Sexual Tension 2.0

[Bboy100]

Hey guys,

So, this is a topic I've talked about before. After implamenting the things you guys told me and making a discovery of my own, I wanted to revisit it.

Last time I posted about this, we said that to create sexual tension, I should: Chase Frame, Call her cute, use touch, and employ emotional contagion. I can now say that I've tried all these things at least once. Some of them, multiple times. I'll admit, my sample size is small. So I probably can't say they "don't work". But what I can say is that for whatever reason, I'm not seeing results.

I've noticed that I can pretty consistently get girls to feel attracted and connected to me. But I can almost never get them to feel turned on. Or maybe they do feel turned on and I just can't tell. ...In any case, I don't see any obvious visible signs.

Recently, I had a breakthrough. In my last FR I wrote:
" I started giving her a neck message..forgot what excuse I had for doing that. At any rate, this built the sexual tension up very quickly. I was doing it while facing her as opposed to being behind her. As I stared into her eyes and massaged her neck, I could visibly see her feeling a little bit turned on"

This was the first time I've seen a girl's eyes look all doey, her pupils dilate, her giving me that dreamy look. We had that awkward but also kind of enjoyable silence. It was also the first time I remember feeling turned on by a girl prior to actually escalating things with her. To put it another way, normally, when I try to escalate with a girl in any way, my mentality is "fuckit, I might as well try and see what happens". Whereas in this case, it was "I should kiss her now because it would feel weird not to.

So the conclusion I derive from this is that the fastest way to create sexual tension is by Continuously touching intimate areas of her body. Preferably whilst looking into her eyes. Now that I have a blueprint, I feel like I just need a method. In the case of my FR, I had a very specific reason for giving her a massage. We were already talking about how she wanted to be a massage therapist, she already gave me several massages, it relatively natural that I reciprocate.

So my question is, do you guys know of any consistant excuse/method to continously touch intimate areas of her body? (i.e. shoulders, neck, inner thighs...probably also a few others which I'm forgetting.).

 

[Richard]

Why do you need an excuse to touch her? Just move closer to her and let your bodies casually "touch" and escalate gradually. If she's comfortable letting you into her "zone" then she's attracted enough and comfortable enough with you to do so which also means you can turn her on.

The easiest way to turn her on is to maintain eye contact with her - this keeps building the tension between the two of you. Every time you look away you're releasing that tension and killing her wet panties.

I'm sure you already know this but words do not turn girls on. I wrote an article on nonverbal communication a while back that deals with turning girls on and I go in depth on the very answers you're looking for. Check it out here.

 

[Zoro]

A piece of advice from a guy named 60 Days of Challenge was that sexual tension between men and women is already there and most things men do relieve the tension (ex. talking, joking, not making eye contact, etc.)

Bask in the natural state of sexual chemistry that already exists and let it zing like a Telsa Coil in a quartz cave.

When I'm on a first date with a girl I barely talk. And when there is silence I just let it be or I might just look into her eyes for a moment. Its a good feeling tension, like excitement or anticipation. Not awkwardness, but it is a thin line.

 

[Bboy100]

The easiest way to turn her on is to maintain eye contact with her - this keeps building the tension between the two of you.

I actually played around with this a little while back. Basically, I locked eye contact with one of my dates from the very start, and no matter what, I didn't let up. When she looked away, I kept eye contact, when she giggled nervously, I didn't change anything. When she verbally announced that it was making her uncomfortable, I continued staring. I didn't get a second date with this girl. I did quite a few things wrong, but among other things, she said that she found the eye contact intimidating.

That's not to say that I think what you're saying is wrong. I do believe that eye contact is key to creating sexual tension. But isn't there more to it than just holding it?

I'm sure you already know this but words do not turn girls on. I wrote an article on nonverbal communication a while back that deals with turning girls on and I go in depth on the very answers you're looking for. Check it out here.

On a similar note, your article gives me a lot of great advice and good ways of building ST. But it leaves me wondering, when should I start each these. Some of them, I can obviously do from the outset. But others, I feel like I need to build up to. Which is a part of what category?

For example, from your article:

The beautiful thing is: you can use tone of voice the exact same way.


