FR She was horny, yet nothing happened. Why?

[TrailBlazer]

I’ve finally had a date from daygame, after coming back to it after my long pause.

I approached this girl (Finnish, 26) in a shopping mall, did my usual direct routine and after a 5 minute insta date where we walked together I took her number.

I texted her asking if she was spontaneous, she replied yes, so I told her to join me for a night walk in the city.

So we met and I took her around the city and then to a bar. There was a karaoke night there but still it was a good place to escalate.

However she sat quite far away and I didn’t know how to escalate. I took her hand as a part of a cold reading routine but nothing more than that.

After 2 hours in the bar we left and I took her hand 2 more times during the walk, but it never lead to anything. And stopping her right there and hugging or kissing her would lead to her pulling away - I saw how stand-offish she was the whole time.

So I don’t get this - she went out with me, she told me she liked my looks, we talked about sex a lot, and yet nothing happened. And there were no windows to do anything. What was the problem? How can I improve if I have no idea where I made the mistakes?

My guess is that my vibe was social and not seductive - but I just can’t force her into a sexual state, right? We had to walk and talk in the beginning, so I can’t have been sexual.

 

[Ratata]

In the usual fashion I'll start off with the bad news first: She wasn't horny bro. At all. She was curious. There's a difference. And curiosity isn't arousal.

Her bl told the truth: She sat far away, and you had no confident or sexy way of bridging that gap. Worse, she was stand-offish, probably because you came off as too eager, or perhaps a bit needy or nervous. Not chill enough. So, in short, since you weren't able to make her comfortable, then you were given no escalation windows.

I hope this doesn't come off as laying it on too thick but... The whole thing came off as two friends walking around talking about sex.

Here's what you should have done instead: Yes, do talk about sex, but... Also claim her. Hold eye contact. When she says the right things. Close the physical space, in a sexy way, an bask in the tension it created. Sat besides her. Or find a way to get close, show her something, take her hand, lead her. And get it on non-verbally, while you speak casually. Added bonus: Visualize having sexy naked women around you while talking to her, and that she's getting aroused with them and for you. Then tone it down in the way you speak, i.e. speak about mundane things while you do this. And the turning it slowly up. Talk about comforting things first, getting-to-know-you things. Pepper the convo with small observations, mini cold reads, and takeaways if she answers the "wrong" thing (something you dislike) - but only jokingly move away, then move forward (push pull).

Also, all walking, and no looking at the view: Bad. Stop and anchor for a bit. Use the moment to pull her closer and go "wow isn't it wonderful here!" In essence you were chasing compliance, which arguably is a step in the right direction, but you didn't stop and create smooth and fuzzy tension. Because you kept it social.

I wouldn't write this off as a complete loss however. You did many things right. Now next time, amp in more tension, and just stay in there and watch it burn. Then ease back the third time. Third time is the charm!

 

[Skills]

going on dates can be a bitch, you can have a girl that wants you, horny, etc... and if you mess up on the date encounter you get nothing... i learned this the hard way... You need to learn how to run a date properly to increase odds till you get the hang of it... I personally would not take a date to "kareoke" that i have not fucked!

Date Plans - The complete guide on How to date - Dating dynamics 101

Why listen to me on this, well i was never good at dating, i would either do ons or long texting (second gen/grandmaster) setting up sexual encounters or i would replicate what happened in the club a second time by doing a club date (since I am the highest value guy in the dance floor made...

www.skilledseducer.com

 

[ChrisXKiss]

These are some things you learn the hard way.

I remember I was reading how important it is to sit next to each other and have physical contact with a girl, that even when she was staying further away I was just trying to force it in some way.

For example if she was opposite to me, I would try to find excuses to touch and hold her hand, and would even reach to do it even though the position felt uncomfortable. This simply makes you feel too eager and basically chasing her.

At this point if the girl decides to sit away from me, I don't even try to have physical contact. Maybe I will give some touch to her hand if she has it on the table and it feels natural, but generally I focus on flirting, connecting, and I start thinking about coming closer to after we get up.

Same thing with taking her hand during the walk. I mean yes you can, but when I say I get closer after we get up I don't mean I randomly decide to hold her hand at some point. I check how she is positioning her body and if she is opening it up more to me, and slowly get more open myself.

