She lied big time, deal breaker?

Dylweed

Space Monkey
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This girl had a breathalyzer in her car from the beginning and she told me it was her brother's car that was given to her.

6 weeks after dating her she got wasted alone one day and I questioned her if it was actually really her breathalyzer. She said no. I asked her multiple times.

Now 2 months later she told me the truth, it was hers. And she's gotten wasted twice to open up to me about things.

My gut was to dump her, turns out I'm a pansy though, it's hard. Is this a deal breaker?
 

Regal Tiger

Cro-Magnon Man
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Sounds like a deal breaker to ever date her seriously.

Deal breaker to fucking her? Nah
 

Dylweed

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Sounds like a deal breaker to ever date her seriously.

Deal breaker to fucking her? Nah
I agree about the banging but this girl is planning on moving across the country to live with me in January for a serious relationship. We dated for 3 months before I moved to a new state last month
 

topcat

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I agree about the banging but this girl is planning on moving across the country to live with me in January for a serious relationship. We dated for 3 months before I moved to a new state last month
She’s coming to live with you after 3months of dating? Buddy hold your horses. On top of this she’s a binge drinking liar..

Listen, it might be useful for you to forbid yourself from exclusive relationships until you have a little more experience. Say 10 more lays deep and one or two fb’s. This’ll help you learn to screen properly, and remove the pussy blinders.

Or do what the heart feels until you’re tired of being burned. But you will get burned if you continue as you are..

Dump this one and definitely don’t let her move in.
 

Dylweed

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She’s coming to live with you after 3months of dating? Buddy hold your horses. On top of this she’s a binge drinking liar..

Listen, it might be useful for you to forbid yourself from exclusive relationships until you have a little more experience. Say 10 more lays deep and one or two fb’s. This’ll help you learn to screen properly, and remove the pussy blinders.

Or do what the heart feels until you’re tired of being burned. But you will get burned if you continue as you are..

Dump this one and definitely don’t let her move in.
I'm not disagreeing with you. But I had a 4 yr relationship end in March. I'm 30 yrs old. I was into pick up like crazy 7 years ago. I'm honestly over the whole spending tons of time cold approaching chicks thing. It's so time consuming man. And I really suck at setting the frame with fuck buddies, they all fall in love with me. I've had rotations before. Had one this summer with 3 chicks. That's time consuming, at least 3 dates a week. I'm trying to spend my time on my own business. So I should probably dump this girl. But I am over the fuck buddy thing
 

topcat

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I'm not disagreeing with you. But I had a 4 yr relationship end in March. I'm 30 yrs old. I was into pick up like crazy 7 years ago. I'm honestly over the whole spending tons of time cold approaching chicks thing. It's so time consuming man. And I really suck at setting the frame with fuck buddies, they all fall in love with me. I've had rotations before. Had one this summer with 3 chicks. That's time consuming, at least 3 dates a week. I'm trying to spend my time on my own business. So I should probably dump this girl. But I am over the fuck buddy thing
Fair enough, my bad for assuming. Nonetheless your screening needs work. Especially if you’d like to focus on business, you can’t be having feral banshees destabilizing you..

Actually come to think of it, given the problem with fb’s you just raised.. what you really have is an issue setting boundaries.
 

Skills

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I'm not disagreeing with you. But I had a 4 yr relationship end in March. I'm 30 yrs old. I was into pick up like crazy 7 years ago. I'm honestly over the whole spending tons of time cold approaching chicks thing. It's so time consuming man. And I really suck at setting the frame with fuck buddies, they all fall in love with me. I've had rotations before. Had one this summer with 3 chicks. That's time consuming, at least 3 dates a week. I'm trying to spend my time on my own business. So I should probably dump this girl. But I am over the fuck buddy thing
The reason you talk like this, is cause you are not completely over your relationship, or if you are, you are trying to recreate the scenario you had with a new girl, you need to date multiple girls even if time consuming and you don't have time, you can just not settle keep screaming women out if time a problem vs settling to avoid wasting time, that logic makes no sense cause it will have a direct impact on happiness and quality of life
 

Dylweed

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Fair enough, my bad for assuming. Nonetheless your screening needs work. Especially if you’d like to focus on business, you can’t be having feral banshees destabilizing you..

Actually come to think of it, given the problem with fb’s you just raised.. what you really have is an issue setting boundaries.
That is true, the drama with this girl, when she just owned up this humongous lie a few days, has really wreaked havoc on my life and my productivity the last couple days.

And yes, boundaries are hard to set. Do you have tips when setting the frame with fuck buddies? I usually tell them before we fuck that I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment. Then i proceed to fuck them and then they get super attached and I feel bad for them.
 

