Sex is either therapy or art

[Oskar]

I remember hearing David Deida mention this distinction in passing and it really stuck with me. A lot of the time when people are left unsatisfied with their partners it is because they haven't decided if their sex is to be therapeutic or artistic, and they instead try and do an indiscriminate mix of both, dramatically reducing the effectiveness of the sex as both therapy and art. It also dramatically reduces the attraction (polarity) of both parties, primarily the feminine one, as the masculinity of her counterpart is punctured through his lack of purpose and inability to communicate what he wants. Though sex is a collaborative experience, the final decision for what kind of experience it will be is for the masculine party to decide; it is his responsibility. So make sure you know whether your next sexual experience is to be therapeutic or artistic, and remember that this is more than just how hard and fast you fuck, but, on a deeper level, it's about calibrating your psyche with your body to the parallel of passionate penetration you plan to perform, either as a Picasso or a Perls. So when you take on the masculine role, which I'm assuming for most of you is always, I think both you and your girl will both really appreciate your decisiveness here (and in all other things).

-Oskar

 

[JuLz_shining]

Interesting concept. What would an example of artistic sex be and how does it differ from the healing?

I've been told that my "touch is so comforting" last time when I had sex with a fairly experienced young lady and not that I've been having as much as I'd like so I don't have that many reference points but unfortunately that was the last time we've seen each other. Although our blow up may warrant a hard next I kinda hope it's just a soft next. Apparently it wasn't that good or enough to build emotional bond because she got upset for moving fast and I didn't handle her emotions/objections the best when we txted (not good to manage anything like over txt should I have just said 'I understand and am sorry you feel that way" and leave it OR try to get her to come talk right away? I'd of probably wanted more sex (who know she could have just been sexually frustrated?) if I saw her at that time-I guess it's done now but for future reference any insight would be nice) and it blew up at me-probably because we were old acquaintances and had past precedent as being a nice guy and she may have felt under valued-esp since I stated I wasn't looking for anything serious. She was the best in bed by far (she was impressed apparently I'm "so big and she's tiny" and I know that I take time to bust.. actually she was the only girl to be able to climax to the max after sexing and finishing w some amazing head and I am excited to get out and share the experience with other good lovers. I've thought to be somewhat healing and when I had been healthier/younger before my accident I think I was more aware of body/sensations.

I'm not sure if this lack of sensation is solely from my injuries effecting my systems or a slight decrease in attention due to ABI but possibly it's the same for others who have been not too sexually active. Also with these more recent understandings and sexual experiences perhaps had a decrease in my response to the stimuli or perhaps its a combination of that and the functionality and bioavailiability to hormones and endorphins? I remember the first time I made out I was so pumped.. But that last sex I had it was outta this world but may have had less effect in my endorphines andemotionally.. I really need to get out there and get some because if you don't use it you lose it and I'd hope to develop this awareness and ability more just like may of these other dynamic things discussed here.

 

[Oskar]

Interesting concept. What would an example of artistic sex be and how does it differ from the healing?

There is definitely a healing element in all forms of sexual expression, but the distinction I'm trying to make here is, put simply, that "fucking" is primarily an art, and "making love" is primarily therapeutic, i.e. a remediation of particular spiritual/psychological ailments. I'm coming from the frame that sex is a social function that helps us overcome separateness -- which is arguably one side of the fundamental conflict all humans share (conflicting drives towards wholeness/unity and absolute individuation).

Within sex I imagine a spectrum of the types of emotions involved. Basically, "fucking" is a celebration of both partners' potency (the masculine ability to penetrate and the feminine ability to open up to being ravaged) and the potency of all mankind while "making love" is more a gentle appreciation of life. If a man cannot penetrate (masculine strength is the strength of penetration) we call him impotent; if a woman cannot open herself up to being penetrated (spiritually/psychologically that is -- and it's masculine penetration that helps her do so) we call her frigid. Another quasi-poetic way of trying to explain this is that when you fuck, you fuck "through" someone, and when you make love, you make love "with" someone.

Is therapy artistic? Yes, of course, all expressions of life are artistic, but what I'm trying to distinguish is that being decisive as to the intensity and interpretation of your sex is vital, and if you want it to be a deeply wonderful experience for everyone you should aim for emotional extremes, however those might manifest.

And as an example... well, I don't know any artist who can give an example of his art besides giving their art itself. They might be able to explain some principles, some techniques, and maybe, if they're good storytellers, they can get you feeling similar emotions, but art falls solely in the realm of experience, so I don't think I can give an example with words of what artistic sex would be like, even if I were to go into the raw details.

-Oskar

 

[JuLz_shining]

Very interesting insight. So if sex is a social function that helps us overcome the separateness people namely frigid and impotent men must learn to use sex it at different times or perhaps initially or at stages of life and a given relationship/interaction in order to open up/assert.

Would you agree that we should vary the experience or interpretation or this art or therapy based where one is in they're life in terms or openness, relate/commit-ability? In terms of the initial burst of passionate sex/love-making; would you create this artful experience more sex/art based on the women we choose to connect with while others may be required to be "fucked through" more aggressively based on their frigidness and/or varied to different degrees possibly even leaning to the love making side? And from experience what would one say an open vs frigid woman (and perhaps other traits/mental models) would relate /enjoy best to based on a first interaction and how we'd like relationship to progress best with in terms of a potential committed monogamous partner, or other varying kinds of lovers or we can even get into the different kinds of fuckers (say mistresses, fwb, or cheaters)?

I understand your art would def be hard to dictate and don't expect to one to able to although your writing is very descriptive and illustrative. Perhaps you can give discuss this some more and perhaps have some insight towards my queries. Figured this is a great discussion and I really wanted to pick at your brain/comment to get this going a bit. Chase may even be able to shed some light in an article or something to help distinguish the varying degrees of the sex/love making and categorize other nuances. I haven't been in a committed relationship and cheated although I'm still in the early stages of experience but been more of a hungry student of theory and sporadically gain reference points. I look forward to getting more experience now my course is complete and I finally have the time and means to go gain more experience in becoming an attractive seducer or partner.

JuLz