She brought 2 guy friends along WTF?

[Tortuga]

viewtopic.php?f=2&t=12024

I made that post a few days ago, but obviously I was way, WAY ahead of myself...

I texted her about 30 minutes before the time saying hello and hoping that her morning was going well, and that when she got to the central building I would meet her in front of X eatery, and that I'd see her soon. She texted back immediately after, for the most part playing right along with my text and saying all the right things, but she mentioned that she was heading to that central building *right then*. Meaning that she would be there at least 20 minutes early... I thought for a couple seconds that something might be up, but I was busy with work so I tried to not fret over it.

I got to the building a few minutes late (texting her 10 minutes before that I would be a tiny bit late and not getting a reply), turned the corner where we would meet, and some ways down the hall, there she was... sitting with two guy friends at a table with only three seats. None of them saw me as far as I know, and I nope'd the f*ck outta there. Actually, I walked into the eatery and got myself food (she didn't see me - she was busy on her phone and her side was to me), then sat far away, completely out of sight. A minute before I walked into the eatery, she replied back, saying "It's fine!" - 20 minutes after my last text.

While I was eating, I sent her one last text saying "Alright, I don't want to waste anymore of your time, or mine, so I'll just say it: cancelled." She texted back a bit later saying "Lol okay". Then I deleted her number completely from my phone, and now here I am, typing this in the nearby library. I sent that to at least let her know that I was cancelling, out of courtesy I guess. I know it wasn't very tactful, I probably could've said something less bitter, but my head was kind of swimming and I felt pretty bad. Not THAT bad, because I hadn't invested THAT much in this girl, she wasn't that hot, and I'd only known her for about a week.

I feel angry, both at myself and at her. Myself more, because even before this I knew I had done at least a few things wrong. And at her, because while I could sort of get her underlying message, it seems like that was a pretty messed up way to send it. What do you guys think? What's the regulation to cover *this*? What sort of things could I have done wrong? First time for everything I suppose...

 

[ray_zorse]

Hey dude congratulations for having boundaries and holding to them, the last time a girl did this to me I just played along like a pussy (despite being a pretty experienced seducer) and felt like an utter wanker afterwards because I allowed her to trample on my boundaries and instead of NEXTing her I started to chase. Haha. A lot of new guys really need to learn boundaries, because that's often a reason they've had no success with women and ended up here. Luckily, that's not your problem. Good man.
Ray

 

[Skid]

Tortuga ,

Personally I think you jumped to conclusions way too fast and assumed the worst before you even begun the interaction. From what I read you saw the girl from afar sitting at a table with two guys and then walked away assuming that these where her orbiters and she was adding you to the collection and this wasn't a real date. Now I can't say that I've ever had a girl bring people on a date - I haven't really struggled with communicating to girls that this is a "male-female" interaction but I have had to deal with guys and girls that just randomly turn up after I've opened a girl.What I think you should have done was go over say hi and actually find out what the situation was for real instead of bailing preemptively. Had you considered that she was chilling with her orbiters to kill time while waiting to go on her date with you and they didn't have much to do so she just dragged them with her to wait (because they are orbiters) and that's why she was 20 minutes early?

Yeah I think its good to always assume the worst : that way you aren't unpleasantly surprised when it happens however don't let that stop you from finding out what the actual situation is - there is only one way to find out. This can also be seen as an opportunity to push yourself and test your social skills. What I think you should have done was go over there say hi introduce your yourself to the guys chat them up a bit become friends ignore girl completely after you say hi to her (make her want your attention while showing you don't see them as a threat to you) then after the guys seem to like you turn your attention to the girl and say "lets go , cya guys cool meeting you" (saying bye to the guys is important so that you make is clear they can't come I've had dudes who are friends of girls awkwardly follow us when I say to the girl lets go EVEN when her attention is completely on me and she's ignoring him - they don't want to lose the girl but don't have the social power to get her attention back so that's the result) and move her away and continue with date. If she refuses THEN you know you're boned xD and have in fact been put into orbit from there just find a somewhat socially savvy excuse and leave. You don't have to play along like a pussy like ray said if you begin the interaction just do your best to manipulate it to your own ends. If you can't then you can always bail then.

I do realize that this may be too much for someone new but even so its good food for thought and gives you room to improve for the future. Either way good job on getting yourself out there hope to see more from you!

Skid

 

[ray_zorse]

Skid raises great points which I did not even think of, being rather blinded by my bad experience that I mentioned. I could def have handled it like that in my case. Thanks Skid!
Ray

 

[Skid]

No worries

 

[Lawliet]

Good points Skid.
It's good you sticked with your boundaries, tough to do (here's where I say, me too!).
But two guys there could be pretty much anything. Maybe they approached her and she tried to ignore them by getting on her phone?

Hey, if she liked those guys, she wouldn't be on her phone anyway right?
You could have texted her "Hey, something came up babe, next time k? " which would be alright.
Or just ballsy up there, hold her hand, and say, "Let's ditch this dump".
If she liked you, she'll like you more!
If she doesn't, perfect! Next!!!

Aside from that, really good keeping up boundaries. I admire that! Keep it up!

Stay Awesome,
Lawliet