Throw on a sexy voice to arouse a girl and you will; you’ll communicate sexuality to her, and she’ll start to get more turned on

Time, for our intents and purposes, is obviously how much time passes between the start and stop of a nonverbal cue.

Think about the difference here:

A woman holding eye contact with you for a single second
A woman holding eye contact with you for 3 to 5 seconds

Would these things all be something I can do from the very outset of the interaction? Or would they be something I have to build up to?

Also,

You start with basic and general touching like the elbow, or the shoulder

Then move to an embracing touch like a hug, or an arm around the shoulder

Then you move onward to an intentional touch like grabbing a girls hand across the table and stroking her hand with your fingers

The next step is more intimate and involves things like kissing, or sexual massaging, grabbing the butt or boobs

The final step is obviously sexual intercourse

What if she rejects my advances in any one of these stages. For example, I was on a date a few weeks ago with a girl with whom I was using incidental touch (i.e. the first and second stages) but then once I tried to grab her hand (the third stage), she made up an excuse why she can't do it...she said she needed her hand for "texting" even though she wasn't texting anyone. What would I do in situations like that?

Finally: How does ST work exactly? Is it always instant like I felt it was in my FR (i.e. at one moment, we were having having playful, but still relatively platonic conversation, and the next, we were both looking at each other silently)? Or does it sometimes gradually build up? If I'm feeling it, is she necessarily also feeling it? Or can it be a one-way type of thing?

When I'm on a first date with a girl I barely talk. And when there is silence I just let it be or I might just look into her eyes for a moment. Its a good feeling tension, like excitement or anticipation. Not awkwardness, but it is a thin line.

In that same FR, there was a point where I discovered that the girl was uncomfortable with silence. I had my arm around her, we were just sitting there, enjoying each other's company. To me, it felt exactly like what you're talking about. Then she said something really random which made no sense. When I questioned her about it, she said "I dunno, I just wanted to break the silence". I've also noticed that a lot of other girls are also uncomfortable with silence on dates. How does this dynamic play into what you're talking about?

 

[Richard]

Lots of questions here, let's knock them down one by one.

I actually played around with this a little while back. Basically, I locked eye contact with one of my dates from the very start, and no matter what, I didn't let up. When she looked away, I kept eye contact, when she giggled nervously, I didn't change anything. When she verbally announced that it was making her uncomfortable, I continued staring. I didn't get a second date with this girl. I did quite a few things wrong, but among other things, she said that she found the eye contact intimidating.

That's not to say that I think what you're saying is wrong. I do believe that eye contact is key to creating sexual tension. But isn't there more to it than just holding it?

Think of tension like fishing - and the best example would be those fishing app games on Androids, etc. In every fishing game, when you're pulling the fish in the line meter flexes up and down. Too hard snaps the line, too loose and the fish gets off the hook, maintaining an average tension brings the fish in. Sexual tension with women is the same way and eye contact (and every nonverbal stimulus) acts as an influence on that meter.

Holding eye contact without ever breaking eye contact lets the tension rise... and rise... and rise... until the line snaps. So, you need to include irregular breaks into your eye contact. Hold eye contact when she's talking, but look away from time to time when you're talking and when you're pausing in a sentence. If she looks away, keep looking her way just a little while longer and then look away.

Again, sexual tension is like a meter. Too much eye contact makes the line snap and let's her get away, not enough eye contact let's her off the hook and you get friendzoned or politely rejected, just right and her panties will drip for you.

On a similar note, your article gives me a lot of great advice and good ways of building ST. But it leaves me wondering, when should I start each these. Some of them, I can obviously do from the outset. But others, I feel like I need to build up to. Which is a part of what category?

I'd rate the easiness of learning and using nonverbals in this way:
-Tone of Voice
-Eye Contact
-Time
-Touching
-Distance
-Facial Expressions

In reality, these are all pretty easy to use but they take conscious recognition to use and become familiar with. Many times you'll intuitively know these signs when you see them - if a girl is hugging you and holds you longer than a "friend" usually does then you intuitively know what she did. But, distance and facial expressions are the hardest to learn because they take loads of practice. You're always sending out signals with your facial expressions and unless you really focus on them then you're unconsciously sending out signals which may either hinder or help you.

