Serious screw up w dream girl — and time for a break

[jackal2020]

Sometimes, it just feels like fate.

——

This particular girl blew my mind. Tall, beautiful, bright, and weird in all the right ways. The kind that makes you remember there are types like that out there.

We talked for an hour at a party, and had a date a few days later. It went extremely well. By the end, we were making out passionately in the park, when she puts her hand on my leg and says, “I’m hungry and cold. Do you know anywhere we could go? I’m fine with *anything*.” She knows I live 10 mins away.

I then totally blow it. Every bone in my body is telling me just to invite her back, but I don’t for some reason. On the surface I didn’t have snacks at home, but I think really I just got nervous. So silly. Anyway, we wander around aimlessly for 20 mins, lose all that steam, the emotions crash, and she goes back home, visibly disappointed and markedly more cold than before.

I send her a playful next day text referencing some of the great moments the night before, but she doesn’t respond. She’s also going to Europe for a few months starting two weeks from now.

My plan is to text her in September or something when she gets back, assuming I’m single then. Maybe not the best idea, but I don’t think there is much hope in resuscitating this in the short term.

——

My goal for that date was to be more instinct driven, and to follow my gut all the way. That was in part inspired by Chase’s “The Patchwork Seducer” and “Game is in your DNA.” Both of those made me think it’s time for a break from reading any material, and that it’s time to just get out there, practice, and hone the instincts. I’m at the point where I know most of this academically, but need to integrate it into my own style.

Then I saw @DoWhatWorks ‘s farewell to the forum. Which was funny since the exact same thing was on my mind. That all three of these came in such short succession feels nothing short of fate.

So. I’m writing this post to say that I’m going to unplug myself from all dating advice. I’ll start on Monday June 21, and go in til the New Year, at which point I’ll re-evaluate. I’m writing this mainly for personal accountability, as it is hard.

——

Cheers to everyone here. Nothing about approaching or dating is easy, but knowing that there are a whole lot of other guys going through the same thing (and providing feedback!) makes it doable.

Goodbye for now, and best of luck!

 

[PalmaSailor]

[she puts her hand on my leg and says, “I’m hungry and cold. Do you know anywhere we could go? I’m fine with *anything*.” She knows I live 10 mins away.]

im sure you know that she really just wanted you to take her back and f*** her.

and yeah you can overthink all this stuff.

well done for at least realising you loused up, that’s the first step.

id move on from this one and speak to others, and if this one comes back it’s a bonus

good luck!

 

[Beck Bass]

OMGosh man, this hurtzzz!

It's nice to unplug sometimes. Honestly, technically, I feel like I have very little to learn, but I still hang out on the forums sometimes for giggles and shit, but I had a good time without reading or "theorically" learning anything from game, and it was very important for me. Hopefully next time you'll just say "lets go home babe" ;D

 

[HumanoidSnow]

Oof sounds like auto rejection is coming your way , but dont worry We have all been there! Hopefully you learned from this and next time escalate!

 

[Will_V]

Sometimes, it just feels like fate.

——

This particular girl blew my mind. Tall, beautiful, bright, and weird in all the right ways. The kind that makes you remember there are types like that out there.

We talked for an hour at a party, and had a date a few days later. It went extremely well. By the end, we were making out passionately in the park, when she puts her hand on my leg and says, “I’m hungry and cold. Do you know anywhere we could go? I’m fine with *anything*.” She knows I live 10 mins away.

I then totally blow it. Every bone in my body is telling me just to invite her back, but I don’t for some reason. On the surface I didn’t have snacks at home, but I think really I just got nervous. So silly. Anyway, we wander around aimlessly for 20 mins, lose all that steam, the emotions crash, and she goes back home, visibly disappointed and markedly more cold than before.

I send her a playful next day text referencing some of the great moments the night before, but she doesn’t respond. She’s also going to Europe for a few months starting two weeks from now.

My plan is to text her in September or something when she gets back, assuming I’m single then. Maybe not the best idea, but I don’t think there is much hope in resuscitating this in the short term.

——

My goal for that date was to be more instinct driven, and to follow my gut all the way. That was in part inspired by Chase’s “The Patchwork Seducer” and “Game is in your DNA.” Both of those made me think it’s time for a break from reading any material, and that it’s time to just get out there, practice, and hone the instincts. I’m at the point where I know most of this academically, but need to integrate it into my own style.

