What's new

She Thinks I'm a Player: Is This Fixable?

foggy

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
1,532
I met Frothy Gothy this summer and she gave me LMR when we met up. I made a ton of mistakes and I'm certain she thinks I'm a player but I'm wondering if this is salvageable. Here's the full story:

__________________

I was walking by a girl wearing earphones at a bus stop. We were making eye contact so I opened her. While we're talking a bus comes, slows down, and goes by. She says, "that was my bus."

The next day, I go over to her place and we are sitting at her kitchen table chatting. She says that she is adopting a dog tonight and that the owner will be around at 8:00PM to drop off the dog. She starts telling me that she tried killing herself and that she went celibate for a year. I also posed this question:

backstory: if you could either be 200 pounds fatter for the rest of your life, or get your genitals cut off, which would you choose?

To my surprise she chooses the former option.

Eventually she gives me a tour around her apartment building. Up until now, she's mentioned it twice about how I should come back sometime.

We go back upstairs - the dog and his owner haven't arrived yet - and we go in her room. We are sitting on her bed. I lean in to kiss her. She turns her head and says:

frothy gothy: don't.
backstory: don't what?
frothy gothy: don't kiss me.

I was unphased and continued the conversation from before. She started being a little bit more touchy with me.

The dog's owner arrives. We go down to the lobby to get the dog, then we go back up to her apartment. I start looking at bus times and figuring out when I'm gonna leave, and tell her the time I'm leaving. She opens the door to her bedroom and invites me in. She gets under the covers and lays down and I am on top of the covers. Then I get under the covers with her. We ended up having a conversation about women and sex and society. (...escalation window missed probably. -.-) I used the opportunity to tell her it sucks that society thinks that sex is not normal for women, and that women shouldn't be considered a slut just because they like sex. She throws out a test:

frothy gothy: how many people have you slept with?
backstory: today? not many
frothy gothy: nooooo! tell me
backstory: how many people have YOU slept with?
frothy gothy: i dont keep track

I start rubbing her arm. Then I pull out my phone and I'm finding out when the bus comes, I tell her that I gotta go in 40 minutes. She says:

frothy gothy: okay let's have a nap

We start kissing. When I start rubbing her boobs from over top of her shirt, she throws out some resistance and tells me to stop. I bring out an escalation ladder. I sucked on her tits and rubbed her pussy over her pants but that was the farthest I was able to get. Eventually I stopped escalating... I started lying there, sorta ignoring her and she started cuddling me.

Then I left and she tried to make out with me again before I left, but I teased her and didn't kiss her.

The next day I text her:

backstory: thanks for the fun time last night :)
frothy gothy: np backstory

Looking back on this text exchange I almost vomit hysterically. By thanking her I'm practically implying she offered me something. Then she replies with indifference. Ouch.

A month later (July 20th) I send her this:

backstory: hey frothy gothy, sorry i've been more silent than a koala sanctuary the past few weeks...i wasn't ignoring you, i was just out of the province...but I'm back now! how've you been? let me know what your schedule is like over the next little while and lets plan to meet and catch up on things

It was uncalibrated given the circumstances.

What should I do next? I was thinking about texting her and going full beta.
 

Big Daddy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 26, 2013
Messages
707
First, I wanna say that I'm about to give up completely going for the boobs on my escalation template, unless she's very receptive to it... last time I tried for hours to touch this girl's boobs over her bra to no avail, then I changed a little bit and got zero resistance. She even took off her bra without me noticing! Here's the full post:

Big Daddy said:
I'm under that impression too, but I tried last time to give light verbal commands such as unbutton my shirt, touch my dick, put it out, stroke it, etc and it worked like a charm.

In fact, I went to suck her titties six times or so and she'd always stop me. For like a fucking hour and a half. Then I laid by her side and told her to touch on my dick. After some slight resistance, she did a little bit over my pants. Then I told her to put it out and she refused. So I decided to mirror her and do the same to her pussy over her jeans. Then I told again after a while and she went for it over my boxers and I did the same with her panties.

Finally she put it out and I started fingering her for a couple of minutes before taking my pants off completely and then hers, no resistance. Midway through I know 100% it was going to happen because I felt I was being seduced and I was mirroring her actions. So it was like we were seducing each other, only I was leading it (but making it appear she was doing it).

That variation is def worth the shot too.

Second, ouch, that post-sex text hurt me too :( You may want to wait someone else weigh-in, but at this points it doesn't look like you gotta a lot of chances here, so I'd go full beta, even if for experience. Experiment with, you may hit the nail with a text.

