She wants a serious relationship

[determined]

Hey guys,

Hoping for advice.

I have a girl I've known for ~5 months. Took the 1st month to sleep with her. Then I left her home city so we spent 1 month apart, and after that I invited her to meet me in Mexico. She came and ended up staying for 2 months because we had such a good time together. But every once in a while she'd tell me that she doesn't know why she's with me - she likes me so much, but she wants a serious relationship in her life and doesn't think it's possible with me. She feels she's wasting her time and disrespecting herself. Now we've been apart again for a month. I'm on the other side of the world from her, have 2 other girls I'm regularly sleeping with (but don't really care about) plus others in the pipeline, but am planning to return to her city in maybe 2 months or so and was really looking forward to spending more time with her.

Yesterday she told me that she's not happy. She wants something serious. She is interested in me, but can see that I'm not ready to give her what she wants. Meanwhile, it's hard for her to meet other guys as long as she's hung up on me. Basically she's ready to cut contact.

Now on my end, it's true that I'm not ready to settle down. But she's also my favorite girl I've met in years. Just really a good fit for me on every level. She's the only girl I've met in years that I'd consider something more serious with. But I definitely can't promise that to her right now from the other side of the world. We'd need to wait until I return to her city and then see where things go. Lastly, even if we did start something more serious, I feel that it wouldn't last forever. I improve at attracting women noticeably every few months. In addition, my work is going well and I believe in a few years I'll be in the top echelon of success. All that to say that as much as I like her, I do see myself one day ending up with a girl who would belong on some magazine cover. Plus I feel there are many girls out there I still would like to explore. So if I were to start a relationship with her, I feel that it would be great for a few months and then eventually she would get hurt.

So what's the right thing to do here? I care a lot for her, feel like we're such a good match, and after 2 months living together she's also one of the closest people to me in the world. Really want her to stay a part of my life. But I also want to do right by her.

 

[Beck Bass]

We'd need to wait until I return to her city and then see where things go.

Well, you got time to think then.

On my perspective, I think LTRs are very important part of developing as a man, even though I only had one. The girl that I lost my V-card to spent 2 years with me, on an open relationship. We had many ups and downs, but she kinda made me the man I am today, she added so much to my life. I can see the effect that the intimacy we shared has even when I just have sex once with a girl, I feel much more confortable and able to make a girl happy, even if for just a night.
Eventually, she wanted something more serious, and we broke up in the end of last year.
I also feel like I got lucky that she was open to something not so serious for quite a while, so I was able to still go out consistently to improve my game and bed other girls, while still having the benefits of a LTR. But I also know I hurt her many times because of that, even though she agreed from the beginning that we weren't going to have something more serious.
So I totally understand that most girls wouldn't go for that, it's just not a great deal for them, for the most part.

Lastly, even if we did start something more serious, I feel that it wouldn't last forever.

Nothing lasts forever man, even if your relationship lasts for only a couple of months, it could still be a great experience in the lives of both of you. Don't feel like you have to marry this girl right now (if she really likes you, of course she eventually will want you to, but maybe you change your mind by then), just feel like you're gonna focus on her and what you have to bring to a girl on a relationship. One step at a time.

So if I were to start a relationship with her, I feel that it would be great for a few months and then eventually she would get hurt.

So what's the right thing to do here?

Again, nothing lasts forever, and people always get hurt (some more than others, but still).
When I broke up with my girl I felt terrible, but I knew it was the right thing to do.
I still love her and wish her the best, but I couldn't keep on stringing her along, because it wasn't fair, and I wasn't going to give her what she wanted, because I wanted to seek other girls and new opportunities.
But I'm also glad that we had the time we had together, and I know she also is, even if she's super hurt right now.

That said, I can't tell you what to do. I think you gotta know in your heart/guts/whatever what to do when you see her next.
Good luck man

 

[determined]

Update: all worked out well. We had a call and I started telling her that she's right. I'm not ready to settle down even though I like her so much and she's one of the closest people to me in the world. The conversation started going in the direction of goodbye. But then she mentioned something about me not giving her attention.

Lightbulb moment. I dug deeper.

I asked her what bothered her more: me sleeping with other girls, or the fact that I haven't been giving her enough attention. She said attention. Turns our she just felt I didn't care. After we lived together for 2 months, she assumed I knew how important attention was to her. And when I didn't make much of an effort long distance she thought it was on purpose. But I just didn't know anything was wrong. I knew attention was important to her in person, but also knew she has a very busy life and figured she'd text/call whenever she wanted.

At the end of the conversation she said she had to think. In her mind I'm super smart and perceptive, so she didn't want to believe that I just didn't realize. But next day we talked and she was happy as a clam. Told me how she's actually been curious for a long time what an open relationship would be like.

So there ya go. Lessons learned:
1. Dig deeper
2. Be more proactive when long distance about asking if a girl's needs are being met
3. Next time, ask about her long distance expectations ahead of time to make sure we're on the same page

And in the meantime, slept with 2 new girls last 2 days with 0 guilt and life is good. Excited to see her soon.

 

[Yaxir]

Update: all worked out well. We had a call and I started telling her that she's right. I'm not ready to settle down even though I like her so much and she's one of the closest people to me in the world. The conversation started going in the direction of goodbye. But then she mentioned something about me not giving her attention.

Lightbulb moment. I dug deeper.

I asked her what bothered her more: me sleeping with other girls, or the fact that I haven't been giving her enough attention. She said attention. Turns our she just felt I didn't care. After we lived together for 2 months, she assumed I knew how important attention was to her. And when I didn't make much of an effort long distance she thought it was on purpose. But I just didn't know anything was wrong. I knew attention was important to her in person, but also knew she has a very busy life and figured she'd text/call whenever she wanted.

At the end of the conversation she said she had to think. In her mind I'm super smart and perceptive, so she didn't want to believe that I just didn't realize. But next day we talked and she was happy as a clam. Told me how she's actually been curious for a long time what an open relationship would be like.

So there ya go. Lessons learned:
1. Dig deeper
2. Be more proactive when long distance about asking if a girl's needs are being met
3. Next time, ask about her long distance expectations ahead of time to make sure we're on the same page

And in the meantime, slept with 2 new girls last 2 days with 0 guilt and life is good. Excited to see her soon.

i wish to have something of a similar lifestyle one day

you're living the dream ! that last sentence was icing on the cake for you clearing up something huge about your life !

best of luck to you with your girl and with your future lays !

 

[Beck Bass]

I knew attention was important to her in person, but also knew she has a very busy life and figured she'd text/call whenever she wanted.

Hehe I don't know if this loses me girls for being a bit of an annoying little fucker, but I always try to text them every 3 or so days to see how they are doing... Most actually will text me before, if they are really into me, but I get that some are busy, so this is one of the reasons I think it's also important so be texting them every once in a while, so they remember you (and feel like you remember them as well). I also try not to take personally/fell bad if they don't text back (of course, if I double or triple text them and no response, I'll wait, since texting is having no effect, it seems, but if we can go out again afterwards, I don't really "next" a girl just because she didn't answer one of my texts...).

I'm glad it all worked out for you man!