She lied big time, deal breaker?

Dylweed

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Jan 6, 2013
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154
Say you got 3 fuck buddies, its all good but then you meet a girl you actually really like. What do you do? You start it the same way that you start all your fuck buddies? You only text them to make plans and only see then once a week? What if you want to possibly date them? Do you just start slowly acting like a boyfriend? What if you do that and it's all good but then they find out you have 3 fuck buddies? That'd be fucked up. Basically how do you get a girlfriend when you have fuck buddies?
 

topcat

Cro-Magnon Man
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Dec 20, 2012
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230
Say you got 3 fuck buddies, its all good but then you meet a girl you actually really like. What do you do? You start it the same way that you start all your fuck buddies?
You run her through the same process. Liking a girl makes her fit for an FB. To be taken seriously she needs to be more than likeable. She needs to be fit for the job based on whatever criteria you require. It seems honesty is one such criterion for you, and rightly so.

You can only find out if she's good for a relationship after some time. Girls put their best foot forward at the start of the relationship (ie. "no the breathalyzer isn't mine.."). It takes some time for their truth to come out ("yes...actually that breathalyzer is mine..woopsy").

So after 3 months, if she's still around and behaving well, you give her a little more investment, do some 'boyfriendy stuff'. See her a bit more, but still take your time....

What if you do that and it's all good but then they find out you have 3 fuck buddies? That'd be fucked up. Basically how do you get a girlfriend when you have fuck buddies?
Why would it be fucked up? You never promised monogamy did you? If she somehow finds out, own it. It's the truth is it not? Give her the opportunity to choose you for what you actually are (a man with FB's), let her know you like her and will respect whatever decision she makes.

You'd be surprised, but if she actually likes you, she's liable to return to you soon after. Just don't mislead her.

These are rules to be followed by those of us who are non-monogamous and don't feel poorly about it, if you are a monogamous man at heart other advice may be better for you honestly. This stuff may just torment you if it doesn't sit well with you in your heart.

Nonetheless though, you as a man with agreeable tendencies really need to focus on screening. Monogamous or non-monogamous, you're up for a world of pain if you get serious with the wrong girl too quickly. This very thread is evidence of this..
 

Dylweed

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 6, 2013
Messages
154
You run her through the same process. Liking a girl makes her fit for an FB. To be taken seriously she needs to be more than likeable. She needs to be fit for the job based on whatever criteria you require. It seems honesty is one such criterion for you, and rightly so.

You can only find out if she's good for a relationship after some time. Girls put their best foot forward at the start of the relationship (ie. "no the breathalyzer isn't mine.."). It takes some time for their truth to come out ("yes...actually that breathalyzer is mine..woopsy").

So after 3 months, if she's still around and behaving well, you give her a little more investment, do some 'boyfriendy stuff'. See her a bit more, but still take your time....


Why would it be fucked up? You never promised monogamy did you? If she somehow finds out, own it. It's the truth is it not? Give her the opportunity to choose you for what you actually are (a man with FB's), let her know you like her and will respect whatever decision she makes.

You'd be surprised, but if she actually likes you, she's liable to return to you soon after. Just don't mislead her.

These are rules to be followed by those of us who are non-monogamous and don't feel poorly about it, if you are a monogamous man at heart other advice may be better for you honestly. This stuff may just torment you if it doesn't sit well with you in your heart.

Nonetheless though, you as a man with agreeable tendencies really need to focus on screening. Monogamous or non-monogamous, you're up for a world of pain if you get serious with the wrong girl too quickly. This very thread is evidence of this..
Haha true. But yeah this strategy you just described here does not sit well with me for 2 reasons.

My future ideal girlfriend does not have to be okay with me having fuck buddies, that is just not in my requirements. And there definitely could be great girls out there who would make a great girlfriend who would just not be okay with that. They'd either dump you the instant they find out you have fuck buddies, or they'd give you the ultimatum that you have to dump them or she'll dump you. Maybe that wouldn't be so bad? Some people would probably say that's a sign that she's controlling.

Also I'm sure there's also girls who would make a great girlfriend who would not be okay with you treating them like a fuck buddy for a whole. If all you'd ever want her for is that, then that's okay, she'll just stop seeing you, no big deal. But if you wanna actually date her she'll just drop you forever and you just missed out on a great girl
 

topcat

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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230
Also I'm sure there's also girls who would make a great girlfriend who would not be okay with you treating them like a fuck buddy for a whole. If all you'd ever want her for is that, then that's okay, she'll just stop seeing you, no big deal. But if you wanna actually date her she'll just drop you forever and you just missed out on a great girl
You’d be surprised what a girl will allow with the right guy…

My friend, do you, I found this out by pushing boundaries and trial and error. So far i’m happy with what i’ve discovered. Go make your mistakes and find what works for you.