I'd probably try sending voice messages and see if she listens it (it's so damn hard to ignore them, you get curious af!) you can continue.
 

Hue

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Sep 21, 2016
Messages
1,558
Looking back on this text exchange I almost vomit hysterically. By thanking her I'm practically implying she offered me something. Then she replies with indifference. Ouch.
Yea and it rewards resistance. "I had fun not fucking you yesterday :) ".


It was uncalibrated given the circumstances.

What should I do next? I was thinking about texting her and going full beta.

The fact you texted her a full month later could either majorly help you (your frame has been reset) or hurt you ("ignoring" her for a month doesn't make her feel appreciated).

If she doesn't reply, I'd wait 5-7 days (more than usual given the circumstance) then cold call her. Then charm her on the phone and set up a date that doesn't imply sex, but allows an easy set up for sex (coffee / bar next to your house).

I say this because if she thinks your a player then you need to invest more, but not to the point of going beta. If you pushed straight for a your house / her house situation, it maintains the "I just want to fuck you" frame. So I'd invest a little, but hold the frame you're going for.. even if you've been a little incongruent earlier on.

Either way this sounds like an uphill battle in all honesty.
First, I wanna say that I'm about to give up completely going for the boobs on my escalation template, unless she's very receptive to it... last time I tried for hours to touch this girl's boobs over her bra to no avail, then I changed a little bit and got zero resistance.

I keep the hands off the titties unless my mouth is already sucking on her nips. A good move is to kiss her neck and kiss down to her tits, circle around one breast, and then start making out with her nipple while clutching the other breast, but to do so pretty early into the makeout, fully clothed. I've seen it work best like 1-2 minutes into the makeout, as opposed to a slow escalation. Get's them really horny quickly and it's not common of guys to do this I guess, so it's one of those "what are you doing to me...? oh!" moments for them.
 

Big Daddy

Tool-Bearing Hominid
Tool-Bearing Hominid
Joined
Jan 26, 2013
Messages
707
@ Hueman

But you just pull the bra down then?

I managed to lick for 0.37s the titties of the aforementioned girl by pulling her bra down, but she'd push my head away, pull the bra up, say something to the effect of "this is too fast, bla bla."

I think letting her stroke my dick got her imagination going.

Either way this sounds like an uphill battle in all honesty.

Yeah that's how I feel, but then again, why not use for reps though? Even if for cold calling fear, etc
 
you miss 100% of the shots you don't take

foggy

Modern Human
Modern Human
Joined
Jul 20, 2015
Messages
1,532
Human Being and The Biggest Daddy Around,

Thanks for the escalation tips and tricks and the general advice.

Hueman said:
If she doesn't reply, I'd wait 5-7 days (more than usual given the circumstance) then cold call her. Then charm her on the phone and set up a date that doesn't imply sex, but allows an easy set up for sex (coffee / bar next to your house).

It's been just over two months since I sent her the "catch up' text. Still think a cold call is the best option?

Big Daddy said:
Yeah that's how I feel, but then again, why not use for reps though? Even if for cold calling fear, etc

I never have done a cold call like this so when Hueman mentioned it, I felt a little bit apprehensive. I agree that it's likely a lost cause however you're right - it'd be sick to get the reference point regardless of the outcome.
 

Hue

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Sep 21, 2016
Messages
1,558
Big Daddy,

Yer. Expose those bitches by pulling the bra down, run the circle, and proceed to elegantly slobber em.

I've only ran into the "this is too fast!!" situation during this move with one girl. That's not saying it's always led to sex, but making that power move early on opens up more hard escalation windows becuase they're excited.

It's about taking the window whenever things feel passionate/intense, as I'm sure you know.


backstory,

It's probably a lost cause, but one thing I've done that's worked was a "hey [woman], got a sec?" then they reply "yea what's up?" and boom cold call.

If they pick up you ask em out, possibly explaining you think you may have came off the wrong way last you guys met. I stress possibly because that can be seen as weak depending on the circumstance.
 

Hue

Tribal Elder
Tribal Elder
Joined
Sep 21, 2016
Messages
1,558
update: we matched on tinder

Hahaha. This has happened to me, too. I honestly don't know the best way to go about it, other than act like she's a stranger.

I might make some stupid joke that's indirectly referencing something you guys would remember together, like a girl left her number at the restaurant I used to work at last year, convo fell off, then we match. I asked her if she'd ever been to the restaurant - although teasing sarcasm like that is difficult to do correctly over text.

Never did salvage that one though :p I think I chased too much.
 
Top