FR She Can't Hold A Conversation?

[Bboy100]

Ok, so I went out with a girl off Tinder today. And it was really absurd. She seemed attracted to me (i.e. some signs of interest). But at the same time, she couldn't really hold a convo. For the first 30 mins or so, it was relatively effortless. I did the standard deep dive type stuff mixed with some cocky humor. She responded pretty positively to this stuff BUT unlike most girls, she only contributed the bear minimum to the conversation. She didn't relate to any of the stuff I was saying, she asked me almost no questions, she didn't give out any info voluntarily etc. Eventually, two things happened:

1. I said we're taking a walk. So we left the bar. I was looking for a specific park. But I wasn't very familiar with the area, so we kinda ended up going in a circle. <----My bad! Lol
2. I noticed she was offering so little to the conversation, that I was pretty much the only one keeping it alive. Like, I was almost having a convo with myself. It felt very similar to talking to a girl with whom I hadn't and couldn't reach the hook point. But this is obviously not the case because she otherwise seemed interested+she was already on a date with me. So hook point is not the issue. Anyways...after noticing this, I switched strategies. I instead let the convo die down and tried to use the awkward silence/social pressure in hopes that she would start contributing. This didn't happen. We instead ended up walking in silence for five mins. After which, she left.

What happened here? Did she lose interest/feel awkward because of my bad leading (i.e. the seemingly pointless walk outside on the streets where there is nothing of note), if not, then she was obviously just a bad conversationalist. If this is the case, then how would I approach a situation like this in the future?

 

[HellAtlantic]

Isn't Tinder for hooking up/sex? Maybe she was more into just wanting to hook up and probably was like "why is he talking so much?".

 

[Bboy100]

I thought about that. A missed EW is definitely a possibility. But I feel like this wasn't the case because missed EW's usually have a dramatic shift in behavior (i.e. she goes from interested/attracted to resentment). Wheras in this case, she seemed receptive but also contributed little to the convo from the very start. There was no major change in the way she treated me.

 

[HellAtlantic]

I think what would have probably helped you would've been asking one simple question: "how many ppl have you met thru Tinder/have you used Tinder a lot?" If she would've said "this is my first time/I only used it once or twice" maybe could've chalked it up to nervousness as in unsure how Tinder hookups are supposed to go. If she would've said "I use it a bit, I like meeting new ppl thru it" then I would've interpreted that as "all my Tinder hookups are usually more to the point with a lot of this datey convo kept to a minimum, you're talking to me as if you want a GF and Tinder is for hooking up." That what I would've got out of it.

 

[Lotus]

You may be at a point where you have improved so much that you aren't aware of how much you value has increased.

She may have thought your value was so much higher she didn't open up out of fear of rejection.

For the first 30 mins or so, it was relatively effortless. I did the standard deep dive type stuff mixed with some cocky humor.

Sounds like it might be a miscalibration. To me, "standard deep dive" is an oxymoron, standard implies regular, routine, similiar... whereas deep dive is the art of discovering and relating to a girls deepest desires. As she is talking you should be connecting dots and trying to discover how and why she became who she is.

When you don't develop that connection and still remain cocky it will come off as arogant. Push without thengs happened:

She didn't relate to any of the stuff I was saying, she asked me almost no questions, she didn't give out any info voluntarily etc. Eventually, two things happened:

You supposed to deep dive her not vice versa... theres no problem finishing a interaction with her knowing allmost nothing about you. Many girls will find themselves talking too much and then go back and ask you questions, but if you're already bearing the brunt of the work in the conversation theres no reason for her to ask you questions and give you more permission to talk more.

Think of it like hot potato...See how long you can get her to hold the potato(conversation) and when she realizes its getting hot(she's talking a lot) she will pass try pass it back to you.

What happened here? Did she lose interest/feel awkward because of my bad leading (i.e. the seemingly pointless walk outside on the streets where there is nothing of note)

It depends how you played it off and whether you were visibly flustered.

Maybe I'm wrong and she was just a dud, but it's more conducive for improvement to assume she didn't offer up much because of your own mistakes... and girls know how to talk it's whether they choose to or not.

Just my thoughts, hope it helps.
(This is under the assumption you didn't miss a EW)

 

[Zoro]

If you could tell she was attracted to you, but she's not investing in the conversation, make a move. Make a move anyway. Even if its a light touch here or there. It's not important if she's not engaged in conversation, its important to pay attention to her comfort levels and to what she wants. Pay attention to her emotions, lead her to where she wants to go!

Also reflect on how your vibe was, specifically your non-verbals. I talk about the DUMBEST shit on dates. And ideally she's talking, and if she's not I'm communicating through non-verbals.

I definitely deep dive, but when I am escalating things with a girl we are not talking much at all, and if we are its light hearted.

 

[Bboy100]

To me, "standard deep dive" is an oxymoron, standard implies regular, routine, similiar... whereas deep dive is the art of discovering and relating to a girls deepest desires.

When I said "standard" I meant I did the process of deep diving. I probably could have left out the word altogether. But alas, you do have a point. I seem to have no consistansy. I'm always able to move past small talk, but I can only sometimes get to the really deep and important stuff which only those closest to her know. In this specific case, I feel like I wasn't able to.

You supposed to deep dive her not vice versa...

Yeah, that's the way it usually goes. But in this case, she gave me so little information when I asked her questions, that I ended up having to do a lot of the talking just to keep the conversation alive. Which in hindsight may have been just as bad as silence. Because in either case, it sets up a bad convo dynamic.

It depends how you played it off and whether you were visibly flustered.

Na, I wasn't really phased at all. I wasn't having much fun anyways, so I was kinda glad it was over. I had no intention of seeing her again either way.

"how many ppl have you met thru Tinder/have you used Tinder a lot?" If she would've said "this is my first time/I only used it once or twice" maybe could've chalked it up to nervousness as in unsure how Tinder hookups are supposed to go. If she would've said "I use it a bit, I like meeting new ppl thru it" then I would've interpreted that as "all my Tinder hookups are usually more to the point with a lot of this datey convo kept to a minimum, you're talking to me as if you want a GF and Tinder is for hooking up." That what I would've got out of it.

Yeah, this might have been a good idea. I'll try this next time.

Make a move anyway. Even if its a light touch here or there.

I always do incidental and then later on more overt touch naturally. But I do still have trouble coming up with the balls to ask her home with me or kiss her if the right vibe isn't there. It's something I'm working on.