Dylweed

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The reason you talk like this, is cause you are not completely over your relationship, or if you are, you are trying to recreate the scenario you had with a new girl, you need to date multiple girls even if time consuming and you don't have time, you can just not settle keep screaming women out if time a problem vs settling to avoid wasting time, that logic makes no sense cause it will have a direct impact on happiness and quality of life
I agree. Also I'm still talking to my ex. We ended on good terms, she ended it, but in a very mature way. But maybe that's slowing me down from healing? I genuinenly would be happy for her if she found a new guy so thought that meant it was okay to talk to her cuz it means I'm over her but maybe not.

Also I think maybe ill just possibly be celibate for a few months, and be extremely productive.
 
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Skills

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I agree. Also I'm still talking to my ex. We ended on good terms, she ended it, but in a very mature way. But maybe that's slowing me down from healing? I genuinenly would be happy for her if she found a new guy so thought that meant it was okay to talk to her cuz it means I'm over her but maybe not.

Also I think maybe ill just possibly be celibate for a few months, and be extremely productive.
you keeping in contact with your ex is a mistake it will destroy the healing process, celibate for a month or 2 not a bad idea.... do me a favor read the link on screening process for ltr.... also i talk about break up SPECIFICALLY to guys EXACTLY like us
 

topcat

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That is true, the drama with this girl, when she just owned up this humongous lie a few days, has really wreaked havoc on my life and my productivity the last couple days.

And yes, boundaries are hard to set. Do you have tips when setting the frame with fuck buddies? I usually tell them before we fuck that I'm not looking for a relationship at the moment. Then i proceed to fuck them and then they get super attached and I feel bad for them.
Cool.

Yeah with fb’s you fuck, you chill and you leave. Some say it’s ok to see them once a week, for me thats too frequent. Mix up the times you see them, once a week sometimes once every two weeks, sometimes once a month, but wherever possible make sure they are always the ones reaching out. Don’t do anything in public with them until you’ve known them at least 3 months and even then it’s to chill in the park or grab food and back to the bedroom..

You always split the bill or she pays. The longer facetime you spend with her, the longer you go without seeing her. Limit texting.

And always have other girls you’re seeing, and she needs to get the idea that this is the case without you saying it.

Know and use the word ‘no’. When she suggests meeting friends, family, holidays, parties - no is the answer. If she asks why ‘it’s too soon’.
 

Dylweed

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Cool.

Yeah with fb’s you fuck, you chill and you leave. Some say it’s ok to see them once a week, for me thats too frequent. Mix up the times you see them, once a week sometimes once every two weeks, sometimes once a month, but wherever possible make sure they are always the ones reaching out. Don’t do anything in public with them until you’ve known them at least 3 months and even then it’s to chill in the park or grab food and back to the bedroom..

You always split the bill or she pays. The longer facetime you spend with her, the longer you go without seeing her. Limit texting.

And always have other girls you’re seeing, and she needs to get the idea that this is the case without you saying it.

Know and use the word ‘no’. When she suggests meeting friends, family, holidays, parties - no is the answer. If she asks why ‘it’s too soon’.
See doesn't that just feel wrong? Like you feel bad to treat someone that way? Only having them be the ones to initiate hanging out every time? Not being straightforward an honest with them? Making them have to assume you're with other girls but not actually saying it? Makes me feel like im being secretive or deceitful, which makes me try to make sure they're happy and not stressing out about me. Then when they wanna text about random stuff I hate having to be all minimal and distant. I just always feel like they're gonna be stressed out over how I'm being and it makes me uncomfortable, so maybe I give in. Maybe I don't give in, but then I still feel guilty. Maybe I just am afraid or losing their validation, but maybe I just wanna treat people how I wanna be treated, or maybe a mix of both
 

topcat

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See doesn't that just feel wrong? Like you feel bad to treat someone that way? Only having them be the ones to initiate hanging out every time? Not being straightforward an honest with them? Making them have to assume you're with other girls but not actually saying it? Makes me feel like im being secretive or deceitful, which makes me try to make sure they're happy and not stressing out about me. Then when they wanna text about random stuff I hate having to be all minimal and distant. I just always feel like they're gonna be stressed out over how I'm being and it makes me uncomfortable, so maybe I give in. Maybe I don't give in, but then I still feel guilty. Maybe I just am afraid or losing their validation, but maybe I just wanna treat people how I wanna be treated, or maybe a mix of both
I don’t feel bad.

If I felt bad I’d end up dealing with the problems you’re dealing with now. It’s worth it from what I can see.

I’m not lying to anybody. When I’m with them I give them a great time. I’m making it clear as day from my actions what i’m about and they are free to stay or leave. Where is the deceit?

Deceit is saying you don’t want anything serious then treating them like you do. Not only is it bad for them, you’re clearly fucking yourself over in the process.

You seem agreeable though, perhaps serial monogamy might be better for you. I dunno..
 

Dylweed

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I don’t feel bad.

If I felt bad I’d end up dealing with the problems you’re dealing with now. It’s worth it from what I can see.

I’m not lying to anybody. When I’m with them I give them a great time. I’m making it clear as day from my actions what i’m about and they are free to stay or leave. Where is the deceit?

