She Let Herself Go... Why Were You Even Obsessed?

[Troy]

Anyone else sees this pattern in their dating life? Today's post is just a little motivation for anyone struggling... not knowing how to get over that "one special girl". Its also a reassurance to my own self.

2 years, 5 years, 10 years have passed. And I see pictures of that "hot" girl (s) I knew back in high school. Fuck what happened? These women not only hit the wall...no no its worse than that. They ran straight through the wall.

They put Sonic The Hedgehog to shame. Sonic can go through walls but these women bulldozer right through the wall.

These were the same girls that a while back, I was head over heals in "love" with. These women had the most beautiful smiles, most petite figures (boobs, butt, everything).

Some of these women I had dreams and (wet dreams) about.

I am writing this post today because I came across a woman on social media who I knew back in high school. Bros, I was head over heal in love with her. I asked her out for prom and she turned me down. Back then I was distraught.

But now when I look at her pictures, all I see is:

1. Overweight
2. Looking hella sloppy
3. She got a child behind her (no ring on her finger)
4. She posting a picture of her drunk and laying in a bed on social media (wtf)

Just dusty as hell. She aint the only one. Throught my life, I find it interesting the moment I start dating other women (usually more attractive), I start to question myself. Why the hell was she so special? Why did she get such a good hold of my emotions?

Its funny in a way because when I knew these women, I saw something completely different. This has happened to me at least 30 times. I see the pattern and it gives me reassurance that if I keep leveling up, women who I dated (or tried to) in the past wont matter to me in the future.

I see so many women I knew back in the day who I thought "damn she is the one. Im going to wife her up". Now I look at her. If I were to put those women beside other women I meet now, I would not think twice about them.

One piece of advice I would have given my previous self is: Allow yourself the time to feel the pain. You will get past it. Focus on your self improvement. Focus on meeting new women. Focus on being the best man you can be.

This post does not represent all the women I met in the past. But it represents a large percentage. And it gives me more reassurance that if I keep working on myself, I will one day find those women who I truly desire.

By then I will be the kind of man that they wont want to let go of.

Troy

 

[Tim Iron]

It happens to guys also... that's life in a summary.

 

[Regal Tiger]

Lol I love seeing pics of all the people I hated in high school. I lost a hundred pounds and they gained it!

Makes me giggle like a school girl every time

 

[POB]

I've seen this pattern over and over again.
Beautiful chicks hit it harder IMO.

Women in general are screwed when they age, unless they keep a hot body
(and meet a man who teaches them how to navigate through this phase).
If they are alone, they are doomed, because the party doesn't last forever ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

P.S. they kick and scream, but ask if they wanna lower their standards to meet a nice dude

 

[trashKENNUT]

Once you reach 30,

You really want to see everyone be kinda healthy, have something going on in their life, whether they are single or married.

I have meet past friends whom we walk across each other or sometimes accidentally stop and have a chat.

A few are cool. Most of them, are still in that high school hierarchy thing. I don't know. It's just that people are people, and I try to self reflect so that this behavior doesn't appear when I meet old friends and acquaintances who are successful than me.

z@c+

 

[DarkKnight]

You know I had this happening when I hit 24... Most of my peers let themselves go. We are talking about people with high degrees.. so not the average blue collar worker.. And now I am above 30 and this thought pattern that @Troy describes... is getting old. The "wall" doesnt give me any satisfaction or anything.

The only thing which I find truly interesting is how my female peers from back in the day have truly changed... and those even who favoured older men who owned cars and had more status, have changed in their behavior towards me. They really act girly and submissive and seem to look up to me, which I greatly appreciate. Is it the wall which caused this? Is it me upgrading myself? Perhaps a combination? I truly do not know and I know I am very flawed myself... so my self-image is not that of some guy who deserves people to really be awed or anything.

