have changed things about my personality just by practicing. I was a bitter guy when I was a teenager. Now I'm a very relaxed guy. It's hard, but it can be done.

Cheers!

 

[Estate]

I've been there man.

There's no real advice to give about erazing memories but as I got older I began to realize how little things mattered as my life movd on and bigger better things happened.
The things on your mind seem big now but in 10 years you won't even remember... right now, try to frame it that way... don't let things get to you when they really dont matter in the bigger scheme of things.

 

[Clout]

I have always been like this.

I think a lot of people who get into any form of self-improvement look at life with this belief. The reality is though, when you lost your v...you must of done a lot of things right to balance out the bad. So when you use analyses on yourself how about you ask yourself "what did I do well" and "what could I have done better". Instead of the negative "I fucked up, I'm such an idiot".

I don't know, this is just something that has popped up in my head lately, I decided to look it up on Wikipedia inferiority complex and it resembles what I was and what I still am is all.

I think its quite dangerous to do a self diagnostic and you will always find what you seek. By labeling it, you sound like you are looking for it. Chase refers to it as victim mentality, if you haven't read the blog yet you should:

https://www.girlschase.com/content/how-victim-mentality-can-stifle-your-life-–-and-luck-women

Regarding the friends, it is hard to cut ties. All I can say is do what you feel is best for you.

 

[thedude]

Don't get me wrong, I do not blame anyone but myself for my problems.


Other than that I will try to look at things more positively and not allow my mind to be clouded with negative thoughts.

Thanks for the replies guys, appreciate it.

 

[Nuncle]

When I feel like that I always think of the Duke of Marlborough, one of England's greatest Generals (maybe the best and certainly top 3 or 4). He was extremely self-critical and was always beating himself up about how crap a General he was while on campaign. In many ways it's a strength to be like that. Hubris can be very dangerous.

As for the behaviour of your friends I'm afraid it is malicious and you will come to see that with time.

Ask them to stop and watch their reaction. If they stop, all good.

If they:

brush it off
pretend not to understand
pretend to be surprised
give a vaguely conciliatory answer that doesn't make any sense
pretend you're joking
respond with more malice

Then it's time for new friends. Dump them. Simple as that. Walk away and don't look back. It's easy.

As Chase says, even if you have to go friendless for a while you will feel a whole lot better about yourself.