And regarding talking about sex, this is also something that by itself is not enough, and in fact can make it even stranger if the vibe is very social but the conversation very sexual. At least in my experience you reach a point where if you make a move the only logical thing to happen after all this discussion is sex, but at the same time the girl is not sexually excited by you in the moment so it feels weird.

There has to be at least some underlying tension created and a feeling of desire in her to explore how sex would be with you.

 

[Ratata]

This made me think about something. And before I start, this is not a dig at you ChrisXKiss, I think your post is excellent.

Make it a mission to sit opposite of her, yet still have a good time. Make it a mission to sit further away from her, without getting needy. Instead use that time on being comfortable and on spicing it up sometimes with attraction material (you'll find plenty in the archives), or even more importantly, use that time to keep yourself amused and comfortable. She's already with you. She's already going the same places you decide for her. You don't need to sit next to her bro. You don't need to pine. Cuz she's already right where you want her, in your power. If you manage to do that, she'll want to sit closer to you. Then it's her who's gonna be pining.

I sit opposite to women all the time during dinner dates, and ... it doesn't matter. Just have a good time. Joke with the waitress (try not to flirt with her, it's... not the greatest move during a date, ask me how I know). Then when I go outside, or even when we leave the building, I'll offer my arm like a gentleman. Like so, offer arm. She'll put her arm into yours. Boom, you're being cavalier, and she's your little date. You're practically a couple now! The whole move broadcasts "Hey everyone, we're a couple!" Then whenever you want to show her something, or you need to cross the road, take her hand and lead her. She's now your little girl following daddy. It's powerful. And women loves being your little girl. (You can take this thing really, really far, but it's not for this post.)

Anyway, just spitting some ideas here. Eager to read your next FR, and see if you tried them! As always, small caveat: Failing at these things is also a win. Even though these things might not work for you, you'll learn what works for you soon enough. Rome wasn't built in a day, etc, etc. Break a leg!

 

[ChrisXKiss]

This made me think about something. And before I start, this is not a dig at you ChrisXKiss, I think your post is excellent.

Make it a mission to sit opposite of her, yet still have a good time. Make it a mission to sit further away from her, without getting needy. Instead use that time on being comfortable and on spicing it up sometimes with attraction material (you'll find plenty in the archives), or even more importantly, use that time to keep yourself amused and comfortable. She's already with you. She's already going the same places you decide for her. You don't need to sit next to her bro. You don't need to pine. Cuz she's already right where you want her, in your power. If you manage to do that, she'll want to sit closer to you. Then it's her who's gonna be pining.

I sit opposite to women all the time during dinner dates, and ... it doesn't matter. Just have a good time. Joke with the waitress (try not to flirt with her, it's... not the greatest move during a date, ask me how I know). Then when I go outside, or even when we leave the building, I'll offer my arm like a gentleman. Like so, offer arm. She'll put her arm into yours. Boom, you're being cavalier, and she's your little date. You're practically a couple now! The whole move broadcasts "Hey everyone, we're a couple!" Then whenever you want to show her something, or you need to cross the road, take her hand and lead her. She's now your little girl following daddy. It's powerful. And women loves being your little girl. (You can take this thing really, really far, but it's not for this post.)

Anyway, just spitting some ideas here. Eager to read your next FR, and see if you tried them! As always, small caveat: Failing at these things is also a win. Even though these things might not work for you, you'll learn what works for you soon enough. Rome wasn't built in a day, etc, etc. Break a leg!

Yeah I think the last part is the most important in the end, finding out what works more for yourself, and the only way is to try different approaches.

And to clarify, what I meant with not randomly taking her hand after we get up, is more about this jerky movement, when the vibe is not there yet, and you think: "ok, I have to do something to bring us closer, let's take her hand" and just grab it.

I even remember a video from Brian Begin I had watched a while ago, probably it is still on youtube with some kind of "How to touch her" title. He was showcasing the subtle difference between the action of offering your hand, holding the girl's warmly, and then keeping it there relaxed and the action of reaching to take her hand, holding it tightly and basically pulling on it.

These are the things that you figure out gradually, as you are going to hold some hands and it feels off, then maybe you get one that feels really good and you start thinking wait, something was different here and it worked better, let's focus on that feeling next time.