Anyway: Don't focus on those who wronged you, or you feel have wronged you , don't think in terms of revenge as a lot of people tend to do. Think about you, care about what matters, what matters is that you are here now, have limited time, need to connect with the right people and screen out the wrong ones. This is all that matters, all else will sort itself out. You do you, you do your best you and you will see how this wall business becomes one sad petty affair.

 

[Train]

The Wall concept is useful to humanize women for men who pedestalize them. But beyond that, I try to avoid feelings of gratification and revenge when women let themselves go or time catches up.

It's intoxicating and tempting to stay in those places that celebrate the wall because men who saw themselves as lower have a chance to ego-boost. But it's at the cost of inner peace and empathy imo.

 

[DarkKnight]

It's intoxicating and tempting to stay in those places that celebrate the wall because men who saw themselves as lower have a chance to ego-boost

"she got her due blah blah", in some cases this is correct by the way.. but when upgrading yourself and truly becoming high smv.. this shit becomes petty as fuck,.

 

[Train]

"she got her due blah blah", in some cases this is correct by the way.. but when upgrading yourself and truly becoming high smv.. this shit becomes petty as fuck,.

Agreed, some people really need karma to humble them. But yeah, at some point, I think this stuff becomes a crutch that needs to be kicked away.

I've noticed when one has really sharpened and time-consuming, true priorities that the petty stuff in general naturally melts away.

 

[Winston]

Fwiw I think The Wall is largely a red pill myth.

Yes many women will have a dramatic decrease of their SMV in their 30's. But that is the same for many men also.

The truth imo, is that the top 5% of women will still be able to land attractive men, even into their 40's.
As an example, my ex from this thread landed a very wealthy guy, at 37:

How to deal with an influential "friend" sleeping with your ex?

I had a girlfriend for 1 year and she dumped me to go back with her boyfriend (basically reverse monkey branching, since initially she cheated on him with me). The break up was 2.5 years ago. I very recently learned that she cheated and then dumped this boyfriend (monkey branching again) to be...

www.skilledseducer.com

There are many other examples in public life. The top women are able to stay attractive.
This actress was 41 on the video:

I don't think she has seen much decrease of her mating options as she aged.

I think the manosphere promotes The Wall concept because it makes think there is some kind of justice in the world, so this makes men who believe in it feel good.

 

[Vision]

Getting excited about other people's misery is definitely a path to the dark side. I'm a recovering sith, so I know this to be true.

Here's an older study (2003) but it conveys that 34% of women over the age of 40 actually date younger men.

https://assets.aarp.org/rgcenter/general/singles_1.pdf

Make of it what you will.

I ran into a guy from high school a few years ago and he admitted to me that he HAS a crush on my mom (who was in her 60's at the time) and that he's always been more attracted to much older women but doesn't talk about it much because people judge him for it.

This is actually far more common than you'd think.

Now that we're in a world of "whatever goes is okay" society, all kinds of things that was once "weird" are now becoming more and more normal.

The idea that women hit 30/35ish and they can't date anymore is, at best, a half truth... the idea that most people hit 30+ish and their bodies rapidly decline because they've been eating like shit and making lots of poor lifestyle choices their whole life is probably more accurate.

 

[POB]

The Wall concept is useful to humanize women for men who pedestalize them. But beyond that, I try to avoid feelings of gratification and revenge when women let themselves go or time catches up.

It's intoxicating and tempting to stay in those places that celebrate the wall because men who saw themselves as lower have a chance to ego-boost. But it's at the cost of inner peace and empathy imo.

Very very true!

Maybe at first, when you start to become better and see them regressing, it's kinda of an "aha" moment...but it quickly fades away if your focus is where it should be (making money, being free, improving looks, learning about game/relationships, etc...).

 

[POB]

The idea that women hit 30/35ish and they can't date anymore is, at best, a half truth... the idea that most people hit 30+ish and their bodies rapidly decline because they've been eating like shit and making lots of poor lifestyle choices their whole life is probably more accurate.