What if she rejects my advances in any one of these stages. For example, I was on a date a few weeks ago with a girl with whom I was using incidental touch (i.e. the first and second stages) but then once I tried to grab her hand (the third stage), she made up an excuse why she can't do it...she said she needed her hand for "texting" even though she wasn't texting anyone. What would I do in situations like that?

Incidental touch is more like .5 instead of 1 or 2 haha. Casual brushing is a safer way to get a girl to consciously become aware of you touching her but because it's casual she doesn't pay a ton of attention to it which is why you need to gradually increase the noticeability of your touching. Now, let me explain that this does not mean you reach a full 3 feet to touch the small of her back haha - that's just creepy. But, I do mean that you need to deliberately make the touches more easy for her to notice which is a bit higher risk and higher reward with girls (which I like, but it isn't everybody's cup of tea) because when she notices that you're touching her on purpose and not by accident she's going to analyze you. Sometimes she finds it super attractive and sexy! and other times she'll reject it.

In the case that she rejects it, simply go back a stage or two and escalate again.

What I like to do is combine touching with distance and I like to find an excuse to get in close to her while touching her and it's a gauge for me to see if she's comfortable with me invading her personal space and touching her, while at the same time letting her know that touching is normal with me. Get her comfortable with the idea of being physical.

Finally: How does ST work exactly? Is it always instant like I felt it was in my FR (i.e. at one moment, we were having having playful, but still relatively platonic conversation, and the next, we were both looking at each other silently)? Or does it sometimes gradually build up? If I'm feeling it, is she necessarily also feeling it? Or can it be a one-way type of thing?

It's pretty tough for me to explain this because ST is not finite in that it doesn't progress linearly. Sometimes sexual tension is instant (as you described) and sometimes it's a gradual but nevertheless, you should recognize sexual tension as a fun kind of anxiety. More often than not, if you are feeling it then she is as well (you and her are both unconsciously sending out signals and mirroring them) but it can also be a one way kind of deal but this usually only happens to oblivious guys or beginners. Think back to some girl you "loved" because she talked to you - you were sure that she loved you as well but it was only your ignorance that caused you to think that? Same thing here.

But, if you are socially calibrated then it won't be a problem.

Lastly, you should see women change as they get more sexually tense. Women will usually twirl their hair, or expose their neck by moving their hair around, leaning in or exposing their chests (will usually pull shoulders back and lean in to a more relaxed posture) and their breathing will change. Often times girls will look for excuses to touch you and be physical as well.

Again, you should intuitively grasp these because so many signs exist that you cannot possibly remember them all. But the ones I mentioned are the most common and easiest to remember. Quick edit: My favorite sign is when lick their lips or bite their lips... drives me fucking wild!

Get out there and fuck a bitch now

-Richard

 

[Bboy100]

Lastly, you should see women change as they get more sexually tense. Women will usually twirl their hair, or expose their neck by moving their hair around, leaning in or exposing their chests (will usually pull shoulders back and lean in to a more relaxed posture) and their breathing will change. Often times girls will look for excuses to touch you and be physical as well.

I see this a lot with the girls I date. I just assumed this meant attraction and not necessarily ST/being turned on. Because when they do this, I pretty much feel nothing. That is, I feel no tension, no anxiety, it just feels...normal to me. I always assumed this was still just casual conversation. lol. This is the reason I felt this date was "different". Because this was the first time (in memory) that I remember also feeling ST.
Side Note: I don't actually remember the last time a girl initiated touch with me. ...but all the other signs are often there.

Also, I also use talk and touch together on dates so the girl never focuses on the touch. Aka when I answer to relate, I'll put a hand on her thigh and lean in a bit and say, " oh me too, that's really cool I did that one time...why do you think that's your favorite" then I move my hand. She had no time to protest and it would have been weird for her to stop convo. Then I'll do it again and leave it thee a bit longer. Then I'll do it again and order a drink and just leave it there and continue with the date and leave it as she talks but never acknowledge it. This is tension. We both know my hand is on her thigh.

Interesting. I do this exact same thing. Except that I never leave my hand there permanently. I just always leave it for the same 1-5 seconds (depending on how far along in my progression I am). I'll start doing that, see what happens.