Then I saw @DoWhatWorks ‘s farewell to the forum. Which was funny since the exact same thing was on my mind. That all three of these came in such short succession feels nothing short of fate.

So. I’m writing this post to say that I’m going to unplug myself from all dating advice. I’ll start on Monday June 21, and go in til the New Year, at which point I’ll re-evaluate. I’m writing this mainly for personal accountability, as it is hard.

——

Cheers to everyone here. Nothing about approaching or dating is easy, but knowing that there are a whole lot of other guys going through the same thing (and providing feedback!) makes it doable.

Goodbye for now, and best of luck!

Sounds to me like your inner and outer game doesn't match up. You started to actually like her, which brought out your real 'self' - along with all the baggage.

I think a lot of us go into seduction as a reaction to the fear that we don't measure up, that we aren't good enough for girls, and that we have to do something decisive to break that reality. Which is an extremely good and necessary thing, but then we bury our true selves under a protective structure of techniques and strategies, depending more and more on them as they are more 'reliable' for getting what we want than simply being who we are.

And then at some point, either during a particularly meaningful seduction, or when we land a girlfriend, we are compelled to face who we really are again, and find that it hasn't really changed a lot from before.

That's why for me, seduction is only a means of self-discovery. I aim to do only what is congruent with the kind of man I want to be and am becoming. I always remind myself of my ideal seduction - one where I am happy and satisfied with my life, going about my business, and I simply step into an opportunity that ignites that wonderful, effortless spark of genuine sexual desire and fascination with the feminine. Where she can see that spark, and knows instinctively that I don't do it out of desperation or fear, but because I am a man and she is a pretty woman, and nature made us for each other.

Of course, the more of a beginner you are, the more you must simply rely on technique, and expose yourself to every possible opportunity to learn and grow. But I think as one advances along the path of learning seduction, it's necessary to sometimes take certain actions in the service of maintaining a connection with one's true self and inner identity, a sort of sacrifice to oneself where you choose the path that aligns with your nature rather than simply what appears to be most practical.

The truth is that for many men who are in complete scarcity, all that is required is the discipline to take action, to apply simple techniques, to achieve a certain volume of experiences in front of women. It was the same with me. There were many days where I spent four or five hours pretty much spam approaching in a very poor frame of mind, just to be able to say at the end of the day that I had not laid down and accepted my 'fate'. And in the end, it changed everything for the better.

But for those who begin to see success, the trap is that this success becomes a sort of wall built around one's true (disfunctional) self to prevent it from coming out and hindering progress in life. But in the end, the self always comes out in one form or another, either constructively or destructively, either as a loyal horse pulling in the direction you want, or a wild, fearful beast pulling violently in any direction except where you want to go and wrecking everything in sight. It must be given the right attention and care, and not neglected, if it is to remain in the service of all your goals and ambitions.

 

[PalmaSailor]

Sounds to me like your inner and outer game doesn't match up. You started to actually like her, which brought out your real 'self' - along with all the baggage.

I think a lot of us go into seduction as a reaction to the fear that we don't measure up, that we aren't good enough for girls, and that we have to do something decisive to break that reality. Which is an extremely good and necessary thing, but then we bury our true selves under a protective structure of techniques and strategies, depending more and more on them as they are more 'reliable' for getting what we want than simply being who we are.

And then at some point, either during a particularly meaningful seduction, or when we land a girlfriend, we are compelled to face who we really are again, and find that it hasn't really changed a lot from before.

That's why for me, seduction is only a means of self-discovery. I aim to do only what is congruent with the kind of man I want to be and am becoming. I always remind myself of my ideal seduction - one where I am happy and satisfied with my life, going about my business, and I simply step into an opportunity that ignites that wonderful, effortless spark of genuine sexual desire and fascination with the feminine. Where she can see that spark, and knows instinctively that I don't do it out of desperation or fear, but because I am a man and she is a pretty woman, and nature made us for each other.

Of course, the more of a beginner you are, the more you must simply rely on technique, and expose yourself to every possible opportunity to learn and grow. But I think as one advances along the path of learning seduction, it's necessary to sometimes take certain actions in the service of maintaining a connection with one's true self and inner identity, a sort of sacrifice to oneself where you choose the path that aligns with your nature rather than simply what appears to be most practical.