I was about to say that.
Although it's tougher for women because:
a) they grow up not having to deal with rejection;
b) they are used to get lots of attention just because of their looks;

Once the coin is flipped, they don't know what to do with their dating lives.
Kinda of sad really but hey, that's what growing up is about.

 

[DarkKnight]

Once the coin is flipped, they don't know what to do with their dating lives.

Indeed... They become very clueless and start listening to bullshit mainstream gurus who know nothing.

 

[topcat]

<3

 

[Chase]

A lot of excellent remarks here:

It's intoxicating and tempting to stay in those places that celebrate the wall because men who saw themselves as lower have a chance to ego-boost. But it's at the cost of inner peace and empathy imo.

"she got her due blah blah", in some cases this is correct by the way.. but when upgrading yourself and truly becoming high smv.. this shit becomes petty as fuck,.

Getting excited about other people's misery is definitely a path to the dark side. I'm a recovering sith, so I know this to be true.

It's a very normal emotion to experience, when you have been down and out for a long time, and you finally start noticing people who used to have it better than you now have it worse. There is some satisfaction there.

It is definitely a 'dark side' emotion though... in that when you are focused on gloating about all the people you are doing 'so much better than' right now, you are NOT focused on personal improvement.

Your focus should be on self-comparison, not comparison to others:

If you want to progress much faster, BLIND yourself to "other comparison mode"

Many years ago I came across a study that found beginners and intermediates saw the most success when they compared themselves to themselves, and not to experts or gurus. Meanwhile, experts who shifted over to comparing themselves against other experts often achieved more gains that way. Even...

www.skilledseducer.com

It's pretty natural to fall into other-comparison when you feel like you've been stymied in life for a while. You're not making any progress, there's nothing favorable to compare yourself against when looking back... but hey! These other people are sucking it big time! *fuzzy feelings*

A lot of programming is about stuff like this. Talk shows full of stupid people drama... reality TV shows where people are doing a bunch of stupid, petty things... all that is there so people can look at it and say to themselves, "Haha. I am so much better than these clowns."

If there's nowhere in your life you are improving enough to switch over from other-comparison to self-comparison, I'd make that the #1 priority to get sorted.

Because once your focus is on comparing your new-and-improving self to your older, less-improved self, you put yourself in a very productive, optimistic, healthy mentality, and instead of wanting to gloat when you see folks you used to know who aren't doing as well as you, you rather feel a desire to reach out to them and help them. And that's the far better place to be, for your own mental condition and your own progress as much as anyone else's.

Chase

 

[DarkKnight]

Your focus should be on self-comparison, not comparison to others:

I find this hard Chase... especially with SMV. My smv seems to have increased these last few years and random people are trying to befriend me and more women are trying to get with me. I went to a trip by airplane recently .. during my first flight woman next to me was flirting like crazy and touching me and such (waitresses tend to do this as well), and on the way back dude next to me was trying to befriend me. Both asked my number, lol. Pretty hardcore results I didn't have in the past, not like this.

However, I myself seem to be more blind to my own process... I can easily gauge myself against others , for me it is important to be top dog, or at the very least one of the few top dogs so comparisons can be easily made. But this sudden jumps in value have astonished me and I actually have been wondering if this has been caused due to the lockdowns where there was no real comparisons to be made.

 

[Chase]

@DarkKnight,

Well, hmm.

For starters, I'd suggest "don't think in terms of SMV."

I personally have never in my life thought this way (I'll discuss the concept occasionally in articles... but only because it's occasionally useful for making certain points).

The way I see it, there's me, and then there's every other guy. I know I'm the highest value guy in the world. Maybe the girl doesn't know it yet though. Maybe some guy has some trick he's figured out that enchants women. If so, maybe I should learn that trick. Or else I need to upgrade my game or my presentation further so women can more easily recognize I am at least the highest value man they have available to them at the moment (if not the highest value man on Earth).

I don't really care what other guys are doing unless they are pulling girls I really wanted. This is rarely going to happen even to guys who aren't that good though, unless they are slow-gaming and just hanging out around a handful of girls all the time, and those girls occasionally get picked off by other men. If you're cold approaching and meeting lots of women you will rarely encounter scenarios where the girl you wanted that day/night goes off with someone else and you see it happen.

