She's hard.

[Quicknick]

I'm a mid 30's university teacher. I have a family but i'm kind of nice and interesting teacher so my girls students find me atractive. In the past 10 years i've had involvements with some 13 of them. The thing is the last one, a beautiful 22 year old hot property is making me a bit insecure. I'm used to be the strongest link and make them fall for me. But this one is using some of "girlschase" tactics on me.

The facts:
- I'm her teacher
- we've kissed in two ocasions
- she's quite self assured and independent
- she's single officially but for sure there must be a lot of guys chasing her
- She never starts talking to me in social media or by messaging and didn't visit me alone since
- We have been far away in the exams period and will be teacher and student again soon
- She said she is now getting nervous around me
- She is hanging all the time with a friend and that girl is not very found of me
- She said i'm a very good kisser
- She has a very active social life and i'm a house family man
- Whenever we met she looked at me in an intimate way and made reasons to touch me
- I was a bit aloof.
- Whenever she's online or in the school I have to repeat 100 times to myself : Don't chase, don't chase don't chase!
- I've been keeping my cool and trying to use all the right techniques but i'm afraid that the attraction expiration date ends.


I'm not a very good person, and my intentions are clear: Make her like me and take her to bed. Falling in love with me would be a good bonus as I have this Woody Allen syndrome [always wanting to prove myself i can conquer women no matter how old i get]

First post, so I hope i'm not breaking any forum rule.

 

[Ross]

A few things,

- she's single officially but for sure there must be a lot of guys chasing her

She may be single, but it's likely she's still sleeping with other men.

First off, it's a good idea to never make her your sole girl. If you're fixated on getting her, you're going to end up chasing no matter what. When you're so fixated on making one girl love you, we start to venture into manipulation territory, which is frowned upon here. You're not going to 'make' her like you; she's already decided that by now. If I had to guess, the escalation window passed, her friend convinced her that seeing you was a bad thing, and her attraction has dissipated resulting in an awkward and 'nervous' disposition.

Summarized, there was a time where she liked you, but the escalation window was missed, and you responded by chasing her. It has little to do with your age or social status at this point. Best to move on from this one.

 

[Drck]

Dude, in this society it is unethical to date your students. You are setting up yourself to be fired - she talks, she has friends who talk, and eventually some of them will talk. Read some news.

 

[DesiBro]

Dude, in this society it is unethical to date your students. You are setting up yourself to be fired - she talks, she has friends who talk, and eventually some of them will talk. Read some news.

How do you know which society he is from?

Not every country is like the US...

 

[Amadeaus]

If he's done this 13 times, hes obviously examined all the risks and is ok with it. Family and career seems like a lot to risk for a fling though.

 

[Franco]

ID,

You're not breaking any rules here, and we are a pretty open crowd to discussing a broad range of topics. That being said, I did want to address this part of your post:

Falling in love with me would be a good bonus as I have this Woody Allen syndrome [always wanting to prove myself i can conquer women no matter how old i get]

We teach men here not to make women fall in love with you if you don't plan on keeping them around. It's unfair to them, and it only leads to pain and despair on their part. There are many articles here about how to get into multiple casual relationships while making sure your expectations are clear (that you want to only sleep with these women and offer them nothing more). Sometimes women will inevitably fall in love with you even when you make it very clear that you aren't interested in anything serious, but the only thing you can do about that is let them go so that they don't think otherwise.

However, I have no issues with you sleeping with girls in your class if that's what you really want to do. But as mentioned above by several members, you should be very aware of the consequences should things go awry. Personally, I advise men to meet new women through cold approach on the streets or in clubs so that way you can guarantee there are no strings attached to your personal life and your career.

- Franco

 

[Quicknick]

Thanks for your replays. I don t live in the US but the ethical problem exists. I simply think that getting girls is more important than that. but I never ever let that get into in my professional stuff. Ever. Sure it is a risk, but as a married man i cannnot go to the street make random pick ups. Students are my market because i have a natural stronger position there. So girls Chase me . I express to girls "do not fall in love for me, ok?" they always say its under control. Usually its not. No this time, though. She looks like she can walk on me any time, that she has a full life and lots of fun without me and i don t like the feeling. I agree she must be seing other guys and could be in auto rejection with me. So apart from nexting her what can be done so that she invests more in me and make it back on track?

I can and will move on as long as it is inevitable. The problem is that right now i have mixed signals and results and I want her. Need to turn around the game.

Thanks mates.

 

[Marty]

Dude, in this society it is unethical to date your students. You are setting up yourself to be fired - she talks, she has friends who talk, and eventually some of them will talk. Read some news.

Drck, he's not talking about dating them, he's talking about sleeping with them. I see no particular issue—at a university, with adult students, it goes without saying—as long as it doesn't get too serious. You should read some 20th-century campus literature—try Kingsley Amis, David Lodge, or Malcolm Bradbury. Happens all the time.

