She's looking for ltr

[Man-O]

With colleagues at some awesome celebration party in the royal theater (Copenhagen, so we drove from Odense).
A lot of other bartenders attending as well from all around my country (Denmark).

I acquaint a cute girl (26 yo) who tells me I'm nice and she's looking for a fun and party guy etc and we've already danced made out, bounced about... But she's looking for a bf.
We're 2 hours of travel a part (that's a lot for a student in dk )

Usually I'd ignore such comment, telling me they're looking for a bf but the distance makes it hard to have it remain casual or open without hurting her feelings IMO?

What u say?

 

[Bboy100]

I dunno...imo, the distance is a great reason why you can't give her an LTR. Like, if I were in your shoes, even if I was looking for an LTR, just the long-distance part would disqualify her for that position. Expecting a serious relationship from you in these circumstances seems pretty unreasonable to me.

 

[Man-O]

I'll see what happens. She doesn't mind coming to my place and seems pretty eager (maybe a warning sign?).
She's definetly the aggressor on the texting part. After a few texts back and forth, where I'm still just beating around the bush she writes that she rly want to see me. Tell her blabla and it has to be by me.

My next step would be to turn it very sexual and not giving too much... Hard thing is I can't tell her to only see me a few hours after spending 2x2 hours of travel to see me.
I'd rly rly want to know how to deal with this one without hurting her feelings and also not ending in relationship right away (though it's very unlikely as I'm seeing my fuck buddy and anoter atm.).

 

[Drck]

Hi Man-O,

A common mistake is to be more concerned about what the girl wants vs what the guy wants.

The guy is thinking:
She wants A (relationship) but I want B (just short term fun)

The mindset of such guy is: What she wants is more important than what I want. She wants A, I want B. A is more important than B. Such mindset puts the girl on a pedestal, the guy worries too much about what she wants and minimizes what he wants. This is incorrect, it needs to be switched around.

What you want is always more important than what she wants. She needs to fit into your frame and not the other way...

 

[Man-O]

Agreed. Usually I have the mindset that my frame will give them other thoughts and no regret but this time the girl is investing more than usual. I've always lived by avoiding hurting girls' feelings as much as possible if inevitable, and I feel with her investment her feelings may get hurt.

How'd I frame her visit the best way possible?

 

[Lotus]

Just beacuse she says she want's a relationship doesn't mean she actually wants a relationship. Remember girls say a lot of thing they don't mean.

If you are a dominant man that gives her good sex and leads, she will conform to what you want to keep you around.

And just like Bboy said the distance will make it easier to keep the relationship casual beacuse you won't be able to see each other as much. Making it easier to manage her feelings.

 

[Man-O]

Man, I feel more assured now, as some of it does make sense

 

[Frost]

I agree with brum. Maybe she's saying that she wants a long term relationship to prevent herself from going to bed with you even though she wants to (the most basic female conflict).
And the distance is a great factor actually. You won't see each other very frequently and it will keep the sexual tension high if you work it right.