Self-Induced Anxiety?

[IVGuy]

I came to a realization recently while I was eating. I might have induced myself with anxiety and making seduction inefficient and impossible. An example was back about two years, I cold approach a girl who looked familiar from class. We never spoke but we got on great terms. And I'm certain if I was conscious of what I know now, we could have been something. But the only problem I had was I didn't know about Game and just wanted to be friends. This didn't work and subsequently, she grew cold and I never saw her again.

Another time was back last year where I cold approached again but mostly for a male counterpart to chat. Later, I cold approach a girl who looked familiar. I had this...giving and free vibe where I was content with who I am but now it's 2015. And I don't have the same peace I once owned.

I don't know, but I can't replicate it. This was also the same time I picked up Game and started reading on how to become a better man. Then anxiety rushed and hit my core at even thinking sexually and now trying to talk to a classmate is impossible unless I'm approached.

I lost weight, got better clothes than my past self. But now, I can't seem to just be content with myself and be free. I can free my mind but even before, I was unconsciously free and giving. Now, I seem to be stricken with anxiety and thoughts that ruins the vibe I once owned.

I'm not asking for quick fixes if they don't exist. I'm asking in what I could do or search for to regain my freedom or better yet, innate confidence.

 

[Lover]

You just have to approach. You can never achieve that old confidence of yours if you don't cold approach. Now that you're conscious about it, you need to work hard to get it back. Recently I have done a few cold approaches just for the sake of it, and by the third or fourth time it seemed a little bit easier than the first time. I think the first time is always the hardest one, but by experience your brain adjusts to these kinds of scenarios.

I had that same confidence you describe when I was 16-17 (I'm 22 now). Back then I had everything going for me: getting great results in sports, good grades in high school and so on. Even with girls I did better than ever. But once that confident disappeared, nothing was the same. And I can't replicate it, yet. But I will get there because I'm determined to. I can't tell how long it will take, but I will get there. And you can too. Get out there and approach just for the sake of it. If you're not sure how to do it, take the GC newbie assignment for short term or the "approach anxiety program" by Good Looking Loser for long term

Good luck

 

[Bboy100]

IV Guy,

I've recently been going through a similar situation. I'm actually in therapy for it right now. Here's what I've learned so far:

The reason you USED to be more carefree is because you didn't look at socializing as this mechanical, step-by-step process. Instead, you just did it. You were in the moment, and you didn't care about the outcome because it had little to no meaning to you. Probably because you didn't invest as much into it and being good at it wasn't something you valued as highly.

This is one of the flaws of GC. It teaches you all these techniques, but it doesn't exactly teach the right mindsets to wield them with. That's when it becomes dangerous and creates anxiety. In order to solve your problems, you must figure out where your anxiety is coming from. Thoughts necessarily come before emotions. This means that when you feel anxious, its because of a certain thought(s)...usually, you're just not aware of what it is.

Given the way you describe it, your thoughts are probably similar to mine. You're worrying too much about the outcome. So that means you're probably thinking things like "I want to approach her and get her
...to like me
...to give me her phone number
...to go on an instadate with me
...to get a good reaction
...to [insert any goal or external reaction here]

This can also be applied to general social situations/outings , not just to individual girls. So you might be thinking things like "I want to leave this party having talked to at least one girl who

...likes me
...gave me her phone number
...went on an instadate with me
...gave me a a good reaction
...[insert any goal or external reaction here]

Otherwise, I have failed."

The problem with this line of thought is that you actually don't have 100% control over whether or not you get that result with any given girl or situation. Ergo, it will cause anxiety. You must change your thought process. Instead, it should be:

...I want to approach her and try to have as much fun as I can.
...I want to approach her.
...I want to attempt to create a connection with her
...I want to see what she's about.
...I want to learn one cool thing about her.