I simply think that getting girls is more important than that.

Agree.

As a married man i cannot go to the street make random pick-ups.

Nonsense. Of course you can. You just need more practice. A lot of practice. If it's a very small university town, you might want to go somewhere else where you will not be constantly recognized. On the other hand, if it's a big, anonymous campus you have the great advantage of easy access to it, with the huge supply of female undergraduates that this entails Plus your status and age that count in your favor as against immature college guys.

 

[DesiBro]

Drck, he's not talking about dating them, he's talking about sleeping with them.

which is still unethical because

i have a natural stronger position.

There's a conflict of interest, and he has power over them in he classroom setting. This is him setting himself up for trouble.

 

[Drck]

From ethical point of view either one (dating or sleeping) is unacceptable, talking about USA. Many universities (in US) have strict policies against such activity, I only assume it is similar in country where he lives. I personally have nothing against it if she is legal age, but most likely I wouldn't want my (potential) daugher date and/or sleep with her college professor. If she is underage I would strongly oppose it, and in such case he would most likely go to jail for several years (in US). I believe that is the law, definitely no fun and nothing to play with.

It would be quite interesting though to hear professor arguing in front of some university committee or lawyers: I actually don't have any intention to date those girls - I only sleep with them! I'd like to be present

We are not talking about one girl but bunch of them. He's got family, sooner or later his wife can find out, and assuming she is not a dummy she will. He may get fired, divorced, loose everything he's got now. But hey, it is his life and his choices, he doesn't exactly appear to be family man anyway...

 

[Nova]

i don't think this guy was asking for anybody to tell him hes being unethical or immoral bla bla bla, i don't think he gives a fuck, so i think certain people should mind their own business or go frequent some far right politics forum instead of GC which adheres to the philosophy of avoiding sweeping generalizations and bullshit stereotypes which unfairly fails to take into respect and see the entire situation with all of its variables.

icedevice you should totally fuck this hot collage girl and become a true professor, not a boring twatish one who follows the collages code of conduct or whatever, goodluck to you!

 

[Quicknick]

As I told you in my opening post she is not under aged [22] and in fact she was the one who hit on me for a few months. She's no innocent girl that's for sure. she is very intelligent, hot and experienced [maybe that's why I'm having a harder life to get her ].

So i thank you for the ethical alarms [ and I define borders right away telling girls I do not make prisoners in classifications/classes/exams and they agree]. Funny thing when something happens and they are still my students they actually work harder!

Anyway, Nova, thanks for your rational mind. That brings me to my problem: How to turn the game around as I seem to be the weakest link right now?


[Edit: changed my nick because I use the other one in other forums. Must be precocious.]

 

[Whizzy]

i don't think this guy was asking for anybody to tell him hes being unethical or immoral bla bla bla, i don't think he gives a fuck, so i think certain people should mind their own business or go frequent some far right politics forum instead of GC which adheres to the philosophy of avoiding sweeping generalizations and bullshit stereotypes which unfairly fails to take into respect and see the entire situation with all of its variables.

icedevice you should totally fuck this hot collage girl and become a true professor, not a boring twatish one who follows the collages code of conduct or whatever, goodluck to you!

Not sure why but reading this made me laugh out loud in the library Nova I like your attitude towards the situation!

 

[Quicknick]

Yep. Nova is right: I've got no moral dilemmas, just follow my predator instinct. I'm a bit like that Tv character Dexter: I accept me. So no use to talk about right or wrong.

back on topic, yesterday I asked her via facebook if she would visit me without her friend. She said she would for sure. But she's always a bit dry on social media and phone and that makes me insecure. And I hate the fact that its always me starting conversations.

 

[Marty]

Quicknick:

But she's always a bit dry on social media and phone and that makes me insecure. And I hate the fact that its always me starting conversations.

You should not be worried about either of those issues. I am confident that others here will back me up on that. In fact, you should be careful not to allow any of your insecurity or frustration to show through. The best way to do that is by not having them in the first place... just accept the fact that women take a naturally passive position in romantic matters, and you are expected to lead.

This is a good sign:

She said she would for sure.

That's about as blatant a signal as a young woman is ever likely to give.

Good luck

-Marty

 

[Amadeaus]

i don't think this guy was asking for anybody to tell him hes being unethical or immoral bla bla bla, i don't think he gives a fuck, so i think certain people should mind their own business or go frequent some far right politics forum instead of GC which adheres to the philosophy of avoiding sweeping generalizations and bullshit stereotypes which unfairly fails to take into respect and see the entire situation with all of its variables.

icedevice you should totally fuck this hot collage girl and become a true professor, not a boring twatish one who follows the collages code of conduct or whatever, goodluck to you!