The truth is that for many men who are in complete scarcity, all that is required is the discipline to take action, to apply simple techniques, to achieve a certain volume of experiences in front of women. It was the same with me. There were many days where I spent four or five hours pretty much spam approaching in a very poor frame of mind, just to be able to say at the end of the day that I had not laid down and accepted my 'fate'. And in the end, it changed everything for the better.

But for those who begin to see success, the trap is that this success becomes a sort of wall built around one's true (disfunctional) self to prevent it from coming out and hindering progress in life. But in the end, the self always comes out in one form or another, either constructively or destructively, either as a loyal horse pulling in the direction you want, or a wild, fearful beast pulling violently in any direction except where you want to go and wrecking everything in sight. It must be given the right attention and care, and not neglected, if it is to remain in the service of all your goals and ambitions.

Seduction is basically a “fake it till you make it” situation, so underneath it all you need to be working on yourself as well.

in the OP, the girl was genuinely attracted and she asked to go back to his place.

all that was necessary was to take her hand and start walking, but the op basically thought and worried too much about it.

this stuff comes with experience, it sucks that he dropped it, but we’ve all done it and there will be others.
Good luck!

 

[Will_V]

Seduction is basically a “fake it till you make it” situation, so underneath it all you need to be working on yourself as well.

in the OP, the girl was genuinely attracted and she asked to go back to his place.

all that was necessary was to take her hand and start walking, but the op basically thought and worried too much about it.

this stuff comes with experience, it sucks that he dropped it, but we’ve all done it and there will be others.
Good luck!

You're right that it was a simple thing to do. And it wasn't even a 'risky' thing, like walking up to meet her in the first place, which makes it all the more profound that he was unable to do it.

I might be wrong about the cause, I can only speak from my own experience and observation of people around me. But I don't think it was a question of experience. It was not something he didn't know how to do, or fumbled by taking a wrong action.

The fact that the OP's goal was to be more instinctive and in touch with himself on the date, and the fact that the failure to pull made him want to take a break from 'learning seduction' altogether, and the fact that he mentions 'fate' communicating to him to take a break from learning game, makes me think that what occurred was that his true self, the self that he wanted to get in touch with, was invited out but was not actually on his side, was at odds with the way he was generally operating, and that it appeared in the form of a drive that sabotaged his intentions and disconnected him from the immediate desire to continue along the path he was on.

I see this in all kinds of people, those who want to become better with girls, those who want to start a business, etc. People who push something down in themselves to try and achieve an egoistic goal, and at some point end up weary and fighting themselves more than any real obstacle in their way. And this is not because the ego is bad (quite the contrary) and neither is it because the self is bad (absolutely the contrary) but because one has been traded for the other, rather than built up at the same time.

 

[PalmaSailor]

You're right that it was a simple thing to do. And it wasn't even a 'risky' thing, like walking up to meet her in the first place, which makes it all the more profound that he was unable to do it.

I might be wrong about the cause, I can only speak from my own experience and observation of people around me. But I don't think it was a question of experience. It was not something he didn't know how to do, or fumbled by taking a wrong action.

The fact that the OP's goal was to be more instinctive and in touch with himself on the date, and the fact that the failure to pull made him want to take a break from 'learning seduction' altogether, and the fact that he mentions 'fate' communicating to him to take a break from learning game, makes me think that what occurred was that his true self, the self that he wanted to get in touch with, was invited out but was not actually on his side, was at odds with the way he was generally operating, and that it appeared in the form of a drive that sabotaged his intentions and disconnected him from the immediate desire to continue along the path he was on.

I see this in all kinds of people, those who want to become better with girls, those who want to start a business, etc. People who push something down in themselves to try and achieve an egoistic goal, and at some point end up weary and fighting themselves more than any real obstacle in their way. And this is not because the ego is bad (quite the contrary) and neither is it because the self is bad (absolutely the contrary) but because one has been traded for the other, rather than built up at the same time.

It’s just about confidence, he needs to believe in himself and that yes - he did deserve to bang that hottie.

And also JBDI - just bloody do it

 

[foggy]

I send her a playful next day text referencing some of the great moments the night before, but she doesn’t respond.

While there's nothing wrong with a playful text, it's the timing of your texts that hurt your chances of getting a reply

Sleep generally cements her decision on you. so. the best thing to do is to try to salvage it same day...by patching things up through text or over the phone with empathy in the hours afterwards. It's still an uphill battle but less tough to turn it around than a next day followup