Don’t let this girl move in with you though :p
 

Dylweed

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
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Messages
154
You’d be surprised what a girl will allow with the right guy…

My friend, do you, I found this out by pushing boundaries and trial and error. So far i’m happy with what i’ve discovered. Go make your mistakes and find what works for you.

Don’t let this girl move in with you though :p
I did find an article by Chase where he said he doesn't do fuck buddies or FWB anymore. He just does 1 night stands or exclusive relationships only. I think I could try that. I really love having a girl to go do fun shit with. I love sex but I wanna do more than just stay in the bedroom all the time
 

uriel

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
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688
I did find an article by Chase where he said he doesn't do fuck buddies or FWB anymore. He just does 1 night stands or exclusive relationships only. I think I could try that. I really love having a girl to go do fun shit with. I love sex but I wanna do more than just stay in the bedroom all the time
Yeah but keep in mind that Chase does not do FBs because it doesn’t fit him, not to accommodate the girls.
He used (or still uses to) have more than one girlfriend at the same time.

Anyway, choose for yourself but @topcat is right, if you are very attractive, girls will accept a lot of things you used to believe were non-negotiable.
 

Fuck This

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Messages
1,876
This girl had a breathalyzer in her car from the beginning and she told me it was her brother's car that was given to her.

6 weeks after dating her she got wasted alone one day and I questioned her if it was actually really her breathalyzer. She said no. I asked her multiple times.

Now 2 months later she told me the truth, it was hers. And she's gotten wasted twice to open up to me about things.

My gut was to dump her, turns out I'm a pansy though, it's hard. Is this a deal breaker?
Is this your life?

 

Dylweed

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
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Messages
154
So I just banged a new girl, from tinder on the first date. She met me at my place at 11pm. She helped me build my brand new dresser drawers, and we banged twice. I spent no money on her. I thought she'd leave after I told her I had to eat at 4am but she wanted to talk to me while I ate. Oh well. At 4:30am I told her I had to go to sleep so she left.

She sent me a snapchat immediately, 10 mins after leaving. I haven't read it yet. Was thinking I'd text her tomorrow saying it was fun and hoping she's not too tired today. Then ignore her after that? Then what if she texts me something non related to hanging out? Or if she texts me asking me to hang and it hasn't been a week yet?

At one point it seemed she was trying to get my input on what I'm looking for. Was saying she doesn't know how to date anymore after being in relationships for so long. I just dodged it. Right move?

She kept saying she has to take me to Steak N Shake. But yall say only hang with her in the bedroom lol
 

Regal Tiger

Cro-Magnon Man
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Messages
571
So I just banged a new girl, from tinder on the first date. She met me at my place at 11pm. She helped me build my brand new dresser drawers, and we banged twice. I spent no money on her. I thought she'd leave after I told her I had to eat at 4am but she wanted to talk to me while I ate. Oh well. At 4:30am I told her I had to go to sleep so she left.

She sent me a snapchat immediately, 10 mins after leaving. I haven't read it yet. Was thinking I'd text her tomorrow saying it was fun and hoping she's not too tired today. Then ignore her after that? Then what if she texts me something non related to hanging out? Or if she texts me asking me to hang and it hasn't been a week yet?

At one point it seemed she was trying to get my input on what I'm looking for. Was saying she doesn't know how to date anymore after being in relationships for so long. I just dodged it. Right move?

She kept saying she has to take me to Steak N Shake. But yall say only hang with her in the bedroom lol
Well first off, congrats on the new lay!

But secondly, reeeeelllllaaaaaaaxxxxxxx lol.

Sounds like she's into you, so you don't want to ghost her. If she's reaching out to you that means she's chasing. And women who are in chase mode aren't in dump you mode. So you can relax on the contact rules just a bit. Definitely text her the day after (or if it's early enough in the day, later that same day).

When she responds just make plans for her to come over again.

As far as what you're looking for, just be vague. I like good vibes, I like hanging out with pleasant people or shit like that. You're not sure where you're going or what you're looking for (if she's only a fuckbuddy) but you enjoy spending time with her. My personal favorite when women ask what I want/what I'm looking for I like to respond with the YouTube link of "I Want it All" haha (or if it's face to face I'll just pull up the video lol)

Then, if she's saying she has to take you to Steak N Shake you could ask her to bring some over to you. Because her trying to get you to Steak N Shake is just a way of reaching out to make plans with you. So make plans with her. If you don't like fast food then you can say as much but then immediately counter offer something else (like coming over to watch a movie or something).
 