Notice that with these mindsets, YOU CAN'T FAIL. You can't fail to try to have fun. You can't fail to approach her (well...you can, but if you do, that's just normal AA! It would have nothing to do with general anxiety). You can't fail to try to create a connection with her...and so fourth.

Once you switch to this mindset and let go of trying to control the outcome of every little interaction, you'll find that you suffer from far less anxiety.

P.S.
I just want to reiterate that most these thoughts are only half conscious. Without training yourself to, noticing them is very very difficult. So just because you don't think you have these thoughts does not mean they aren't there.

 

[IVGuy]

You just have to approach. You can never achieve that old confidence of yours if you don't cold approach. Now that you're conscious about it, you need to work hard to get it back. Recently I have done a few cold approaches just for the sake of it, and by the third or fourth time it seemed a little bit easier than the first time. I think the first time is always the hardest one, but by experience your brain adjusts to these kinds of scenarios.

I had that same confidence you describe when I was 16-17 (I'm 22 now). Back then I had everything going for me: getting great results in sports, good grades in high school and so on. Even with girls I did better than ever. But once that confident disappeared, nothing was the same. And I can't replicate it, yet. But I will get there because I'm determined to. I can't tell how long it will take, but I will get there. And you can too. Get out there and approach just for the sake of it. If you're not sure how to do it, take the GC newbie assignment for short term or the "approach anxiety program" by Good Looking Loser for long term

Good luck

I don't like using crazy yerms like logistics or fractionation or push pull. I like to keep things simple from my wardrobe to expressing myself. But I have piss poor logistics. I'd love to approach but knowing I can't pull a woman back to my home is making me walk with a crutch. I ask this because I get extreme Social Anxiety but only in stranger situations. If in a class, I can befriend anybody in the group and charm them freely. Or anyone I talk to, but again, an irrational fear that everyone sees only the flaws in me hinders my performance, my speech and confidence.

I do understand of at least putting my head out there, learn how to cold approach but again, it is so defeating. And the goal to succeed or have a number is fun but knowing I can't do much, neither my home or trying to get frisky in a automobile vehicle evaporates my chance to escalate. Such a dilemma. I will at least attempt an approach during the day, somewhere where I won't be slammed with the I'm underage comments.


Didn't mean to cut the entire quote but wanted to get to the gist.

I did read a book that has helped to get me more in the moment but I've recently turned twenty one and for those twenty one years, I've been reinforced beliefs about my weight, functionality, intelligence and use for society through peers, family and teachers. I'm twenty one and have gotten extremely healthy, healthy diet, reading more books, took interest in books and a surge in my academics. Yet, for those ten years, it is like a parasite in my mental state that ruins the ability to interact with strangers due to fear of them seeing who I am or seeing my failures. Another incident is in a science lab last year, I had to do something and my hands were shaking, had a shy look on my face because everyone was staring at me, including my partners. I managed to do it but god, I wasn't going to die but it was unbearable at the prying eyes.

I am constructing CBT concepts and looking for evidence from the past that displays what I am today isn't the man from before. I'm different in the greatest form of the word. I'm rewiring my brain to learn to not be scared when looking into the eyes of a woman. To just enjoy myself. Even a week ago went to a clothing store, eyed a girl and we shared eye contact. Waited a split second, showed a confident smile and she returned the favor before passing off. I wasn't necessarily thinking about what action to do or not because again, in the moment. It's when I'm searching for it does it become a hassle.

Or when a classmate said she didn't look cute because she lacked sleep the night prior, I just said, well, I think you look cute. No anxiety, just an honest compliment. Zero anxiety, whatsoever.

I'm thankful for your detailed input. Right now, I'm starting to think letting things happen naturally from my words, eye contact, body language just happens. When I do this, I don't think about what's going to happen, just let my body and mind be free and let the teasing/charisma flow out of me without a broken hinge.

Thank you Bboy100 and A-jay for the kind words. I'm looking forward tomorrow to see how things go and treating my anxiety!