On the rare case it has happened, I've typically figured I screwed up somewhere and combed back through my game to look for where the screwup was (after all, if given the choice of some other guy and me, WHY would she choose some other guy over me? Obviously I screwed up).

Rationally, I know I might not be THE "highest SMV" man on Earth... but I don't know how you'd calculate that; every attempt at calculating it I've seen has been heavily subjective, reliant on the biases of whoever is putting the formula for calculating it together; and in any event I have beaten enough "high SMV men" competing for a girl that whatever SMV is, even if some guy has more of it than I do by some calculation or other, it doesn't really matter. I'm still the best. He can have the SMV; I'll just take the girl.

So, really, this is an emotional/intuitive mentality, rather than a rational one... you just THINK you're THE BEST, so any adjustments you need are necessarily going to have to be improvements to yourself, rather than worrying about what any other guy -- who is not the best -- is doing, unless you notice him doing something really great that you can adopt.

See also:

Why You Absolutely Need to Assume Attraction with Women

I’ve been seeing more of the writers and senior members on the discussion boards reminding guys that you must assume attraction recently. This is one of those things that comes second nature when you’re farther along the path of doing great with girls, but can be an odd piece of advice to...

www.girlschase.com

It is self-comparison, because you are either saying, "Why didn't I get that girl? Usually I'd have gotten that girl. I must be slipping," or you are saying, "I didn't get that girl because I always screw up with girls like that. I need to change my approach to that kind of girl," or you are saying, "Wow, I can't believe I got that girl; I don't usually get girls like that. I must be stepping it up."

Maybe it's difficult to learn to think this way though?

This is not the kind of thing I normally write out like this... it sounds way too self-absorbed.

But I guess all our inner thoughts, motivational mental patterns, and what have you are going to tend to sound that way spelled out.

Anyway, I'm not sure how "teachable" that is... mindsets are always tricky things to teach. Though I will say hearing other expert guys' mindsets, then aiming for that mentality myself, has been a useful thing for me over the years.

I can easily gauge myself against others , for me it is important to be top dog, or at the very least one of the few top dogs so comparisons can be easily made.

Yeah, see, you are seeing yourself as "one of the competitors."

I have some status-consciousness, like any guy, but mine is just wired to say, "Highest value guy on Earth. Do the people around recognize that? Yes/no. If no, what must I do better to help them recognize it?"

Other people around me aren't really competitors. They are at most just folks other people haven't realized yet are not as high value as I am. Possibly/probably because I haven't done a good enough job of making that case, when that is so.

Not sure if that helps. Maybe this just sounds like me peddling arrogant delusions of grandeur.

I tend to think though that so long as the logical side of you stays grounded in reality, you can let your intuitive side run wild building yourself up as super awesome. It's only when logic goes along with emotion on that flight of fancy that you get guys raging because nobody recognizes their specialness when in fact they're acting like social retards. Still need to have that logical side that is saying, "All well and good, merry emotional you! But now let's look with a little logic here."

Chase

 

[Alpha13SC]

The way I see it, there's me, and then there's every other guy. I know I'm the highest value guy in the world. Maybe the girl doesn't know it yet though. Maybe some guy has some trick he's figured out that enchants women. If so, maybe I should learn that trick. Or else I need to upgrade my game or my presentation further so women can more easily recognize I am at least the highest value man they have available to them at the moment (if not the highest value man on Earth).

This is interesting as well, and similar to my mindset. Always going to dates/meeting women thinking I m the best thing she can ever get. She might not know it right now, but it's true as fuck.

 

[POB]

I have some status-consciousness, like any guy, but mine is just wired to say, "Highest value guy on Earth. Do the people around recognize that? Yes/no. If no, what must I do better to help them recognize it?"

“Lead me, follow me, or get out of my way.”
Patton