Deceit is saying you don’t want anything serious then treating them like you do. Not only is it bad for them, you’re clearly fucking yourself over in the process.

You seem agreeable though, perhaps serial monogamy might be better for you. I dunno..
I'm not trying to insult your strategy haha but yeah that's a good point, to say one thing and do another is real fucked up. I guess it's just not in my nature. Can fake it till i make it. I used to do that. But yeah serial monogamy doesn't sound bad either haha

With a new fuck buddy though, do you say anything to them before banging them about what you're looking for? Or you just bang, and then seem kinda distant after?
 

topcat

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'm not trying to insult your strategy haha but yeah that's a good point, to say one thing and do another is real fucked up. I guess it's just not in my nature. Can fake it till i make it. I used to do that. But yeah serial monogamy doesn't sound bad either haha
haha no offence taken, i realize i sound abrasive on here. I’m just blunt. Apologies.

With a new fuck buddy though, do you say anything to them before banging them about what you're looking for? Or you just bang, and then seem kinda distant after?
No there’s no need to announce your plans. You are as complicit in the act as eachother. Neither of you can determine what direction the relationship will take in future. It’s just sex at that point. If she assumes it’s more at such an early stage, her problem, not yours.
 

ulrich

Cro-Magnon Man
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What did you expect? Her openly admitting something very shameful to someone she likes seriously on the first month of knowing him?

Im with all guys here, you should not go live with her just yet, it’s too soon.
But expecting her to tell you “yes, it’s my breathalyzer” from the get go… that’s was not going to happen.
 

Dylweed

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What did you expect? Her openly admitting something very shameful to someone she likes seriously on the first month of knowing him?

Im with all guys here, you should not go live with her just yet, it’s too soon.
But expecting her to tell you “yes, it’s my breathalyzer” from the get go… that’s was not going to happen.
Jeez, that makes me think I fucked up on dumping her now. She was such a super positive girl, always happy and silly. Seriously. She never got upset. Insane. Similar view on politics and social issues which was rare. Pettite super hot blonde who works out all the time, my perfect type. Said she'd hate being fat.. She like worshipped me man, thought I was so amazing. I make music and never had a girl be so supportive of it. She'd literally listen to my album for fun while alone. Always on my team down to do anything. She begged for me too.
 
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Regal Tiger

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With a new fuck buddy though, do you say anything to them before banging them about what you're looking for? Or you just bang, and then seem kinda distant after?
You don't have to say anything. You go on that first date that's super cheap, like a coffee shop and then you try to get them back into the bedroom as quickly as you can.

Then all other meetings are in the bedroom. You don't go out on dates. You don't text endlessly. You don't meet up more than once a week. In fact, all communication more or less boils down to --> when are you free to fuck again? (although obviously not in those exact words)

When she comes over (or I go over) the date might consist of some food. Possibly even a movie. Definitely a little bit of friendly chitchat aaaaaaand sex. Always, always, always involves sex. Otherwise, why have a fuckbuddy that doesn't put out? If a fuckbuddy doesn't put out then she gets booted out. Very simple.


As for everything else? Use the magical word 'no'.


But as far as relationships go, in my experience it's always the men that set the tone. I've literally never had a problem with a fuck buddy wanting to be more. Sure, she may drop hints here and there (which I ignore) but she knows what's going on through my actions. She doesn't have to ask. She doesn't have to put her heart out there and she's not going to get hurt.

Does a girl want more sometimes? Sure, it happens. But she understands that it's not going to happen because I don't act like a boyfriend with her.

And in exchange, I understand that within 2-6 months of seeing her that she's going to leave me. That's how it goes. There's no lying and nothing explicitly said. It's all said through my actions. And it's clear as day for her.



As for feeling guilty, what's there to feel guilty about? I'm providing some fantastic sex. I've studied the mind and body for over a decade. I've also spent a shit ton of time researching how to be a great lover ever since before I even lost my virginity. I'm a great fuck and there are many women who will be happy with not going any further.

If you're feeling guilty it's because you think you're taking from a woman in order to get laid. If you feel that way then it comes down to a few different things:
1) you not feeling worthy of her pussy so you supplement with other stuff, probably boyfriendy like things
2) you not being a good lay

But notice that giving her other stuff besides sex may alleviate your guilt, it only brings pain down the road when the girl thinks it's developing into a relationship while you're like "I told her once like 4 months ago that I didn't want to date her, why does she think I want to date her?"

Answer: because you acted like a boyfriend.

If you act like a boyfriend she will come to think of you as a boyfriend. If you only want to be a fuckbuddy then act like a fuckbuddy
 
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DoWhatWorks

Cro-Magnon Man
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With a new fuck buddy though, do you say anything to them before banging them about what you're looking for? Or you just bang, and then seem kinda distant after?

Hey mate, I wrote a whole guide that covers this question & more here:



Regal tiger and others gave solid advice too.
 
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