Dylweed

Space Monkey
space monkey
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Messages
154
Well first off, congrats on the new lay!

But secondly, reeeeelllllaaaaaaaxxxxxxx lol.

Sounds like she's into you, so you don't want to ghost her. If she's reaching out to you that means she's chasing. And women who are in chase mode aren't in dump you mode. So you can relax on the contact rules just a bit. Definitely text her the day after (or if it's early enough in the day, later that same day).

When she responds just make plans for her to come over again.

As far as what you're looking for, just be vague. I like good vibes, I like hanging out with pleasant people or shit like that. You're not sure where you're going or what you're looking for (if she's only a fuckbuddy) but you enjoy spending time with her. My personal favorite when women ask what I want/what I'm looking for I like to respond with the YouTube link of "I Want it All" haha (or if it's face to face I'll just pull up the video lol)

Then, if she's saying she has to take you to Steak N Shake you could ask her to bring some over to you. Because her trying to get you to Steak N Shake is just a way of reaching out to make plans with you. So make plans with her. If you don't like fast food then you can say as much but then immediately counter offer something else (like coming over to watch a movie or something).
Yeah i know it seems she's into me, I swear she already probably wants to date me. This is why fwb suck lol I don't wanna feel like shit cuz I do not wanna date this girl. So I'm supposed to just make plans already to see her again? But we just hung out and I don't wanna see her again for at least a week. Isn't it weird to make plans a whole week out? I already told her I love Shake shack fast food burgers. I really suck at doing fuck buddy's lol my ex tells me I'm super unique, im super friendly and genuinely nice and sweet idk I think girls who bang me just always want to date me i swear, but u guys are acting like no that doesn't happen to yall I don't get it
 
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Regal Tiger

Cro-Magnon Man
Cro-Magnon Man
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Messages
571
Yeah i know it seems she's into me, I swear she already probably wants to date me. This is why fwb suck lol I don't wanna feel like shit cuz I do not wanna date this girl. So I'm supposed to just make plans already to see her again? But we just hung out and I don't wanna see her again for at least a week. Isn't it weird to make plans a whole week out? I already told her I love Shake shack fast food burgers. I really suck at doing fuck buddy's lol my ex tells me I'm super unique, im super friendly and genuinely nice and sweet idk I think girls who bang me just always want to date me i swear, but u guys are acting like no that doesn't happen to yall I don't get it
Just depends on how you act. In addition, when you're already settled into a routine her emotions will cool off. People are amazingly adaptable like that. Remember, our emotions evolved to keep the species alive. Who is more likely to have children that survive into the next generation:
1) the girl who fucked a guy once, got hung up on him and never took another lover after he decided to never see her again
2) or the girl who fucked a guy once, liked him, but when he didn't want more decided to mate with someone else who did want more

EDIT: actually, here's a great example of how emotions can cool off: marriage and divorce. In the beginning you can be totally in love with each other. Then a year later you feel the urge to shove a hive of bees down each others' throats. Emotions are fleeting and will change. Women will change faster than a man but men change too. People's emotions shift a lot. It's how emotions are and it's all to keep us going. /edit


As far as the making plans thing, it's more important to get her into 'lockdown'. So for the second time getting her into the bedroom you want to make plans faster than usual. Ideally like a day or two later.

This gets her to see you as a guy she's regularly fucking rather than a guy she fucked. Side note: different women experience lockdown differently.

For example, a virgin you might not even need to fully fuck to get her locked in. But the nympho you may need to fuck 5 plus times or more on separate occasions to get her locked in. It's all relative to the girl herself, but the general consensus for most women is: you need to fuck her on 2-3 separate occasions to get her locked in. And getting her locked in is much more important than getting her on a once a week schedule.


As far as the once a week to once every 10 days schedule that guys talk about it's more about not leading her on accidentally than anything else. Because boyfriends are the ones that see her 2+ times a week. Not the guy she goes to for dick at 2am when Mr. Perfect doesn't notice her.


In addition, it's easier to start progress the relationship later on than it is to slow it down, if that makes sense. So for example; say you start seeing her 3/week. Then for whatever reason you decide you don't like her as much, or maybe work picks up or whatever. It's going to be harder to scale that down than the opposite. Like say you start seeing her 1/week but then decide that she's pretty damn cool and you're going to give her a chance. So you start seeing her 2/week.

Lastly, it also helps prevent a girl looking back on the relationship and feeling like you're moving backwards. Because it's always easier to scale up and make a girl feel special than it is to scale down, which will not sit well with women.

Women fear the relationship getting scaled down. Men fear the sex scaling down.