I mostly agree with you here, but if he threw the information out there, he had to expect someone to bring it up. Yes, he should use his status to hook up with girls.

However, we often state on this forum to not drag women along and to that we should love and respect them. If you simply say, "Yes, go bone lots of college girls" that is only half good advise. It is not judging him to say that he needs to pursue his family with equal vigor. Much of his status is derived from his marriage and his sexual market value could take a plunge if his family life falls apart. We say to be up front about things here, well he married his wife, so she has expectations that were set by him. She will most likely want sex as well.

His wife and family can help him be less needy, give him a bit of an abundance mentality and give him status. They were mentioned and should not be ignored. Its not being judgmental to tell someone to not shirk on their responsibilities, being successful has a positive impact on fundamentals.

 

[Drck]

To Nova: I wrote that he can loose his job because of those ethics, rules and laws that most colleges and universities have implemented, and I wrote that personally I have nothing against it if she is legal age. If she is not legal age and they find out, he will go to jail. You are reading something about far right politics and morals. Maybe if you were studying in school in stead of fucking around you would understand better? But that is your problem.

To Quicknick: it seems that you are falling in love with her. Thinking about her, idealizing her, making her value greater than yours, designing plans... All this take lots of time and the more time you spent on her the more involved you become.

She is independent with lots of social life. She has many choices, and she knows you are married/taken. Even though you are generating lots of attraction because of your position, why would she want to risk wrecking somebody's marriage if she can go out/sleep with tens of single guys? She was hitting on you but now she pulled away, waiting, observing (you). She is confusing you, which means your value as a potential lover in her eyes is dropping, she is confused and hesitant about her feelings towards you as well. If she were in love with you she would make it much easier on you to get together, especially if she is very social. She would come after you and initiate, not the other way. You are right, her attraction is dropping.

Ideally she would invite you to some place, e.g for her birthday, but based on what you wrote most likely this won't happen. Thus you must invite her, and decide depending on her actions. If she accepts and shows up you still have decent chance. If she'll make excuses and don't show up, she is gone and any chasing will only chase her further away. In this case you are wasting your time, she may still be very pleasant and nice to you, she may do quite a good job to show you that she is still attracted, but the reality is that she is gone. I was in similar situation fairly recently, of course not with college student - chasing even with all the effort and skills is quite exciting but it doesn't really work. When she's gone she's gone, you can't really do much.

You shouldn't focus only on her anyway, you can keep her attraction high enough for a while by generating jealousy. You need to remind her that it is about you and not about her, meaning that your value must be higher than hers - she must feel that she is just a girl on your list, which of course has bunch of other girls.

Not 100 times you shall repeat: Don't chase, don't chase don't chase! but you shall repeat that 1000 times!

 

[Quicknick]

DRCK:

Now that's what I'm talking about: A true analysis made by an outsider. I was thinking more or less like you: She invested enough to not get into much trouble but to get me. Now the challenge is gone and she is waiting/observing/dating/seeing other guys. So she still is warm, she touches, she smiles a looks to me in a sexy way but not to much investment anymore. Once she said to me she was a bit intimidated by the fact that I'm the teacher and it would be easier for her if I was not. That confuses me a bit: Is she dropping her attraction or is she afraid of getting into trouble/intimidated?

I'm not falling in love with her for one single reason: I know it's all in my brain because she is scarce/challenging and that usually works. So I get so rational that "love" is out of the equation. But if it was 10 years ago I would be totally screwed .

I did not chase to much that's true, but even so it's not working, she's not investing. I'm obviously ready to next her but even so I would like to try something to still get her. Don't like the "when she's gone she's gone" mantra.

 

[Marty]

Quicknick:

From what you have written and after conducting an on-the-hoof analysis of my own past mistakes, I get the impression that you are about to lose her, but haven't lost her just yet. You may need to act fast.

Once she said to me she was a bit intimidated by the fact that I'm the teacher and it would be easier for her if I was not.

To me that sounds like she requires immediate, confident, unhesitating reassurance.

I once had a girl say something similar to me (she told me she had a "taboo" about dating men in my situation), but it was patently obvious that she had been attracted to me, and by the time I squeezed this out of her, it was too late because I had failed to lead confidently and allowed her to plunge into auto-rejection.

That's why I think your girl is right on the cusp of doing just that... unlike in my situation, she's still given you an "out" by using phrases like "a bit" and "it would be easier"—she desperately wants you to tell her she's wrong.

But you have to believe in yourself.

-Marty

 

[Quicknick]

That's funny Marty, in one of our conversations she said " all the girls in my class went mad when you started to be our teacher. I thought you were attractive but everyone was so hysterical that I went in the "i don't care" mode." Translation: She went into auto-rejection. So I really think she's on that mode again. The question is how to reassure her, moving fast and NOT chase her? Not being looked like devalued?