So the equivalent for a man would be this: say you're barely a month in and you're having threesomes with a girl, she's giving up the ass and blowjobs randomly just because it's a Tuesday. Then a few years later you're barely having sex once a month! That's going to feel extremely shitty and we're going to feel like we got baited into some bullshit and we won't feel happy.

Same thing for a woman: say you start seeing her 5 times a week! But then a few years later you barely say hi to her in the morning. She's going to get upset and feel like she was cheated and lied to.
 
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Alpha13SC

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Sep 13, 2021
Messages
52
Just depends on how you act. In addition, when you're already settled into a routine her emotions will cool off. People are amazingly adaptable like that. Remember, our emotions evolved to keep the species alive. Who is more likely to have children that survive into the next generation:
1) the girl who fucked a guy once, got hung up on him and never took another lover after he decided to never see her again
2) or the girl who fucked a guy once, liked him, but when he didn't want more decided to mate with someone else who did want more

EDIT: actually, here's a great example of how emotions can cool off: marriage and divorce. In the beginning you can be totally in love with each other. Then a year later you feel the urge to shove a hive of bees down each others' throats. Emotions are fleeting and will change. Women will change faster than a man but men change too. People's emotions shift a lot. It's how emotions are and it's all to keep us going. /edit


As far as the making plans thing, it's more important to get her into 'lockdown'. So for the second time getting her into the bedroom you want to make plans faster than usual. Ideally like a day or two later.

This gets her to see you as a guy she's regularly fucking rather than a guy she fucked. Side note: different women experience lockdown differently.

For example, a virgin you might not even need to fully fuck to get her locked in. But the nympho you may need to fuck 5 plus times or more on separate occasions to get her locked in. It's all relative to the girl herself, but the general consensus for most women is: you need to fuck her on 2-3 separate occasions to get her locked in. And getting her locked in is much more important than getting her on a once a week schedule.


As far as the once a week to once every 10 days schedule that guys talk about it's more about not leading her on accidentally than anything else. Because boyfriends are the ones that see her 2+ times a week. Not the guy she goes to for dick at 2am when Mr. Perfect doesn't notice her.


In addition, it's easier to start progress the relationship later on than it is to slow it down, if that makes sense. So for example; say you start seeing her 3/week. Then for whatever reason you decide you don't like her as much, or maybe work picks up or whatever. It's going to be harder to scale that down than the opposite. Like say you start seeing her 1/week but then decide that she's pretty damn cool and you're going to give her a chance. So you start seeing her 2/week.

Lastly, it also helps prevent a girl looking back on the relationship and feeling like you're moving backwards. Because it's always easier to scale up and make a girl feel special than it is to scale down, which will not sit well with women.

Women fear the relationship getting scaled down. Men fear the sex scaling down.


So the equivalent for a man would be this: say you're barely a month in and you're having threesomes with a girl, she's giving up the ass and blowjobs randomly just because it's a Tuesday. Then a few years later you're barely having sex once a month! That's going to feel extremely shitty and we're going to feel like we got baited into some bullshit and we won't feel happy.

Same thing for a woman: say you start seeing her 5 times a week! But then a few years later you barely say hi to her in the morning. She's going to get upset and feel like she was cheated and lied to.
I actually encountered this problem, seeing too often after 5-6 months. The girl stayed once almost a week at my place. Then this thing happened more often. I said to her that we should hangout fewer days since I need my space. She wasn't happy at all. Couldn't understand why, because we could kept the same passion, but on fewer days. Well, I understand this better.

Another time, when I had a FB, I just liked spending time with her(she cooked for me, even cleaned my shoes before going to work). After 2 months, one time she wanted to stay 1 week at her place because her flatmate went to her parents. Well, guess what, after some time she told me this is becoming a relationship and she doesn't want this(and I didn't want it also), but I came across as somebody who does by spending so much time toghether.

I must add that if in relationship, the time spent togheter actually scale down, well, that's pretty bad.

But how @topcat said, go make your own mistakes(If you don't anticipate them through what it's been said here).
 

Dylweed

Space Monkey
space monkey
Joined
Jan 6, 2013
Messages
154
Thanks for all the replies and help so far!

Do you cuddle with fuck buddies after banging? Or is that a couple thing?

Do you kiss them goodbye? Or is that a couple thing? I usually make out for a sec at the door before they leave, is that good?
 

uriel

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Oct 21, 2019
Messages
688
Thanks for all the replies and help so far!

Do you cuddle with fuck buddies after banging? Or is that a couple thing?

Do you kiss them goodbye? Or is that a couple thing? I usually make out for a sec at the door before they leave, is that good?

Yes and yes.
It is couple stuff but if you don’t do it, you kill comfort.

You can cuddle less time and kiss in a sexy instead of a cute way, just don’t deny her of that.
 
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